just venting, airing out, talking shit, personal beefs, problems, anger management, and etc thread

[refujiunderground]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/31/freecrunkbear-carly-mckin_n_2586352.html

how fucking stupid can you be?

man, she should be fired asap. as someone said in the comments, it would be NO surprise if she slept with a student or two. she seems like the type. this is someone that has NO business teaching high school kids or teaching for that matter.

 

[G-Lexington]

Ummmmhhhh.................what?
What guy wiv what ass?

By the way his body is perfect, but what really turn me on is his face and his expression......
He is such a babe

...I give up. I'm officially horny as fuck. Anyone want to join the gargoyle in the back room for awhile?

Lex

 

[sixthson]

Yeah--it's not so much about feeling like I can't (or should be ashamed) of posting such things, but why it irritates me a little when straights do it. I don't feel my relationship is inferior to any straight person's...so why do I have somewhat of a negative reaction when it comes to open displays of their relationships, etc.

LOL and yeah, Lex...the 'pregnancy' deal isn't likely on our end--but it's just another example I wanted to throw out there.

Edit: Eurosoccer...stop distracting me!

I don't think what you are saying is unreasonable at all. Heterosexuals have lots of freedoms we don't. One of them is the freedom of expectation. People just expect them to date, fall in love, get married, have babies and make a life together. Too many people in the world see a straight couple together and they think 'love'. They see two gay men together and they think 'sex'.
How often do you hear someone say about a guy a girl "they're dating, don't they make a cute couple?" What do they say about two guys? They say "they're gay, you know?" GMAFB. We can be in love and a cute couple, too, you dumbasses.

I have never and will never feel my relationship is inferior to anyone's. We don't hide, either, but still we have to endure gossip that heterosexuals don't.

 

[sixthson]

wow, you pretty much figured me out.

So...did you beat your dick into submission yet today?

 

[refujiunderground]

So...did you beat your dick into submission yet today?

oh you bet. black spark did it. that new video he has with the guy in the glasses and the underwear . oh my god.

but you most definitely are on point with what you said, man. i'm pretty much using masturbation to sort of mask the pain underneath and i just need to confront it before it really takes me under. that's been the story as of late. been feeling a bit depressed thinking about things and i'm starting to realize that no matter how i've tried to escape or cope with things, the demons are still there.

 

[G-Lexington]

Perhaps it's time to put your armor on and go slay those sons of bitches. Or at least find another outlet for your issues besides keeping the monkey's backside red.

Lex

 

[refujiunderground]

Perhaps it's time to put your armor on and go slay those sons of bitches. Or at least find another outlet for your issues besides keeping the monkey's backside red.

Lex

well journal writing didn't work. neither is going to the group therapy or talking with therapists and apparently, the medication although it is helping with the ocd and anxiety for the most part, it mostly isn't working with the depression. might start drawing again.

you know, it's kind of hard to explain it though. have you ever been felt pain inside that you just want to get out, that you don't know where it's coming from BUT just can't? there's really no explanation to why i feel this way. it makes no sense. maybe i do know what it is BUT i don't know how to express it or want to talk about it. i know i haven't been sexually molested or abused or at least my memory serves me right. i know i haven't been physically abused by either of my parents although i would say that i did have bullies in school. i am upset with my father for the way he is and what he has put my mother through. i'm angry with myself for the things that i've put myself through and etc. there's many things that i'm upset about but none of it explains why i'm depressed. *shrugs*

i was going to talk about two incidents that happened back when i was a kid BUT that has nothing to do with what was just written. might put it in a blog entry instead.

 

[justanothershyguy]

Refuji, have you tried Morning Pages?

 

[G-Lexington]

Definitely. Try different things. Writing, and drawing, and music and whatever else. See what happens.

Lex

 

[refujiunderground]

Refuji, have you tried Morning Pages?

from what i read, it's basically writing a journal entry in the morning. never tried it before but it's worth a shot. it's that sometimes, the thought that should come out during the writing doesn't come out. the thought using comes out during the day where there's something that happens that pushes my buttons but there's no access to a paper and pen so i just bottle my feelings up, toss it away, forget about it, write that journal entry where it's a lot about nothing for a page or so, then the thought that i wanted to write about earlier resurfaces another time like say when i go to bed. then when i'm lying there, listening to music and the thought comes up, i'm like "damn... that's what i was going to write about". it's that the venting thought or the idea doesn't show up when i want it to.

but morning pages sounds like a good idea though. the energy is all there to just write, write, write, and write. tried writing a journal entry in the morning before and there were thoughts that were on my mind that surfaced that i was able to get out. it felt good. i'll start tomorrow morning. thanks, man.

