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  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Luvin my roommate...

I would call the post office and seek their advice. They may be able to send him some type of official notice or possibly have a postal inspector contact him.

If that doesn't work, I would contact the detective assigned to the case and see if he can be of assistance.

Given that he is ignoring you, I would strong recommend against any further attempts to contact him directly. Definitely don't get a group of friends together and go over there. That's what OJ did and he's on trial now for charges that could result in life in prison.

I hate to say it, but chances are that you will never see that mail. He will most likely say he doesn't have any for you. He might have already tossed in the trash.

If there are items of a financial nature, you should probably contact those institutions and change the account numbers. It would also be a good idea to put a fraud alert on your credit reports.

Good luck!
 
man oh man did i fuck up.

so i did nothing about the mail situation. i called my family and made sure nothing of real value was there...my sister even went and bought me the same dvds and sent them again :). then i called my school, bank, and student loan offices and had them change the address.

anyway since that night i still haven't spoken to my 'friend'. or i hadn't. a friend of ours went to pick up a car unlock clicky thingy of his off him and told me thet when they met up he was real timid at first, and then confided that he thought i had sent this other friend to beat him up. i'm pretty hurt that he would be afraid i would do something like that. pissed off as i've been, i would never hurt anyone i cared about like that...and despite it all i still do care about him.

he called me tonight. i can only imagine how our conversation might have gone, had i let it. instead i answered with a quick, "and what the fuck do you want?" and he hung up. i can't believe myself. i wanna be mad so bad, but i feel absolutely shitty. what if he was calling to apologize? honestly i'm not ready to accept an apology anyway, but i should have let him speak his mind. i almost wanna call him back...but i haven't. i'm fuming at myself right now. it's like for the first couple weeks i'd spend hours waiting for him to call, text, anything...but he waited too long. long enough for me to talk to a few people and get good and pissed off. now, when he finally did call i snapped at him and got absolutely nowhere.

i don't know that any good could have come from it, but it certainly would have been better than this.

i think i picked the best handle ever for these forums. i keep wanting to type it in how i feel but i think it would be too cliche, lol.

well, on the plus side i've been chatting with a couple guys in my area somewhat frequently, and i think soon i may actually...for the first time...have an open guy...maybe even a boyfriend... i can hang with and start trying to push this shit behind me. i think i'm getting a little over zealous with them though...rushing shit for this...which is a pretty personal and selfish reason to go into a relationship with someone. either way even though i'm totally torn over this situation, i'm pumped and giddy like i was 15 again about these new prospects.

well there you go i just had to vent.
 
Don't worry, you did the right thing. An apology can never be too late, what sucks is he's not sorry enough to still apologize to you regardless of what you say. He was wrong and if he wants to apologize, there's no point chickening out about it.

Second, I'm happy for you. You seem to have a great family supporting you through this and hopefully you do meet somebody great who won't be afraid to be himself around you.

Your friend doesn't deserve you. Despite everything he's done, you're the one who still cares about him and I can't blame you, you guys have been best friends forever. But it may be time to move on. Don't expect an apology, but if one comes your way, take it. It may be the closure you don't know you're looking for.
 
i don't think i can take it at this point...even though it is what i want most.

i think i'm fucked.
 
i can't seem to edit a post...well i read over this and it seems wrong...

by take it i mean an apology.
 
You gotta work through all of hese different emotions in order to move on, otherwise, it wouldn't be healthy to try to repress them all. At least you are aware of his feelings still - otherwise you wouldn't be human. If the right time ever came in which an apology happened, then let it be, and if not, then at some point, as hard as it might seem, you also have to let go. Otherwise, all of the hurt might come out in other ways that might not be so good. you take care, TwistedUp.
 
Hopefully you aren't headed for a life of drama.

Time to move on and let it all go.

Avoid the psycho closet cases and next time you move out from somewhere, remeber to be organized enough to get the post office to forward your mail.

It seems to me that you were using the mail thing as an excuse to keep picking at this scab on your life.

Let it heal and don't let these events take over and be the only thing that defines you.
 
Don't eat yourself up over it. It's over. Even if he did apologize, what else would there be to say? It would not be healthy for you if he asked you back into his life. He's a criminal now for domestic violence and assaulting you. He made his choices, and there is nothing he can say or do that will bring back the good times.

What I am saying is.. Some things cannot be undone.
 
Just let it go.
Making a terrible situation even worse is not worth pursuing.
He will be punished by the courts. Forget him and move on with your life. Look forward and not backward, it just will not help ease your pain.
 
Twistedup said:
i can't seem to edit a post...well i read over this and it seems wrong...

by take it i mean an apology.
Click to expand...

twisted I would have just ignored his call, he ignored you when you tried to contact him about your mail. You and this guy need an extended break from one another, he needs time to get some help.
 
Well...I'm back again. I sure hope you guys don't think I've been using you all this time...but I guess I have.

It's been 3 years? Damn.

I've moved on from the nightmare that prompted this thread. I've been in and out of relationships and am doing great career-wise, but i have come unto another dilemma.

I hadn't spoken a word to my ex since my last update here...well i did call him once about a mattress but it was very short, concise, and forgettable.

Now I face a new problem. Hanging out with some old friends tonight, I get word that he's been really messed up...quit his great job, doing hard drugs, burning bridges... well evidently it happened about when i left...or started to at least.

I feel terrible. I feel like I abandoned him at what was probably the worst time of his life because of one simple fight, and to better myself. I feel somehow responsible for this.

