xbuzzerx
CE&P Secret Police
.... is that your third avatar today?
The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums
-
Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community
In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
If you do not have an account, please register.
REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your InfoTo register, turn off your VPN; you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.
just venting, airing out, talking shit, personal beefs, problems, anger management, and etc thread
- Status
.... is that your third avatar today?
- Joined
- Jan 11, 2005
- Posts
- 43,808
- Reaction score
- 73
- Points
- 0
Yes, it probably is. Don Quixote and the incredibly sexy Mistress eJMichaels
used to make this old dumbasses avatars and siggys...after much pestering
from me over the ages they decided I WOULD LEARN to make my own.
So I am practicing. Some are a little xxxier than others so if I am going
into SFOW territory, I change. Its good practice for now and I do have my
3 favorites...one is a drawing shi tzu tylenol did for me, the black horse and
the morphing priest horse. BTW, I talk a lot sometimes...
used to make this old dumbasses avatars and siggys...after much pestering
from me over the ages they decided I WOULD LEARN to make my own.
So I am practicing. Some are a little xxxier than others so if I am going
into SFOW territory, I change. Its good practice for now and I do have my
3 favorites...one is a drawing shi tzu tylenol did for me, the black horse and
the morphing priest horse. BTW, I talk a lot sometimes...
xbuzzerx
CE&P Secret Police
What was your first one today? Was it a swimmer with nothing but his penis sticking out? It was amusing.
xbuzzerx
CE&P Secret Police
That's the one. I like it. lol.
xbuzzerx
CE&P Secret Police
MrRochesterNY
JUB Addict
Dear Refuji,
I am glad that your psychiatrist appointment is not too far off. Give it your best shot, because you seem to recognize that you will need outside help to handle your inner turmoil.
From reading your posts I sense this. You are a young, intelligent, black gay man, but inside you are two different persons emotionally. The one "you" is a positive person, calm, friendly, likeable, rational, at peace with himself and the world. The other "you" is a negative person, stressed out, angry, in physical and emotional pain, unpleasant, unable to cope with himslf or his surroundings.
Of course you want the positive person in you to be the operative one, but what triggers the appearance of the negative Refuji? The trigger seems to me to be stresses that are more than you can handle. Everybody encounters stress in his life. It is how those stresses are handled that makes the difference. It may be that something in your past life has hindered or seriously damaged your stress-coping mechanisms. Does that make sense and seem possible?
I think you should seize on the upcoming psychiatrist sessions to delve into the conflict between the postive Refuji and the destructive, negative Refuji to discover how that conflict can be resolved through the weakening or elimination of the negative thing living inside you.
You expressed (in #456 above) some negativity about the psychiatric session scheduled for January 17th. This is not a good frame of mind to approach it with, since you admit that you can't do alone what needs to be done to make your view of life better. The session will undoubtedly be stressful for you ... and that would be a perfect opportunity for the negative, self-destructive Refuji to come out and take over. When you feel that happening, you should stop and say directly to the psychiatrist, "This is not the me I want to be. What you see and hear is how I react to stress, and that is what I want to change." Don't let the negative Refuji prevent you from getting the help you want and that he doesn't want you to have.
I can't tell you how you should cope with stress except to say that the way you have learned is the wrong way. It produces rage, pain, hatred, and even more stress. I hope the psychiatrist will give you some help in that area. That's his job.
A lot of us are wishing you success in this. Go get 'em, guy!
I am glad that your psychiatrist appointment is not too far off. Give it your best shot, because you seem to recognize that you will need outside help to handle your inner turmoil.
From reading your posts I sense this. You are a young, intelligent, black gay man, but inside you are two different persons emotionally. The one "you" is a positive person, calm, friendly, likeable, rational, at peace with himself and the world. The other "you" is a negative person, stressed out, angry, in physical and emotional pain, unpleasant, unable to cope with himslf or his surroundings.
Of course you want the positive person in you to be the operative one, but what triggers the appearance of the negative Refuji? The trigger seems to me to be stresses that are more than you can handle. Everybody encounters stress in his life. It is how those stresses are handled that makes the difference. It may be that something in your past life has hindered or seriously damaged your stress-coping mechanisms. Does that make sense and seem possible?
I think you should seize on the upcoming psychiatrist sessions to delve into the conflict between the postive Refuji and the destructive, negative Refuji to discover how that conflict can be resolved through the weakening or elimination of the negative thing living inside you.
You expressed (in #456 above) some negativity about the psychiatric session scheduled for January 17th. This is not a good frame of mind to approach it with, since you admit that you can't do alone what needs to be done to make your view of life better. The session will undoubtedly be stressful for you ... and that would be a perfect opportunity for the negative, self-destructive Refuji to come out and take over. When you feel that happening, you should stop and say directly to the psychiatrist, "This is not the me I want to be. What you see and hear is how I react to stress, and that is what I want to change." Don't let the negative Refuji prevent you from getting the help you want and that he doesn't want you to have.