Definitely. Try different things. Writing, and drawing, and music and whatever else. See what happens.

Lex

that most definitely would work. can use all the time that i spend on here whining, complaining, talking about my masturbation exploits and put them towards drawing, learning how to play the guitar, how to dj properly, play the keyboard and etc. funny thing is during that blackout back in late october/early november during hurricane sandy, that's when i was all getting busy keeping myself occupied. time to treat it like it's a blackout again.

i want to thank you, sixthson, huntneo, borg, frankfrank, loveguys72, justanothershyguy, lefty, ixthrock, xbuzzerx, naughtyarousal and everybody else on here that's been supportive towards me for all your support and love during the times when i really needed it because i was down and out and basically hanging on a limb ready to give up. you guys are wonderful.

 

[refujiunderground]

my mom once again ready to look for a fucking argument over one simple thing. i just had to get out of the kitchen because she just goes on and on and on turning one simple thing into 99 fucking problems about what's wrong with me, my brother and my father.

i think it's ironic because here she is ready to tell me to be positive, to stop arguing and etc BUT yet she does the same fucking thing. wtf.

 

[frankfrank]

@The Fly...

really?

funny, it was his climbing gear that drew me.

I came down with the flu...

I couldn't help it...these two posts were precisely next to each other.

A flea and a fly in a flue,
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
Said the fly, "Let us flee,"
And the flea "Let us fly,"
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

 

[The Fly]

I couldn't help it...these two posts were precisely next to each other.

A flea and a fly in a flue,
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
Said the fly, "Let us flee,"
And the flea "Let us fly,"
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

frankfrank, you're insane....but in a good way.

 

[EuroSoccer]

my mom once again ready to look for a fucking argument over one simple thing. i just had to get out of the kitchen because she just goes on and on and on turning one simple thing into 99 fucking problems about what's wrong with me, my brother and my father.

My mum does the same shit..............but I just take the piss out of her.
She gives up pretty soon.
Don't hate your mum, that's what moms do.........moaning and nagging all the fucking time.
I love her to bits.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

Refuji -

You also need to remember that your problems you're having are GENETIC. Your parent(s) are probably going through the exact same shit you are. You're a step ahead of them because you realize you have a 'problem'. Try and look at them with more compassion then you feel they're giving you.

 

[G-Lexington]

.........

One of our lacrosse players mover here from Ontario last year. Two days ago, he was bitching because it was 20F when we woke up. I told him "Jesus, that didn't take long."

50F today.

Lex

 

[refujiunderground]

Refuji -

You also need to remember that your problems you're having are GENETIC. Your parent(s) are probably going through the exact same shit you are. You're a step ahead of them because you realize you have a 'problem'. Try and look at them with more compassion then you feel they're giving you.

i see what you're saying but at the same time, i dunno, man. i feel bad that she's in this situation that she's in but at the same time, how do you feel bad for someone that doesn't want to get help, acknowledges that they have a problem and is stubborn minded where they think they know it all? then at the same time, they try to encourage you to think like them so when you end up in a situation like this, you're basically feeling confused and bad for basically asking for help. don't get me wrong. i love my mother with all my heart BUT now that i think of it, she put herself into a lot of hardship that she didn't need to put herself and the more she tried to be on some "i can do this all by myself", the more she dug herself into a hole.

and it may be genetic but being the way my family is, they aren't talking or are basically in denial. my mom said that she had depression and anxiety issues, she was actually diagnosed when she was in the military BUT she chose not to deal with them. she says that my grandmom had issues too saying that she might have manic depression. then on my father side of the family, it's even worse because he seems to be a basketcase and i'm willing to bet that he either has that narcissistic personality disorder or anti social personality disorder from the way he acts. his late half brother appeared to be outthere too where he left his wife how many years ago, ran to the other side of the world and impregnanted a bunch of women where he has kids. he might have had a mental disorder too. my father's biological mother apparently had a mental disorder either schizophenia or something like that. my mom encouraged my father to get help BUT he refused to because he doesn't think he has a problem. she was nuts. nobody was formally diagnosed though because they're a different generation. pretty much both sides of the family may have had issues but nobody is talking or wants to acknowledge anything. it's messed up because they passing down whatever and then when the doctor asks for a family history, it's like i'm talking out my ass giving a heresay when it's not even backed up. it's just a headache really.

