I'm so depressed

[js334433]

Trikky, I'm 20.

 

[Lube]

Why are you still a virgin? How long have you been dating her?

 

[Atrocity]

Ha! All those lost years of great sex, LOL

No one knows what a guy wants more than another guy

 

[js334433]

Why are you still a virgin? How long have you been dating her?

Almost three years. We are both still virgins, we've decided to take things slow and not rush into things. Before anyone says anything, I am NOT one of those people who are waiting until marriage. We just take the first time very seriously. Plus, I'm a big romantic too.

 

[G-Lexington]

I understand wanting to take things slow, and wanting the first time to be memorable. But three years? If you're still not ready, maybe she ain't the right one...

Lex

 

[TX-Beau]

Almost three years. We are both still virgins, we've decided to take things slow and not rush into things. Before anyone says anything, I am NOT one of those people who are waiting until marriage. We just take the first time very seriously. Plus, I'm a big romantic too.

Not rushing is one thing, but three years approaches neurosis. SO it seems that you take the first time so seriously you've decided not to have one.

I'm sorry but I'm going to be blunt. If you're dating a woman you haven't had sex with and haven't married in three years that screams gay. All the rest might be perfectly reasonable after a year, or even if you said you were waiting for marriage (which you specifically excluded), but you haven't married her, and you haven't slept with her, and it's been three years, how much better do you need to know her before you take one step or the other.

That screams justification.

 

[Lube]

js334433, Lex & TX make some good points. Have you proposed? When do you feel you'll be ready (for marriage? for sex?)

 

[Lube]

First of all, I'm not the right person to advice you about this thing, I mean, you are an adult, you have more experience and knowledge about life than me. But, I will give my opinion, just because you are always here trying to help everybody, and I think you have a good heart, so I hope this helps you

If you really want to help, I think you should call him and be HONEST, period. You know, meet him or call him when he's alone and have a long chat. Don't be afraid of using the "gay" word. Tell him your story, what you went through, speak with your heart, be honest about him and the big mistake he's about to make.

That's the only way you will feel some kind of relieve or something, in my opinion that's the best and only thing you can do for him.

You are older and more experienced than he is, so he will listen to you if he his a sensible guy.

And that's all. Then he will do whatever he wants, it's his life, let him learn from his own mistakes.

I know my english isn't good at all, but I hope you have understood my point.

One last thing, don't be depressed. You should be proud of yourself, because is not only him, think about all the guys you have helped here in JUB, telling your story and advising them. You don't want people to go through what you went: that only proves you have a big heart. And that you are a great guy

Big hug from Spain!

Thanks, Cracky--that's one of the nicest replies I've ever gotten on JUB. (Hey, we need Bear-hug emoticons on JUB, ). And your English is great!

For now, I'm going to hold back. As I said in my original post, we're close and yet not close; and we certainly don't live anywhere near each other (1000+ miles apart).

What you're saying for me to do is what I actually want to do, but KaraBulut made some good points about people not listening when they're in denial. Much as I'd like to, I can't solve the world's problems.


Everyone:

If you re-read my original post, you'll see that I'm trying to get closeted guys to wake up and not make the same mistakes this guy is. You can tell yourself that "nobody knows", but plenty of people know, even if you never tell them. You just look silly when you pull stunts like this (marriage). Even if my friend/relative doesn't wake up any time soon, hopefully some guys reading this thread will.

 

[JoeyJoeJoeShabadu]

Almost three years. We are both still virgins, we've decided to take things slow and not rush into things. Before anyone says anything, I am NOT one of those people who are waiting until marriage. We just take the first time very seriously. Plus, I'm a big romantic too.

You will know when the time is right for you.
You can't get a second "first time".

 

[TX-Beau]

You will know when the time is right for you.
You can't get a second "first time".

Yeah, and you can't get a first first time if you're not interested in sleeping with the person you're dating.

 

[slnattak]

I see what you are doing here.

If you have stereotypical gay qualities (and almost everybody does), you shouldn't be ashamed of them- and it goes beyond sexual preferences.

Sure, me playing with barbies and liking girly pop music isn't making another gay man have an erection. But not everything is about your narcissism arousal. It's also about your heart, and what you have to put up with in a relationship includes people's feminine sides, and that goes for all people!