I can't tell you how you should cope with stress except to say that the way you have learned is the wrong way. It produces rage, pain, hatred, and even more stress. I hope the psychiatrist will give you some help in that area. That's his job.
A lot of us are wishing you success in this. Go get 'em, guy!
Validation may be the wrong word because I said "You are correct. But I heard what you said the first time and I also said you were right the first time you said it"
Maybe it's an expired bus pass deal...
But the truth is : A movie starting at 7:45 PM will not start until 8:00 PM
But he was wrong ...previews ended at 8:11
I guess I could have been mean and said "you were wrong"
Wit? No...he doesn't have that much. But maybe it can be all be subsumed under humour.
One thing I could NEVER accuse him of is complementing someone
9 dates...ZERO complements (let's see...I got a new job in that time, scored great on a qualification test, made some great biscuits for thanksgiblets dinner etc)
If he was a balance sheet it would have NO credit side only debits.
Yes sir there's a dude living in the moment (huge sarcasm in that comment)....he NEVER says "I thought you said" "you told me" etc...gee those phrases are never in his vocabulary....
OMG...yes you DID say that in the 18th minute of our fourth date when you folded the napkin at Rubio's restaurant and a speck of dust fell on the southeast quadrant of the table illuminated by 18.8 candlepowers of light and the women next to us said " and Mary had 14 minutes last year on the 23rd of her best month which is June..."
"The Power of Now" reads "The Power of identic memory applied to the almost now"
Ever met anyone like that Lefty?
G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
I received a hot and steamy PM from a JUBber, who asked me to please respond in kind. So I did...only to find that he has "reached his capacity on his PM mailbox". #firstworldproblems
Lex
Lex
- Joined
- Jan 11, 2005
- Posts
- 43,808
- Reaction score
- 73
- Points
- 0
Sadly yes Michael.
An older intimate (as he chose) cousin I
stayed with one early puberty stricken summer.
Fab looks, Build to include Hung, Brilliant.
If it wasn't in the privacy of HIS barn loft
and his schedule, it just didn't happen.
Other than those 'instructional times' and his physical attributes
he could easily have been the Sheldon Character on
The Big Bang Theory
Pedantic starts the supercilious guys identification.
An older intimate (as he chose) cousin I
stayed with one early puberty stricken summer.
Fab looks, Build to include Hung, Brilliant.
If it wasn't in the privacy of HIS barn loft
and his schedule, it just didn't happen.
Other than those 'instructional times' and his physical attributes
he could easily have been the Sheldon Character on
The Big Bang Theory
Pedantic starts the supercilious guys identification.
- Joined
- Jan 11, 2005
- Posts
- 43,808
- Reaction score
- 73
- Points
- 0
Okay Jason...
When you've calmed down and done your breathing exercise,
You can tell Uncle Lefty what crawled up yoour leg and bit your
bigger gonad. Here or p/m...just to vent or want to talk or
need another point of view....I'll be around neighbor.
When you've calmed down and done your breathing exercise,
You can tell Uncle Lefty what crawled up yoour leg and bit your
bigger gonad. Here or p/m...just to vent or want to talk or
need another point of view....I'll be around neighbor.
R
refujiunderground
Guest
all right, it's 6 o clock in the morning out here in the jerz. happy new years to everybody first off. second off, i know i should be in bed BUT i have something to get off my chest.
next year around this time, i will be out of the closet to my homeboy as i am already to my brother. i will be out to more people. that is a goal i have for this year. i was hoping to come out to him last year but plans change. i also have to say that i am now either growing up or just had it up to here with the bullshit.
next year, i do NOT plan on going out on new years or better yet if i do, i'm going to a gay club. that's no question. when i went to that club, i realized how much of a mistake that i made. what the hell was i doing that? i'm gay. of course, i wasn't going to have a good time. i should be at a place with guys like me. i saw like two cute guys and when i was waiting to the bathroom, this guy accidently pushed his crotch against my ass. right now, i should be in bed with a guy or a guy who i call my boyfriend enjoying my L-I-F-E. why was i there? i also realized how stupid it was and how stupid new years is. people are happy that they lived to see another year. i now am happy to live to see another day and this morning showed me that. you had a bunch of people that were acting crazy and some of them got really shitfaced. my brother and my homeboy got drunk BUT i didn't. i didn't want to get drunk because i didn't feel like following along what everybody else was doing. i don't like the feeling of being drunk or intoxicated. i also didn't want to be one of those people that i saw ready to start a fight or being unable to stand up where someone or the police was trying to talk sense into them.
