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It's Done.....I've come out!

  • Thread starter Thread starter Zondal2001
  • Start date Start date
Z

Zondal2001

Guest
This is a follow up to my http://justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=142911 posting.

After thinking it over it was time that I came out. I have known I have been Gay since the age of 6 years old and have been in denial. This morning I decided to call on my parents and tell them that I am Gay. They listened and they wanted to know if this was a 'phase' that I was going through and would it go away, to which I answered no. At 33 I am finally free of the self made prison and can move on.

The situation was an anti climax, no ballistic blow up, just silence followed by, "That is not what we would have wanted for you." There was no hugs or kisses, no reassurance that they were angry or that they cared for my feelings. So I left, it's a strange feeling I have at the moment, as though I am in limbo. I have no idea if this is the calm before the storm or even if there will be a storm???

It had to be done and I am so pleased that I have told them. I know I have been true to myself. :D

If anyone can give advice on what might happen in the fall-out I would be grateful.

Rob
 
the good news is that you can now move on.

there's no bad news.

yeah, it never goes the way we think it will, and sometimes the reaction is barely there.

Ride it out and enjoy your newly found freedom. I mean, that's gotta count for something.
 
First off... good for you! You ditched that ball and chain.

You just need to give them time. With my folks there was a 2 week period where we just didn't talk, despite my attempts. After a while, they were cool with it.
 
Wow congratulations!! I don't think there will be an major fall out. They are probably a little surprised but once it sinks in they will see that you are still the same person and nothing has really changed. I am really happy for you!!
 
I wish for you better long term acceptance than what I received this am.

I came out to my family aprox 5 weeks ago. At that time, most of them [10 or so] seemed to be supportive. As the weeks past, I developed a friendship with a man.
I spent my first overnight with this man last night. When my family learned of this, I was greeted with contempt & rejection when I returned home this a.m.

Seems I was "ok" with my family until I decided to become sexually active on being gay. Last night was heaven for me, spent in my mans arms. Today totally sucks as I watch & hear my family retreat from the support they originally offered me.

From my xp, this was my "storm" after the "calm" you mention that may be coming your way. This back peddling by family/friends can really hurt. It times like these us gay men gotta count on ourselves, & any real friends we may have.
 
Congrats. I'm sorry that your parents weren't more supportive, but it's also fantastic that your parents weren't antagonistic. Enjoy your freedom ;)
 
Rob,

Yeah - there is still a shoe to be dropped. But it is your life, celebrate your life. As you noted, you are being true to yourself, that is important.

And as far as "not what we would have wanted"; well, I would hope that we all would want our friends and family to be happy and in love. For you, for us, that means someone of our own sex. But it is happiness and love none the less. We have the right to have the equal opportunity to find, build enjoy the same happiness and love.

Celebrate your life
 
It took my parents about 2 weeks to come to grips with it and then a few years to get used to me being gay. I really applaud you on coming out and defining yourself. It certainly was time for it.

Its sad, isn't it, that parents seem to only want what's best for them and not for their children?
 
Riverrick said:
It took my parents about 2 weeks to come to grips with it and then a few years to get used to me being gay. I really applaud you on coming out and defining yourself. It certainly was time for it.

Its sad, isn't it, that parents seem to only want what's best for them and not for their children?
Click to expand...
God, tell me about it...
 
Thanks for all your comments and support every one. I haven't heard from anyone this evening and so I assume that they are just trying to get their heads around the idea.

There have been some wonderful quotes and advise, and it's so painful to read that some are having a ruff time from their family. It's so strange how parents can change if you can't give them what they want. Anyway, I am preparing myself to expect anything that is to come.

I still have a strange feeling though, it's gone 2 in the morning over here and I can't sleep. I live alone and I sit at this keyboard feeling more alone than I have ever felt before :(

Thanks again for your support everyone ..|
Rob
 
Zondal2001 said:
I still have a strange feeling though, it's gone 2 in the morning over here and I can't sleep. I live alone and I sit at this keyboard feeling more alone than I have ever felt before :(
Click to expand...

I know its not the same as having someone right there with you, but we're here. There will always be someone here.

When I came out and I was freaked out about it I came here and was lucky to have a few shoulders to lean on and talk things out. This forum here was made for just that, so don't forget it.

Hang in there man, it will get better. Just give yourself a little bit of time to get used to it all. (*8*)
 
GL247 said:
I know its not the same as having someone right there with you, but we're here. There will always be someone here.

When I came out and I was freaked out about it I came here and was lucky to have a few shoulders to lean on and talk things out. This forum here was made for just that, so don't forget it.

Hang in there man, it will get better. Just give yourself a little bit of time to get used to it all. (*8*)
Click to expand...

Thanks, that was so sweet of you

(*8*)
 
Hey Zondal,

Mate...congratulations on your strength and courage to make such a life changing decision! Those things are something to feel really proud of - its takes a lot of guts and determination to come out, and while right now you are questioning the decision it is one that will free you like you said.