Does time truly mend old wounds? I wish, right now, to call him soooooooooo badly. Can i approach this without even mentioning a past that will be far too painful for me?

I don't even know what I post this here for. This is something I should deal with on my own, but in the past I've found such amazing advice here...

What do I do?

For the past years I have been convinced he was doing great and that I was the fuckup between us...now I know that to be false, but it makes me feel 10X shittier. How can I do this?

I feel so horrible. I feel like I need to hone in now, as I did in high school, to pull him out of all this and show him love and security...but I also feel like I cannot overlook our past...

This best friend/BF thing is the worst thing that ever happened to me. For about a decade I fantasized about it...for a few months I lived it...and for years and perhaps the rest of my life I shall regret it.

My newer-ex (don't ask) tells me that I am crazy, and that I need to just leave him alone...I can't do it though! We were too close for too long and now I...

now I...

now i don't know what the fuck to do with myself. i just want to move on and never dwell on him again, but i think that i will die before it happens.

Is this love? Is this stalking? someone please make sense of this for me.
 
If you go back a few of your posts, I remember you saying something like: I'll forever perpetuating the cycle.

You already got out of this cycle of nightmare, why in the world are you thinking of diving head over heel?

If you want to do something good for the world, go donate money to the Tsunami relief in Japan. It's his life, he fucked it up. NOT YOU! Let him live with his consequences.

Do not try to be a knight in shining armor! This ain't no fairy tale.

However, I am a stranger and I have an inkling you will just do the opposite of what I just told you. So what you can do is to find out who the closest person he has at the moment, and indirectly help him. Just find out resources (about gay life, recovery from drug abuse, a new job, a therapist...whatever you feel that he needs) and mention it to the person who can connect those resources to your "friend" And consider that your final closure. Move on, man.
 
Welcome back, and thank you for the update.

There is no reason for you to feel guilty. He destroyed himself. He was literally destroying you when you were involved in his life. You cannot come back from domestic abuse. He was already a mess before you exited from his life. How could you not expect his destructive behavior to eventually lead him to a downward spiral?

You have a wonderful life and a boyfriend who cares about you. This should be your focus.

He's checking out of life, and that's his choice and his business. You have nothing to do with his life anymore and you are free from self-destruction and abuse. Breathe a sigh of relief in celebration, not regret.
 
this is the first i've seen of this thread - and it is quite the incredible situation.

But we are all responsible for ourselves. You didn't DO anything TO him. Yes, he freaked out - went off the deep end - and you got caught up in it. But, i suspect if it weren't for this episode, something else would have pushed him over the cliff. Don't dwell on your involvement - in fact it is a bit conceited for you to think that you had the power to save him by some act.

yes, you probably should have taken his phone call and listened to what he had to say. But given all that transpired, I doubt many of us would have.

Everything is going well for you now - Kudos to you!. But please don't let this drag you down. It's over. Leave it there.
 
I suggest that you read this entire thread again. Time has a way of making things not seem as bad as they really were. Your safety depended on cutting him out of your life. There is no reason to think the situation has improved. Seeing you could prove to be a lighten rod and lead him into a rage or another bad reaction. If you were to reach out and help him, chances are that you would only be enabling him and thus hurting him further. He needs to hit rock bottom and seek help on his own. If that happens, he will probably join a 12 step program. One of the steps will be apologizing to those that he hurt. That will be the appropriate time to try to work things out with him.
 
Wow I just read this thread now. Crazy stuff.

I think I understand how you feel. As you said, you've been in and out of relationships since, then somebody you had feelings for comes back into the picture, but has completely fucked up his life.

The most important thing here is your own life. Don't throw away your success to save this guy. If you decide to become involved at all in his life, don't get in too deep right away. Be friendly, encourage him to fix his own life. How he reacts and moves forward will be a new test of his character.
 
To the guys who PM'd me asking for pictures of me and my ex or other things...really?...REALLY?

Grow up. It is never ever gonna happen.

Everyone else, thank you for the advice. I tend to get over emotional when I hear about stuff like this and was in a pretty bad place last night. I gonna mull this over for a while.

He was married to a friend of ours from high school because she got very sick and wasn't insured so he used his military benefits and married her to pay for treatment. They are still very close and I'm meeting her for lunch tomorrow. At this point him and I live in entirely different states. Hopefully the two of us can either figure out how to help him or console each other as we watch him go down.

:(
 
Bottom line -

These are his issues and his problems to deal with on his own;
You've done what you could, but couldn't have foreseen what would happen;
 
Twistedup said:
To the guys who PM'd me asking for pictures of me and my ex or other things...really?...REALLY?

Grow up. It is never ever gonna happen.

Everyone else, thank you for the advice. I tend to get over emotional when I hear about stuff like this and was in a pretty bad place last night. I gonna mull this over for a while.

He was married to a friend of ours from high school because she got very sick and wasn't insured so he used his military benefits and married her to pay for treatment. They are still very close and I'm meeting her for lunch tomorrow. At this point him and I live in entirely different states. Hopefully the two of us can either figure out how to help him or console each other as we watch him go down.

:(
Click to expand...

I know everyone else is saying to the contrary, but there's no way I could let someone break that like that, no matter what they did to me (and I've had some pretty shitty stuff happen).

You may never forgive him for what he did (which was extremely serious, and don't downplay how bad it was), but even people who have made horrible mistakes deserve compassion (unless they're totally, irredeemably evil - ie: Hitler).

It would be a bad decision to go see him, but I think it would do a lot of good to calmly talk to him over the phone.

That's real strength, to show compassion where none has been given to you.
 
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