So i'm seeking a little advice.. Some of this info, might be irrelevent but it makes me feel better to type it out.. Im sorry this is soooo long, i'm just quite lost.
Ive been seeing this guy for about 6 months now. I'm 21, he's 31. We met through Adam4adam( Ugh, I know. Its a fuck site... NOT my scene but I gave it a shot to introduce myself to new people after I moved..) He sent me the sweetest, silliest message, not the usual " whats up?" "Wanna fuck?" messages that you usually get on a site like that. He was very forward (not in an overly sexual way) about how cute he thought i was. I found his "personality" in his messages very sweet and sexy at the same time. He told me that he really respected the fact that I didnt have nude shots up on a4a. He wouldnt unlock his last picture becuse it was nude and he said that he would prefer to date me and didnt want me to see it right away. I really wanted to see. He unlocked, but I DIDNT look. I wanted to get to know him first instead of his penis..We talked for about a week or so online, did the facebook add thing, you know.. We decided to meet up for a date. I was very nervous and i didnt know what to say. I was SURE he could feel my nerves.. I was instantly attracted to him physically, when I met him. He took me to a great resturaunt downtown and then we went back to his place to hang out. We were talking and playing some pool and he asked if he could have a kiss. I gave in. This was a new thing for me, as I had never been on a date, let alone kissed someone.. It was amazing.. HE was amazing. We layed down on the couch and watched a movie.. Ileaned into be next to him, but neither of us tried anything. I felt he had that respect for me..
Cut to our third date, where we met up at his place. (he was moving to his other loft, I told him i'd help him pack) He asked if I was hungry. There was a new sushi resturaunt under his bulding. I had never tried sushi before, but i was willing to try it with him. Mainly because I knew that he liked introducing people to new things like that.. The sushi was great. and HE was still great.. We came back to the apartment to start packing his things. We sat on the couch talked and joked around, started tickling and just being silly.. ticklling lead to intense making out.. The bam! Sex. This was my first time, and he was very patient.. We didnt use protection ( he's neg, Im neg. But obviously a stupid choice..) It was amazing. He was amazing..
I recently, about 3 weeks ago, went home for a week and a half to visit family. The night before i left he asked if I wanted to go out. I decided i should since i had to leave at 4am and I didnt plan on sleeping. and Mainly so I could see him. He said he would take me to the airport instead of me having to take a cab, and he stayed up with me. While I was at home, with everything going on around me, he was all I could think about. I missed him. Then I realized. I was in love.. I had this urge to say it, and Ikept trying to figure out how. I didnt get alot of responses from him with text messages, so I decided I should talk to him online. I had deleted my a4a account several months before. I figured I could talk to him on here, so i threw my account back together, got on and realized he was online and had changed his location to the new area he was living in.. I hadnt thought to myself about how I would feel if he was ACTUALLY online a4a, let alone changing his location. I had just realized I was in love. I felt like a fool.. I felt replaceable. I felt used.
When I returned, I made silly jokes about it to him, but I was actually hurting.. The fact that he might still be using it to hook up with other guys was killing me..
We got into a spat about it later on.. I told him how much it hurt me and that i care for him very much( notice I didnt use the word "love"...Yet.) but I couldnt be with someone if they plan on having sex with other people. He said he wasnt interested in a relationship at the moment and he liked what we had going. He wanted the options to be available. Wanting all these "options" to be available for himself made me feel even more like shit.. He said "we should use condoms from now on so you wont have to question it." (which was a smart idea to use them, but his idea behind it made me feel stupid, as if i brought this all on myself..) He never would tell me if he had sex with anyone or not. I dont know for sure, but I honestly believe he didnt.. even though there is still some doubt in my mind. Isnt that my right to know? We were having sex! I should know.... right??
I decided I wanted to keep seeing him. I feel like the "just friends" thing would only make things worse for me at this point in my life. I told him I loved him during a discussion about the a4a incident. I explained that thats why i was hurt by the situation. because i realized i was in love. I didnt expect anything. He told me he cares for me very much. that hes very attracted to me. I told him that i wasnt expecting to hear it back when i said it. he told me i should. He said if I talked with people about this, they would probably tell me to end it.. Thats not what I want. Thats not what he wants.. (as far as I know)
Im not unhappy with my choice to continue seeing him. I'm just waiting. patiently. Hoping he'll feel the same way.
He's on a plane to new york for a month as i type this.. I "jokingly" (but ment it)
told him no kissing or cuddling. He laughed it off and said he wouldnt have sex. I believe him. but theres still a sliver of doubt..
Im so lost in all of this.. I just need advice. I dont know what exactly, i need it for, just.. advice.. HELP!
