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  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Is it worth waiting?

In my opinion, people who remain a virgin much after their early twenties are not likely to have a great sexual life.

Perhaps. If you equate hanging from the chandeliers with good sex.

There's a lot of us who weren't virgins our teens and twenties but who have found sex to be much better as we got older.

It probably has more to do with making better choices as you get older, so either way it's fine.



I thought about it and chose to go ahead and do it with him.

...Then, he slowly fucked me. It kind of hurt at first, but I've had constipation worst than that. To my surprise, being fucked was quite pleasant. I took it like a pro--loose and relaxed. He pulled out, because he was close to cumming.


I didn't hear mention of a condom in that sentence. Is assumed or did you make a bad assumption about "ddf"?
 
Perhaps. If you equate hanging from the chandeliers with good sex.

There's a lot of us who weren't virgins our teens and twenties but who have found sex to be much better as we got older.

It probably has more to do with making better choices as you get older, so either way it's fine.






I didn't hear mention of a condom in that sentence. Is assumed or did you make a bad assumption about "ddf"?

Yes, condoms only. We used 2 in fact. No barebacking or anything high-risk.
 
It would be interesting if OP remembers to come back to this thread in a few weeks/months to answer his own original question.
 
I think that'd be instructive. LnF, can you make a note to come back in - oh - late October or something, and let us know how you feel about it then?

Lex
 
It would be interesting if OP remembers to come back to this thread in a few weeks/months to answer his own original question.

I think that'd be instructive. LnF, can you make a note to come back in - oh - late October or something, and let us know how you feel about it then?

Lex

Yes, I'll definitely come back in the future (maybe in a few months, or perhaps a few weeks) to tell my thoughts.

It's interesting that growing up, I always associated the debate of "to wait, or not to wait" with heterosexuals--since you always hear it taught to boys and girls. My naive mind just assumed that gays just have sex LOL. That is obviously not always the case.

Thanks again for everyone's thoughts.
 
Congrats! I'm smiling as I type this, as it brings back fond memories of my first time.
 
If you waited that long, why give up right now. But as the previous posts say, you're the only one to answer.
 
The pressure is always to have sex. Notice that there is no mention of anything relationship-oriented, just sex. In the gay world, you have to compromise for your sexual nature, even though you may not feel it's right or truly you. It's the price you pay for being damned from birth.


OK, that's definitely not just a gay thing. If you're a virgin (and straight) after a certain age, some straight people will start to question whether you are gay.
 
The pressure is always to have sex. Notice that there is no mention of anything relationship-oriented, just sex. In the gay world, you have to compromise for your sexual nature, even though you may not feel it's right or truly you. It's the price you pay for being damned from birth.
You don't have to compromise.

You're not damned from birth.

Wow, you have issues.

I think you need some good old fashioned sex. :-)

There are plenty of guys who will hook up with you who can be compassionate and cuddly and warm, and introduce a noob to great sex, even if they don't want to be your boyfriend.

You need to explore more and not assume that absolutely everyone falls into the gay stereotype.
 
That's the whole point. I don't need a damn introduction to anything. I'm not some 12 year old wanting to get my rocks off. You seem to think that sex equates with some sort of emotional fulfillment or satisfaction, and it simply does not. Anybody can fuck and run, and that's really what this entire thread is about. All of these gay men are cynical and only want what they can get, with as little fuss as possible.
When I was in high school and we had a teacher who was cranky, we'd always say, "Wow, guess s/he didn't get laid last night". There's a reason people say that; it's true. :D You feel much better after sex. Your body is driven to be that way (even if gays don't generally reproduce).

Maybe you're not, but you sound like a cranky virgin who needs to get his rocks off with another human being rather than his hand.

You sound skeptical and afraid. That is totally normal. Maybe you have performance anxiety for your first time; that's totally normal, too.

So you react by trashing the whole gay community rather than addressing the underlying issue.

It seems silly to wait years for the "perfect person". Will that person ever come? Not if you're expecting perfection--perfect sex and the perfect relationship. (My bf's not perfect, and neither am I.)

So I fear for guys who wait and wait and wait, and either never have sex, or get frustrated and then jump at someone (maybe inappropriate) and have lousy sex the first time.

You're free to wait forever, of course. I'm not telling you what to do; only suggesting. As a wise old fart, I think people are generally better off having some nice, cuddly, cozy sex with men that they feel relaxed around, even if they will not be boyfriends.
 
>>>Debatable. Practically everyone in this thread is telling this guy to compromise, because it's not "worth it." Yes, you do have to compromise, or face a life of misery and loneliness being untouched.

OP wasn't asking if he should "compromise his beliefs". He'd been a virgin for many years, and since that was his choice, that was all good. But now he'd met a guy, and he clicked with him, and he wondered if he should go ahead and take the plunge. And that's something we all run into at some point. Because somebody's gotta be the first, and there's no big sign pointing out "the one". You check for compatibility, you check to see if you're ready, you check to see if you feel the guy will "keep you in good hands", as it were. This would-be cherry-taker was three for three, so I said "go for it". And, as I thought, it ended up being a positive experience. If the OP had said "I don't want to have sex yet, but this guy is sort of pressuring me to", I would've told him to tell the guy to fuck off. But that wasn't the case.

Some guys prefer to keep their sex within boyfriend-type relationships. And that's totally cool. If the OP had said "I really don't want to have sex with someone I don't really feel I love", I would've told him to hold off. But he didn't.

>>>I'll decide that for myself.

Your choice. But so long as you choose to believe you're in shackles, you'll never feel free to move around.

>>>That's the whole point. I don't need a damn introduction to anything. I'm not some 12 year old wanting to get my rocks off. You seem to think that sex equates with some sort of emotional fulfillment or satisfaction, and it simply does not. Anybody can fuck and run, and that's really what this entire thread is about. All of these gay men are cynical and only want what they can get, with as little fuss as possible.

I can't really speak for Lube here, but when he said "You need to explore more", I don't think he meant "You need to sleep around." He means you need to just open yourself up to other ways of thinking. As I've said previously, I'm totally cool with people who keep their sexual experiences within monogamous relationships. I'm like that myself. It's what's comfortable for me, and it's worked out just fine. But others don't feel the need for that. They either have casual encounters, or they have open relationships. And at first, I felt they were "doing it wrong". But it finally dawned on me (as you've seen, I can be kinda slow) that they weren't doing it wrong - they were just doing it different. That's what works for THEM.

A common issue I run into - not just about this topic, not just here - is the "as for me, so for all" belief. That because I feel a certain way, then everyone should or must. I love cheesecake, so then EVERYBODY must love cheesecake. So if somebody says they don't like cheesecake, people don't shrug and say "more for me, then". They say "What's WRONG with you? How can you not like cheesecake?" There's this inability to accept a viewpoint outside of one's own.

Since coming out, and since meeting more people in the gay community, and even since joining JUB, I've met all sorts of different types. Guys in monogamous relationships, guys in open relationships, daddy/sons pairings, master/slave relationships, S&M, furries, you name it. And accepting their stances as valid FOR THEM has been a real boon, I think. It doesn't mean I feel every relationship should be open, or it ain't love until the whips come out, or everybody should buy a fursuit. It just means that other people find different ways of doing things, and if it works for them, then that's all good.

It may seem as though sex dominates every aspect of our being here, and that's an easy assumption to make. But remember two things. First, we're on a porn forum. Secondly, 99.9% of us are gay. As such, gay-themed talk will dominate the conversation, specifically the things we feel we can't talk about (easily) with our straight friends. And more often than not, that's gonna involve the sexual things that may (or may not) weird out our straight brethren. :)

Lex
 
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