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Is being shallow all that bad?

SilverRRCloud

SilverRRCloud

I'd rather be a Sexgod:)
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You may want to get some distance from people who are 'helping' you gain self-confidence by permanently reiterating that you are 'shallow'.

You are 18, and there is a whole lot of living and experiencing for you to do. At this time, you are looking for someone, whom you will have hots for. Why not? You are not getting married in a week and not every relationship, friendship with or without benefits or even a hook-up were meant to be 'meaningful'. Hot sex is meaningful in itself to a degree and at times.

So, spread your wings and devise your own plan. Do what you feel is right for you and serves you best.

Let the others cope with their 'depths' in their own way.

SC
 
Silver's right (as usual). We all follow our own path. If you want to sleep with (or, for that matter, even TALK to) only guys who are uber-hot, over six feet tall, or whose names start with a vowel...that's YOUR concern, not theirs. Go live by your own rules, and tell others to go live by theirs.

Lex
 
It was a terrible day when I discovered that deep down I am really shallow.
 
Just keep in mind that you will not always be 18 years old and you will not always look 18 years old.
 
I think that you have your definitions reversed 180 degrees.

When you say: "but I don't want to settle for someone I am not attracted to and don't really have feelings for...", this is not shallow; you are showing depth.

"Settling for the average Joe" really doesn't mean anything. There are lots of "average Joes" whom you can love and who will love you completely. What you mean to say is that becoming close and vulnerable to someone (no matter what they look like) without the love and commitment is not what works for you.

And good for you, buddy. (*8*)
 
If you only want to sleep around, then being shallow is totally fine. However, if you're looking for a long term relationship, you have to dive deeper. You're 18 now, but you're not always going to be 18. If the only or primary reason you're with a guy is because he's hot, what happens if he is disfigured in a car accident, or gets cancer, or ages. Not everyone who is hot now ages well. Its not shallow if the way a guy looks is what initially attracts you. It is shallow if you place a higher value on looks than what the person has to offer or if you stay with a guy because he is hot even when the relationship isnt working. I have a friend who is like that, who will stay with a guy because he is hot, even tho he gets cheated on or abused or used. The guy's on fire hot, and thats all he cares about but then is upset when he gets used, abused, or cheated on. Its sad.

Would you want to be with a guy that in 20 years drops you because you got old? Or in 5 years because you have a medical condition that requires extra attention.
 
There's a difference between being shallow and being... picky. Shallow is having nothing to do with anyone with a waist-size over 30, or with brown hair.

If you're looking for someone to love, than that's different. Yes everyone is originally attracted by looks. (Even us less-than-spectacular guys. ;)) But love isn't something based on looks. So don't confuse physical attraction with love.
 
one fine day, you'll meet someone who others may consider as an "average joe"... someone who you like, who likes you back for all the right reasons, and who gives you a boner.

and remember, attraction is completely relative. so not settling for someone you don't find attractive isn't shallow...

unless you really ARE shallow. in that case, good luck! :P
 
torrentluver said:
So I'm always being told that I'm shallow and I have accepted it, I am indeed shallow. But is it really that bad to want to spend your life with someone you are attracted to and love, instead of settling for the average joe? People always tell me I'm not going to get anyone and I'm going to be lonely the rest of my life, but I dont want to settle for someone I am not attracted to and dont really have feelings for.

So my question is, do I really need to just settle for the average joe or should I keep looking for the one person I want to love and spend a lifetime with? I realize that people that look like this http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c244/j_s_ph/Boys/Steve Sandvoss/sandvoss7.jpg
But I do want someone that I am attracted to and have the hots for. Any words of wisdom, cuz right now life is the pits :(
Click to expand...

I haven't met any (many) 18 year olds that weren't shallow and self-involved.

However, there is a difference between being shallow and being cruel. Just because you may not find someone "hunky" doesn't mean you can't be friends or that gives you permission to be rude to someone that approaches you.

You say you're miserable, yet want a hunk du jour. What a lot of us realize along the way is that what we thought we wanted and would make us happy really wasn't the case. I think people change the most from 18 years to 25. You are only now starting to make decisions based on what you want, not what your parents want, so don't sweat it too much. No one said at 18 you need to be ready to settle down with anyone. Just enjoy the time you spend with someone else. The rest will take care of itself.
 
EvilForce said:
I haven't met any (many) 18 year olds that weren't shallow and self-involved.

However, there is a difference between being shallow and being cruel. Just because you may not find someone "hunky" doesn't mean you can't be friends or that gives you permission to be rude to someone that approaches you.

