I was just reading the St. Louis meet-up thread again, which took place before I knew about JUB (I had read it once before, months ago) and now, some of the comments made by JUBbers AFTER the meet-up was over, sound suddenly very strikingly familiar to me.
I too had tears walking away from the last JUBber I saw, on the last day of the meet. I too had tears looking back out of the window of the plane just after it took off for home. And as some of you may know, I've been having my difficulties re-adjusting to my old way of life.
To make so much progress forward for myself, to be amongst all of you, and to be so at ease inside, only to then be forced to literally retrace my steps all the way back home and back to my former existence, was just SO heartbreaking and frustrating for me.
The only solution I've found thus far, after talking to someone on a gay helpline, is to plan a trip to Edinburgh next month, where they have a centre where I may meet some people, and get some advice on where to go next.
I guess I should remind myself more just how lucky I was to be presented with such a fantastic chance to travel away to meet you guys. Only a year ago, the idea that I would ever be presented with such an opportunity would have been INCONCEIVABLE.
And as Lex and Lube and others have pointed out, it's now up to me to take the chances, and make the decisions, to create for myself the sort of life I want, away from the monotonous, isolated, home-bound sort of existence I had for over a decade.
Physically and metaphorically, one journey is over, yet another journey awaits.
