Here's the only thing I will tell you. If you truly are experiencing true love, then you should embrace it, cherish and protect it - because it's not like produce, you can't just go out and get some.
When you think it's time for you to start dating a woman to marry, you need to be 100% sure you love her more than you love him and you should tell her about your relationshihp with him. I grew up very religious and thought that I never loved guys, they were just my friends and it was just sex (realize you have more in the friends side). Long story short, I married a WONDERFUL woman, but after 5 years the "vision" wasn't enough. I realized, I truly loved a guy (different from my husband of 11 years and I realized I loved him when he broke it off with me and we were both married), but knew at that point I would fall for another guys and knew that I had taken 5 years of HER life. You are worried about taking 4 years from your buddy when your in your in your 20's, wait til you decide to start dating in your late 20's, add children to the mix, then you decide, I really loved my ex-bf OR you realize you can never have the kind of relationship with a woman that is life-long and sustaining - now you are in your early 30's - potentially with kids and the impact on their lives.
Please think about all the people you are affectig - my biggest regret is that I took 5 years from a great woman (we are very good friends now but it took a couple of years for her to loose her bitterness and we did not have kids - kids would have been devisive for her), but please don't underestimate what you are doing to OTHERS. You seem to think you have great coping skills but when you realize that being with a man is the more fulfilling - it leaves a lot of people very hurt and frankly - I have never gotten rid of some of the guilt.
Now for the "seeing yourself with a man". I was in the same boat and did all the things that I thought would make my reality be 2 kids, wife, picket fence, etc. However, as Lex says, things change and while you may not have a visual on it, you come to know the right thing for you. The other thing, is that you begin to see who you are and not what you think the world sees for you (or your parents). Don't live in fear of what your mother said, parents change, you change, the world changes - who knows your mother may be very accepting of the two grandchildren from her gay son and his partner - I think you may realize this someday too.
Good luck my friend, you sound like a very caring guy, please consider the feelings of the woman you get involved in this and please make sure she has a full understanding of this relationship you have now. If she still chooses to still be with you, then she accepts responsiblity for her actions.