but yeah, new york most definitely ain't safe as it's cracked up to be nowadays. i saw like three fights. one of them almost turned into a gunfight. my homeboy did the stupidest thing and i'm really disappointed at him for doing this. this is why i didn't drink like that and i don't understand why people do it. we pass by these projects and a fight breaks down between these group of people. they start scuffling, swinging on each other and next thing you know, someone pulls out a gun and starts shooting into the air. that's the first time i ever seen someone fire a gun in front of me. it wasn't as scary as i thought it would be shockingly. the shots weren't loud loud either at least to me. surprisingly, most people weren't freaking out, much rather standing around. my homeboy, must have been because he was drunk, was standing there when it all happened, trying to do some matrix shit.
i'm trying to get him to move away from the gunfire and he's just standing there. he's lucky that the commotion didn't go in our direction where whoever was shooting shot in our direction. dude talks about he was going to hide behind a car as if the bullets couldn't ricohet and hit him. man........... i'm a bit pissed off with him @ the fact that dude could have got himself, me or both of us injured or killed doing something stupid like that. even if he was drunk, that was stupid to stand there when something like that happened. he was joking about it afterwards but i didn't think that was funny. much rather stupid. then my brother and my homeboy both were talking shit, acting a fool and these other drunk idiots passed by us ready to fight somebody. my brother and my homeboy start talking shit about them and the drunk idiots that passed us overheard it so they start getting upset. my brother and my homeboy talk shit back and i find myself in the mix with a situation ready to pop off.
you know, i was miserable already from the jump before i even left the house because i wasn't feeling too good. my brother was forming the ass getting outside the house where we arrived at the club fairly late. i was trying to get there early BUT my brother decided to do some bullshit. i also had my mother when i was telling my brother off jumping on my case telling me to stop arguing with him. basically, i was dealing with a lot of bullshit AND i was having people around me telling me to tolerate it. well, i'm tired of that shit. i love my family and my friends but at the same time, i'm beginning to look at myself more and care. i don't want to get drunk, i want to come out the closet, i don't want to pretend that i am no longer in pain, and basically i don't want to live my life around what other people want me to do or want me to be. i want to live life how i want. my homeboy tells me to be positive instead of being negative. he's right BUT @ the same time, i feel that the things that are in my environment being pushed on to me is negative anyways. so it's time i man up and walk away from it.
next year around this time, i will be out of the closet to my homeboy as i am already to my brother. i will be out to more people. that is a goal i have for this year. i was hoping to come out to him last year but plans change. i also have to say that i am now either growing up or just had it up to here with the bullshit.
next year, i do NOT plan on going out on new years or better yet if i do, i'm going to a gay club. that's no question. when i went to that club, i realized how much of a mistake that i made. what the hell was i doing that? i'm gay. of course, i wasn't going to have a good time. i should be at a place with guys like me. i saw like two cute guys and when i was waiting to the bathroom, this guy accidently pushed his crotch against my ass. right now, i should be in bed with a guy or a guy who i call my boyfriend enjoying my L-I-F-E. why was i there? i also realized how stupid it was and how stupid new years is. people are happy that they lived to see another year. i now am happy to live to see another day and this morning showed me that. you had a bunch of people that were acting crazy and some of them got really shitfaced. my brother and my homeboy got drunk BUT i didn't. i didn't want to get drunk because i didn't feel like following along what everybody else was doing. i don't like the feeling of being drunk or intoxicated. i also didn't want to be one of those people that i saw ready to start a fight or being unable to stand up where someone or the police was trying to talk sense into them.
but yeah, new york most definitely ain't safe as it's cracked up to be nowadays. i saw like three fights. one of them almost turned into a gunfight. my homeboy did the stupidest thing and i'm really disappointed at him for doing this. this is why i didn't drink like that and i don't understand why people do it. we pass by these projects and a fight breaks down between these group of people. they start scuffling, swinging on each other and next thing you know, someone pulls out a gun and starts shooting into the air. that's the first time i ever seen someone fire a gun in front of me. it wasn't as scary as i thought it would be shockingly. the shots weren't loud loud either at least to me. surprisingly, most people weren't freaking out, much rather standing around. my homeboy, must have been because he was drunk, was standing there when it all happened, trying to do some matrix shit.
