Just met someone, don't want to meet again.

[greenbriefs]

I met this guy on the Internet. The typical thing, email back and forth a few times, then meet for coffee. He's really easy to get along with, and we stayed up chatting at my place until 3 am (10 hours together). A lot of stuff in common. We chat and laugh and stuff, but...

It's the most frustrating feeling to describe. We can talk forever without awkward pauses. But, after several more hanging-outs and phone conversations, I still feel a lack of personal connection. I haven't caught the "hook", the pull, the lure, the desire. Even if this isn't headed toward a romantic relationship, I can't see myself even maintaining a friendship with him.

So, the bottom line is, I don't want to see him anymore, but I don't know what to say to him. I can barley explain it to myself. It's such a nebulous feeling. So how do I get out of this without being a jerk?

 

[landers]

If you've seen him less than 3 times and it's never lead anywhere sexually I'd say you can just cut off contact with him. That would be easier to do if he didn't know where you lived so you might have to take a different approach. Use the phone, call him and tell him you aren't interested in seeing him anymore then hang up. Just like pulling off a bandaid.

 

[bokan800]

It would be best if you just tell him that it's not working, he'll probably understand.

 

[slnattak]

If you've seen him less than 3 times and it's never lead anywhere sexually I'd say you can just cut off contact with him.

It took me a year to find some guys sexually attractive. That's right, an entire year. It's the strangest thing. I suddenly see some guy I knew for awhile in a different light. I'm just saying, it can happen.

And just because you find a guy sexually arousing doesn't mean at all that you will have good sex, believe it or not! So I don't know what to tell you. Are you even suggesting things to him or are you letting him do all the work?

What does it feel when you two hold hands? Get him alone and just hold hands and see how you feel. In my experience if it's hard to be intimate with somebody in even a PG-rated way, you're gonna be disappointed if you suck their dick or fuck/get fucked. But man, you're gonna have to start doing more than just talk! Talking is great, but try to be physically close in some way. You have to get into your body and out of your head. If you're not feeling anything, don't continue- but you have to start somewhere!

If there's no attraction then there's no attraction, but you can do the whole 'let's just be friends' deal. You can never have too many friends. Good luck finding your man!

 

[greenbriefs]

It would be best if you just tell him that it's not working, he'll probably understand.

I know this is the right thing to do. But in that whiny, passive-aggressive way, I'm afraid to. I'm afraid from his point of view, it will seem so sudden, because we have been getting along well enough. Little does he know, though, that most of my half of the conversations have been b.s. jokey small talk.

 

[12fear99]

If you can talk this freely with this guy than he will most likely understand somewhat. I think you must by upfront with him. You never know he may feel the same way. You may just slowly talk to him less and less. Just keep it a the friendship level. Just like slnattak stated, "you can never have too many friends." Good luck.

 

[G-Lexington]

Tell him, "I'm sorry - I'm just not feeling anything with you. I've given it a try, but I don't think it's working out. Sorry." Done.

Lex

 

[racer2438]

Tell him, "I'm sorry - I'm just not feeling anything with you. I've given it a try, but I don't think it's working out. Sorry." Done.

Lex

This is the best one of all.

Here's why. 1. your honest

2. put your self in his shoes

3. how would you feel if it were done to you

4. if you sat for ten hours at your place he knows where you live whats to to stop him from showing up at your door when you dont anwser his calls.

5. you may encounter each other later down the road and he may ask you what happened

6. you'll feel better (i think) knowing you did it the right way in stead of just dropping him off the earth.

7. read #1 AGAIN

 

[Telstra]

I met this guy on the Internet. The typical thing, email back and forth a few times, then meet for coffee. He's really easy to get along with, and we stayed up chatting at my place until 3 am (10 hours together). A lot of stuff in common. We chat and laugh and stuff, but...

It's the most frustrating feeling to describe. We can talk forever without awkward pauses. But, after several more hanging-outs and phone conversations, I still feel a lack of personal connection. I haven't caught the "hook", the pull, the lure, the desire. Even if this isn't headed toward a romantic relationship, I can't see myself even maintaining a friendship with him.

