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Is he just clueless? Please say yes!

G-Lexington

G-Lexington

Lex. Icon. Devil.
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It's never too early to have a Talk. You just have to be more careful how you phrase things, because you probably haven't figured out the best way to "tell him stuff" without sounding naggy, bitchy, controling, or any other negative adjective that new boyfriends don't ever want attached to them.

I wouldn't say his behavior is "inexcuseable", but it most certainly warrants AN excuse. You don't make plans for the weekend, drop hints about "possibly being late", and then cancel at the last minute by any method, let alone some impersonal electronic device.

So talk to him already. Tell him you love spending time with him, you appreciate his busy schedule and all, but you'd like to be kept abreast of any developments. After all, you probably had some things you could've done these weekends but chose not to, assuming that your son of heaven was about to show up.

So tell him. "Could you give me a call and let me know how things are looking? It's cool if you have to cancel, but I'd rather not spend the weekend waiting if it's not going to happen." I can't imagine he'll have any problem with this.

Lex
 
Do you know if his job keeps him very busy? I sometimes find it difficult to keep in touch with friends and family. A full day or two may go by and I won't even notice I haven't kept in touch with someone until a full 48 hours have passed.

I'd have a talk with him and see what's up. Just ask him where things are going and if he feels the same way you do. Nothing wrong with that. Better to know now then wait all this time in frustration.
 
Are you sure that you're the only person in his life.... if you catch my drift?
 
I'm actually a lot like the person you're describing.

I've had a lot of issues with that sort of thing and that's the main reason why for the most part, when I've dated someone it doesn't last very long.

In my personal case I'm just a spacey person. I get preoccupied with a lot of things.

I work crazy hours, I have 5 siblings, nieces and nephews. You know, the whole shebang.

I've always had the whole "why didn't you call yesterday or the day before" speech over and over again. It got to the point where when I'd take people out I'd let them know on the first date exactly what they were getting into and I'd tell them that if this sort of thing's a problem they can just walk on. It's not that I don't want to take the time to have a real relationship with someone it's just that I operate differently.

Luckily my current boyfriend of two years has never let it bother him.

When we first started dating sometimes I would go two or three days, sometimes a week without calling him. He never said a word about it. I really appreciate him for that.
 
Hey mate,

Its never too early to have the talk as long as its based on communication and respect not bitterness and anger. Truth be told most leave it too late to have the talk and then its only about the latter 2...

Set the guidelines, know the rules. No matter the issue its not fair on you to feel anything other than ecstatic that theres someone in your life. And maybe it is simply a break down in communication... but most likely its just different expectations.

Maybe his view on what you guys have isnt as rigid as yours yet... maybe this is his normal modus operandi... but for your sake, your happiness and the longevity of what sounds like a potentially great thing mate... talk to him.

Personally, even if hes into 110% and thinks this is normal, theres a lack of respect being shown here... and that alone is worth the talk. You deserve better than being stood up and you need this guy to know that.
 
Sometimes when we're really falling for someone, periods of no-contact seem like an eternity. While his absences never seem to be long, canceling at 9:20 on a Saturday night is a little off-putting.

Like others have suggested, I'd chat with him about it--causally. It may be that he doesn't realize how he's making you crazy. The only caution is getting your point across, without appearing clingy or high-maintenance. To me, that's difficult to do and I've never quite mastered it in these situations.

On the other hand, don't be so smitten by him that you're willing to make endless excuses for rude behavior, either. Some of what you've written borders on rudeness on his part, but it could also be innocent too, depending on other factors.

Good luck! It sounds promising and I hope everything turns out OK!
 
It's a control thing.

Run away as fast as you can unless you want him to have control over you by controlling your access to information.
 
Sounds like a former boyfriend of mine -- anyone who gives you "incredible highs" and then disappears for a while is most likely trouble in the long run, as the flip side can be "incredible lows."

Working hard? Yes, sometimes, but it was a cover for promiscuity. As we got closer then the hidden side (mood swings, controlling behavior) became apparent and the eventual nightmare unfolded.

Not to say this is the case, but the pattern is awfully familiar. The silver lining turned out to be that I can spot these behaviors very quickly now -- and like G-Lex says, move on!

