Just got disowned by my parents

[rareboy]

I assume that's what she demands, with the threat of what she's just done as the consequence for not giving her her way.

She's now played her hand and will be scrabbling to regain the upper hand.

Ignore her to de-power her.

This, of course, is the most astute answer.

As I noted, she'll either come around or she won't.

The worst thing to do is to even try to engage in the game.

 

[mikey3000]

And the best thing you can do is go and lead a happy life.

 

[jaysizzles]

I find it rather humorous as to how much of your personal life you share with a bunch of "bots".

I also got a chuckle thinking about you living under a bridge...one you helped to build.

I do however feel for you in your situation with your mother...I cannot imagine it since mine has never been anything but supportive. It really sucks that this is happening during the Holidays, which are supposed to be filled with love, family , peace, etc. I'm hoping hers is miserable, and this "bot" is hoping yours isn't.

 

[pat grimshaw]

I don't know the specific laws but in most places parents don't 'own' children after the age of 18.

Parents invest tens of thousands of dollars in their little dividend but their ownership ceases after 18 years.

 

[zombiekiller]

I find it rather humorous as to how much of your personal life you share with a bunch of "bots".

I also got a chuckle thinking about you living under a bridge...one you helped to build.

I do however feel for you in your situation with your mother...I cannot imagine it since mine has never been anything but supportive. It really sucks that this is happening during the Holidays, which are supposed to be filled with love, family , peace, etc. I'm hoping hers is miserable, and this "bot" is hoping yours isn't.

In my culture, family honor and saving "face" is more important than love. As a matter of fact, some cultures around the world go as far as having family members commit murder to save the family honor. I think you've heard something about that.

As far as my parents go, there really is no way to get through to them regarding this topic. In western culture, at least there's such a concept as individual happiness and such. My parents simply have no concept of that.

 

[rareboy]

Send them a Christmas card and read Joy Luck Club.

 

[vulgar_newcomer]

I see. The problem with some "devouts" is that they feel that other people's beliefs and practices have to mirror their own.

Your mother has a right, I suppose, to express her disapproval of your life style, but disowning you and cutting you out of the family is uncalled for. Try to see her decision as one not based on logic or humanity but on unexamined religious dogma.

I don't understand how a gay guy can still call being gay a life style choice. I listen to heavy metal, drink, smoke, hike, paint the walls black ,and ugly furniture. Those are life stlye choices. Being straight was not a life style choice for my Father, as being gay wasn't a choice for his Son.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

I don't understand how a gay guy can still call being gay a life style choice. I listen to heavy metal, drink, smoke, hike, paint the walls black ,and ugly furniture. Those are life stlye choices. Being straight was not a life style choice for my Father, as being gay wasn't a choice for his Son.

gurds catch

*10 housepoints*

anyway

tinku

 

[kev]

Sorry, but I don't think being Catholic or Christian has anything to do with ostracism by a mother. It sounds like she is mentally-ill. Maybe she needs help? Maybe she is beyond help?

 

[Kyanimal]

Sorry, but I don't think being Catholic or Christian has anything to do with ostracism by a mother. It sounds like she is mentally-ill. Maybe she needs help? Maybe she is beyond help?

I doubt she is mentally ill. But, it does sound as though she is a prisoner of her generation's culture, expectations, and perceptions. It seems as though she is a "victim" of what she has been taught/persuaded about what she "should" believe.

There is always hope that her innate love for her son will eventually override her current expectations.

Unfortunately, given the power of peer/social pressure I wouldn't hold my breath.

However, there is always Hope!

 

[kev]

I think the opposite is true. This is not peer/social pressure. This is a mentally-ill woman whose innate love for her son is something that she cannot pull out of anywhere.

I would encourage zombiekiller to get counseling, because he does not deserve this.

 

[zombiekiller]

I think the opposite is true. This is not peer/social pressure. This is a mentally-ill woman whose innate love for her son is something that she cannot pull out of anywhere.

I would encourage zombiekiller to get counseling, because he does not deserve this.

Thank you for your concern. I'm fine for the moment. Like I said before, I am just going to wait and see how this plays out.

 

[peeonme]

I think the opposite is true. This is not peer/social pressure. This is a mentally-ill woman whose innate love for her son is something that she cannot pull out of anywhere.

