just got called faggot...

[Kulindahr]

is he REALLY going to go to the cops and tell them that a faggot whipped his ass? me thinks not - and that is exactly what I do in any such given situation - I ask them how they are going to explain to their girlfriends that a faggot just whipped their ass - it backs them up every fucking time - I was born and raised on the streets of baltimore - and I am certainly not intimidated by some piece of shit in the south of LA or anywhere else for that matter - if you want to be a little bitch to inappropriate thugs the rest of your life then be my guest - but I suggest you get to the gym and spend a little more time pumping some iron instead of filing your nails - all these responses of encouragement for be a flaming queen are just bullshit - for every 100 flaming queens there is one true queen - the rest are all rehearsed and tired - I have no problems with the true faggot - I rather like them - but the 99 rehearsed ones make my skin crawl - why u aspire to be a faggot and then resent being called one is beyond me!

If it wasnt for gay men holding ground and fighting to BLOODY DEATH at Stonewall and around the country we wouldnt enjoy the freedoms we share today - ACT UP - fight back - fuck that bullshit of turning the other cheek - it took and entire revolution - an entire war for black people to get equality - dont think for a minute it wasnt worth the fight!

Around here, no, he wouldn't go to the cops -- he'd just drop a word to the Klan and The Race.

And you'd turn up in the news as an accident out in the woods, another tragic death.

 

[Kulindahr]

There is a difference between self-defense and assaulting someone for name-calling. If you want to be militant and violent to prove your masculinity, that's your decision but being arrested is not one of my many goals in life.



Turning the other cheek saved my life. What you're advocating is not self-defense but violence.

. . . . . .

Let the other people be barbarians.

 

[Críostóir]

I agree with those who say you shouldn't waste time on such losers.

Also, what he was really saying (since he was the homeowner) was "you are not welcome in my house, because you are gay." I think part of the answer has to be to never go to his house again. It doesn't sound like he was ever a friend; I'm guessing you were visiting someone who lived there. If so, tell that person that you'll see him elsewhere in the future, but never go to that house. Tell him the homeowner made it clear that you were not welcome to come back, ever.

Certainly if you run into this person you should not speak to him or acknowledge him in any way. Tell everyone you know exactly why, and encourage them to do the same.

This is called "shunning" and there's no way he can object to it. If you don't have friends in common it will have little effect, but it will also be easier to do.

If you really feel vindictive, you can tell people it's really funny that that particular person called you faggot. This only works if you absolutely refuse to say more. "No, no, I've said too much already."

Around here, no, he wouldn't go to the cops -- he'd just drop a word to the Klan and The Race.

And you'd turn up in the news as an accident out in the woods, another tragic death.

But you live among barbarians who might as well be wild beasts (I'm sorry that you do, and I've always wondered why, since you are far from that yourself). This was apparently a place with civilized humans in it.

 

[Kulindahr]

But you live among barbarians who might as well be wild beasts (I'm sorry that you do, and I've always wondered why, since you are far from that yourself). This was apparently a place with civilized humans in it.

I ask myself from time to time. But until the market recovers and my mom can sell her house for enough to cover her years in a retirement community, I'm needed.

 

[Sam Blum]

So what I should take from the posts here in favour of turning the other cheek / Christian response, is that I am stupid, rash, ignorant, perhaps inconsiderate of the "home is the castle' paradigm, inexperienced in real life, unknowing of the extremes of violent possibility and even desperate to define my masculinity with barbaric parameters if I turn around and respond, even verbally? Are you all kidding? Do I generally sound rough, uncultured, pervasively violent and inarticulate? Do I appear to be ignorant, stupid or inexperienced in life? Do I seem like a man who wants to be seen as a thug?

No - in case you are hesitating. Not all situations require the same responses. I presume, when I write any post, that we are all working within a premise that offering advice is fraught and problematic in that we, none of us, is present art the time of any difficulty, living life and looking through the same template of experience and ability to express as the person who lists a thread, prompting advice. I also presume that you are all doing something similar. There are no absolutes; there is always possibility and space to spread meaning and response.

That said, the responses asking people to walk away because there may be an uncomfortable or potentially dangerous counter-action are illogical in that they discount the violence that permeates GLBTQ life almost everywhere, they make irrelevant and sordid and stupid the sacrifices made by people who martyred themselves for the freedoms we mostly take greedily and for granted. The argument this position makes is that there is no advantage to denying space and expression to those who would defame us for our natural same sex attraction, to those who insult us and diminish us groundlessly and with disregard for the frailty of personal circumstances. Such a position of silence and withdrawal is not elegantly strong, more intelligent, authoritative, instructional/educational, or peace enabling. It not only enables abuse, but reinforces notions of a gay boy inability to take a role of dominance even at our own peril. It responds to abuse with a nod of agreement, saying "You're right - I had that coming. The worst you can expect from me is a little sarcasm or back-biting, and a veneer of superiority." When we make such an argument, we fail to read our response from the position of the person we are reacting to - and make no mistake, you are reacting no matter what you do.

