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  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

im out

I don't know.. I come from a family of fighters.

Standing up for yourself is good for the soul.
 
I agree 100% with Soilwork...
Man stick it out. Give her a day or two to understand what just happened. Help her to understand that you have no say in this. That its the way you were born. She will come around after the shock is over. My mom did. She got over it. Your mom is always going to love you. She just needs time to accept it. Please don't run out on the situation..be strong and deal with the discomfort!!! We're here for you!!(*8*)
 
soil - i left home because it was the right thing to do. if my mother hadn't had time to think through things without me there, she would be in a MUCH worse state than she is now. she thanked me for leaving, saying that it was a very smart move on my part. sometimes people need time away from each other to gain a clear perspective on things.

i find it sad that you, a 38 year old man, would condemn douseiai as a "little boy" when he is taking a step towards independence. he is 18 years old, a ripe age for leaving home. while he didn't have to necessarily run away, sometimes that is what needs to be done to show the ability to be independent. you can call it an immature move if you want, but really, parents can be MUCH more immature than their children, and hold them back from leading their lives naturally and comfortably.

however, IT ALL DEPENDS ON THE SITUATION. imagine a mother that finds out her son is gay. lets say she goes BALLISTIC, telling her son that he isnt hers and that he is going to hell, then refusing to speak to him. the environment is horrible for the kid, as he is having a hard enough time dealing with the fact he is gay himself. why would he NOT leave, so that she could cool off and he could gain self confidence?
 
T-Zero said:
This is rediculous. You're all fighting and arguing ove rwhat he should or should not do and you don't even know what was going on or why he was moving for sure.

How about y'all hold your judgements until douseiai can give more details and meanwhile concentrate on how difficult this situation would be for him.
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sorry, i was just a little flustered at some of these folks viewpoints. i cant help but be hostile.

and plus, i was just sticking up for what douseiai DID do.
 
Douseiai, I go away for a few days and come back to find you've caused all this drama. ;) But really, congrats on coming out and I hope you and your mom can work this out. I await your return. :kiss:
 
T-Zero said:
[Because he said he was moving out doesn't necessarily mean he's never going to talk to his family again either.]
\
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no, but the fact that he said he wasn't planning on ever going back does.
 
T-Zero said:
offering him some constructive advise, not criticism and being judgmental.
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Well, where I'm from, telling someone to buck up and not cave in IS constructive.

But then, I was born with a spine.

D is a buddy of mine, and I'll give him the advice I think he needs.

And I think he's gotta chill out and not be as dramatic as his mother.

call me crazy.
 
T-Zero said:
Soil stuff it. This isn't about what you want to PROJECT into the situation. For all you know it just means he doesn't plan on moving back home again.

This isn't about judging the man or his actions.

It's also not about what I think or you think, or Chobbs thinks or anyone else in this thread. It's about wishing douseiai makes it through this okay and when he returns and is ready to talk about it more then offering him some constructive advise, not criticism and being judgmental.

And I'm not saying any more on the subject because I don't want douseiai to return and see a bitch fest in his coming out topic, posted while stressed out and under duress and because he wanted to let people know why he might not be around for a bit.
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Douseia is a sweetheart

he needs our understanding and support

I wholeheartedly agree with you on this

he is going through a hard time and needs support, not someone elses opinion rammed down his throat.
 
Soilwork said:
Agreed 0%.

little boys cut and run.

Men stay and hold their ground.
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agreed o%

bullies push people around at the moment in time when they are vulnerable and need kindness.

Bullies are not stong, they are simply selective cowards.
 
I just hope he comes back here and sees how many friends are on his side. I know this is not easy as I myself have not come out to my own family, but everyone else in my life!
 
There is too little information on which to base a firm judgment IMO. But if Douseia is thinking of just breaking off from his mother permanently, that would clearly not be advisable. I think it very probable she loves him and may need him. Where there is love, there is always hope for ultimate acceptance. I'm not suggesting sneaking back into the closet just to make people comfortable, but rather maintaining contact and trying to recement the relationship on a realistic footing.
 
