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Married men.

No and no. The only way I would touch a married man is if he and his wife have an arrangement.
 
I have, but stopped when I found out the truth. His pathetic excuse was that his wife wouldn't give him a blowjob.
 
Yes and with two married guys. My first ever sex was with a married man in my late teens. Second time I fell for a very hot married guy but he concealed his status so when I found out I had no choice but to leave him.
 
Quanchi said:
Techniquely yes, two off our friends went to CA to get married (in a same-sex marriage) awhile ago. They been together for years and got married before we met. We met them after Prop 8 pass, although their marriage isn't recognized here. They are in an open relationship and both of them we involved when we played, very fun.

I would only have sex with a married man (or men) if they are in an open relationship and they know what's going on. Also it will have to be with a marriage of two men for me to play.
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To me that is not cheating.

To me it is only cheating if you are married and your partner doesn’t know. Or you are with someone that is married and their partner doesn’t know. Open and poly relationships by definition is not cheating if it is okayed.

Quanchi said:
I also have very little respect for men who conceal their marital status
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Me too. I had a guy awhile back get mad at me because I wouldn't get together with him after he told me. He kept it to himself right until we were about to meet.
 
I'm not married but I wouldn't knowingly sleep with a married man. The idea of it...not going to get into it, but no, hell no.
 
No. I've never dated or screwed any person that was in any sort of relationship--married or just dating. Why? I just don't want to fuck over the innocent gal or guy (I guess) that is on the other end. I see no point in ruining someone else's relationship. Sure, the guy will probably still cheat anyway, but that doesn't mean it has to be w/ me.

However, I'm far from self righteous and my standpoint is somewhat hypocritical since I have cheated on just about every bf I've ever had at least once. Just never w/ a guy that already had a gf.

I'm not an emotional person, so I can't really answer your other thread.
 
i'll admit it...i have. and yes i did it knowingly. it's not that it's something i LOOKED for, but i didn't look away when the opportunities presented themselves. it's really awful, but i kinda didn't really think about all the possible consequences of my actions at the time. or maybe it's just that i selfishly deluded myself into thinking that i wasn't the one in the wrong. like..."He's not MY husband...what do i care if he's stepping out"?

stupid? yes...very!!! self destructive? ABSOLUTELY!!! it's not something i'm proud of, and i know it's something i still need work on. respecting myself that is. there's still this one guy...a guy i lusted after for AWHILE, who i have the hardest time saying no to. i HAVE, but sometimes i just fuck up!oops!
 
Keep in mind that married now includes same sex couples. Does anyone's answer change if the guy is married to a man rather than a woman?
 
depends on how desperate peoples are.
That is why craiglist, manhunt, gloryholes, porn ... etc around.

If people are satisfy, they wouldn't watch porn !!!
 
I can possibly add a third dimension to your question....

I was married for 19 years trying to "get straight." We had been living separate lives (me downstairs and she upstairs) for three years and the relationship had pretty much deteriorated to not talking and I was trying to make it until my daughter graduated from high school.

I was so miserable and talked to some guys on this site which led to me going to Chicago to see what the gay life was like. Needless to say, I had never felt more alive or free. I went home and got a call for the job I have now in DC; flew out the next day and was hired after the interview.

I went back and told my kids who were thrilled; the wife saw I was taking another job from the headline in the paper.

I never had cheated on her during the 19 years although I sure thought about it. I tried to wait until we were divorced because I took the vow seriously.

I have gone out with one guy who was really fantastic -- great head, loved to bottom, wasn't bad at topping. We went on several dates when he told me he could "fall in love" if not for his wife! I then talked to him and he said he had a wife and just had had a new baby!!! Holy shit!

He said he always thought he might be bi but felt he was really gay! I have stayed in touch with him but not sexually. He finally told his wife he thought he was bisexual and she freaked out; hasn't spoken to him and cries all the time. I'm not sure what he or she will do when he admits he's gay and has been fucking around on his wife....

As much as that surprised me, I have met a number of other guys who are cheating on their wives. I will not do anything with a married guy. I find that most are in denial and a relationship is totally out of the question; I'm not into being a mistress, either.

If they want to talk and find out how I dealt with it and made it through, that is one thing; cheating and slurking around is another. Plus I find many are totally oblivious and ignorant about protection and being careful...I really worry what they are risking...
 
thewiz said:
I can possibly add a third dimension to your question....

I was married for 19 years trying to "get straight." We had been living separate lives (me downstairs and she upstairs) for three years and the relationship had pretty much deteriorated to not talking and I was trying to make it until my daughter graduated from high school.