i'm trying to get him to move away from the gunfire and he's just standing there. he's lucky that the commotion didn't go in our direction where whoever was shooting shot in our direction. dude talks about he was going to hide behind a car as if the bullets couldn't ricohet and hit him. man........... i'm a bit pissed off with him @ the fact that dude could have got himself, me or both of us injured or killed doing something stupid like that. even if he was drunk, that was stupid to stand there when something like that happened. he was joking about it afterwards but i didn't think that was funny. much rather stupid. then my brother and my homeboy both were talking shit, acting a fool and these other drunk idiots passed by us ready to fight somebody. my brother and my homeboy start talking shit about them and the drunk idiots that passed us overheard it so they start getting upset. my brother and my homeboy talk shit back and i find myself in the mix with a situation ready to pop off. you know, i was miserable already from the jump before i even left the house because i wasn't feeling too good. my brother was forming the ass getting outside the house where we arrived at the club fairly late. i was trying to get there early BUT my brother decided to do some bullshit. i also had my mother when i was telling my brother off jumping on my case telling me to stop arguing with him. basically, i was dealing with a lot of bullshit AND i was having people around me telling me to tolerate it. well, i'm tired of that shit. i love my family and my friends but at the same time, i'm beginning to look at myself more and care. i don't want to get drunk, i want to come out the closet, i don't want to pretend that i am no longer in pain, and basically i don't want to live my life around what other people want me to do or want me to be. i want to live life how i want. my homeboy tells me to be positive instead of being negative. he's right BUT @ the same time, i feel that the things that are in my environment being pushed on to me is negative anyways. so it's time i man up and walk away from it.
- Joined
- Jan 11, 2005
- Posts
- 43,808
- Reaction score
- 73
- Points
- 0
get job for some coin and self esteem....
entry level in the work force is okay...you got cycled
into fast food and stopped for a while...now, try
something different, Labour is not demeaning...
you in fairly good shape?...warehouse
grunt or bargain hardware store clerk. Hell, even
WalMart pays a pretty good start. It isn't going to
be your life...but it will get you started.
dr appt for a professional ear. Tell the white coat you
really don't want chemicals you want to walk not float.
Then ask if/how he can help. Your last post shows some
signs man....but you gotta take the steps.
Shit man, I'm sorry...always sounds like I'm lecturing.
entry level in the work force is okay...you got cycled
into fast food and stopped for a while...now, try
something different, Labour is not demeaning...
you in fairly good shape?...warehouse
grunt or bargain hardware store clerk. Hell, even
WalMart pays a pretty good start. It isn't going to
be your life...but it will get you started.
dr appt for a professional ear. Tell the white coat you
really don't want chemicals you want to walk not float.
Then ask if/how he can help. Your last post shows some
signs man....but you gotta take the steps.
Shit man, I'm sorry...always sounds like I'm lecturing.
R
refujiunderground
Guest
no need to apologize. you don't sound like you're lecturing at all.
i do need a job. trying to learn how to manage my funds. make a dollar out of 15 cents. wasted a lot of money on bs with the last job i had. also need to get cracking with the whole law school thing for next year.
i actually set up an appointment last month with a psychiatrist to meet up on january 17th.
it's time to take control of my l-i-f-e.
looking back at what mr. rochester said yesterday, he hit the nail on the head. last night, i was being extremely negative and debbie downish. came in with a negative attitude and etc because i was stressed out with the fact that i was doing something that i didn't want to do. instead of just staying home or having the balls to say to my homeboy and my brother, "i'm gay so i'm going to a gay bar". i decided to make their trip and mine as miserable as possible by complaining and etc. i just was afraid to be open about it and to allow myself to be free instead of storing everything up. i know that coming out is a wonderful feeling. i also am reminded whenever i'm with my homeboy or someone that doesn't know that i'm gay but thinks i'm straight, it's a horrible feeling.
this year, i HAVE to come out to my homeboy. i plan on going to the gay pride parade. i plan on being out to more people and i don't care what my family thinks. my mom doesn't want me to tell anybody and neither does my brother. the thing i feel that it's holding me back from doing the thing that i want to do. i can't take being in fear anymore. i wanted to be in a gay club grinding to some guys or have some guys grinding on me.
dance to whatever and etc. fuck being in some straight club where there's 300 people in a room designated for 100 people. i will NEVER do that again. i want to thank lefty, johannbessler, and mr. rochester for giving me advice and looking out for me. i love you guys.
borg69unimatrix
Resistance
- Joined
- Jul 8, 2007
- Posts
- 11,829
- Reaction score
- 48
- Points
- 0
Yes Refuji - it's good you're getting help. Like JohanB said, don't over do it, or this will be your phase 2:
I've actually noticed a lot of progress with you so far, on your own. I think with guidance, you'll do great.
I've actually noticed a lot of progress with you so far, on your own. I think with guidance, you'll do great.
xbuzzerx
CE&P Secret Police
I can't claim to know Refuji well but I do definitely think he seems more settled and such than when I first got here to JUB.
MrRochesterNY
JUB Addict
I love the way Refuji writes when he is not stressed out. He can handle language better than many people can today. He may have the makings of a good lawyer or a writer. I hope he gets the chance to grow his talents and become the person that he wants to be.
Hoping for the best for a very likable guy who deserves better than he has gotten in the past. May 2013 be the best year yet for our Refujiunderground.
Hoping for the best for a very likable guy who deserves better than he has gotten in the past. May 2013 be the best year yet for our Refujiunderground.
- Status