You say you're miserable, yet want a hunk du jour. What a lot of us realize along the way is that what we thought we wanted and would make us happy really wasn't the case. I think people change the most from 18 years to 25. You are only now starting to make decisions based on what you want, not what your parents want, so don't sweat it too much. No one said at 18 you need to be ready to settle down with anyone. Just enjoy the time you spend with someone else. The rest will take care of itself.
Click to expand...

I find people who aren't mainstream to be the best type (Loyal and such) of friends.
 
torrentluver said:
Well Im not just looking for someone to have sex with. I was really thinking about it today for quite some time and I realized I just want another guy like me that likes guys, that I could be with. Even if we were just really close friends that would be enough. I think maybe I just want companionship right now, but a boyfriend would be better.

And keep in mind I am not a cruel person in person. I am really empathetic and people always tell me not to let people walk all over me since I bite my tongue and try to be nice and not offend people. So Im not shallow to the point of being an ass or a prick, when I say Im shallow I just mean I would like to be with someone that has a better than average body, and they dont have to be a model mind you :)

I know I'm only 18 but I would have to say that I am probably more mature than most peopl my age(mentally or relationship wise I guess). Maybe its just the loneliness of being gay that really hit me recently, but im not sure.

Really I just want a bf is all, someone to kid around with, laugh with, cuddle, watch movies together, etc etc and just hang out. But I doubt I could find a guy that is looking for the same thing as me if I was to hook up with someone in the gay bar down town. Where could I go to meet a guy my age that is attractive and would be looking for a relationship?
So many questions....I'll end here for now.
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There is nothing wrong or unnatural in what you want. Hell, I would LOVE a guy that had a six pack to lick and do other naughty things with (that's for another conversation tho...), and there's nothing wrong with that. That doesn't mean I'm shallow, or that I only want sex, it just means that I have a sexual side that wants that. However, a boyfriend needs to fulfill a mix of sexual and emotional desire. And I feel you on that cuddling and watching movies, nothing sounds nicer(*8*). Someday we will get it though, I am positive.

As far as where to look for a relationship, I can't help you much. However, keep asking all of your questions! There is nothing wrong with asking and I'm sure plenty will be willing to help.
 
I totaly agree with you. Im shallow like bad shallow, lol I want to be w/ a hott guy, nothing wrong with that.
 
Chances are, you are not as hot as you think you are. Otherwise, why would you be miserable and alone? You are setting yourself up to be shot down by the very guys you find hot. Time for a reality check, perhaps.

Of course, there is always you, the mirror and your hand.

:rolleyes:

Good luck in life.
 
sixthson said:
Otherwise, why would you be miserable and alone?
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As the title suggests: Shallowness.
I'm very picky as well and get 1-2 IMs a day with people asking me if I'm looking for a relationship, and they don't even know me! (ugh)

I think in a day or two I'll post a log (name changed) of someone who said I was a complete idiot for not wanting to date them (Long distance, I might add), and I was missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime. It was amazingly funny. I'll have to skim the CoC again to make sure it's allowed though. :D
 
There is nothing sadder than the fading looks of a brainless party boy.

Usually, this is when those who revelled in their shallowness find the virtues of emotional depth to be more important than looks, or else they just disappear into the bottle.

You're 18. Who cares if you're shallow. We almost expect it of you at this age if you are as hot and entertaining as you think yourself to be.

When you're 28 and still shallow, we just won't be inviting you to the good dinner parties. But we'll still enjoy your shallowness at cocktail parties and smile at your pursuit of the latest young hot guy.

When you're 35, we'll all just think you're ridiculous and a little sad. Mostly, we'll talk about it behind your back, saying that it was such a shame that you still haven't found the perfect guy yet and when you did, he was just as shallow as you were and moved on to the next bright and shiny young thing.

But for now, enjoy your ability to enter the hot cliques and hang with the beau monde.
So many guys would envy your ability to do this.

Keep us posted on how the search goes.
 
Atomw7 said:
As the title suggests: Shallowness.
I'm very picky as well and get 1-2 IMs a day with people asking me if I'm looking for a relationship, and they don't even know me! (ugh)

:D
Click to expand...

AndrewD doesn't count!!

I don't know if you post pictures, but that is a sure way to get those kinds of PMs. People can be so desperate.
 
sixthson said:
AndrewD doesn't count!!

I don't know if you post pictures, but that is a sure way to get those kinds of PMs. People can be so desperate.
Click to expand...

Pfft, I was the one asking Andrew. :(

And yes I did/do (Not just to JUB).
 
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