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My best freind just sucked my cock. Is he gay?

I wouldn't say anything or do anything to him let him call out all the shots. If he does try to have sex with you then just tell him hey we have to talk and ask him about his gf and sexuality.
 
Let it go unless he breaks up with his girlfriend, however, there isn't anything that you can do about until except maybe jack-off to the fond memory.
 
I understand what you are going through, I too have had a straight friend allow me to do things to them. It ended up with me wishing for more and it hurt the friendship and we no longer talk. It was a great few years while it lasted but in the long run I wish I would not have gone through with it. He is happily married now and I wish we were still friends.
 
Wel478 said:
This is exactly the stupid attitude I mean. NO- it SHOULDN'T remain private if he's in a committed relationship. That's the whole point of a relationship, trust, right? He doesn't get a free pass because he blew a guy. Sorry. Not in normal land. Not if the relationship isn't open, which I doubt it is if this guy is blowing his friend on the sly.

And don't give me that intense male bonding bullshit. Male bonding isn't inherently stronger than a man and woman loving each other. What his friend did may have been beautiful and loving, but he still needs to be upfront with his girlfriend. He OWES her that. If he wants to break up with her and be with his friend he needs to DO IT. Your army situation was different, but because he wasn't honest, look where he's ended up.

I'm just SICK of the attitude that it's OK to cheat on women with guys because guys have "Special bonds" or whatever. No one gets a free pass- people are people and everyone has emotions, and the OP has to recognize there are more than just two people in this situation (which he may have- I'm not blaming or judging him, and he hasn't given us many more details so far).
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I agree with you. It's nice to find a man who actually cares about trust, honesty and fidelity. You'll be a great boyfriend :-).
 
Past this whole straight/gay illusion, what's really going on here to me, is that you're saying you want affection and love in addition to sex. Ie you want this guy to be the 'real thing', your boyfriend, so you care that he's gay because that means, he has a chance at returning your heart.

So I guess there's two things you could do here. You could let this go as a blowjob between friends, and not put any pressure on him, or you could sort out your deeper feelings for him, and see if he wants to date- which of course is riskier. The real issue here I think is that you might want this to be more than this is.

The whole key here is to protect your emotions and look after your feelings, and make sure your feelings won't get sabotaged. And so that means discussing things over with him and finding out where you two stand exactly on your feelings for each other. This of course requires maturity and honesty on both parties, and not game-playing.
 
If your friend retained an erection throughout the time he played and sucked your peter. Yeah, l would definitely say he is gay.

Or maybe...just maybe, he was sleepwanking. lol
 
There are two separate issues here: your friend's sexuality, and your responsibility in regards to his girlfriend.

Your friend chose to fool around with you, so that calls into question his commitment to his girlfriend. Better that he figure that out now rather than later in the midst of a marriage with children. No one in this forum knows the strength of your three relationships to each other, so we probably shouldn't second guess what is morally required. You'll figure it out.

No, your friend is not necessarily gay. I'm a psychiatrist and have seen all the research on this subject, and surveys consistently show that most men who have sex with men consider themselves straight. In part, that shows the inadequacy of our labels. In reality, most men and women have the capacity to enjoy sex with both genders, but not everyone chooses to explore. Your friend might just be bi-curious, or he might have strong feelings for you (both intimate and sexual), or he might be gay. Maybe you'll find out together, but it's a good idea not to make any assumptions. If you approach him as if he is gay and needs to come out of the closet, you might scare him off. Treat what happened openly and casually, not like a mystery that needs to be sorted out, and let him know you enjoyed it.

Keep in mind that he might also feel ashamed that he serviced you, which in our culture puts him in a more feminine or gay role. It might help if you let him know you'd be happy to return the favor.
 
Flexuality said:
There are two separate issues here: your friend's sexuality, and your responsibility in regards to his girlfriend.

Your friend chose to fool around with you, so that calls into question his commitment to his girlfriend. Better that he figure that out now rather than later in the midst of a marriage with children. No one in this forum knows the strength of your three relationships to each other, so we probably shouldn't second guess what is morally required. You'll figure it out.

No, your friend is not necessarily gay. I'm a psychiatrist and have seen all the research on this subject, and surveys consistently show that most men who have sex with men consider themselves straight. In part, that shows the inadequacy of our labels. In reality, most men and women have the capacity to enjoy sex with both genders, but not everyone chooses to explore. Your friend might just be bi-curious, or he might have strong feelings for you (both intimate and sexual), or he might be gay. Maybe you'll find out together, but it's a good idea not to make any assumptions. If you approach him as if he is gay and needs to come out of the closet, you might scare him off. Treat what happened openly and casually, not like a mystery that needs to be sorted out, and let him know you enjoyed it.

Keep in mind that he might also feel ashamed that he serviced you, which in our culture puts him in a more feminine or gay role. It might help if you let him know you'd be happy to return the favor.
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It's great to read that.
 
Thanks, Innocentbychoice.

I have a blog under the same name as my profile (not allowed to post the link yet) that has a lot more information about bisexual behavior and attraction, from a psychiatrist's perspective. It also has a test you can take to determine your sexual type, not just the usual gay-bi-straight.
 
Your friend chose to fool around with you, so that calls into question his commitment to his girlfriend. Better that he figure that out now rather than later in the midst of a marriage with children. No one in this forum knows the strength of your three relationships to each other, so we probably shouldn't second guess what is morally required. You'll figure it out.
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I disagree with this advice and I'm surprised that a professional would give this opinion.

If you just lay back and enjoy it and tell him to do the same, with no regard for his infidelity to his girlfriend, you are contributing to the likely possibility that this guy will continue to do this through his entire marriage.

