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Just found out my cousin is bi. What do I do?

Normally I would advise to talk to someone in person, but if Christmas will be the first opportunity to see him in person, I say do it on the phone. Christmas is five months away and it's never a good idea to wait that long to take care of business. It sounds like he has very limited time at home and you don't want being bi to interfere with his visit. He may want to (with other relatives), but it's not a choice you should make for him. Also, you may not have an opportunity for the talk with him when he is home.

I tend to think that it's not really accidental when you find out someone if gay or bi. They either want you to find out or they have gotten to the point where they aren't that worried if people know. I wonder if the email mix up was intentional to test the waters with you. I tend to think the mutual friend is simply helping him come out to you. It sounds like you have been discussing this with the mutual friend and if it were just an email mix up I would hope the friend wouldn't say anything more than what's in the email without your cousin's permission. My guess is that your cousin is wondering why you haven't talked to him about it yet.

Does your mutual friend know that you are bi? If so, there is also a chance that the friend set up the whole thing because he thought it was silly that the two of you have this in common and didn't know it. He may be doing the exact same thing with your cousin.

The bottom line, talk to your cousin now. I would bring up the topic with something like: "An email mix up from X made me realize there is something I should talk to you about. I'm bi. I feel kind of stupid that I didn't talk to you about this before now, because I know you will be cool with it."

Good luck!
 
boyinboy - Good to see somethings going good out of this. But I don't think you should wait until Christmas, talk to him now if you've got the chance and THEN meet up with him for even more talk when that time comes.

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stebeng - Thanks so freaking much for the info. you gave me, it work successfully and quick. I couldn't believe it. Just last night I looked up my cousin on intelius.com, couldn't find him but found his sister, then I used her info to find him on peekyou.com when I had googled "people finder" like you had suggested. Not only did peekyou give me his city/address it also gave me his social networks. I just sent him a friend request on facebook and all I have to do is pray he accepts me or even knows who I am, I'm 100% sure it is him because he looks the same as he did in his teen years. He also has myspace but I don't. I've seen his pictures/profile and he seems pretty proud of his sexuality, so I'm really not sure why he's cutting us off, but my guess is that he wasn't ready for the rest of the family to know.

This really helped because my family is not close whatsoever and no one stays in touch or contact with each other. I couldn't even ask his father (my uncle) how I could get in touch with him because they're not speaking anymore. Plus, he's being a dick about this situation.

:gogirl: And again, thanks. I might use it again to find two of my siblings from my fathers side.
 
Normally I would advise to talk to someone in person, but if Christmas will be the first opportunity to see him in person, I say do it on the phone. Christmas is five months away and it's never a good idea to wait that long to take care of business.Good luck!

boyinboy - I don't think you should wait until Christmas, talk to him now if you've got the chance and THEN meet up with him for even more talk when that time comes.

I disagree. He's already waited this long. Another 4 1/2 months to talk face to face isn't really that long.

But in the end boyinboy, only you can decide if its that important that it has to be done sooner. I do recommend if you do decide to not wait, that maybe you take a trip out to see him over a weekend so you can actually talk to him.
 
I disagree. He's already waited this long. Another 4 1/2 months to talk face to face isn't really that long.

But in the end boyinboy, only you can decide if its that important that it has to be done sooner. I do recommend if you do decide to not wait, that maybe you take a trip out to see him over a weekend so you can actually talk to him.

What happens when there isn't a good time to talk at Christmas? That's what often happens in these types of situation. As you said, it's ultimately up to boyinboy to decide what's best and obviously there isn't a clear cut answer.
 
It is unbelievable how helpful everyone has been. I am overwhelmed right now with gratitude. Thank you.

Superxman, it is great to see that you may have a chance to resolve your familial seperation. I hope it goes smoothly for you.

When it comes to doing the deed over the phone, I just can't see it. This will have to be a face to face chat, so I will try to visit him before Christmas. I also agree that Christmas would not be the best time to tell him. He was home in the summer for two days, and I bet Christmas will be much the same.

Now I will focus on mentally preparing myself, try to find time away from work, and book a hotel. It has to be done.

Does anyone think the gay bar idea might work if it's in his town or would that be weird?
 
Great idea to pay him a visit. Face to face would be my preference, just not waiting until Christmas for it to happen.

I'm not wild about the gay bar idea. He may not be comfortable with gay bars and they can be a little intimidating for some who are new to the gay scene. What I would suggest is meeting for dinner in the gay friendly section of town. I think that would set the mood without it being too "in your face". You can always go to the bars after dinner.

Superxman, that's really cool that you found a way to contact you cousin. Keep us updated!
 
Does anyone think the gay bar idea might work if it's in his town or would that be weird?

Leave it up to him. Invite him for a drink. Mention the name of the gay bar. Even if you don't actually go to the gay bar, the fact that you mentioned the name is enough of an icebreaker to bring up the subject.
 
Leave it up to him. Invite him for a drink. Mention the name of the gay bar. Even if you don't actually go to the gay bar, the fact that you mentioned the name is enough of an icebreaker to bring up the subject.

I agree.
 
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