Ive been seeing this guy for about 6 months now. I'm 21, he's 31. We met through Adam4adam( Ugh, I know. Its a fuck site... NOT my scene but I gave it a shot to introduce myself to new people after I moved..) He sent me the sweetest, silliest message, not the usual " whats up?" "Wanna fuck?" messages that you usually get on a site like that. He was very forward (not in an overly sexual way) about how cute he thought i was. I found his "personality" in his messages very sweet and sexy at the same time. He told me that he really respected the fact that I didnt have nude shots up on a4a. He wouldnt unlock his last picture becuse it was nude and he said that he would prefer to date me and didnt want me to see it right away. I really wanted to see. He unlocked, but I DIDNT look. I wanted to get to know him first instead of his penis..We talked for about a week or so online, did the facebook add thing, you know.. We decided to meet up for a date. I was very nervous and i didnt know what to say. I was SURE he could feel my nerves.. I was instantly attracted to him physically, when I met him. He took me to a great resturaunt downtown and then we went back to his place to hang out. We were talking and playing some pool and he asked if he could have a kiss. I gave in. This was a new thing for me, as I had never been on a date, let alone kissed someone.. It was amazing.. HE was amazing. We layed down on the couch and watched a movie.. Ileaned into be next to him, but neither of us tried anything. I felt he had that respect for me..
Cut to our third date, where we met up at his place. (he was moving to his other loft, I told him i'd help him pack) He asked if I was hungry. There was a new sushi resturaunt under his bulding. I had never tried sushi before, but i was willing to try it with him. Mainly because I knew that he liked introducing people to new things like that.. The sushi was great. and HE was still great.. We came back to the apartment to start packing his things. We sat on the couch talked and joked around, started tickling and just being silly.. ticklling lead to intense making out.. The bam! Sex. This was my first time, and he was very patient.. We didnt use protection ( he's neg, Im neg. But obviously a stupid choice..) It was amazing. He was amazing..
I recently, about 3 weeks ago, went home for a week and a half to visit family. The night before i left he asked if I wanted to go out. I decided i should since i had to leave at 4am and I didnt plan on sleeping. and Mainly so I could see him. He said he would take me to the airport instead of me having to take a cab, and he stayed up with me. While I was at home, with everything going on around me, he was all I could think about. I missed him. Then I realized. I was in love.. I had this urge to say it, and Ikept trying to figure out how. I didnt get alot of responses from him with text messages, so I decided I should talk to him online. I had deleted my a4a account several months before. I figured I could talk to him on here, so i threw my account back together, got on and realized he was online and had changed his location to the new area he was living in.. I hadnt thought to myself about how I would feel if he was ACTUALLY online a4a, let alone changing his location. I had just realized I was in love. I felt like a fool.. I felt replaceable. I felt used.
When I returned, I made silly jokes about it to him, but I was actually hurting.. The fact that he might still be using it to hook up with other guys was killing me..
We got into a spat about it later on.. I told him how much it hurt me and that i care for him very much( notice I didnt use the word "love"...Yet.) but I couldnt be with someone if they plan on having sex with other people. He said he wasnt interested in a relationship at the moment and he liked what we had going. He wanted the options to be available. Wanting all these "options" to be available for himself made me feel even more like shit.. He said "we should use condoms from now on so you wont have to question it." (which was a smart idea to use them, but his idea behind it made me feel stupid, as if i brought this all on myself..) He never would tell me if he had sex with anyone or not. I dont know for sure, but I honestly believe he didnt.. even though there is still some doubt in my mind. Isnt that my right to know? We were having sex! I should know.... right??
I decided I wanted to keep seeing him. I feel like the "just friends" thing would only make things worse for me at this point in my life. I told him I loved him during a discussion about the a4a incident. I explained that thats why i was hurt by the situation. because i realized i was in love. I didnt expect anything. He told me he cares for me very much. that hes very attracted to me. I told him that i wasnt expecting to hear it back when i said it. he told me i should. He said if I talked with people about this, they would probably tell me to end it.. Thats not what I want. Thats not what he wants.. (as far as I know)
Im not unhappy with my choice to continue seeing him. I'm just waiting. patiently. Hoping he'll feel the same way.
He's on a plane to new york for a month as i type this.. I "jokingly" (but ment it)
told him no kissing or cuddling. He laughed it off and said he wouldnt have sex. I believe him. but theres still a sliver of doubt..
Im so lost in all of this.. I just need advice. I dont know what exactly, i need it for, just.. advice.. HELP!
Ive grow to know and love this guy. He is really sweet to me, I just wish i was completly sure of what he wants... When I ask him questions like this he seems to shut down a bit. I told him that i was feeling selfish for the things I wanted from him. He told me I was acually being very selfless and couragous.. That I was wise beond my years for being able to open up to someone eomotionally like that. When I first met him, I recall him telling me "youre going to be the one that breaks my heart.." Clearly, I feel that I am going to be the one hurt in all of this. All these things he was saying to me just indirectly gave me the impression he was looking for a relationship. Even thought I really wasnt. Actually I didnt know what i was looking for. And I wanst really thinking about what either of us were wanting out of this until I developed these feelings.. He's really great and I want him to be in my life whether we're together or not... But if we are continuing seeing each other, I dont want him having casual sex with whoever... and expecting me not to worry about weather hes going to or not.. am I wrong or selfish in wanting that??
