Muff Diving

[marvtha]

i'm marvtha


being as no jubbers would drink with me yesterday...not even my jakie

i went to the lobo lounge last night by my lonesome so screw you all! !

about a half hour after arriving marvtha noticed some beefcake playing pool.
he had broad shoulders and a dinner plate ass...the kind you could eat off of it's so scrumptous!

anyhoo i hadn't quite yet drank enough courage to approach him so i decided to go to the little girl's room before i commenced drinking myself brave!
i came out of the stall and to my surprise ...there stood my hunk o man!

he came up to me and said "aunt flo came to visit unexpectedly and i'm seeing red."
marvtha not know why this man in girls loo talking about his relatives to me but i replied. "oh i hate when kin show up unannounced."
he just laughed and said "i like a gal with a sense of humor"
then he got all business like ......" seriously i got my monthly and gotta plug this up before things get ugly. you got an extra pad?"


marvtha finally studied him closely and noticed the lack of facial hair then saw the "twins" under his..... i mean her.... john deere shirt! HE WAS A SHE!

long story short after she "fixed" herself i found out her name was beulah.
she asked if i'd ever been "muff diving?"
marvtha didn't want to come across any more stupider than i had and replied "sure! i'm wet just thinking about it!"

truthfully i hate water!
after mother found out her new husband hated little girls she tried to drown me in the tub! luckily that third lung came in handy and martha's (mother) arms got tired from the effort! anyway i've feared being under water ever since!

yes marvtha bathes...stop judging....i take showers...not GOLDEN ones though!!!

anyhoo she said in appreciation of my help she was going to show me the fine art of muff diving!

she said hopefully by today her "aunt" would have left so we made a date for this afternoon me and my new friend beulah are off to muff dive!

psssst...what is this muff diving?

marvtha heard of deep sea diving but there are no large bodies of water near!

OH maybe it's like a form of high diving like that one queer fella louganis does?

marvtha kinda scared but always up for new friends and different adventures!!


wish marvtha luck!!!

muff diving marvtha

 

[gmoney]

Me thinks marvtha is in for a big suprise!!

 

[marvtha]

well marvtha don't think mr. louganis' ever been "muff diving?"
i don't think you gays like snacking down at the fish market?

i became suspicious when beulah took me to a motel.
"OH does this place have a large pool and diving board?" marvtha asked.
beulah chuckled "well we might go for a dip later" she replied.
HUH?!?

first we hit the motel lounge where beulah kept buying me shot after shot of jager until' poor marvtha couldn't even get her footing!

"we'd better get a room so you can sleep it off" beulah said throwing me over her shoulder....her stout woman!

next thing i know i wake up and beulah's face is buried in marvtha's muffin!
her tongue remind me of the movie ....the fast & the furious!!!

that's twice now a woman has dined at le marvtha! table for two please!

i could say i went diving and didn't even get my face wet but...that would be lie! marvtha charitable and thought i'd...pay it forward!

don't judge...marvtha gave it a little taste!

beulah's hoo ha was so wet i thought i'd need goggles....and noseplugs!

smelled like long john's down there!!!! seafood potpouri!

marvtha's discovered she doesn't mind the company of women every whip stitch!
but i still like a stiff pickle...sad that usually an ASSHOLE is attached to it though!!!

anyway beulah truck driver and said she might be back this way come late fall.
maybe marvtha will deserve "tongue lashing" by then!?

marvtha the muffin taster

 

[chris0626]

I don't think I've laughed so hard lately!!!

 

[ahotjock71]

marvtha, U

 

[gmoney]

OMG! She liked it! What are we gonna do witcha now?

 

[marvtha]

marvtha, U

marvtha not know there was university in honor of me?
MARVTHA U.....has nice ring no?

probably the scientists get school together so peoples can study marvtha's abnormalites?
marvtha just think of them as extra things to fiddle with
great conversation pieces at dinners though but most times people would violently spew up their meals after seeing some of the more extreme ones.
oh sometimes when you're sober and squemish marvtha can be hard to take...maybe?

hojo...that's my name fo you!

can marvtha dine off that fine ass of yours sometime?