hell, if it were up to my mom, i'd still be on some "i can do it myself. i can snap myself out of it. i just need to keep myself busy." it's upsetting. just had to vent real quick because i've always been told by my family that i'm wrong for going out to seek help for my issues.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

i see what you're saying but at the same time, i dunno, man. i feel bad that she's in this situation that she's in but at the same time, how do you feel bad for someone that doesn't want to get help, acknowledges that they have a problem and is stubborn minded where they think they know it all? then at the same time, they try to encourage you to think like them so when you end up in a situation like this, you're basically feeling confused and bad for basically asking for help. don't get me wrong. i love my mother with all my heart BUT now that i think of it, she put herself into a lot of hardship that she didn't need to put herself and the more she tried to be on some "i can do this all by myself", the more she dug herself into a hole.

and it may be genetic but being the way my family is, they aren't talking or are basically in denial. my mom said that she had depression and anxiety issues, she was actually diagnosed when she was in the military BUT she chose not to deal with them. she says that my grandmom had issues too saying that she might have manic depression. then on my father side of the family, it's even worse because he seems to be a basketcase and i'm willing to bet that he either has that narcissistic personality disorder or anti social personality disorder from the way he acts. his late half brother appeared to be outthere too where he left his wife how many years ago, ran to the other side of the world and impregnanted a bunch of women where he has kids. he might have had a mental disorder too. my father's biological mother apparently had a mental disorder either schizophenia or something like that. my mom encouraged my father to get help BUT he refused to because he doesn't think he has a problem. she was nuts. nobody was formally diagnosed though because they're a different generation. pretty much both sides of the family may have had issues but nobody is talking or wants to acknowledge anything. it's messed up because they passing down whatever and then when the doctor asks for a family history, it's like i'm talking out my ass giving a heresay when it's not even backed up. it's just a headache really.

hell, if it were up to my mom, i'd still be on some "i can do it myself. i can snap myself out of it. i just need to keep myself busy." it's upsetting. just had to vent real quick because i've always been told by my family that i'm wrong for going out to seek help for my issues.

No one likes to admit they have flaws... especially if it's related to a "mental disorder", or that they have a problem they can't fix themselves. Going to a doctor because you have a broken leg is much easier then going to one and saying your feelings don't feel right. Individual thought is such a grey area of facts mixed in with perception, imagination, fears, hormones, anxieties, ... it's a wonder any of us can "think straight". Not to mention, there was a time in your parents generation where just claiming someone was insane was enough to have them hauled off to the "Looney Bin" and locked up, put in a padded cell in a straight jacket, and given electro-shock treatments. I'm not exactly 100% sure this REALLY happened, but I do distinctly remember it being a fear in my younger years. "Beware the men in white suits with nets!" Yo Dude! I ain't Crazy!!!

 

[G-Lexington]

You can't fix their problems. You can only fix your own. I've gone to therapy and one on anti-depression meds. And I don't care who knows it. As borg says, something's not right, go get it fixed. It's what you do.

Lex

 

[G-Lexington]

^that surprises me, Lex.

You comeacross as one of the strongest, most confident people I've ever met.

I'd like to think that's part of the package. I think much of my strength comes in knowing where my limits are. When something's too tough for me, I don't have any trouble reaching out. And I've found nearly everybody came through in a pinch when I needed them...probably because I tried to do the same for them.

And for the record, I was on anti-depressants all of five months in the last decade. And I found they didn't "roboticize" me at all. It's very tough to describe the effect they had. But if you've ever had a really bad cold, and then suddenly your sinuses FINALLY open? Or if you've been stuck with cold cloudy weather for weeks, and then you FINALLY get that sudden burst of sun and warmth? Like that. But where I suddenly burst out of a "life is terrible and I can't stop thinking about horrible things" cycle into a sudden "No, wait, I remember - I like life" state. Up until the meds finally kicked in (which took about a week), I was running on faith. The fact that I sort of remembered what it was like to be happy and enjoy stuff. But once they took hold, I immediately felt it again. I felt normal again. And even though I slipped back into depression maybe 30 seconds later, that was fine. I had gotten back for a second, and that was enough for me to get determined to get back there permanently. Which I managed to do.

I do seem to sort of not feel the massive ups and downs that many people do. I recognize the angry "you bitch - you walked in front of my car" thing that RE mentioned. I do get those feelings on rare occasions. But generally, I feel more...eye-rolling? I smirk and say "No, please, you too. Definitely meant for you to cross as well." More sardonic humor than anger. But occasionally, yeah, I freak out and want to scream at them. I'm glad I don't feel it that often.

Lex