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My best friend

vamp

vamp

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My best friend and I have been best friends for almost 7 years and we couldn't be happier together, but there is a problem. I'm bisexual and I don't how to tell him. He once told me that he is kind of homophobic. We try not to keep secrets from each other, that's the reason why I feel so wrong. It feels wrong to keep an important part of myself hidden. I can talk to him about anything except for that. Hell, I've been able to tell one or two of my other friends that I'm bi and were nothing but supportive. I'm just scared to tell him. Our friendship means everything to me, but I feel like I shouldn't let our friendship continue until I can find a way to open up to him. If I do that and it ruins our friendship, I would be totally devastated. :cry: What am I supposed to do?!!! Oh god I'm just so upset!!!
 
I'm very sorry that you are in pain like this vulture. I'm not quite sure what to say. If he's really your friend it won't matter. In fact, he could entirely accept you and the only reason he would be upset is because you haven't told him sooner. People generally only make issues as big a deal as you do. If you approach it from the standpoint of nothing is changing and stress you are the same guy, that might help it. However, still let him know that if he is stunned or shocked or anything; that's okay. It will take some getting used to. But only a small person would throw away 7 years of friendship on something that is in the end so trivial. Unless you're also going to tell him you're in love with him; then it gets really dicey.
 
thephoenix said:
I'm very sorry that you are in pain like this vulture. I'm not quite sure what to say. If he's really your friend it won't matter. In fact, he could entirely accept you and the only reason he would be upset is because you haven't told him sooner. People generally only make issues as big a deal as you do. If you approach it from the standpoint of nothing is changing and stress you are the same guy, that might help it. However, still let him know that if he is stunned or shocked or anything; that's okay. It will take some getting used to. But only a small person would throw away 7 years of friendship on something that is in the end so trivial. Unless you're also going to tell him you're in love with him; then it gets really dicey.
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You know I asked him how he would react if he found out that one of his friends his bi, and he said that he would be more than likely be okay with it. He really is a cool, understanding person. I'm just nervous about telling him. When if he doesn't act well towards it? When if all I succeeded in doing is ruining our friendship? You know, this is going to sound kind of stupid, but I dreamed that I told him last night. In my dream, he told me that he somehow figured it out before I told him. He was very supportive of me, and he just ended up loving me even more for showing him how much I trust him. Oh God, if only it was true!!!!
 
It can be true! Most likely it is. IMHO the only thing that will run him off is if you bring up any feelings of attraction. That would make anybody uncomfortable. He's already told you he would most likely be okay with it, he's left it open for you. I know you are nervous, but he is your friend and he will understand. Only tell him if you feel like you're ready. Don't let anyone pressure you. Who knows, at the end of the day he may already know and is waiting for you to tell him. A good friend does that. Waits until you are ready.
 
Yeah I hope he understands. I just want to work up enough nerve to get this over with. Thank you Phoenix for your advice
 
I've been in the same position with my best mate. If you aren't going to live a out gay lifestyle. I'd say be sure that you can handle where this revelation may take you. It may not stay contained between the two of you as you might hope.
PS - you don't have to share ever thought to be close.
 
Thanks you all. I was going to tell him this weekend when I see him. I know he'll keep it between us if I asked us. I don't know if he has a clue or not. There was this one time this past Summer when we were at our neighborhood swimming pool. We were hanging out at pool side with one of our other friends. They were talking between each other while I kind of zoned out while checking out this hot looking guy . My friend wanted to ask me about something and when he finally got my attention, he asked me what I looking at with this sly smirk on his face. I just blushed, told him that I just zoned out, and quickly asked if he wanted to go swimming. I don't know if he actually caught on or not. If he did, he just acted like he didn't notice.
 
Hey vulture...Welcome to JUB!

Mate...We all carry around thought and ideas with us that we truly deeply believe...until they are challenged. They are things that we have most likely had little or no exposure to and our ideas are often moulded by what we think is the right way to handle or deal with things.

Your best mates ideas right now have been formed this way...just through a lack of exposure to real people and real situations. His reaction to you will be vastly different to the reaction he gives to a complete stranger or someone he sees on the news.

