Just wondering..

[The Big Shot]

Okay, so about a week ago, I met this guy named Robert. He's really a cute guy, and isn't the "shallow" cute. It's just what I like. Anyway, we met up on Thursday night and we had a great evening of making out, giving oral and just being really hands on. Here's the catch though. According to him (and I have no reason to believe otherwise) it was his first time with a guy. He claims that he's still attracted to girls (so he's bi, basically) but gets off to gay porn. I went in this with low expectations, but he blew them away. I repeatedly questioned his statement of it being his first time just because everything came to him so natural.

Anyway, tonight I invited him over to the house to actually hang out but due to time constraints, things felt kinda rush and we were both horny as sin so we just hopped to it and it was better than the first time. I got the hickies (god damnit) to prove it. Right now, it's neither a "going-out relationship" nor a fuck buddy relationship because it's only the second go round. Honestly, I have only had two boyfriends in the past (I'm bi...) and both of them were jokes of a relationship that lasted beans for time. I'd really like to get to know this guy more, which I told him, and he's okay with.

However, I'm not sure if he knows what I meant by that statement. I asked him if I was coming on too strong because we've been exchanging texts like mad since we met and things seem to be going fine. I'd like a relationship with him but I wanna get to know him a little better first, but I'm not sure how to go about this. I don't want to scare him away so soon by telling him that I'd be interested in dating him, but I also don't wanna get too close to him WITHOUT a relationship only to see whatever we have go down the crapper eventually.

Ice breakers, basically, is what I am looking for. How do I go about this?

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Talk Less - Do More.

Relax and catch a breath or two.

Do not talk Relationship at this stage. It is far too soon.

Start dating and see how both of you adjust yourselves to that idea.

Meet up for everything indiscriminately. For sex, movies, food, whatever. Try and test the waters of spending lots of time together.

Part with the idea that Relationships are declared and embrace the idea that LTRs are made with lots of painstaking work over the time. That time is best used for dating and making sure that the two of you are really meant for each other.

Once a few months of dating are over, sit and talk honestly about your feelings and your plans. Make committments only if you really intend to respect them.

Put in an awful lot of good luck in the mixture, too.

SC

 

[RicanDAB]

Hey Big Shot,

If I understood your general question correctly, you want to get to know him better BEFORE you start dating?

When you hook-up or have a fuck-buddy, it's just SEX, and that is all that you're interested in getting out of it, case closed. Dating however, IS the first step in getting to know a guy before deciding if there should be a relationship. In my book dating is NOT a relationship, which is what you may be thinking it is. Dating involves going out and spending time together and taking time to decide if this is the guy you want to be exclusive with -- some people date more than one person at a time and some do not, and personally I am comfortably the latter. If you decide that it is, and he decides you are too - then it becomes monogamous and THEN it's a relationship.

Sorry for the Relationship 101 lesson ... but if you think this guy feels like you do, that he wants to get to know you better -- ask him if he wants to start dating. The worst he could say is "no". But better yet, don't mention the "dating" word and continue with things the way they are and start to incorporate more dating-like activities like movies, dinners, walks in the park, etc, thereby making the sex less of a focal point in why you guys are together (but of course that does not mean the sex is not as intense ) ... if a relationship is in the cards, that will become clear in time - as long as you do not rush things.

I am writing this scenario based on how my own relationship evolved. It did in fact start off as a hookup with some awesome breathless , but we fell into the movies, dinners, shopping and conversations. The turning point in our dating-to-relationship was spending Thanksgiving together. We're now in a relationship and the is better than ever ...

During the dating process, you guys will naturally find out whether you are each other's Mr. Right. Let things happen naturally and never push things to go your way, since disturbing the natural flow tends to backfire on ya!

Hope I was of some help -- Good luck buddy!

 

[The Big Shot]

So as a first date of sorts, what would JUBBERS suggest?

Movies and dinner?

 

[The Big Shot]

Also, just a note. I pm'ed him through MySpace, and this is what I said:

Had fun tonight (this morning) and would love to do it again. Maybe we can actually hang out or some shit? I dunno. It's up to you. I just wanted to say it was awesome and compliment you on a few things:

1. Great kisser. GREAT kisser.

2. Amazing lips.

3. Your body. WTF were you talking about? Your body = thumbs up.

So anyway, if you're interested in like, hanging out and having some laughs and shit too then it's on. But yeah, I just wanted to say thanks for tonight. It was really fun.

- Matt

That was after the original hook up. He replied earlier this morning (I just saw his response) and this is what he came up with:

dude thanks you hella made me feel good about myself .... thanks... and thanks for this morning lol it was kool ... yup yup alright well we gots to hang out more and get to know each other better just hang out and shit you know

 

[RicanDAB]

Gee Big Shot, I must be getting OLD ... that "yup yup and some shit" talk is way outta my generation LOL .. but I understood what y'all were saying [and shit]

I would go with just the movie to start ... dinner AND movie really earmarks is as a true date! Both later on would be fine, but I assume that you're feeling it out without actually asking him on a date. Yeah, best to just go with one event and see how that goes.

