It's not easy being gay

[altlover85]

If I had known the category was "Societal Issues" I would've named interracial couples in Mississippi or people with Down Syndrome or the poor.

Haha! You have a point there.

 

[Anders123]

@Anders123 >> Hang in there, hon!

No need to apologize...

That was a heartfelt posting, and I'm happy you shared that with us.

If your posts on JUB are any indicator to what you're like as a person, then I think you won't have any issues making new friends. You definitely need to go ahead and let go of the current crowd if they are treating you differently for being yourself. You don't need people like that in your life--and as you said, they aren't real friends. They aren't deserving of your time.

As for your father--interact with him only as much as you have to, and keep your distance. You don't need that negativity in your life. And one day when you get the nerve and want to tell him how his words and actions make you feel--let it be known.

And you're right--being gay and going through some of the crap we have to deal with does make many of us stronger. I developed a 'fuck you if you have a problem with me' type attitude about it way back in high school. I don't have time to be stressed and worried about what people think about me because of who I love and sleep with. Life is too short. Ya know?

Hang in there, man. You seem like a great guy. Life has to have good things in store for you.

Thanks guys, I really do appreciate that.

huntneo you are too kind

It's hard to just, move on though. I mean, I still care about these people and deep down, I still consider them friends, even if they don't feel the same. Plus, if I cut off all ties, I don't really have anybody else; starting fresh is scary. And for what ever reason, people don't tend to gravitate towards me. You're right though, if they don't truly respect me then I do need to move on, despite how hard / lonely it may be for a while.

I already keep the interaction with my father as minimal as possible. Though there are certain situations where it cannot be avoided, and they're never fun. For the most part, I consider him a housemate that I don't associate with.

I have trouble with the 'fuck you if you have a problem with me' attitude, mostly because if somebody as a problem with me, and it's based on their own misconceptions, I just want to show them what type of person I really am. I care too much about what people think, and I really should work on that, because life really is too short; again, you're right.

Anyway, thank you again guys for your kind words; I don't mean to complain, but I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to vent when I saw that this thread described exactly what I've been going through for the past few weeks.

 

[castoono]

Castoono:

"Even if you're hot,women are not gays, with girls you got a lot of ass kissing to do. But with society, relatives, and so on, you may be right "

They may say that, but it sure as heck isn't easier to be in a relationship with someone of the same sex. I just feel like there is more pressure on the relationship. And honestly, I think with some gay men you have to do a lot more ass kissing then heterosexual females hahahah... and I don't mean that in a dirty way. Honestly. I think some gay men have prohibitively high standards and are some of the most high maintenance out there.

You're right, some gays can play really hard to get, the myth of the Queen is there for some reason. But at the time when I was playing heterosexual and we were chasing females, it was almost impossible getting anything unless you were a rich boy or you picked up a hooker. Meanwhile, you got into gay sex and you could keep sexual encounters as many as you wanted, with anyone you wanted. Ok it was my case, but I think it's easier to meet quite nice gays, than quite nice girls, and screw them.

 

[altlover85]

I was gonna start a similar rant, specifically the part about straight men.

A while ago, a straight co-worker of mine named Mike (who at the time had no clue I was gay) came up to me and talked about a fun time he had having dinner gay coworker and that coworker's boyfriend.

Then he went on to this long ramble about how he enjoys meeting gay guys because they make him feel good about himself with the compliments and such.

I really got so bitter when I thought about the amount of time we gay men spend on building up heterosexual males' self esteem while tearing down each others'. Just makes me angry.

I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that gay guys aren't in competition with straight guys. Straight guys can still be attractive, but at the end of the day, you should know it's not going anywhere.

With a gay guy, you could be competing for the same guy, which makes some people insecure.

Personally, I haven't noticed much tearing down with the gay guys I know. There's a lot of teasing, but it's good natured.

You're right, some gays can play really hard to get, the myth of the Queen is there for some reason. But at the time when I was playing heterosexual and we were chasing females, it was almost impossible getting anything unless you were a rich boy or you picked up a hooker. Meanwhile, you got into gay sex and you could keep sexual encounters as many as you wanted, with anyone you wanted. Ok it was my case, but I think it's easier to meet quite nice gays, than quite nice girls, and screw them.

Well, getting sex may be easier, but getting an actual relationship may be harder or just as hard.

 

[rareboy]

Never allow yourself to feel inferior.

 

[fetaby]

I'm talking about relationships, not just sex. Many gay men simply don't want relationships (from my experience). It was very difficult for me to find one that does.

I always find it a hard sell that gay men don't want relationships when I know numerous serial daters that can't go a week without being in a committed relationship.

I think that with the increase in social acceptance, the possibilities for out and public relationships have created a boom. It was not so long ago that gay men could not have relationships. At least the common gay man, the affluent were afforded some different privileges.

So yeah, being gay is hard. But so is being human. Honestly, I really do think being gay or having same sex attractions help a person become more self aware and observant. Although sometimes I read the responses around here and I question that.

 

[altlover85]

I don't know many serial daters. I know plenty of guys that either want a relationship or say they do, but act otherwise.

