i am very lazy to the point where i would be completely happy not having any obligations, responsibilities and sitting around doing NOTHING.
no priorities or anything like that. i don't know why that is though. i have NO interest in doing anything. every single time some responsibility comes up even if it's something as small as responding back to a private message such as the one i'm supposed to send back to ixthrock, sorry for no responding to you by the way, i just don't feel like doing it. i will when i get the chance and am in the right mind to do it BUT right now, my head is in a different zone where i just can't respond back yet. it's nothing personal against you. it has to do with me.
i also want to say that i wouldn't mind if i was alone by myself completely isolated from everybody and i mean everybody (family, friends, jub, or whereever) and never have contact with anybody again. it wouldn't bother me at all and i certainly wouldn't care. i could be placed in solitary confinement for 23 hours a day with little or no interaction with anybody and BE completely fine with it. i also wouldn't lose my mind either. in fact, i find myself questioning if i'm crazy being around other people than when i'm alone. as long as i can get a chance to go outside for a second or so. being around people just makes me feel uncomfortable. i just don't do well around people period. even when everything seems to be going well, in the back of my mind, i always have it that despite how smooth and well everything is going, that everything can go from being cool to going straight to shit the next minute. i'm used to having people turn their backs on me for whatever the reason it may be to the point where i expect it. to tell you the truth, i do get angry when it happens so in the back of my mind, i prep myself for it BEFORE it happens. i would say in recent times, i've done a hell of a good job controlling my temper towards that because i used to say that if someone turns their back on me, i would do something really foul to them BUT so far i haven't done so so it's all good.
i would just like to be in bed, wrapped up in my sheets, sleep and not wake up to do SHIT. the only thing that i probably would do IF i had the energy, time and patience to do it is to masturbate. maybe to eat a little something or to drink but other than that, i wouldn't do SHIT.
when i had this job interview today, to tell you the truth, i wasn't interested in the job because i didn't want to do it. i don't feel like going all the way down from north jersey to central jersey to do some shit that i have no interest in doing. i don't know if it's because i'm depressed or scared of responsibility or have NO zest to do shit BUT i certainly don't feel like running around down to east brunswick to do whatever. i could have had my own office BUT naw... fuck all that. i would much rather be a correctional officer having shit thrown @ me by inmates and checking out other men's possibly dirty asscracks full of shit to see if they're holding shanks. i would much rather be in the mailroom or a file clerk.
i think i would like to say that i don't have a fuck to give because i never had one to begin with. *shrugs* and i mean that speaking as a virgin.
you should be good. good luck, man.
i dunno, dudes.
i'm staying away from guns. actually wish i didn't go say that, man.