I was so miserable and talked to some guys on this site which led to me going to Chicago to see what the gay life was like. Needless to say, I had never felt more alive or free. I went home and got a call for the job I have now in DC; flew out the next day and was hired after the interview.

I went back and told my kids who were thrilled; the wife saw I was taking another job from the headline in the paper.

I never had cheated on her during the 19 years although I sure thought about it. I tried to wait until we were divorced because I took the vow seriously.

I have gone out with one guy who was really fantastic -- great head, loved to bottom, wasn't bad at topping. We went on several dates when he told me he could "fall in love" if not for his wife! I then talked to him and he said he had a wife and just had had a new baby!!! Holy shit!

He said he always thought he might be bi but felt he was really gay! I have stayed in touch with him but not sexually. He finally told his wife he thought he was bisexual and she freaked out; hasn't spoken to him and cries all the time. I'm not sure what he or she will do when he admits he's gay and has been fucking around on his wife....

As much as that surprised me, I have met a number of other guys who are cheating on their wives. I will not do anything with a married guy. I find that most are in denial and a relationship is totally out of the question; I'm not into being a mistress, either.

If they want to talk and find out how I dealt with it and made it through, that is one thing; cheating and slurking around is another. Plus I find many are totally oblivious and ignorant about protection and being careful...I really worry what they are risking...
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Thank you for the post.
 
Thought I’d offer one type of married man’s perspective. I’ve been married 32 years, and dated three years before we married. My wife – then girl friend – knew within 4 months that I’d slept with men and would need to in the future. She didn’t care. She had only two rules. Don’t sleep with other women – that would be something she’d divorce me for. The other was don’t take anyone into our marital bed. Beyond that she didn’t care, though she didn’t really want to hear about it either.

I have always been honest with other men I’ve been with that I’m married. I always keep the ring on whenever I go out. I also know from my years of experience that I’m not the only one who is or has been in a comparable situation. Thus, from my perspective it’s not “cheating,” and I wouldn’t care to be judged on that basis. It also helps not to judge people who made major decisions in a time much different than it is today, particularly if children were involved, you always loved your wife, and you wanted to maintain an intact family. (My sense is that there is a little bit too much intolerance among younger men because they don’t really know what it was like to be gay or bi in the past. They know about the wild pre-aids sex, but fail to appreciate the social setting and pressures if you didn’t live in New York or San Francisco. Imagine, for example, that you’d gone to law school, but didn’t know if your secret became know whether the moral turpitude rule would be used to deny you your license. That’s how things once were – and not that long ago!)

Having said that, I also don’t think someone should become involved with a married man unless they can deal with all the complications. There are many. Often, because of leading a dual life and not being out of the closet, the emotional needs of a married man are more difficult to deal with. They may be more needy, and at the same time not be in a position to reciprocate the way an out gay man would like. In theory you should be able to have friendships, but jealousy issues seem to be more of a problem. It’s hard for a married man to juggle everything without having everyone feel they are not getting what they deserve.

My experience has been that, far from having it all, I’ve had a lot but never in a way that I was ever a truly whole person. At least I didn’t have to deal with the situation by keeping secrets from my wife. I don’t know how any married man could ultimately handle that kind of secrecy. That doesn’t mean I’ve given up on finding an opportunity where it all comes together. I’m actually a pretty good and worthwhile guy. It just means it’s more complicated. I wouldn’t want to hurt someone else in the process just for my pleasure. If you run into someone like me, go into any relationship with your eyes (and mind) wide open.
 
redvik1 said:
It also helps not to judge people who made major decisions in a time much different than it is today, particularly if children were involved, you always loved your wife, and you wanted to maintain an intact family. (My sense is that there is a little bit too much intolerance among younger men because they don’t really know what it was like to be gay or bi in the past. They know about the wild pre-aids sex, but fail to appreciate the social setting and pressures if you didn’t live in New York or San Francisco. Imagine, for example, that you’d gone to law school, but didn’t know if your secret became know whether the moral turpitude rule would be used to deny you your license. That’s how things once were – and not that long ago!)
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Sorry but violating the trust someone places in you, because you made a choice and then couldn't keep it in your pants has nothing to do with the closet or gay history or age.

I don't care if you're gay, straight, or bi, if you get into an explicitly monogamous relationship you made that choice, you should respect your promise, and if you know you're not going to be able to, then cut the other person loose before you inflict injury on them.

Cheating is dishonest, no matter how you try to justify it.

For that matter the closet is equally dishonest. Just in a different way.
 
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