"I'm Not Emotionally Attracted To Guys"

[DiamondSkin]

A quick take of my conversation with my gay/bisexual/confused friend:


Me: So, you're sexually attracted to men but not emotionally attracted to men.

Jerry: Yeah, I'm only emotionally attracted to women.

Me: But you're not sexually attracted to women. At all.

Jerry: No, I'm not.

Me: So you wouldn't fuck a woman?

Jerry: Well, when I marry a girl, yeah I would.

Me: But you wouldn't like it. You don't like tits or pussy.

Jerry: No, I guess not...

Me: If you had the choice, would you suck a cock or eat out a pussy?

Jerry: A cock, of course.

Me: Could you eat out a pussy?

Jerry: Um, no. Not if I didn't love her. When I do, than yeah I could.

Me: So, the power of love will make you like vagina?

Jerry: I guess...

Me: So, you can have sex with a guy but you can't go out on a date with them?

Jerry: I just can't see myself in a relationship with a guy.

Me: But you can see yourself in a relationship with a woman.

Jerry: Yeah, I can talk to them, and get married, have kids, ya know?

Me: But you can't have sex with them because you don't find women sexually attractive at all.

Jerry: When I get into a relationship with a woman, I'll love her. So I'll be able to have sex with her.

Me: But you find vagina to be gross.

Jerry: Yeah. But what choice do I have? I can't have an emotional attachment to a guy.

Me:

Jerry: What?

Me: You're gay, Jerry. Or at least bisexual.

Jerry: I'm straight. I only have romantic interests in women.

Me: And you think vaginas look like open wounds.

Jerry: Why do you have to label me?

Me: Oh, lord don't use the 'label' card on me.

Jerry: I'm serious, why label me.

Me: Jerry. You're either gay, straight or bisexual.

Jerry: Well, I'm like 'fluid'

Me: Ugh!

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Being emotionally detached from men is to gays what Aberzombie tees are to high-school students.

I'd say it's a plus that they atleast acknowledge the physical attraction, but denying the emotional connection is often times based on the fact that it's not popular, it's "faggish and unnatural." It's cowardice is what it is (sometimes). Like Oprah complaining about the evils of hip-hop but tapping her foot when "In Da Club" comes on.

 

[sdmister4]

sounds like denial. id almost place a bet that in a couple years this conversation changes to, "i love my boyfriend"

 

[jubalon]

Hmmm.. Give him some time, I guess. I'm sure it's possible that this is how he actually is, but even more possible that he's in heavy denial.

I met a guy I was in the military with on my way with some friends to an afterparty at my place some weekends ago. He joined, and later into the night he gave me that "I'm not emotionally attracted to men, only, and purely sexually. I'm emotionally attracted to women only!"-thing. Later that night (and after some more wine) he touched and looked at me in a way that I in no way would read as purely sexual. Then when I gave him a kiss, he got all thrown back. Then he got a bit of time, and leaned forward for one. When he left, and the last time I saw him he said that this never happened, and that I wasn't to tell anyone about it. Including our mutual gay friend. Obviously, I'm not going for this guy, although he's nice and all that.

I must admit that I was like this in my days of denial as well. Thinking that my attraction to guys was only sexual, and that I got more emotionally attracted to girls. Actually, I thought that my emotional attraction was purely reserved for girls. Then time went, and I got to think things through. I'm not going to push this self-proclaimed bisexual, but still showing signs of more than just sexual attraction friend of mine to admit or gain further insight to himself. Maybe a friendly push, if it seems needed. Mainly, I think some people need that bit of extra time to figure things out for themselves.

 

[Caaake]

don't try to label him tho... he's right. Labels constrict people. And make us feel wierd things when a labels stamped on us that one isnt completely comfortable in and it might not even be the truth. Nothing he says is a fact. Sexuality is soooo not black and white, don't try to force it to be one way or another or in the middle. Everyones situation is a little different than the next's. All i see is a kid (jerry) who is believing in an ideal because society has made it not okay to have warm/romantic feelings toward the same sex, doesn;t mean he's not capable of it, its just unfamiliar to him, therefore it is an unattractive option. but once we are familiarized with something and begin to learn more about it, we can become more accepting. So, there's potential for your friend to be with a guy romantically as he will sleep with him. Who knows but i can see your frustrations, as someone probably succumming to the socially constructed idea of man and woman is dominately marriage, he just can't see it any other way.

 

[JamesKim]

I think I'm emotional attracted to women more than men...
But I've never had much experience in dating OR friendship with manly men...

 

[theFallenGod]

Jerry: I just can't see myself in a relationship with a guy.


What this actually means is No one else can see me in a relationship with a guy...

 

[G-Lexington]

I pity his future ex-wife.

Lex

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Women tend to be so much more emotionally open

Have you ever been to the Coming Out forum? Men are just as emotional, sometimes moreso than women. Tragically emotional. Overly emotional. Exceptionally emotional to the point that it gets scary and restraining orders are filed. It's not just homosexual men either. There's an entire style and genre of music dedicated to men who are slaves to their emotions.

 

[Kulindahr]

Right now I've noticed myself getting sexually attracted to women, and emotionally attracted to guys. I tend to go through something similar on a seasonal basis, but usually its the other way around.