Someone needs to be the better person. Someone needs to provide a reality check. If the bf is curious or uncertain about his sexuality, this is something to discuss. Along with the need to make sure that in the process, other people don't get hurt. Because for some guys, the idea that there can be action without them caring about the consequences for others becomes a pattern of behaviour. And there is a name for it.

Simply saying that you won't mess around with him as long as he has a girlfriend isn't only about morally correct behaviour. It prevents two people in this triangle from potentially being used by a sexual opportunist. Something that happens too often.

If the OP wasn't conflicted about this, including being friends with the girlfriend in this tale, I doubt if he would have written about it.

So the OP can tell his friend that he'd blow him and forget about the gf being in the picture. But it won't turn out well.
 
Innocentbychoice: Thanks for looking, but that's not my blog. You can find it if you look for Flexuality Test on Google. Glad to know we're colleagues.

Rareboy, I respect your opinion on this, and I can see that a lot of people on this site get really upset about infidelity, broadly defined. But I've learned that it's hard to know what the rules are in any given relationship. Keep in mind that surveys show one out of 4 (currently married) men and one out of 5 women admit to having sex with someone outside their marriage. In this particular triangle, no one is married. That said, I completely agree that honesty and fidelity to a partner are important for both ethical and practical reasons. But many ethical dilemmas are best sorted out by the people who are in them and can put the competing values in perspective.
 
slnattak said:
Past this whole straight/gay illusion, what's really going on here to me, is that you're saying you want affection and love in addition to sex. Ie you want this guy to be the 'real thing', your boyfriend, so you care that he's gay because that means, he has a chance at returning your heart.

So I guess there's two things you could do here. You could let this go as a blowjob between friends, and not put any pressure on him, or you could sort out your deeper feelings for him, and see if he wants to date- which of course is riskier. The real issue here I think is that you might want this to be more than this is.

The whole key here is to protect your emotions and look after your feelings, and make sure your feelings won't get sabotaged. And so that means discussing things over with him and finding out where you two stand exactly on your feelings for each other. This of course requires maturity and honesty on both parties, and not game-playing.
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I know this thread is months old but Im just reading this now. Thank you all for the great advice, it really made me feel better.

You're exactly right. I want a relationship so badly. I think im actually in love with him.

We've fooled around the entire summer, and I know im a horrible person for fucking around with him behind his girlfriends back. I tried to stay away from the subject, but he initiated it each time. I asked him about his orientation and he told me he was bi. And when I see him with his girlfriend I find myself getting jealous even though I know I have no right to be, and then I just feel horrible on the inside.

cfsc12 said:
does your friend know you're gay? or are you just the best friends who flirt with each other, and he happened to blow you? jw..
because if he knows then it should make it easier for you to drop him a text and just ask him what he thinks of you as in does he just wants to experiment, or if he actually has a crush on you. then you can say you don't want to hurt the girls feelings but that you like him. it just depends what you even want: if you honestly think if you have feelings for him that he cant return then you're going to get yourself hurt. if all both of you wanna do is mess with each other then maybe youll get lucky and have a secret relationship.

is he gay? who knows, but obviously he wants you some sort of way, which is more than most guys who secretly crush on their best friends can be sure about

good luck
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He doesn't know that I'm gay, I dont know if he assumed it somthing either though. I havent brought up the subject. I dont want to tell him that im in love with him in case of scaring him off. And im terrified of telling him to choose either her or me, and then him choosing to stay with her... I feel almost content knowing theres hope between us but im terrified to confront him about it and losing our relationship forever, It'd kill me.

Its driving me crazy that its mostly sex based. Its the best moments when we kiss or just cuddle after sex that I really enjoy

I dont know how to talk to him about it though. I dont understand his feelings at all
 
Wow I feel lots of people are sumwut wanting to be in your shoes.
Who knows maybe his girlfriend is his facade.
But from the way you put it, it sounds like this guy has commitment issues... or his gf isn't stimulating enough.
Not that you aren't encouraging him.

In any case don't get too emotionally involved it sounds like your gonna have to prepare yourself for either extreme. gl!
 
DanimalX said:
I tried to stay away from the subject, but he initiated it each time. I asked him about his orientation and he told me he was bi.
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Don't ignore your free will in this mess. Short of drugging you or tying you up, there's no evidence that this guy is forcing you to do this. He may "initiate it" but you're the one taking the bait every time.

If you want this to stop (and there's not that much evidence to indicate that you do want it to stop), then you have the ability to stop it at any time.

Why anyone would want to be involved- as a friend or as a lover- with the kind of person who lies and cheats on their girlfriend?


DanimalX said:
He doesn't know that I'm gay...Its driving me crazy that its mostly sex based. Its the best moments when we kiss or just cuddle after sex that I really enjoy

I dont know how to talk to him about it though. I dont understand his feelings at all
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His feelings are immaterial. Who knows if he even has feelings about what he's doing to you and to his girlfriend?

He knows you're gay. Having a cock in your mouth once might be dismissed as curiousity but when you're having a regular diet of cock in your mouth, it becomes pretty evident that something is going on besides just experimentation. Even Helen Keller would know you're gay at this point.

But the gay thing isn't the issue here. You could be a girl who he was cheating on with his girlfriend and it would be the same issue. You're the piece on the side. You're being used. He's not going to chose you over the girlfriend- if he were, he would have already done so.

The issue here is that your life is on hold because you're wanting something with this guy that you can't have. He's a user. He's a cheater. He's a liar. It's really up to you to end it and move on to someone healthy who is capable of commitment and doesn't want to live a lie.

You're the one with the power here. Do what is best for you.
 
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