I'm not living Pai Mei's life, and may not be giving advice that is appropriate for him (and surely he can discern that for himself, as you all do), but I can think through everything that I endorse and argue my perspectives logically and with an understanding of the many aspects of humanity and inhumanity that play in this field. It isn't a pissing competition - and for those who like to think they alone live in areas of extreme violence all I can say is you remain ignorant of the rest of the world if that is truly your belief. Passive resistance does not work, and there is no example of it ever having worked. It always ends up being the case that others come to the rescue, doing what the passive refuse to do for themselves. Those who do the rescuing end up paying the price disproportionately. If everyone stood up and refused to tolerate abuse, I suspect it would soon enough end the majority of the anguish so many have and continue to face.

 

[Críostóir]

I do agree that just walking away is just not going to make the situation any better. It'll just make it worse.

What do you think of the social ostracism (and, if feeling vindictive, malicious rumormongering) that I proposed?

 

[Críostóir]

I don't agree, Elvin. I think that a recent coming out and being called faggot for the first time by someone who just found out points to malice, not to "one of the guys" namecalling.

Actually I think the ideal response is just to cut the person out of your life entirely, and do nothing more. The goal is not to punish them or even send them a message, but just to protect yourself from their toxicity.

Take the power away from that word. If they know it bothers you, they won't stop saying it to put you down.

The trouble is that they won't stop if you ignore it either. That's why you need to get the person out of your life, rather than engage with them.

Also, by using the word yourself you legitimize it in the eyes of the stupid.

 

[Kulindahr]

I find myself agreeing with both these:

Take the power away from that word. If they know it bothers you, they won't stop saying it to put you down.

Also, by using the word yourself you legitimize it in the eyes of the stupid.

But since I've been watching Will & Grace, my mind isn't feeling coherent enough to put the two together.

 

[Kulindahr]

When you come out, you accept yourself no matter what anyone calls you. That's how I see it.

Maybe in some dreamland.

I look at coming out as being like learning to dive: over and over I had to tell students, "If you wait until you're sure you can do it, you'll never do it".

You come out because you summon the will to do so, not because you realize you've become invulnerable.

 

[TheOscar]

That sucks. =/ People are just really stupid and don't realize they should think before talking. Don't let it get to you. Don't even talk to that guy anymore.

 

[jmadaf]

I would tell him "What about it" like your not ashamed or bye, see you latter, like your shinning him on.

 

[Kulindahr]

BTW, if they are not armed? How would you know? Do you ask them if they have weapons prior to starting to call names?

Like... "do you have any weapons?"... and if they say no... you proceed to insult them back lol?

This brings to mind a point from another handgun class I took. The instructor made one point every time we talked about tactical considerations: always assume the other guy is armed.

If that's important when you yourself are armed, it's far more important when you aren't.

 

[Sam Blum]

Elvin, actually, your response was the only one I have taken as realistic and viable and considered. My personal experience means that my bodily attitude would betray my real thoughts and feelings, so I wouldn't be convincing, but many would be able to do this.

GiancarloC, clearly I don't generally take much notice of your posts - I haven't even noticed you until this thread, to be honest. As I take care to read all of your words, I can see that will probably be in our future. You are being contradictory and hypocritical, and behaving like an adolescent, all the while pointing your finger away from yourself.

 

[jawswho]

I would say "Fuck Off!" Thats my favorite.

 

[pai mei]

my god some people are aggressive and have managed to turn this thread ugly.

 

[Kulindahr]

When someone is waving a gun or a knife in your face, I doubt you'll have the guts to do anything besides try to walk away.

If that's happening, I'd have to ask what you're doing in such a place.

I wouldn't be surprised if it happened some of the places I camp, this being redneck territory, but visiting someone's house? I'd say you picked the wrong house -- or the wrong someone.

 

[Críostóir]

True. I don't visit people like that at their houses lol. But I'm just saying out in the streets. None of my friends have guns... nor would I make friends with people who would do such a thing.

But see, we were talking about an incident that happened at someone's house. Not one that happened on the mean streets.

Of course the responses to those two situations has to be entirely different.

 

[Lefty]

I just reread Elvin and Kuli's posts 80 and 81.

These boys are saying the exact same thing but

in each ones unique 'speak'

Do you boys need an interpreter? I can be had fairly

cheaply if the fringe benefits are generous.

BTW, lets put that word into perspective...
so shoot me...
also fag·got (făg'ət)

n.

• A bundle of twigs, sticks, or branches bound together.
• A bundle of pieces of iron or steel to be welded or hammered into bars.

tr.v., -ot·ed, also -got·ed, -ot·ing, -got·ing, -ots, -gots.

• To bind into a fagot; bundle.
• To decorate with fagoting.

[Middle English, from Old French, from Old Provençal, possibly from Vulgar Latin *facus, from Greek phakelos, bundle.]

Read more: http://www.answers.com/topic/fagot#ixzz1e6w6t01C
​

 

[BFizzle]

People saying what they would have said or done are so full of shit. We all would have reacted exactly as the OP did because the comment was a sucker punch. Sorry you had to experience that. Some people are assholes.

 

[Kulindahr]

People saying what they would have said or done are so full of shit. We all would have reacted exactly as the OP did because the comment was a sucker punch. Sorry you had to experience that. Some people are assholes.

Um, no.

If you've been through it before, it's not hard to respond to another one. It's especially 'not hard' if you've thought a lot about what you think you should have said and imagined yourself saying it.