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I've officially been betrayed...

at the end of spring semester.


You are getting advanced notice, this is not even winter yet although just a few days away (21st) but you have at least 4 months notice to either find a new roomey or find a new place. And in the end everyone has to look out for #1 (yourself) if something is not working or a better situation comes up that is either financially better why would they not go for it.

You have to learn that friends will come and go in your life all the time... but the ones that stick with you no matter what are the ones to keep.

So deal with it, learn from it, complaining will not help much just make it worse the longer you stress over it.
 
wanker90 said:
I have taken advice from many posters on this board. I've even said I tried counseling before but it didn't too much help. You think I like being the way I am? I think about it every second of every day what it would be like to be a normal guy my age. And I'm not trying to guilt my roommate into doing anything but he made a promise to me, and seeing as how I've always been there for him in the past I need him there for me in this crucial period in my life since he's the only person I have outside of my parents. It's not like he isn't experiencing the "full" college experience or something. I don't keep him locked out in chains, sometimes he goes out without me with those same friends I mentioned in my post. I would never try and hinder his own social progress but he's already made a ton of friends and asking him to not move into the suite isn't that big a deal.
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How long did you try it. A month? Six Months? A year?

What did you tell us about the meds? Did you try to find a medication that would help you with your anxiety and stay with it? How long were you on it? A month? Six Months? A Year?

You may not like the way you are, but you damned well have made it clear that you have accepted your dysfunctionality and put virtually no effort at all into trying to adapt yourself to others or to achieve an optimal state of mental health for yourself.

I know that there are a lot of people who are probably thinking that I'm being mean and tough.

It is because I believe that you can be better; that you can learn to live a happy and emotionally healthy life. If I believe that it is possible, then so can you. I've seen many people go through this journey. And they have found a way to make it to a state of social functionality and personal happiness....recognizing that they have to always be alert to issues with their own physiological and psychological conditions.

So again, I am recommending that you seek out counselling and work with them to achieve a better state of emotional health
 
Wanker, people here do care about you, that is why we are trying to give you the truth.
You made a great friend in your roommate. That means you can make another and another and another.
And maybe even one of them will become a bf with a hot bubble butt, just they way you like them.
You mentioned that you were not putting chains on your friend. This might be true, but you are certainly placing
chains on yourself.
You can do it, but it will need work on your part.

You have a lot of fear, you need to face them. The next two years you will still have his friendship, take this time
to grow and overcome some real hurdles in your life. Even if your roomie didn't move out next fall, in two years you
two would be parting ways, anyway. It wouldn't be any easier then.
 
Beachguyj said:
You are in love with your straight roommate and he knows it and is uncomfortable, get over it, find a gay man.
Click to expand...

Uh, actually, he's the one who admitted he has indescribable feelings towards me last week. I posted about it in the "venting" thread. Which is why I think him wanting to escape me is so convenient.
 
wanker90 said:
I have taken advice from many posters on this board. I've even said I tried counseling before but it didn't too much help. You think I like being the way I am? I think about it every second of every day what it would be like to be a normal guy my age. And I'm not trying to guilt my roommate into doing anything but he made a promise to me, and seeing as how I've always been there for him in the past I need him there for me in this crucial period in my life since he's the only person I have outside of my parents. It's not like he isn't experiencing the "full" college experience or something. I don't keep him locked out in chains, sometimes he goes out without me with those same friends I mentioned in my post. I would never try and hinder his own social progress but he's already made a ton of friends and asking him to not move into the suite isn't that big a deal.
Click to expand...

one day and i HOPE it's not soon, you're going to realize that despite your parents and your friend, you're going to be alone and you're going to have to deal with yourself. you're going to look into the mirror whether it's a real mirror or look back on your life, your actions and your thinking process and you're going to realize that NOBODY besides YOU will or can help or save you.

you're going to realize that it's YOU that's holding YOU back. you can live with whoever or make tons of friends. even if they are around you 24/7, you're going to realize that the only person that you will ALWAYS be around is yourself.

you are NOT comfortable with yourself and it shows. you make threads concerning your life as a means of therapy and crying for help. it may help you while you're going through this BUT it's temporary. your issues will NOT go away unless you deal with them. the longer you keep on dancing around where you keep on hoping that it sorts itself out or things will pop back to normal, the more time you will lose. by the time you snap to your senses, you will realize how much you missed out on.
 
You know, I think that this thread would be better in the Coming Out and Relationships Forum where it can get the attention that it merits.
 
Just thinking out loud here, but if you had agreed to move off campus with your room mate, you'd have been living with a bunch of other people, and maybe made some new friends from the proximity of living in a communal style home if nothing else.

If you are making it clear to your room mate that he is all you have, well that's a hell of a lot of pressure you're putting on someone.

You need to force yourself to get out more, join some clubs, join your campus GLBT group, or some other activity. What do you like to do outside of studying? Do you have any hobbies? Do you like movies, could you join a film group or film makers group? Do you like sports, could you join a team?

