Is it weird that I'm 28 and have never been on one date with anyone, period?

[jdcnow]

Good evening everyone. Hope you are doing well, tonight.

The question struck me earlier tonight. I find it perturbing, (although don't know if that's the necessarily right word for what I feel) that practically everyone I knew growing up is now married and has at least 1 kid running around. And I've never even so much as gone to dinner with anyone. Not ever.

Would like to have your thoughts, please.

Thanks

 

[operafan]

Whatever it is -- you're not doing it right.

Join a league. Volunteer. Get out of the house.

 

[HoodedRat]

Do you really want an honest reply to this query?

If so ... personally I would consider it somewhat weird if anyone was 18 and had never 'been on one date with anyone period'.*


*PS. what a fabulously quaint US-of-A turn of phrase you have there.

 

[HunterM]

Well, it's never too late to start dating Just a shot in the dark here:

If you are nervous in asking people out, start practicing by taking one of your platonic buddies out to lunch or happy hr. to get over the nerve of asking people out. Invite one of your married buddies to a dinner and a game of pool or bowling afterward. You're not dating them...but to practice your social/dating skills. Make it a boys' night out. I'm sure they would appreciate a night away from the family.

Once you're comfortable with this, look for a potential date and ask him out. Like a previous poster stated, join a non-profit/volunteer organization to meet other single men. You could also join a dating site.

Good luck!

 

[GL]

i think you need to ask yourself why it is you have never gone out on a date.

are you shy? do you live in a small town with no gays?

once you've answered that question then you can try and find a way to change your status quo.

 

[jdcnow]

Do you really want an honest reply to this query?

If so ... personally I would consider it somewhat weird if anyone was 18 and had never 'been on one date with anyone period'.*

Thanks for posting. Yes, I'm seriously asking this. Just doing some self-assessment, and I posted the question just to see what other people's thoughts are, kind of like a sounding board reflecting back on me.

I guess I allowed the fact that I live in a far-right Christian small town and the inherent homophobia therein to stop me from meeting other people. Which (right hand raised) I own part of the blame for that. I don't like it when the homophobes here beat me over the head, and preach to me about why I haven't married a woman yet. And because I try to get along with everyone, I probably don't stand up for myself in that area, like I should... which, I own that, too. So, I've chosen (whether rightly or wrongly) the path of least resistance >> to basically stay to myself all these years. In my late 20s, now, I'm seriously rethinking everything in my life. But honestly, about the only socializing I do outside of work at my store is here on JUB, with all of you lovely people. (And I've met some very nice people on here. )

*PS. what a fabulously quaint US-of-A turn of phrase you have there.

Why thank you! Made my day!

 

[todwod]

i think you need to ask yourself why it is you have never gone out on a date.

are you shy? do you live in a small town with no gays?

once you've answered that question then you can try and find a way to change your status quo.

I wholeheartedly concur.

 

[Ram]

Dates are something straight people invented so that they have a duration to look a little pious before they fuck each others' brains out.

You work on your own terms. You don't need to have dates to fall in love with someone. You don't need to have dates or have been to a date to allow an indication that you are having or once had a romantic situation.

So burn your bra and say a big "Fuck you" to this bullshit Hollywood romance shit.

 

[Ram]

I agree with this, I just befriend other gay guys first. Make it really casual. If anything more comes out of it then good, if not, a "date" wouldn't of been worth it anyway

Yeah, I do this too. I hang out with friends and do stuff I like in groups. If I like you, I tell you. If I don't, then well, I have a friend and not an awkward person I once knew and must hide from in parties we might attend together.

My first boyfriend was suppose to be a fuck buddy. But we had so much in common, plus he was so cute... we decided that we were great together... for that period of time.

 

[birddog7]

It's probably a bit weird. I'm 49 and have never been on a date, but I know I'm screwed up. So, you aren't the only one to get to 28 without going on a date...

 

[DarkHelios]

Just watch reruns of that show "Blind Date" and you'll be glad you never went on a date. Dates are silly rituals... especially when it's two guys... why bother to create a "romantic event" when you'd really rather just play Wii, wolf down some hamburgers, go to a football game together, then go home and fuck.

Take me.

Now.

 

[hylas]

is it weird? yeah.

is it too late to change? no.


(btw, i use the term 'date' as something that is whatever you want it to be. it can be the 'hollywood-version' that includes movies and talks, and maybe a kiss but no sex. it can be a 'open the door, step inside, drop your pants' kinda deal. it can be anything in between. whatever works for you. i use 'date' as an umbrella term for 'meeting guys for potential sex and/or romance')


(btw btw, all your friends, who are presumably about your age, have at least one kid? you live in crazy-land, you have crazy friends.)

 

[Mstrshake]

I'd call it unusual. Weird doesn't seem like a particularly nice term to use.

 

[hightower7]

Dates are something straight people invented so that they have a duration to look a little pious before they fuck each others' brains out.

