Loving relationship is basically selfish

[ibill1]

Yes. All relationships are inherently selfish. People are with others because they need something, want something, want to avoid something...etc.

The selfishness of love and the recklessness it brings about in us is perfectly captured in this short poem from Yeats:

The Mermaid

A mermaid found a swimming lad,
Picked him for her own,
Pressed her body to his body,
Laughed; and plunging down
Forgot in cruel happiness
That even lovers drown

This must be sad to go through life with this outlook. However, it is true in another perspective:

I did need something. I needed him by my side ever since I first set eyes on him all those years ago.
I did want something. I wanted to build a life with this guy and share every aspect of it with him. When we were teenagers we had no idea what the hell we were doing, but it worked out.
I did want to avoid something. I wanted to avoid the prospect of waking up in the morning and rolling over and not having him lying next to me. He was there, at least for 33yrs. of my life.
We were reckless. We graduated from university together and bought our house together when we were 23yrs. old. We lived here for close to 30 yrs. building our life together.

I'm a selfish bastard!

 

[sixthson]

The question is not whether humans are selfish (that's a given), the question is if our selfishness dominates our lives and our relationships.

 

[ibill1]

Yes, you aaa...rrreeee

Ibill..It's difficult not to spot you within the crowd because you always brought back same thing: The death of your beloved husband. We understand it's difficult to endure, but you gotta let it go man..take off that divorce status and find more happiness out there.
Yes you can! But I know it's hard.

The reason I said that because I know..there is a piece of sadness and energy drown everytime you talked about him.

I'm not divorced, so I won't be taking off that divorce status, whatever that means. If you read sadness in my posts than that is your problem. Of course I'm sad that he's gone, but that will never change. I'm willing to bet that you have no idea what the reality is in my situation. It's funny that you said it is time to let it go. When this first happened I was told by friends and family to be wary of those that say it's time to move on or get over it because people who have experienced a loss would never say that. What fractures me is how you can say that to someone you don't even know. If you don't want to read my post then just skip by them.

I post when the situation is something that I have experience with and I have something to add like the post about a relationship that is all about just getting something out of it for ones self. Hence, the selfish bastard part.

No, I haven't thrown myself on the trash heap. I date, I travel extensively, and I'm an all around happy guy. My relationship, I have learned, is something a lot of younger guys haven't experienced yet and it is my way of letting them know it can happen to them. To be gay, to be happy, and be in a long relationship.

As many people have said, we should write about what we know. If it's tiring for you, I suggest you read something else. I have moved on, quite successfully, but I never have to let it go, even if there is such a thing. I enjoy writing about Steve and I and will continue to do so.

 

[ibill1]

@bill== agghhhhh..... excuse the "divorce" comment.
That was PURE tecnhical error sorry sorry 1000x sorry

Im glad you're okay and dont worry, I wont talk about this again, Im pretty cautious with my words, just say necessary thing, if I curious or concerned.

Anyway, have a nice day

Back at you buddy. Thanks for your concern, I do appreciate it. Bill

 

[Kabluey]

Tend to think that being in love inspires selflessness.
Hard to think what I wouldn't do for someone I love.