So, the bottom line is, I don't want to see him anymore, but I don't know what to say to him. I can barley explain it to myself. It's such a nebulous feeling. So how do I get out of this without being a jerk?

just stop responding and soon everyone will go their separate ways.

its rude i know but thats life.

 

[silentalk]

Do you know the reason why you don't even want to stay as friends?

 

[mascbiguy]

im kind of confused as to why you have such a connection with this guy, but dont even want to stay friends with him. i mean from what you say it seems like you guys could be really good friends.

 

[rareboy]

I am also fascinated that you don't even think it is worth the effort to be platonic friends.

 

[hanshansen]

just stop responding and soon everyone will go their separate ways.

its rude i know but thats life.

That's a really horrible thing to do.

Not being a jerk means saying how you feel and doing it in a way which takes the guy's feelings into account.

I also don't understand why you don't even want to be friends with him. But you said you don't either.

Here's an idea. You were expecting 'more than friends'. Things weren't what you expected. You were disappointed.

I've been there (I'm thinking of two cases). In both cases I had that 'flat' feeling, but I maintained contact with the people involved, in both cases they continued to surprise me and became people I don't think about every day, but whose progress I'm interested in and who I can talk to honestly with about serious things. In other words, a valuable part of my life.

You should be clear that you aren't romantically interested, but beyond it seems odd not to keep things open. If there truly is no connection, things will take their natural course.

 

[Telstra]

That's a really horrible thing to do.

Not being a jerk means saying how you feel and doing it in a way which takes the guy's feelings into account.

I also don't understand why you don't even want to be friends with him. But you said you don't either.

Here's an idea. You were expecting 'more than friends'. Things weren't what you expected. You were disappointed.

I've been there (I'm thinking of two cases). In both cases I had that 'flat' feeling, but I maintained contact with the people involved, in both cases they continued to surprise me and became people I don't think about every day, but whose progress I'm interested in and who I can talk to honestly with about serious things. In other words, a valuable part of my life.

You should be clear that you aren't romantically interested, but beyond it seems odd not to keep things open. If there truly is no connection, things will take their natural course.

well,
quote: "don't want to meet again" means no hope.
I guess this is how internet communication work ...
response or no response = interested or not interested.

if there is hope, yeah why not keep the communication open.
if there is a potential friendship, yeah why not keep the communication open.

 

[greenbriefs]

Thanks for the responses. It's been a few days, and he hasn't called me, so maybe it's taken care of itself. I was just freaked out about seeing him so frequently in such a short period of time. Now that's it's been a few days, I've calmed down.

So, yeah, if he calls or emails, I'm not going to ignore him. We'll see how things go.

 

[drhladnjak]

I would strongly recommend against Telstra's solution of just cutting off communication. Frankly, doing that is passive-aggressive bullshit. Sometimes you have to tell somebody something they don't want to hear or that will make them upset. They might perceive you as being a jerk for doing that. From the other side, it's just being up front and direct.

I'd much rather a guy think I'm a jerk for laying it all out there rather that him think I'm a jerk for just no longer returning his calls.

 

[954dude]

Thanks for the responses. It's been a few days, and he hasn't called me, so maybe it's taken care of itself. I was just freaked out about seeing him so frequently in such a short period of time. Now that's it's been a few days, I've calmed down.

So, yeah, if he calls or emails, I'm not going to ignore him. We'll see how things go.

There's a connection between you two, so don't let it go. The time apart is a good thing. Don't give up, a good friendship could be the outcome.

 

[Telstra]

I would strongly recommend against Telstra's solution of just cutting off communication. Frankly, doing that is passive-aggressive bullshit. Sometimes you have to tell somebody something they don't want to hear or that will make them upset. They might perceive you as being a jerk for doing that. From the other side, it's just being up front and direct.

I'd much rather a guy think I'm a jerk for laying it all out there rather that him think I'm a jerk for just no longer returning his calls.

Yep, i think i'm wrong. i think i should not give bad advice.

 

[youngnihilist]

yeah it's better to be honest. it either works or it doesn't. it might work for him but not for you - that's still not working, takes two. it's not nice to lead him on if he keeps contacting you and you're short or don't respond. he might eventually get the hit but better to save time and let it go

 

[Just_Believe18]

I don't understand. You get along with him, you chat and have a good time. But you don't even want to be just platonic friends?