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I'm rethinking the whole "I don't care who knows I'm gay" thing...

JakeBequette

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About 37 minutes ago I was at the gas station and in a truck next to me were these three 16 or 17 year old boys dressed in black trying to act all goth (in a tiny hicktown, as if, get a life) and one of the boys in the truck (which was like this tiny little tonka thing) kept trying to get the attention of the one pumping gas, FINALLY he does, and when the gas pumper put his head through the window I heard the other say "look, thats that gay kid from school I think he's nicks brother."

If everyone knows I'm gay, am I going to be known as, recognized as, and remembered as "the gay guy?"

I don't even know why but that just really bothers me that that kid said that and I became really self concious after he said it :(
 
I don't think coming out is of much benefit to people who live in small towns, unless they like to be rediculed or thumped on.
 
Sadly, my darling, the world is full of people who want to have a short label for everyone so that they don't have to think. In their wee little world, there's the gay kid, there's the black kid, there's the oriental kid, etc. If you weren't the gay kid, you'd be the fat kid or the short kid or the good-at-math kid or whatever pigeon-hole seemed most likely to his eensy weensy intellect.

It is folly to worry about the opinions of stupid people.

There's a conversation that was reported to me by my friend Caroline that happened when we were in high school. She said something about me, and the other people in the group were trying to place which "Robert" I was.

Caroline: "You know, the tall white guy."

Person 1: " You mean the Pizza Face guy?"

Person 2: "No, that's Carl. I think she means the gay one."

So though these people weren't trying to demean either me or poor Carl the Pizza-Face Guy, they could only think of us in very broad terms, could only relate people to very simplistic descriptors... tall and white and then either nelly or acned.

It's a habit I've tried over the years to break Caroline of, though I have to say it does make it easier to keep her numerous ex-boyfriends sorted out when they come with epithets.
 
Well man you are the gay guy..... but the real question is ... is are you Nick's brother?

You've got it tough in lot's of ways friend, living in a small town... Even worse is that you've got a troika of pseudo goths driving around in a Tonka truck. Hell man, they have it tough too..... imagine being a 'sort of' Goth in a small town. Actually I think the gay guy would be above them on the social scale Jake.....
And in any case, fuck 'em.... you know who you are, they are still trying to figure it all out.
(*8*) :D :D :D :D
 
I totally feel the same way on this. Through some crazy act of happenstance I came out to both of my parents this week, and they seem to be taking it well, but suddenly I care much more about my friends finding out. I have this HUGE fear of going from "Mike the Asian kid" (I'm not Asian, haha, but that's how people know me) to being "Mike the GAY kid" as if there is absolutely nothing else to me than that.

I really think we all have this enormous fear of being "just" something.

Though, I have to admit, sometimes I think it'd be easier if I was more "obvious" so I didn't have to tell people. Is being the "gay kid" really worse than hiding yourself from everyone? I'll answer that when I know myself, but I imagine with a little courage the answer is no, it is much better to be who you are - even if other people are too ignorant to see ALL of who you are.
 
It has nothing to do with not being proud of being gay or whatever, it has to do with knowing you will receive a negative reaction.

We are all quick to mention and discuss things that are considered positive by society. We hide things we think will receive a negative reaction.

Look, the way I look at it is simple. During the time of Hitler, it just wouldn't be smart for Jews to go up to that man and state the fact that they were Jewish. There is a fine line between pride and stupidity. You just have to realize that it has nothing to do with you. You are gay and you are around people who would openly discriminate you if they knew of your sexual orientation. It would be the same in many ways if there was an ugly person who was always around models that were shallow. You are a certain way (you are below average in looks) and you happen to be with people who are considered the best looking. Now, good looking people are not all shallow, but that quality is something that is more likley acquired by some groups than others. Ignorance is unfortunatley something that effects small towns a lot more then big cities because there is much less education in small towns, there is less exposure to different programs of education,(through tv, groups, etc), there are less views and different opinions shared, there is a lot less social behaviour in general. So, now you have a choice to make. You can decide to spend your time with those models (that have received that social stimuli) to make them that way, or you can hang around people that are not shallow. We make these decisions every day. So, dont be shocked by this behaviour. Everyone has a different reason as to why they dont live in a small town, just as many people have great reasons why they dont live in a big city.

So, you seemed bothered by the comment of the kid. You dont want to be known as the "gay guy", well, you dont have to be. However, do you want that choice? Living there, it seems you wont get a chance in terms of your sexuality. There, you will always be the closeted gay guy. Now, if you didn't care about that stuff, it wouldn't matter. Some people are more concerned about being able to walk around and get fresh air, hear no noise, and have quiet, and live their life without caring what others think. Its a package, there are many positives to living in a small town..guess you just have to decide what is the most important to you. We can't have everything.
 
Yeah, being out in a small minded small town isn't always a positive thing. I'm sorry you had to go through that. But, I guess those kind of persecutions will make you stronger in the end. ;)
 
so long as the sun shines on this planet, there will always be small minded people. as human beings we all have to learn to live with it.

the only problem i see is that you felt self conscience about it. you might wanna spend some time thinking about why.
 