As long as you protect yourself the way you do, nothing will change. Whatever the reason for your lack of confidence and withdrawn personality, you can't make any changes unless a) you want to change and b) you make the effort.

Apart from coming across here as a little needy, you seem to have nothing that really explains why you hold yourself back. Fear doesn't really need a logical reason, but you still need to understand in yourself if for no other reason why you're so withdrawn.

Forcing yourself to socialise and not automatically assuming everyone is going to hate you, or that they're going to laugh at you will help you to get the ground under your feet.

As long as you sit and do nothing to change, then you'll have exactly the same experiences. You're obviously intelligent, if that's you in your avatar you're also a good looking young man. Go out there and join a group.

Do yourself a favour and over Christmas seriously give thought to what you're passionate about. Not just as a future career but as a hobby. Figure it out and then in the new semester go and join a few groups.

And I still think you should force yourself to do a toastmasters course. Beyond the skills in public speaking, it will give you the ability to create a skin of confidence around you and will teach you ways to calm your nerves and captivate a room with confidence. At most it will cost a couple of hundred bucks and the benefits far outweigh the costs.
 
wanker90 said:
Uh, actually, he's the one who admitted he has indescribable feelings towards me last week. I posted about it in the "venting" thread. Which is why I think him wanting to escape me is so convenient.
Click to expand...

Tell your bf to come talk to us. We'll straighten him out.
 
sixthson said:
Tell your bf to come talk to us. We'll straighten him out.
Click to expand...

He's not my boyfriend, but there's a mutual attraction that we're both unwilling to discuss. Kind of like the elephant in the room. It's a long, complicated story. One that deserves a Youtube video. If I ever get the courage to make one of those.
 
wanker90 said:
I made a topic a few weeks ago about my roommate opting to room off campus next year. Well, this morning he tells me he's actually going to go through with it. I feel kind of hurt and betrayed because he promised me that he wouldn't do it if I wasn't cool with it. And I basically told him that I would prefer it if he just stayed with instead of moving into the suite. Apparently that little clause got lost because he flat out said he's leaving dorms at the end of spring semester. No warning, just completely gonna abandon me. Now I will have to start my junior year with no friends and living with a complete stranger. He did assure me that we'll still see each other everyday but it won't be the same anymore. I just feel like he's completely disregarding my feelings and being selfish when he knows I wouldn't have moved into the suite considering there are going to be his other friends there. So basically he indirectly has me make this difficult decision he knows I'm gonna say no to just so he can feel justified. In a last attempt I'm gonna try and maybe convince him to think it over and see what happens.
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No NO NO,
let him do what ever he wants and be friends. Otherwise you will loose a friend.
 
rareboy said:
You know, I think that this thread would be better in the Coming Out and Relationships Forum where it can get the attention that it merits.
Click to expand...

he's NOT coming out nor is he in a relationship.

even though some people may think you're being hard on him, he actually needs that. it might actually inspire him to go and get help because he feels he has people that geniunely care about him. if he was on elsewhere on the internet, they wouldn't be so nice to him.
 
What everyone else has said, and oh, are you sure you're not in love with him? It sure sounds like it to me.
 
I dont mean to sound mean but Im happy that your roommate is going to move into the suites. From what you described, you two may be coming way too dependent on eachother. If he really has feelings for you, he'll move out and sort it. Everyone could use a little healthy space. I remember dorm life. My roommate and I were on top of eachother's asses.
 
I can't be bothered reading the whole thread but just wanted to say that the OP needs help. Like serious help, he's acting crazy, overdramatic and a little bit psycho. Can somebody bring him down to Earth? His head is not here right now.
 
He probably needs to see a psychiatrist. Possibly take some medication.

As someone diagnosed with social anxiety... it really is life changing to get good medication which tackles it.
 
At the end of the day, he still has to look out for himself as well. I don't know him that well, but maybe he's more social than you and needs more people around him. He shouldn't be making these decisions based on your feelings, to be honest.

Also, if he does move, I wouldn't hold my breath about seeing him everyday as mentioned, if I were you.
 
kevbo said:
At the end of the day, he still has to look out for himself as well. I don't know him that well, but maybe he's more social than you and needs more people around him. He shouldn't be making these decisions based on your feelings, to be honest.

Also, if he does move, I wouldn't hold my breath about seeing him everyday as mentioned, if I were you.
Click to expand...

Yes, time for wanker to move on and find new friends.
Can't just rely on one person.

And no he did not "betrayed" you wanker.
 
wanker90 said:
He's not my boyfriend, but there's a mutual attraction that we're both unwilling to discuss. Kind of like the elephant in the room. It's a long, complicated story. One that deserves a Youtube video. If I ever get the courage to make one of those.
Click to expand...

See, this isn't creepy in the slightest.

I suppose on the first day of the next semester, you can just drag a pillow and blanket into his room and say you're never leaving because he means so much to you. He'll then realize what an amazing guy you are, and will hate himself for abandoning you, and start crying. Then you can hug him, tell him you forgive him, kiss him sloppily, and have the hot sex.

Lex
 
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