You work on your own terms. You don't need to have dates to fall in love with someone. You don't need to have dates or have been to a date to allow an indication that you are having or once had a romantic situation.

So burn your bra and say a big "Fuck you" to this bullshit Hollywood romance shit.

hell to THE yes !!! I too live in BFE and it can be a chore finding people to connect with that share your common interests, let alone guys that you have something in common with. What people don't understand about small towns is, the people that you work with is usually your circle of friends/acquaintences (sp?) It especially sucks when all the worthwhile entertainment/recreation is 30-50 miles away in the nearest "large" city or metropolis. I mean it! when we go up to the city we have to plan it a week in advance, it's like navigating to the New World, we have to bring a month's worth of supplies, etc.....

All hyperbole aside, what I do is go out with groups of friends and go places where large groups of people gather, like the mall, movie theaters, and concerts. that way everybody may know someone who knows this person, who knows this person, and so on. That can be a good way to meet people. My other suggestion would be to take some kind of class relating to a hobby of yours or classes that help you with your job skills. Some of my friends that I have stayed close to I met while in school. As for the age thing, don't put yourself in a box. I'm in my 20's, I haven't been on a date, frankly the thought of a date makes me sick, and DO NOT compare yourself to other people your age. Most of my friends are married and have 1-2 kids and to me that kind of life looks miserable, because for the most part they are not mature enough to handle those responsibilities. I could be wrong of course. But I like to look at it this way, dating is like learning to walk or drive, when you have to learn to do it, learn it your way and do it for yourself.

 

[altlover85]

jcdnow, given your location, I think it's understandable and normal. Is there any chance you could move? If not, I think volunteering and doing some sort of club or group is definitely a good idea, as is online dating.

I met both of my current bf and my ex online, which was easier for me because I'm somewhat shy and it was nice to know something about them and to have talked on the phone first before meeting. It made me feel more comfortable.

One piece of advice I would give about online dating is to make sure you meet the guy quickly. I would say a month is a good limit because you don't want things to stay virtual for too long or you could end up wasting your time with someone who you don't have any connection with in real life.

As to the whole idea of dating, I think dating should be about spending time with a guy to get to know if he's someone worth having in your life or not. It doesn't have to be classically romantic, but it can be if you want it to be. If you find that you have an easier time getting to know someone through bowling, then do that.

One of the most important things is to be open to new experiences. My bf took me to a classical music concert once, which really isn't my cup of tea, but it was really enjoyable because I was there with him and we were sharing an experience together.

Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[jdcnow]

Sincere big thanks to all for taking time out of your busy day to post and answer my question. And thank you all for the very sage advice.

Altlover85, yes, I'm going to have to move before anything tangible happens, as far as meeting people is concerned. But first, I'd like to get out of my small financial debt (less than $1,200) and get me a decent car (not the Batmobile or a Bentley, just a decent, nice looking, good used car). Here in the next few months, I expect my income tax refund to be substantial, so that will probably eliminate the debt, and maybe buy me a car as well. After those two major issues are dealt with, I can really start to work on bettering myself a lot more, hopefully get the ball rolling on college, like I've been wanting to.

The nearest PFLAG chapter I belong to is about 50-60 miles away. I've thought about meeting folks online, but IDK. We'll see, though.

Again, thank you all!

 

[jdcnow]

@hightower7 >> Most of my friends are married and have 1-2 kids and to me that kind of life looks miserable, because for the most part they are not mature enough to handle those responsibilities.

Agreed. I'd seriously consider it if a BF/partner wanted kids, but other than that, I don't think I'd ever regret not having kids. Not one bit.

@x-cess >> (btw btw, all your friends, who are presumably about your age, have at least one kid? you live in crazy-land, you have crazy friends.)

Oh, believe me, you have no idea. Living in a small town is like living inside an echo chamber >> Everyone believes one way (Christian), everyone believes one way (you are supposed to marry an opposite-sex partner), everyone believes one way (you are supposed to have kids, and preferably, as many as humanly possible), and, oh yeah, everyone believes one way (no one is supposed to stray off this path), and oh, by the way, everyone believes one way (eternal flames awaiteth thee, if you don't believe this way), and...and...
(yawn... ... /facepalm...)

Living in a small town can best be described as a cross between The Andy Griffith Show and Leave It To Beaver, both practically mirror images of the other. I compare it to the famous Mac ad from 1984...



Thanks

 

[altlover85]

Cool ad and good plan, jcdnow.

 

[thermodynamics]

I'm in the same boat at 26.

Unusual perhaps, but I hope not "weird".

I'm a hopeless romantic. I can't wait to come home to the man I (will) love, every day.

 

[fbhwes]

I'm 37 and never been on a date either. So I wouldn't say it's abnormal but then again, that's my opinion.

It must happen alot hell i'm 44 and the amount of times i've dated can be counted on one hand. Of course admitting i was gay is a recent thing for me so that explained alot to myself . But i'm still as of yet not ready to jump into that fray. It's weird, i've had to work through so much to get to this point and now i feel like i'm stuck !