 

[hermanding]

i'd say rican is right. the movies - if not, lunch together - one thing. if you both are enjoyng each other's company, it will show - to both of you. if not, that's gonna show too, and sex partner will be about the most that will come from it. becuz the sex has been good so far, don't try to see things in the dating that aren't there. try to be objective (geez, did i say that) if possible and not sugar coat things. getting to know one another takes some time. by all means,keep having the sex during it - it's the greatest cement in the world. best of luck
ding

 

[The Big Shot]

Gee Big Shot, I must be getting OLD ... that "yup yup and some shit" talk is way outta my generation LOL .. but I understood what y'all were saying [and shit]

I would go with just the movie to start ... dinner AND movie really earmarks is as a true date! Both later on would be fine, but I assume that you're feeling it out without actually asking him on a date. Yeah, best to just go with one event and see how that goes.

I'd probably go with the dinner or lunch first just so we can actually talk since you can't do that during a movie. And LMFAO @ the talk from our generation. Well, I'm 18 and I try and type how I speak which is pretty articulate but I slip up every now and then (hence the "and shit..."). But honestly, I am just glad he messaged me back with what he did because it basically gives me the go-ahead to say "oh, lets go grab a bite to eat" and not have him look at me like I'm crazy.

 

[The Big Shot]

So we exchanged some texts and agreed that we're both cheap as sin and would rather eat some food at my house and watch a movie on TV as well as talk. I plan on trying to set the mood to make him feel comfortable. I don't want to get too silly and over the top what with candles and what have you, but I plan on cooking something simple and having a good time with him at home. Holding hands, laying with each other, cuddling, etc. I dig stuff like that, and I'm hoping he does too.

 

[RicanDAB]

I don't want to get too silly and over the top what with candles and what have you ...

Nooo .... no candles! LOL Not yet anyway

... but I plan on cooking something simple and having a good time with him at home. Holding hands, laying with each other, cuddling, etc. I dig stuff like that, and I'm hoping he does too.

That sounds really nice Big Shot ... I can't wait to hear how it goes. If he does not think that it's sweet, well then -- send him over and we will !!!

 

[Soilwork]

dating men who are bi is just begging for trouble.

but that's just my pig-headed opinion.

I say it's too early to analyse. Just enjoy the ride.

 

[The Big Shot]

Well, I am bisexual and one would have to assume that he is also bisexual so what's the big deal? Neither of us are seeing anyone else and he seems to be more than interested in getting to know me and seeing where this may lead to. We've been texting and talking like crazy since we met and at this point, everything seems to be pointing in the right direction (*side note* I received another text from him as I typed that last sentence...) We were supposed to hook up tonight but plans got ruined on both ends, so hopefully it goes down sometime this week. I'm sure it will. But can you be a little more specific as to why you think it's trouble?

 

[Soilwork]

naw.

If you're bisexual too, knock yourself out.

 

[The Big Shot]

Well, I think we're on for Friday. We both want to try and meet up before then but between my work schedule and his family which is currently in town, things are hectic, but we're both attempting to make time to see each other. That's what makes me feel happy about this. He doesn't HAVE to do anything, but he wants to.

 

[Soilwork]

we're exoecting a full report on Sunday Morning.

Good luck.

(and don't forget to wrap it, ok?)

 

[The Big Shot]

I'll definately keep you posted. This is really the only place I can speak freely about my endeavours so you can damn sure bet this thread will grow...

(and thanks for the tip )

 

[RicanDAB]

Well, I am subscribed to this thread ... so I am an inquiring mind that wants ta'know!

All the best man!

 

[Theyoungman]

Yeah. The advice you got is good.

Its too soon for you to start talking about getting serious... THats a mistake I know I shouldn't do, but I'm doing it anyway with someone...

I need to stop before it gets ugly.

 

[The Big Shot]

Quick update;

We talked last night, and HE proposed the question of whether or not we should actually and/or officially become an item. I told him that I'd love that and to go one some dates with him and see what happens and he told me that he's been thinking of me all the time since we met and he hasn't ever felt like that or what have you. Anyway, despite the fact that we both think it's really fast, we both agreed to keep this as an actual relationship rather than a fuck buddy type or whatever. So basically, we're starting slow (despite taking it fast) and are officially a "we".

Hopefully that doesn't sound too awful...

 

[RicanDAB]

​

You're dating ... how nice!

Go slow, smart move ... and see how everything goes ... and we'll be here watching!!