I would encourage zombiekiller to get counseling, because he does not deserve this.

It is more of a mental state, not an illness. If we go back a few generations in our land children were looked upon as possessions while young and caretakers when older.

My dad would be 111 if he were alive, my mother would be pushing 100. When my dad died I was 9, my brother was 11. "The family"
let us know that it was up to us to take care of our mother... for life.
When I married at 21 I was scorned for shirking my duties. I had abandoned her according to her and the rest.

Today a kid would laugh in your face if you told him to pay the rent at 16.
It is a cultural situation for Zom. just as it was a generational one for me. I can see where he is at.

 

[sixthson]

It's cultural and manipulation. I bet she has used these kinds of scare tactics all her life to get her way. She's silly enough to believe she can scare the OP into stop being gay by threatening abandonment.

The OP does need to man up and tell her what's what.

 

[seven2go]

BTW........your Dad hasn't been mentioned.........although I suspect if he opened up your "former" Mom would fix him too.......

 

[NotHardUp1]

Sorry, but I don't think being Catholic or Christian has anything to do with ostracism by a mother. It sounds like she is mentally-ill. Maybe she needs help? Maybe she is beyond help?

Actually, it's a value judgment. We apply our expectations of motherhood or religion or culture based on our set of values and expect others to share the logic or priorities. They don't.

In her case, I don't find her behavior bizarre in the least, only sad and hurtful. People do stuff like this every day, all day long, in every society in the world. The whole bit of disowning and shunning was one of the key themes in Fiddler on the Roof, and helped make it appealing to folks the world over. It could have just as easily been set in an Amish town, a New York art gallery, a military base, or a gang in LA.

Societies shun members for all sorts of specific things, but in essence for only one: breaking the taboos of the society.

Zombie's mother is living within the values of her society, and her real society isn't the multicultural inclusion of the larger American ethos, but the more immediate spheres of her religion and probably her ethnic heritage on top of that. Neither is known for being accepting of gays.

Within her mind, her world is right and its values are just, even though we see them as intolerant or hateful. Her actions are her ultimate acceptance of them, and her enforcement of them against what she sees as possibly a disobedient and willful son are just evolved continuations of how she saw her role in parenting when he was a boy. Of course, she only sees him as a boy. He will never be an adult in her eyes.

Zombie, is any of this true? Do you think it explains in part her perspective? I wouldn't presume to assume in specific like this, but I am postulating based on what I have seen in other first-person examples.

 

[NotHardUp1]

And respecting/understanding other cultures goes both ways. She knew that she was invading the home/privacy of someone from a different culture – regardless of the nature of the [supposedly 50/50] relationship. There is no excusing her behaviour.

I don't think the question is of excusing the action so much as understanding it in context. As Zombie has posted, there is no individual right for him in his ethnic context. Her right as parent is absolute. There is a reason why ancestor worship is elevated in the Chinese and related cultures of that region. The adherence of the progeny has been a bulwark for their cultural survival over many centuries over there.

In essence, Zombie has no rights. He must defer to her senior status in her world.

 

[lambdaboy]

So sorry this has happened one can only assume she has Jesus so far up her ass she is fully cooked. I come from a Ctaholic Family and when I told my mom (my dad died when he was much younger) sh said we all if we are lucky live to 80 or older life is too short if there was a God he mad you what you are. I first suggest you get out of the south and with Trump the counrty if possible!

 

[NotHardUp1]

So sorry this has happened one can only assume she has Jesus so far up her ass she is fully cooked. I come from a Ctaholic Family and when I told my mom (my dad died when he was much younger) sh said we all if we are lucky live to 80 or older life is too short if there was a God he mad you what you are. I first suggest you get out of the south and with Trump the counrty if possible!

Do read up. He's resident in Chicago, working in Arkansas on business travel.

The South is not a factor in his story.

Try to not be a moron.

 

[rareboy]

I don't understand how a gay guy can still call being gay a life style choice. I listen to heavy metal, drink, smoke, hike, paint the walls black ,and ugly furniture. Those are life stlye choices. Being straight was not a life style choice for my Father, as being gay wasn't a choice for his Son.

Well stated.