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Letter to the community

  • Thread starter Thread starter Croft85
  • Start date Start date
C

Croft85

Guest
To the community

Why do we have pride week? From what I've seen and experienced, we as a community have nothing to be proud of. I thought when I came out i would be welcomed into a loving, supportive ,community but instead it's a community of nothing but spiteful, hateful, judgmental, body shaming community. How can we be prideful of a community like that? Being gay, bi, trans, lesbian etc.. we all know how hard life is, with all the bullying and intolerance. so why are we doing the same thing, others have done to us? All I have seen, are gays puting each other down. Instead of helping and building each other up. I have been told I'm too ugly. I'm too fat. I'm not good enough to find love. By my own community. I was starting to believe them. But they are Wrong we all deserve love,we all deserve support. So I ask you. What do we have to be proud of?
 
Were you around at the start of the AIDS epidemic?

The LGBT community were the ones who rallied round to offer support to those infected, this was when AIDS was indeed a terminal illness.

The straight community are not paragons of virtue, everything you listed also happens on the straight scene.
 
medic1 said:
Were you around at the start of the AIDS epidemic?

The LGBT community were the ones who rallied round to offer support to those infected, this was when AIDS was indeed a terminal illness.

The straight community are not paragons of virtue, everything you listed also happens on the straight scene.
Click to expand...

You miss my point. I'm not taking about the AIDs epidemic. I'm taking about the lack of respect gays have for each other. Weather it be in real life or media gay are put each other down and being nasty. Yes we survived and persevered but we are not United. All I have ever seen are caddy bitches.
And for the record I'm not talking about any one here this what I've seen in life.
 
^I find it somewhat ironic that a bisexual man makes a thread about "the gays" lacking respect for each other. For the record, and as many here know, my husband is bisexual.

Like straight men, gay men come in all colours, stripes and attitude.

May i suggest that it may be a good idea for you to broaden your horizons when looking for like minded men.

Yes, i have come across the sort of gay men you describe, mainly in gay clubs and pubs, where many are judged on how they look and act. I have also met many gay men in social situations outside the "scene" who are "normal joe's".
 
Methinks you mistake what LGBT community is. We are not a commune. We haven't all taken some vow of unity or anything like that, not even close. We're a political caucus. What gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgendered people have in common isn't a broad set of values, but a very specific legal and social agenda. We see full citizenship with the same rights, liberties, respect, and power that our straight counterparts in society have.

Otherwise, we are conservative and liberal, black and white, mean and nice, frugal and wasteful, rock and country, devout and damned, smart and stupid, butch and fem, and the full range of human traits.

On a personal note, you mention several problems in your post that touch on other threads you have started, not all of which can be discussed here in Hot Topics because of rules about flaming anything said in certain protected forums. However, reading your threads, I'd still venture to guess your greater problem is your isolation and lack of employment. Your self-esteem and social value will increase when you find yourself on a path to being productive and integrated and less idle and isolated.

And, as several of us have posted, you need to find society in person, attend the LGBT social Meetup.com group in neighboring Birmingham, and widen your horizons. Maybe you'll feel more comfortable in your own skin once you've made platonic friends with others who are further along on that continuum. Make some goals, affix dates to them, and work toward realizing them. Good luck.
 
Too many of us hold the shortsighted view that primarily, we are all bound by our attraction to the same sex. This only leads to cruelty and alienation.
 
I have to agree with the OP. Some gay men are the most judgemental creatures on the planet. Personally I think it's a defence mechanism, but it is misguided. I just thank God every day for my fella. If I had to date in today's gay culture, I'd be lost.
 
Croft85 said:
To the community

Why do we have pride week? From what I've seen and experienced, we as a community have nothing to be proud of. I thought when I came out i would be welcomed into a loving, supportive ,community but instead it's a community of nothing but spiteful, hateful, judgmental, body shaming community. How can we be prideful of a community like that? Being gay, bi, trans, lesbian etc.. we all know how hard life is, with all the bullying and intolerance. so why are we doing the same thing, others have done to us? All I have seen, are gays puting each other down. Instead of helping and building each other up. I have been told I'm too ugly. I'm too fat. I'm not good enough to find love. By my own community. I was starting to believe them. But they are Wrong we all deserve love,we all deserve support. So I ask you. What do we have to be proud of?
Click to expand...

I don't know why you expect that just because you love cock that every other person who loves cock would be supportive.

Pride was borne out of fighting for recognition and civil rights...to be visible and defiant.

We achieved that goal. It was never intended to be a cuddle fest where everyone gets a participation trophy.