I suspect it has too with having suppressed all sexual desires and leanings, and thus crippled any romantic sort of involvements, for so many years, and now that I'm just letting me be me, things are sort of wobbling around until they settle down to an equilibrium somewhere.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm going to find out that I'm totally gay, or by some bizarre twist end of totally straight, or if I'm going to continue at least somewhat as I am now: unable to conceive of myself cutting myself off from either gender.

 

[falconfan]

This seems to me like he can't form a romantic emotional connection to men because he has this notion that he SHOULDN'T be able to. I would say next time just maybe suggest that and let him digest that... don't try to rush him. Maybe when he says he can't form an emotional connection with a man ask them why that is and see how they answer that question.

 

[Alpha1851]

I find this odd, b/c to me, it seems like it would be easier to be romantically attracted to the same sex rather than the opposite sex. Obviously the stereotypes don't always apply, especially not in every single category, but it seems like the same sex might have more common, communicate more efficiently, have similar interests, and get along better in general.

 

[Alpha1851]

I'm not buying that. In general men just don't open up as much as women. I used to think that was only the case with straight men, but over time I came to see that gay men can be just as hard to connect with on an emotional level. But then, we are raised as males to not show much emotion, and when we do we are still often punished socially.
I didn't even like having male friends when I was younger because I found them so hard to talk to. They always seemed so...closed up compared to girls. And that got dull fast. Still does, quite frankly.

Seriously, the coming out forum, is identical to Cosmo and Seventeen Magazines. I think every women should read through JUB for one day, just to see that men have the same, sometimes ridiculous, sometimes sincere concerns.

Okay, maybe you end up w/ a man who's closed off emotionally, but had you really whether have a woman who talks your head off? I'm being silly. Not all women are like that of course, and not all men are emotionally unavailable. But if that doesn't work, why not have a woman who's your best friend, and a bf who you screw. That solves the problem. All your needs will be taken care of.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

I'm not buying that.

Then stop hooking up and one-night stands and try dating a gay person. You are in for the emotional rollercoaster of a lifetime.

I didn't even like having male friends when I was younger because I found them so hard to talk to. They always seemed so...closed up compared to girls.

You need to hang out with some JUBers who can show you the slave-to-emotions ropes. And I'm steaming mad that I didn't get kudos for my emo reference, I thought it was hella-clever.

Your post just proved to me that not only have you NEVER dated a woman (or atleast more than one), you don't really talk or listen to them. Woman are often-times more reasonable than we give them credit for, I know lots of chicks who had to console their boyfriends during the break-up. He cried like a bitch, she patted his back and rolled her eyes.

 

[youngnihilist]

What kind of loser is more emotionally attracted to women? Did they not have a mother growing up? Sorry, "just kidding." But really, he's just a closet case.

I'm all for avoiding labels. But the thing is, this guy is labeling himself as straight still. That's outright lying.

 

[Rex]

Guys like that will end up living fucked up lives. I feel bad for them.

 

[blackbeltninja]

but it seems like the same sex might have more common, communicate more efficiently, have similar interests, and get along better in general.

Yeah, in a best friend kind of way.

Not in an I love you and want to marry you kind of way.

"WHHHAAA!!! DONT LABEL ME!!!!"

Sorry, but when the label fits...If you are sexually attracted only to men.. you're gay. Sorry if you haven't met the right guy and you just wanna fuck... but you're not going to meet the "right" girl because the right girl is a guy.

Because you're gay.

If the label fits, wear it.

I'm not so sure, and you and I have disagreed about this before, no doubt.

I can only cite myself as an example, but I have only ever felt the butterflies and heart palpitations and all that around women; two in particular whom I believe I would drop everything for in a nanosecond because either of them could be The One for me.

I've never even got halfway near those sort of feelings with any guys I know, ever. I know a lot of guys, I've bumped uglies with a handful, but I've never felt anything beyond deep friendship with any of them, and I've never even caught myself wondering what it might be like long-term with one of them.

In that regard, I understand this guy fully. Not so much in terms of finding the wonderful anatomy of women repulsive, though, because that just ain't right.

-d-

 

[Eternaldarkness]

I agree with your friend man...He's whatever he is..why they hell are you forcing him to take a certain label?

As far as he knows and concerns...He's doesn't have to belong to the category of gay, bi, or straight. He belongs to "Jerry."

Life is not just about..black and white..or gray..

hell, there's way too many colors to label life.

 

[sunoftheskye]

I think this type of thing is more common than people realize. I have a straight friend who tells me the same sort of thing, and it makes sense to me. It annoys me when people reduce sexuality to liking penis or vagina. For me, it goes beyond that. It's like....I can sort of imagine myself being with a female to male transsexual. Because of the emotional attraction. The whole vagina thing would be hard to deal with, but because I'd emotionally see them as a guy, I can imagine it in my head. With a "regular" woman, I just cannot see myself being into that. Sexually, or otherwise. So it's not that big of a stretch for me to think that for someone who is bisexual, how that whole emotional vs. sexual thing might be quite complicated.

My friend says that he liked cuddling with men, and could see himself marrying a guy and being in a relationship, but he can't do the sex part.

 

[belamy]

He does not seem emotionally attached to women: he seems to have been brainwashed into having a social life with women, while not repressing his feelings and craves for men... only he would try to pseudo-rationally deny them.
It's like he loved to eat meat but said he prefers vegs... because he "must" prefer them.

He has opened the closet and doesn't seem to mind people looking what he does inside, but he still won't get out.