A friend of mine who became a psychiatrist warned me to beware anyone who gives you "incredible highs" very quickly into the dating.

A month is a very short period of time for this intensity.
 
Do yourself a favor. Send yourself an email detailing why you need to move on.

Skip sending the email/text/letter/voicemail to him- you've already done that part.
 
Good lord. He's not clueless. He's manipulative.

He sounds horrible, no matter how good he seems to be when you're together.

His behaviour is way beyond passive aggressive. There is no question that he is unstable. In more ways than two.

Do not get involved with him again. If he ever does reply to your message, don't reply.

You can do way better than him.
 
Sounds to me there was more than one guy on the side. These "gap" days could have been days he was spending with other guys. He wouldn't make contact with you because it would disrupt his focus and remind him of you. It looks like towards the end he was finding more company and cut you from the list.

After my first relationship I realize there are people like this. People, who treat you so amazing one day and then completely cut off all feeling and communication to fulfill their own selfish needs. I don't understand it. I still can't comprehend it. How can such a person go to sleep at night in good conscience and not feel they have wronged another human being?
 
I was exactly in the same situation you are in. I met this guy in february, and he was everything I had been looking for, but I just couldn't handle him disappearing or being very inconsistent. I talked to him, but he didn't seem to notice what he was doing wrong. I gave him an ultimatum, he didn't change, so I said it was over. I missed him like a day or two, but now I realize it's the best thing I could've done. I definitely have much more peace of mind now.
 
--O2-- said:
I texted him wednesday night that I missed him (look, it was a moment of weakness.) No response. I think we're done.
Click to expand...

Time to move on. There's plenty of gay guys out in this world! Plenty of nice, hard working gay guys that would love the attention that you could give them! :D

Why settle for someone who can't even take the time to call or text you back? How hard is it to text or send a quick e-mail saying how things are going. No this guy is a prick and he's not worth your time O2!
 
Since you are asking advice, I wouldn't leave any more messages, especially if you are doing so just to make yourself feel better about the situation. You don't want to appear needy.
Since you have only know each other one month, you have no idea if he is up to no good or if he just sucks at this part of the relationship. As suspicious as it sounds, he may just be bad bf material. How can he be so considerate in person and so inconsiderate when not with you? There could be a good explanation or there could be monkey business. Either way, it doesn't sound like he is going to be forthcoming with you. Send no more messages and move on. If he contacts you again, decide then what you want from him. But don't sit around waiting for him to call or IM you.

Whatever you do, good luck and don't let it negatively effect you. Just be glad it was 4 weeks and not 4 years (small comfort, I know).
 
--O2-- said:
Thanks for the advice, and support, guys :)

I know most of you think it's a mistake, but I'm a big believer in the high road, and the benefit of the doubt, so I will email him tonight before I call it a night. I am assuming we are done, and I don't expect he will reply differently, if at all. Nevertheless, it will bug me forever if I don't feel that I have handled my end like a grown up, even if he has not done the same.

Ah well, I'll lick my wounds for a while and then on with my life.

Thanks (*8*)
Click to expand...

Yeah. Good for you taking the high road! I wish you luck man.

But I've seen your pictures in your gallery. You sure as hell don't have to worry about running out of people who will fall for you! Trust me! You're very good looking dude! :D It's this guy's lost. You be back on your feet in no time!
 
You, sir, are a hottie! You deserve far better than what this guy had to offer.

There's no telling what he's been up to.

For what it's worth, I didn't meet my partner until my early 30's, and we've now been together 13 years, now. There were a lot of days I never thought I was going to meet a soul. And then one day it just happens!

(*8*)
 
261247.jpg


Okay guys...as the young guys say these days, who wouldn't tap this guy? (that's -02- by the way)

Come on....get your votes in now!! :D
 
Oh my, I would have been all over O2 years ago!

:gaysex:

Of course after 13 years with the same partner, I wouldn't step out on him for any reason. But back in the day I would have been all over O2!

I can well remember crying myself to sleep so many nights, thinking that I'd never find someone. And then one day my Paul entered my life and we never looked back! I am here to report that life is good beyond 30 years of age. :D And some of the best things in life are still to come, buddy!
 
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