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I'm terrified...please reassure me

  • Thread starter Thread starter sidneya72
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sidneya72

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Yesterday I had my first "gay contact". I met a guy at a sauna and we started wanking each other off. WE had a very brief kiss, about 5 seconds if that. I didn't think anything of it and I never kissed his dick even though he asked me to, in fact I left at that stage (that's another story). I have read on various forums about the risk of catching AIDS and I am absolutely terrified, as I have read about the risks and whilst they appear very slim, the risk is not zero. Also what about other STD'S?It really was literally a couple of seconds of mouth to mouth contact, that's it, but he did tongue me. Please re-assure me, I feel terrible. Plus i have a female partner...but that's a different story. What about Herpes etc, how could I explain that away, what about AIDS, should I abstain from sex with her just in case....what are the risk factors, is it 1 in a million?
 
Good Lord man.... calm down. Not like you fucked all the sailors on the 7th Fleet.

You can get STDs from you g/f too you know. Proper precatuions should be used with any sort of sex now days. Male or female.
 
Don't panic - but don't put yourself in that position again - it can be habit forming and that is where the problem my lie.
 
Thanks for the replies...I know I need to calm down but I can't believe how foolish I was. It's not like I had unprotected sex I guess, and I dind't notice any cuts or sores on his mouth,it's just the fact that my risk factor has gone from zero to a risk. Please tell me from these circumstances that the risk is virtually a million to one. I guess we kissed open mouth for about 2 seconds at most. I really would have to be unlucky to get anything from that would'nt I?
 
That last reply didn't help me much! lol I'm not laughing though...Call me hysterical, but I'm shaking with tears of fear as I type this....I didn't realise until yesterday how unready I am to do anything with a man. I feel disgusted, repulsed with myself, I am wracked with guilt. All because of a two second kiss....PLEASE PLEASE someone reassure me. I don't need a HIV test do I? The ODDS are that remote they are neglible, AREN'T THEY? PLEASE REASSURE ME I WILL BE OK?????
 
As far as I know there are still massive debates going on as to whether or not you can get HIV/AIDS from kissing. The risker thing, that is still being debated is whether or not you can get it by giving head. It seems unlikely to me, unless you have an open sore, or cut somewhere in your mouth, throat or stomach. Cuz after that if it survives the stomach acid... well that's unlikely.

As to other STD's if he had genital herpes on his mouth, then there's a sizeable chance that you have it too. Otherwise, if he had I think it's type 1 herpes, that is just cold sores, and while they're annoying they aren't fatal.

For other diseases, I would suggest doing some research as to the transmission of the various other std's and if you think that you might possibly have been in a situation where it could have been transferred then I would suggest going to get tested. Better know soon and get it treated if it can be.

Now as to you being disgusted with yourself etc for being with a guy. That's a total mental issue and you just have to get over it. My advice for people fresh into experimenting. Is to find gay guys build up friendships, so that you know that you can trust them. And then have sex. This way you remove the nessicity of freaking out on whether or not your gonna get something from them. Of course if they are total sluts, well then it's not really gonna remove the risk. But if they are the type of people that don't go around fucking anything with two legs. Then your good. :D Hope that helped.
 
sidneya72 said:
I don't need a HIV test do I?
Click to expand...

if you tell that story to someone in those aids-centers etc they most likely will send you away and don't tell you to get tested.
anyway you can do that test not earlier than 3 months from now.
meanwhile you can think about your relationship with your gf and educate yourself a bit more about STDs. did you check the the links that other posters provided?
 
sidneya72 said:
Thanks for the replies...I know I need to calm down but I can't believe how foolish I was. It's not like I had unprotected sex I guess, and I dind't notice any cuts or sores on his mouth,it's just the fact that my risk factor has gone from zero to a risk. Please tell me from these circumstances that the risk is virtually a million to one. I guess we kissed open mouth for about 2 seconds at most. I really would have to be unlucky to get anything from that would'nt I?
Click to expand...
I think you're foolish, not because of what you have done, but because you are so obviously ignorant about sex and its risks.

Please reassure me that you have taken the time to read the links that confusedboy23 provided.
 