It sounds to me like you feel unfairly treated because you are not in the best shape or everyone's idea of a cover model. And yes, the insecure beautiful guys can be unnecessarily cruel to those who aren't as fabulous as they are. But it is usually reserved for those who may clearly not be doing the best with what they have but seem to have a chip on their shoulder.

So. Work on your appearance to the point where it looks like you care. You can own being a bigger body type. Be a good listener. Be friendly. Accept that some guys might not be nice people. Spend your time around the ones who are.

But remember that as a collective entity, homos have a huge amount to be proud of. It has been hard, hard work over half a century to get where we are today.
 
Perhaps pride is an ideal. We haven't fully realized it. But if we aren't reminded about it, it will never come to pass.

I'm sorry people have been unwelcoming and unkind, especially to you. You now have a good model what NOT to be like. I'm sure your path will cross someone else's who will need affirmation and support. You know what to do.

There's so much to be done.
 
sounds to me like you need some new people around you.
 
"
rareboy said:
I don't know why you expect that just because you love cock that every other person who loves cock would be supportive
Click to expand...
"
You miss the point. I was expecting a community to be more supportive because we all know what it's like to be judged put down and shunned. I wasn't expecting our love for cock to Bond us. I was expecting a community with welcoming opening arms because we all survived well persevered, I was expecting a "congratulations you make it good for you" but instead I get "why the f*** are you here".
 
Croft85 said:
"I don't know why you expect that just because you love cock that every other person who loves cock would be supportive"
You miss the point. I was expecting a community to be more supportive because we all know what it's like to be judged put down and shunned. I wasn't expecting our love for cock to Bond us. I was expecting a community with welcoming opening arms because we all survived well persevered, I was expecting a "congratulations you make it good for you" but instead I get "why the f*** are you here".
Click to expand...

As has been said, 'all stripes', unfortunately the ones that stick out are the abrasive types. It is that way in all groups, people go to church and don't remember the kind old lady that greeted them, they remember the loud mouth that just had to make some dumb comment. People are people, being gay, str8 or bi doesn't make any of us less abrasive, bigoted or offensive. All groups have a pecking order and individuals that guard their place closely.
 
Croft85 said:
I was expecting a community to be more supportive because we all know what it's like to be judged put down and shunned. I wasn't expecting our love for cock to Bond us. I was expecting a community with welcoming opening arms because we all survived well persevered, I was expecting a "congratulations you make it good for you" but instead I get "why the f*** are you here".
Click to expand...

I went through the same thing. That was back in the early 80's when things were a lot worse for us than they are now. Society treats us so shabbily and we take it out on each other..

..or not. I went through the same thing with the punk community. And later when I moved into an artist's collective. I came to the conclusion that I just wasn't cut out to be part of any group.

You could do the same. You don't have to feel you have to be "part of the community" to live a rich, satisfying gay lifestyle.
 
You know how Anglos are: they'll parade for anything.
 
Peloso said:
Too many of us hold the shortsighted view that primarily, we are all bound by our attraction to the same sex. This only leads to cruelty and alienation.
Click to expand...

I would argue that we are not bound. We voluntarily associate. Some won't be seen with a fat guy, period. Others may eschew anyone who hasn't rejected religion. Still others may abhor the company of druggies.

We all chose our associations. Being attracted to men is no more of a bond than straights being attracted to the opposite sex. If you were to walk up to a straight man, identify as straight, and expect him to be your friend or a buddy because you have that in common, it would be a sure failure. Why would it be different with gay men. We are no more virtuous than the straight population. We're gay, not good. There's a difference.

From the brief engagements I have witnessed with the OP, JUB was as welcoming and helpful as with anyone, but it's not a blank check. And, as I said earlier, online "communities" are not actual society, only a virtual form. You have to meet gay men and women and in situations where it's not about dating so that you can benefit from neutral association, where you have something to give as well as take.
 
LGBT's have a lot to be proud of, and also a few things to be ashamed of.

You seem to have trouble connecting with the right people. That's perfectly natural, for many of us it takes time, even years, but finding a community of LGBT's that's welcoming is a two-way street... there has to be an exchange... that means you have to put something in... you don't seem to feel up to that at this point.
 
Harke the Boeotarch said:
LGBT's have a lot to be proud of, and also a few things to be ashamed of.

You seem to have trouble connecting with the right people. That's perfectly natural, for many of us it takes time, even years, but finding a community of LGBT's that's welcoming is a two-way street... there has to be an exchange... that means you have to put something in... you don't seem to feel up to that at this point.
Click to expand...

What do you mean "i don't seem to feel up to it?"
 
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