Obviously this thread is related to coming out. I have moved it to the Coming Out & Relationships -Safe Discussion Area. Just a reminder, the Coming Out Area is a No Flame Zone thus the bickering that might be acceptable in HT or CE&P simply will not be tolerated in this area.

All future posts in this thread MUST conform to this high standard.

Thank you.

Zeremonie (aka Melody)
 
big_guy said:
Where there is love, there is always hope for ultimate acceptance.
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Well exactly. Getting up and leaving and never coming back or even threatening to never come back isn't going to help anyone.

If someone needs space for a day or so or even an hour or so... hmmm. maybe.

But sorry, calling me a "bully" isn't going to change the fact that leaving forever is the wrong thing to do.
 
Well, Douseia, congratulations on the coming out. That must have been terribly hard to do. Let us know how you're doing when you get a chance. I suggested our so. cal meetup for friday... haven't heard anything so maybe it's not on, who knows, but I agreed with the cheesecake factory suggestion. And hell, we'd buy for you (hope others agree on this, but I'm sure they would) and consider it a coming out to the parents party.

As to leaving... I too come from a family of fighters. And all of my experience has only taught me one thing.... there are times to hold you're ground and times to let things cool down. Until in the situation, I can't judge which way to go. So I'll assume he did the right thing at the right time. All of the best to you, we're all pulling for you.
 
Soilwork said:
Am I the ONLY fucking Sane person here?

Dude, this is the WORST time for you to leave. She needs you.. she needs to see you and she needs to understand.

you have to hold your ground.

If you leave, it sends the message to her that you agree that you've done somehting wrong and that you're the one who's responsible for HER reaction. And you're not.

Stick around and be there for her because she's going to have questions, comments, tears, anger, denial, accusations, bargaining and all sorts of other stuff.

And you're going to have to be there for for all that.

Don't MAKE me come up there.
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now that i finally reached my sort of new home... i stayed a week... i came out friday night left friday afternoon... i did all she asked... talked to youth minister, elders and some others... i am now in austin texas and moved in with my sister.... my parents and i talked a great deal and to them... homosexuality is an unforgivable sin for a christian to commit... they believe that being homosexual you are knowingly sinning and thus commiting a grand blasphemy... anyways... so i am submitting to counciling... i will only settle for a licsensed therapist... i will treat him as a therapist knowing that his alterior motive is to make me straight... anyways... i dealt with her comments, tears, anger, denial, accusations, bargaining, and all her stuff... frankly the only thing she will say to me now is (tears in eyes) "I will always fight for your soul and i hope you will too." so yeah... i will not be receiving financial support save the cell phone for the time being... my parents are very conservative and religious... they could probably be called facists...

anyways... thanks for your support... yes soilwork i did do what you said though of my own will... 30 seconds after i posted my dad turned off the modem... so thank you all for your support... right now im on my sisters computer which is a mac... which i am sooo not used to so i will be a bit more active... once we get a new apartment... and i can hook up my own computer... sorry if i repeat myself its midnight here and i start at 5am this morning... so i am exhausted so pardon spelling and repeats... anyways... yeah... (*8*) :kiss: thanks hope to talk to you all soon.... :wave:

edit: and btw soilwork... once we get the new apartment your welcome to stop by anytime :p
 
Glad to hear that you're on your feet, dousei ;)

Let them 'fight' for your soul if they think it needs saving. It's not like you wouldn't if you were doing something that might cause you to lose it. "Knowingly sinning"...honestly. Rediculous.
 
ty... my sister actually recomended that to my dad... more for marriage counciling... and yes i know that no credible licensed therapist would subscribe that type of therapy... which is why i expect to go through 3-4 of them :p
 
douseiai said:
and yes i know that no credible licensed therapist would subscribe that type of therapy... which is why i expect to go through 3-4 of them :p
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That's the spirit. Have some fun with it ;) It's almost too bad you can't tape the sessions...I bet they'd be hilarious.

Glad you're OK dude!
 
Wow, what a memorable coming out. And what a stand for Independence. Hurray for that!

I don't know what Christian Counselors are doing with homosexuality these days. Makes me a little nervous but I'd have to think that your own good mental health should be their first objective.

I'm really impressed with everything you have done so far. So painful too. Thanks for keeping us posted. Good luck!
 
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