 

[paintact]

Wow...I so needed this thread right now. I can certainly relate to SO much of what's been said in here. I've been having a tough several months... it's nice to feel I'm not alone.

Yes, life is hard...but there is no denying that for some depending on their walk of life and who they are have to face certain challenges, from the ever so large to the ever so subtle, that make life more difficult...or at least difficult in unique ways that people who don't walk that walk simply won't understand.
The last thing I like is the 'oppression olympics' and 'who has it harder'...but it does seem like we are forever at the bottom of the societal totem pole... and will be for a long while. It's tough always feeling like you're public enemy No. 1, especially since they want to start the whole culture wars up again.

For me, I'm perfectly comfortable with my sexuality. Took me a while to get here, but I know who I am dammit.
What gets tough is sometimes wondering if I will be able to experience and have certain things in life that so many of our heterosexual counterparts can so easily have. I mean, I know I can have at least most of those things... but after facing much reality lately, I'm having that feeling of "will it ever really happen for me"...

It's hard...and there's always this sense that even the most sympathetic, understanding and accepting still can't quite feel or understand you.

 

[altlover85]

I don't know many serial daters. I know plenty of guys that either want a relationship or say they do, but act otherwise.

What I meant to say was I know plenty of guys who either don't want a relationship or say they do, but act otherwise.

paintact, I know it can feel frustrating at times and the fact that we can't get married and (I'm pretty sure) in some states can be fired for being gay, makes it more difficult.

The important thing is to keep your head up and know that things are slowly moving in our direction. I don't think we'll have as many of these issues in 20 years.

 

[paintact]

paintact, I know it can feel frustrating at times and the fact that we can't get married and (I'm pretty sure) in some states can be fired for being gay, makes it more difficult.

The important thing is to keep your head up and know that things are slowly moving in our direction. I don't think we'll have as many of these issues in 20 years.

Thanks. Oddly, the big issues aren't the biggest thing for me...I mean, it's only a matter of time anyway.

For me, it's the small, subtle things in everyday life. The silent judgments, simply being "tolerated", etc... I mean, I am learning not to give a damn what anyone thinks, which is hard for me because I use to be the type that was all about pleasing anyone, never saying 'no', etc. And I had to stop that.
But I don't know, maybe I'm being too vague... but it's life's little moments, the context in which everyone else can have and experience things, and whether or not that can really happen for me. There's part of me that knows I can, but another part that just realizes how much more difficult it seems to even try to find it...

 

[paintact]

Honestly?

I hate the Opression Olympics as well. But as a Gay Black man experiencing it from both sides, I still feel like Blacks are the the totem pole's bottom most of the time. And then I have friends who are Brown (and looked at as terrorists all the time) who feel that way as well, experiencing situations I likely never will.

The grass is always greener on the other side. I'm not saying that being gay is easy, but the "this is worse" mentality just doesn't do anything, nor is it necessarily true.

I'm not necessarily trying to say "this is worse"... just that there is this constant feeling that we're all always up against something. Can't wake up in the morning and not find some headline about us being the 'enemy'... but I suppose that can go for any minority group. Perhaps it all depends on what shoes we walk in. I can definitely say that, yes, LGBT folks who are also racial minorities do have it even harder. No doubt.

 

[T-Rexx]

I like the "It gets better" campaign, but it's a lie, of course.

It does't.

 

[MMMonsterBoy]

The Part I bolded is a myth. There are several things in this life that are very simple and there are things that COULD be easy but we as Humans make very hard for no real reason....Like being Gay!.

But I will say this. I am Lucky in some respects. Both of my parents are fine with me being gay. And I myself am okay with it Too.

Even thought Being Gay can be hard as hell and often times it seems like the whole damn world is against us. There are some good things about it like this one.

Gays don't really have society Pressuring us to get married and have kids. There really isn't socital standard that we're "supposed" to follow in a way we get to make our own rules and live how we see fit. Nobody expects anything from us.

We don't have to deal with Women!(Not to Imply that Women are bad).

Eh I hope all of that made sense and kept in line with this thread.

Humans are not perfect. Though you're right, it really should be easy to be gay. Even still, humans experience multiple struggles because we are not perfect. Do we have the capacity to be....I feel like is another topic, hehe. I do agree though. People make things a lot harder than they need to be. I do think, however, that we are supposed to learn from difficulties. I find that once I truly accepted myself and came out, I reached a point of self-awareness that none of my friends have reached.

And your second to last line made me laugh haha. Even though I think us guys can be just as *annoying* I know what you mean!

 

[sixthson]

I always find it a hard sell that gay men don't want relationships when I know numerous serial daters that can't go a week without being in a committed relationship.

I suspect that serial daters really are not good relationship material. For them it is less about having a relationship than it is about being excited about the newest man.
In my opinion, the person who is serious about relationships is probably far more discriminating in how many guys and how often they date. They don't need to date every guy that comes along and they don't feel the need to be dating every week.

 

[hungrybrownbear]

Life is not easy in general..... Everyone has hard things they have to deal with in their lives.... not only gay men!

 

[HunterM]

^ well said. It's not easy being me either! So many people have tried and failed.