Our parents are funny creatures..to a degree there is a little self interest involved in some of the questions that they ask of us and of themselves. From wondering if they caused it to how their friends will react ...and finally they will ask themselves about you. But to a large degree they wont understand.

Will there be a fall out. I doubt it. Will there be a period of awkwardness and sort of feeling each other out period - definitely.

You see...as much as they heard the words come out of your mouth, they would have clung to the hopes that thats all they were...words. They haven't had the 27 years to slowly come to terms with it that you have.

They don't feel your passions, your lust, your desire to be held, loved and cherished...by another man. Its a foreign language to them..and while they get the idea...it will take them far longer to understand the detail. Don't assume the worst. Dont believe that an anticlimactic response is anything more than it is...your parents grapelling with a life changing moment for all of you.

The clumsiness of our parents responses sometimes hurts us because we expect more...and yet even for the guys here who's parents reached out hugged them and held them...sometimes it wasn't enough. We expect blow ups and disaster...anything less can feel anticlimactic.

I doubt that given time...and while you give them that time...dont avoid them, dont change your contact pattern with them...let them know that you are still there...that your parents will see you as anyone other than the son they saw 24 hours ago. You're still their flesh and blood, still the same guy with the same values and integrity. You still laugh and cry the same...and you still love and care the same. You just need to let them see that...and come to terms with it. The fact you had the courage to tell them will soon enough make them realise who you are hasnt changed.

Dont panic Zondal. Right now there is nothing to change nothing to alter. Your judgment and courage were right. In your heart you know now that your new life begins with a well earned freedom. Freedom to love and gain the happiness you deserve. Enjoy that moment and that feeling.

And GL is right...we are here for you. Anytime. These are some of the most amazing guys around. You are never alone..even if it feels it. But frankly mate...I dont think you'll need us. Just be patient, continue to be honest and open...and keep talking to your parents. It will be impossible for them to see you as anything other than the wonderful loving son you always were.
 
tallguy297 many thanks for that, it's deeply appreciated. Thank you also Riverrick.

I think it's a shock to everyone system, even myself, and will feel better for it in the morning, or should I say later today as it's not 4.26 AM ;)

Thanks again.

(*8*)
 
Zondal, congratulations. That was hard, and you did it.

I think they're trying to get their heads around it. My guess is they will low-key it. You could expect perhaps some questions within the next week or so as they grasp to understand what they've been told (like--"how long have you known?" "were you always this way?" "what about so-and-so (some female) you liked?" "does that mean you don't want to get married?" "have you ever been with a guy?" "why didn't you tell me sooner?" "are you happy?") These are some common week-after-the-bomb questions that sometimes come up. (My partner's father came up with: "So, tell me, what does it feel like to have a dick up your butt?" I kid you not. He was prepared for almost anything, other than that one. LOL)

A piece of advice--don't let them low-key this forever; don't let it become the 500-lb gorilla in the living room that everyone ignores and pretends isn't there. While there's no reason to flaunt this in their faces from now on, there's also no reason to let them change the subject or be in continual denial, either. I only mention that because they were so low-key, that this sometimes happens. But, everyone's different and responds in different ways.

Good luck and congratulations again. I'm glad you feel so good about having done this.
 
I got about three hours sleep this morning and I am feeling rather knackered, but I awoke this morning and it wasn't the same. Something was missing? I was missing that feeling that I was running away from something that was only one step behind and would reach out and catch me at any moment. For the first time in my life I awoke without having that feeling and it feels bloody wonderful! :)

Many thanks for you comments and support, it's been a great help ..|

Thank you
(*8*)

Rob
 
That's great! I'm glad to hear you're adjusting pretty well. :)
 
They are going through a a phase of greif after they heard what you said. Wait for awhile, they'll be mroe acceptance of you, I hope. I'm glad you came out. Be who you are, one day, you'll find someone for you.
 
Congrats!!

You knew at six???

Zondal2001 said:
This is a follow up to my http://justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=142911 posting.

After thinking it over it was time that I came out. I have known I have been Gay since the age of 6 years old and have been in denial. This morning I decided to call on my parents and tell them that I am Gay. They listened and they wanted to know if this was a 'phase' that I was going through and would it go away, to which I answered no. At 33 I am finally free of the self made prison and can move on.

The situation was an anti climax, no ballistic blow up, just silence followed by, "That is not what we would have wanted for you." There was no hugs or kisses, no reassurance that they were angry or that they cared for my feelings. So I left, it's a strange feeling I have at the moment, as though I am in limbo. I have no idea if this is the calm before the storm or even if there will be a storm???

It had to be done and I am so pleased that I have told them. I know I have been true to myself. :D

If anyone can give advice on what might happen in the fall-out I would be grateful.

Rob
Click to expand...
 
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