Sweety!

Those are the dregs, the ass-holes of the world-universe!

We ALL have these types of people who make our lives miserable....

Sure, most of us are totally freaked out by these types who bully us around!

Alls it takes is to stand up to these guys, NOT alone; but with help from say school administration, the police, etc....

Sure, we will get threats; but when it comes down to brass tacks, these SOBs will fold like a gambler with a pair of dueces!

Hang in there and be proud of who you are my friend!(*8*) (*8*) :kiss: :kiss:
 
Well i hope you don't feel as if your alone, those are just labels people like to stamp on people. How do you think "That Fat kid" feels or "that smelly, their are many labels people get stuck with when they are in school. But the good news is, things get a helll of a lot better once you start going to college, now take my word for that.
 
Yeah, being out in a small minded small town isn't always a positive thing.

Or necessarily a negative.

Where I lived before, a small town (8,000), living with my (then) partner, both us rather prominent in the community, was no problem. There was some negative shit at first but then again everyone does know you and they know other things about you too. So when I ran for county clerk, I got the second highest vote total on the county level for a Democrat, ever. I was very involved in community matters, and my basic attitude was summarized by Gertrude Stein's "Living Well is the Best Revenge." Where my family lives is in much smaller towns in the same county (200-400 people) and its all cool. Where I live now (about 40,000 in this city, 120,000 total area) its the same thing.

I did the rainbow flag in the window, stickers on the car, thing for a while and don't do that anymore.
 
At least they refereed to you as the gay kid and not "hey, that's the fucking faggot." If they had any decency they would have said nothing because you were within earshot.
 
Before the Fratmen models know I'm gay, I often get referred to as "That short bald guy with the tattoos" or "The little guy with the big arms"

think no more of it.
 
Are those guys known as anything other than "the goth guys"? Their label only indicates that they know very little about you. What else would you want them to know you as? Do you play sports? Are you in a band? Are you part of the student council? What do you want to be known as and what can you do to make them see that?

exactly...
 
Jake
When it's time for college, get outta town and away from those shit for brains assholes. Or as the old commercial said *homo? take Bromo and wake up feeling yourself again...|
 
I'm appalled at the number of people calling the three guys in the truck stupid or small-minded, etc. How do you know that? I guess it's easy to insult people you don't know.

If Jake is visibly, proudly, recently out in a small town, likely it is his most obvious distinguishing feature at this point.

When I first came out, Jake, that was the most important thing about me. It took the attention of national media (being fired by cracker barrell, and then appearing on Oprah), and being thrust into the vanguard of the civil rights movement, before I though to step back and realize that I didn't want to live my entire life as if being Gay were the only thing of any importance to me.

Particularly, though, when we are surrounded by morons who have really narrow views about what being gay "means," it is important to let them know that we, too, are gay, and that yes, we, too, pull our pants on one leg at the time as well. Particularly if we are to any degree 'noble in reason' and wish to make a positive change in our environment. This is why I take EXTREME exception (begging yer pardon, strat) to this quote:
I don't think coming out is of much benefit to people who live in small towns, unless they like to be rediculed or thumped on.
SOME of us take the ridiculing and the thumping because we realize that if we also do good works, sooner or later someone else will join the struggle in our defense, often someone who would never have thought of themselves as an advocate for gay rights.

I imagine, Jake, since you didn't seem to be too threatened by the guys in the tonka (:-)) truck, that you are just now having that experience of "y'know, I'm a pretty complex person, and there's stuff about me that's WAAAAY cooler than the fact that I like to fuck guys. I want people to know THAT stuff." Congratulations, and welcome to the human race.

In this instance, I liken the coming out process to a wave, and you have reached the crest of it. While we are in the closet, there's all this tension and buildup, and when we finally do come out, we're on top of the wave and we just kind of ride it for a while. After a bit, we decide it's time to do something else with our lives besides being terminally "coming out."

MattieMich sort of hit the nail on the head here:
What else would you want them to know you as? Do you play sports? Are you in a band? Are you part of the student council? What do you want to be known as and what can you do to make them see that?

But don't blame yourself if after developing further aspects of your personhood, there are still people who will only ever see you as the "gay guy" THEN (and only then) are you justified in thinking of them as "that stupid guy" or "that narrow-minded guy" :p
 
Well, JakeBequette, I don't take crap. I would have done what the guy in your avatar is doing,

then told him to kiss it.
 
Believe it or not, I can relate.

For many years, I was the town "faq". My entire idenity was comprised of being the gay guy that everyone threw things at.

Oddly, I got used to how they treated me. I even got over it.

But the real damage was not that they saw me as the "gay guy", it was that I learned to see myself as the 'gay kid".

In reality, I'm so much more than a "gay person". I'm a full human being, with my sexaulity being a small part of who I am. (Important, but small)

But for so long, I saw myself through their eyes and not my own. I was ashamed because they were ashamed. That hurt more than the words, because I betrayed myself.

So hon, if you are going to be the "gay kid", please remember that you are not what they call you, but what you call yourself.

And love yourself, compeltly.
;)
 
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