 

[marvtha]

OMG! She liked it! What are we gonna do witcha now?

gmo!

now don't go classifing me as a scissor sister just yet!

marvtha old school..."if it feels good...do it!"

you ever get your face down there all familiars like with a woman's mysterious place?

 

[ahotjock71]

Marvtha University Schools of Psychology & Medical Sciences.

I LOVE it!

My ass is yours for dining anytime. Just watch where you put that candleabra!

 

[chris0626]

gmo!
...you ever get your face down there all familiars like with a woman's mysterious place?

Yes, actually. Wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Turns out, not so much for me.

 

[marvtha]

I don't think I've laughed so hard lately!!!

glad i can be source of amusement for you!

usually i just bring horror and bewilderment.

marvtha harmless though unless messed with.... then....pity your soul because the pain WILL be severe and pain killers will be prescribed. sometimes things have to be sewn back on or maybe skin grafted.... depends on severity!



marvtha pretty drunk now but it's mellow buzz. i got my slayer playin and all loosey goosey.

stayin away from the whiskey for today anyways!

mellow marvtha

 

[marvtha]

Marvtha University Schools of Psychology & Medical Siences.

I LOVE it!

My ass is yours for dining anytime. Just watch where you put that candelabra!

sweetie marvtha been known to get real creative with candles so don't rule out the candleabra just yet!

maybe flip ya over and have a taste of that pickle too! maybe?

 

[gmoney]

gmo!

now don't go classifing me as a scissor sister just yet!

marvtha old school..."if it feels good...do it!"

you ever get your face down there all familiars like with a woman's mysterious place?

Been there, done that, Marvtha! We's hears our tastes buds change every 7 years; wells I'm a prayin' mine a never change a back!!
Nowsa tells me whicha likee better?

 

[marvtha]

Been there, done that, Marvtha! We's hears our tastes buds change every 7 years; wells I'm a prayin' mine a never change a back!!
Nowsa tells me whicha likee better?

gmo.....marvtha believe her likes the actual penis but hate the thing it is attached to! most men have no hair on peaches and are lying bastards.

women can be total bitches too but they can sure eat the pussy better!

now you keep that on the down low!

 

[marvtha]

marvtha gotta scoot
me rhoda and mare are going to the regal beagle for cocktales!
marvtha gotta put her face on and sometimes that can take awhile. especially if i decide to pretty up the third eye.
it's hard to apply mascara to it when its all twitchy!

gmo hojo...pleasure as always

chris if ya ever want to try that muff diving again just give a holler

i'm marvtha

 

[justsimon]

Perhaps Beulah will strap something on for you next time.

 

[rotary]

i'm marvtha

You're also funny as hell! I enjoyed reading this thread; you have a very unique, entertaining way of posting your thoughts.

 

[marvtha]

general you one fine looking man!

marvtha like distinguished looking gentleman who knows how to treat a lady!

you sure you one of those gays? maybe you can at least be "bi?"
hell marvtha like to sample from the tray herself every now and again.

maybe you could give marvtha a try...you use to shell shock....got enough hair on those peaches to not be alarmed when you see marvtha in all her glory or "gory" depending on source.

can you handle it general?
you're making marvtha's hoo ha moister than alice's pound cake

you wanna pound my cake general?

wanna drop a bomb in my "war zone"

marvtha like older men...hell, no spring chicken myself...now you hush about that one!

not looking for sugar dady but you sure could "sweetin" the pot. and right about now my pot is DRIPPING!

tell me to drop and do twenty general....DO IT DAMN YOU!

SHIT...I....


marvtha's gotta go finger herself....you got me hotter than napalm general!

 

[JakeBequette]

being as no jubbers would drink with me yesterday...not even my jakie

Don't even go there bitch you were too busy with kyyle's bunky to even remember anything about me​

 

[marvtha]

Don't even go there bitch you were too busy with kyyle's bunky to even remember anything about me​

i have NEVER been called a bitch by someone i truly thought of as a brother!

cindy had to comb the dried blood clots from my hair this morning and that hasn't hapened in awhile!
"threw that thitthy boy" she said.
if you caled me a bitch to my face you'd be trying to puke up your balls that i shoved down your throat!

kyyle would never say that to me. you are dead to me jakebequette!