It's artistic, universal!

Also I agree that gay men probably have a general theme where they just seem 'gay' more than most because they are indeed, well, gay!!!! But we have to be careful there.

*Kiss*

 

[trikky]

Yeah, and you can't get a first first time if you're not interested in sleeping with the person you're dating.

It can take time for a guy to totally accept himself as gay for lots of reasons, which we have all experienced. It can be a long process, but in life the one thing we cannot run from is ourselves. All guys will find acceptance in the right timeframe so long as he keeps an open mind.

 

[js334433]

I open my mouth and I get the replies that I knew I was going to get. I am no where near denial that I am gay. Even if I was, I wouldn't have a problem with it. I'm not dating my girlfriend because I believe it is the right thing to do or the status quo. I'm doing it because I love her. For years, all I wanted was to be in a relationship. I was love sick throughout middle school and high school. It's been reflected through my writing and through my actions. When I found my girlfriend, I wanted the relationship to work. To do this, I focused on more important things than sex. Yes, I had my baggage and I was coming to terms with who I was, and when I finally accepted it, she accepted it to. She's the best thing in my life and she makes me happy. I may not be the best boyfriend at times, but that doesn't mean that I don't love her. I am bisexual because I do like both men and women. i am attracted to both and see the possibility of having sex with both of them. My past has defined who I am, and I don't deny it. I don't forget it. I have accepted who I am, my girlfriend has, my closest friends have, and that is all I need.
I feel much better now. I needed to get that out. If you all really need to know, my girlfriend and I have had talks about having our first time. Hopefully, it will happen soon. Thank you for reading and if I offended anyone, I am sorry. I tend to get extremely wordy when emotional.

 

[G-Lexington]

Hey, if you're cool with being in a sexless relationship, and she's cool with being in a sexless relationship, then you shouldn't feel the need to change for anybody but yourselves. But here's hoping you won't put it off forever.

Lex

 

[Ryuusei Boy]

She's the best thing in my life and she makes me happy.

Yikes, I hope you never break up.

 

[trikky]

I often think that deep emotional ties can be more intense than sex. If it gives you what you want and need right now good for you man. No ones trying a witch hunt dude, it's just we have all had periods of denial in our lives and it is only when we stopped denying to ourselves, that we were able to become happy and contented in who we were. That's the only reason guys are questioning you, because we all know how much better life becomes when we stop fighting what can't be fought. That may or may not be your situation, but if it was be sure that the guys on here will support you and help you. But whatever else it does sound like you and your girlfriend have got a deep attachment which is really good. It is hard to make those kind of bonds in life and long may it continue.

Anyway I think we have all got sidetracked wasn't this about Lube's relative?

 

[js334433]

I often think that deep emotional ties can be more intense than sex. If it gives you what you want and need right now good for you man. No ones trying a witch hunt dude, it's just we have all had periods of denial in our lives and it is only when we stopped denying to ourselves, that we were able to become happy and contented in who we were. That's the only reason guys are questioning you, because we all know how much better life becomes when we stop fighting what can't be fought. That may or may not be your situation, but if it was be sure that the guys on here will support you and help you. But whatever else it does sound like you and your girlfriend have got a deep attachment which is really good. It is hard to make those kind of bonds in life and long may it continue.

Anyway I think we have all got sidetracked wasn't this about Lube's relative?

I would like to thank everyone for their help. I am no where near unhappy with who I am or with my girlfriend. During the first couple of years of high school, I was unhappy with myself, my love life, and just with life in general. My girlfriend changed all that. Since meeting her, I've turned myself around. I do still have people out there that question my relationship and question my orientation, but I don't let it get me down. It's just one of the many eccentric characteristics that I have. In other words, I do not fit into the mold of a normal teenager or a normal guy. Anyway, if I do need help or support in the future, I know where to come. Thank you again. On another note, I guess we should get back to what this thread is about, Lube's relative.

 

[Lube]

That's OK, guys. This thread is about us*, not me.









*--all gay/bi/curious men.

 

[Jo-thin]

well she will need to prepare to get her heart broken!
Hes just making it worse :\