Vulture...you guys are best mates for a reason. He sees all the things that you are... good and bad. He sees your morals and values, he sees your trust and honesty, he sees your value and your worth. Just like you see those same things in him. Its why you are close. And its why you feel the need to be completely honest and open with him. And mate...thats something to be very very proud of. Its not an easy decision to make but its one that shows your courage and determination to be honest and open. Its a decision that shows how much you value this guy and his friendship...

And he will get that. Sure... you opening up to him, being honest with him, trusting him completely may come as a shock to him...but it will also show him the value that he has to you. You will challenge his ideas and make him reconsider what he thought it was to be bi or gay. He will look at you and see is best friend. He will see all the same things that he always saw. But now he will see someone who trusts respects and values his friendship at a new level. Its what makes good friendships great.

That understanding that you talk about when you speak of your mate is an attribute you pick up on. Its what gives you hope and the need to be honest. Trust me he has picked up on your qualities too.

Its too hard to value someone so much...and feel like you are lying or hiding. Its obvious that time of your life is past...you deserve happiness and acceptance mate. You deserve to be able to seek love and fulfillment without fear...and you are going about it the right way. Honestly and openly. Its easy for me to admire that...and I'm sure your best mate will feel exactly the same way.

Good luck mate...but I'm sure you wont need it!
 
thank you so much for that tall guy. You know, you're right. That's exactly the way I feel and think about him, and he thinks the same way about me (I hope at least). I would trust him with my life without question. The more I talk about his situation, the more sure I feel about telling him. I'm going to do it this weekend and I'll be sure to tell you all how it goes. Thank you so much for your support and kind words. I love you all!!! (*8*) :kiss:
 
Hey, there must be 50 ways to come out of the closet --

Just tell him the truth, Booth

Whisper it quick, Dick

Don't have to be coy, boy

IM him: I'M GAY!!!

Give him a chalk talk

or send an email, Dale

Even snail mail won't fail, male

Just come out today!!!
 
Hey vulture, no problem. Tallguy has some really great points. His other posts along with this one show how poignant he is. He always hits the nail on the head. It's good that you want to tell you friend. I think you are ready; I mean you are seeking advice on how/if you should tell him after all. If you can't tell him on the first try, that's okay. It is a process and what is important is if you're ready, you keep trying. Good luck, but like Tallguy I don't think you'll need it. If you feel so inclined, let us know how it goes! Also, if you have any other questions or concerns in the meantime you feel we could help with be sure to let us know.
 
Well, tomorrow is the day and I've never been is nervous. I know he'll probably accepting me. However, the key word in that last sentence is "probably". I just hope nothing changes between us. If anything goes wrong, oh God I know I won't be able to take it. :cry: (No really I am crying because I'm so nervous!!!)
 
*hugs*

Vulture I was the same way last May with my best friend. I was so afraid (he had said some homophobic comments about a specific person before in my presence).

Yet after I told him, he had no problem with it. He actually asked why did I tell him earlier.
 
How ever it goes, we will be here for you
 
Hi vulture, I want to kind of echo what Tallguy said. It's easier to be homophobic if you don't really know any gay people and make (negative) judgments based on stereotypes.

You're most likely different. He likes and respects you. Knowing you're bi should force him to re-examine his negative attitudes and, in fact, shake his homophobic (such as "If my friend vulture likes guys, maybe I've mis-judged gay people...").

Just remember that true friends stick by friends no matter what.

Good luck. I admire you telling him because you're telling him for the most important reason of all: you have a friend that you don't keep secrets from (as you put it). I respect your coming forth.

Let us know what happens tomorrow if you have a chance to go through with this. You have a bunch of guys here rubbing the good luck beads for you, and we're anxious to hear how it goes!

:shamrock
 
Thank you all so much. I'm feeling a little better. I'm still nervous and I kno I won't ever get it of that until I get it over with. I just hope he responds to me like you all said and not throw away a 7 year friendship.
 
Hey guys,

I didn't get to talk to him like I planned. Now I have to wait until next weekend to tell him. That just sucks so bad because I have to do all this work again to get my nerves back up.
 
Take a long bath, and massage your legs (other body parts you can reach easy) while laying in the hot water.

Then treat yourself for a few hours/day of fun. You deserve it. Forcing yourself to be stressed for a whole entire week is painful, not productive, and just stupid.
 
I didn't get to talk to him once again. I got tired of waiting so I e-mailed him and told him there. I feel so much better now that I got that off me. I'm just nervous about how he's going to react when he reads it.
 
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