You need to calm down and use this opportunity to learn more about STDs and risk behaviors. You seem to be in a stable relationship at this moment, that´s another reason to clarify questions about STDs and decrease potential risks in case you decide to experiment (with a male or female) in the near future.
Use this time to think about your sexual identity and the relationship with your female partner also. You might consider a redefinition of the relationship in case same-sex experimentation is essential to you. Guilt and panic are not good companions. Attached are two additional links from the Centers on Disease Control on STDs:

Fact Sheet on Oral Sex and HIV/AIDS (PDF)
http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/pubs/Facts/oralsex.pdf#search=%22cdc%20oral%20sex%20hiv%20pdf%22

STDs home page (CDC)
http://www.cdc.gov/nchstp/dstd/personal_Health_Questions.htm
http://www.cdc.gov/node.do/id/0900f3ec80009a98
 
i do not think this has anything to do with catching a.i.d.s. i think you are filled with internalized homophobia! i read some where once that it would take a gallon of saliva to possibley even put you at a small risk for exposure. i have blown guys i have dated who were h.i.v+(they lied to me about being positive) and even got cum in my mouth. i'm fine. never got it. i even had a cut on my gums from tooth brushing. did i panic? sorta but not like you are over a 5 second kiss! take some time and relax. you obviously have more soul searching to do. and also maybe a stranger in a sauna is not the right thing for you. maybe going out on some dates to figure out who you are. maybe a couple good night kisses with someone whose name you know. you skipped the best part and jumped into the seedy side of gay sex. i have been on the seedy side and the just hold my hand side. but the seedy side would have scared the shit out of me for my 1st time. you gotta work your way up to the filthy stuff:)
 
Thanks for all the replies so far. I need to set some things straight:
I realise I was foolish.
I am a nice guy.
I'm not a homophobe.
I'm just very stupid, but I'm not naive about HIV/STD.
I have phoned NAT and THT, both of whom told me not to worry at all.
I still feel sick with worry over something this innocous. I KNOW what that tells me..I'm not ready for this.

Finally, I didn't have bleeding gums, open sores etc. I don't think he did, I'm sure I would have noticed. I guess I can chalk this up to experience.

I take on board all the comments and issues raised so far, but please feel free to add more. I do appreciate the advice/lectures, yes I realise that I have other issues to sort out here, but my main worry here was my stupidity in getting carried away, thankfully it did'nt go any further than a stupid quick snog.
The main reason I am worried, and I'm not being selfish, is that I have a beautiful 3 year old who is my life. I was sobbing last night when I took him to bed, he said "I love you daddy". How could I be so foolish as to even think about taking a risk for his future? And what about his mother? What if I passed anything on to her? I really am a stupid selfish pig and I don't deserve either. I am still racked with guilt and have a knot in my stomach thinking about the "what if's". But everyone I have spoken to tells me not to worry, the risk, if there is one is absolutely miniscule. I guess and hope that the risk of catching HIV at the dentist is probably higher than what I have done, but I just don't know.
 
Ok, am I being ultra paranoid? Just answer me that, without questionning my morailty etc. From what I have described, ie a few seconds snog, am I being ridiculous? I don't have bad gum disease, I don't have mouth ulcers or open sores. I did'nt notice that he did either. No taste of blood in his mouth.
 
Sidneya72:
This is my 2 cents worth. I think you need someone to talk to about this, like a therapist. It seems to me that teh real issue is that you love your family, but realise you are gay. You now have to decide what to do with this knowledge.
Repressing it will only hurt you and your family. Anonymous sex won't help (with this problem-I am not knocking anonymous sex for everyone), and worrying about diease won't help either.
I think that you are so afraid of your own sexuality that you have transferred this fear to a fear of stds.
Please get help for you and your kid too-it will make you a better father if you are happy with yourself.
 
I don't think that this has to do about your fear of catching a disease from a peck on the lips from a stranger in a sauna.

This is about starting on the road to gay sex and the fear that it will lead to the breaking up your family. Isn't that really what you're sick with worry over?

Miatajeff's suggestion of finding some councelling is a good one.

For what it's worth, I don't question your morality. I know yours is a difficult situation.
 
3nipples said:
I don't think that this has to do about your fear of catching a disease from a peck on the lips from a stranger in a sauna.

This is about starting on the road to gay sex and the fear that it will lead to the breaking up your family. Isn't that really what you're sick with worry over?

Miatajeff's suggestion of finding some councelling is a good one.

For what it's worth, I don't question your morality. I know yours is a difficult situation.
Click to expand...

Please listen to miatajeff and 3nipples. You are in a difficult situation and the fear of STDs is just a symptom and not the basic problem here. Counselling is a good alternative to clarify questions you might have about your identity and life choices.

Information about safe sex and STDs is essential but even more important is to clarify what you want at this moment in your life. A safe space to discuss and clarify some of your questions is a good alternative. Check the resources at the "Coming Out & Relationships" forum. There are a couple of stickies with additional resources on sexuality and counselling (plus a good number of guys that can relate to your situation as a husband and father). (*8*)
 
Well, it seems like everyone else covered the good stuff so let me say this:

Let's also remember that HIV and AIDS are not the same. You can't catch AIDS, you can only catch HIV. AIDS is what happens after you have HIV.
 
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