I figured I'd update this thread with what has changed. Because I'm really fucking confused now.
Things have been a little better, which is what's leading to my confusion.
Friday night he flipped out on me when I was asking to get my stuff back. He told me that I'm not the only one that's an asshole in this situation, and that I'm not the victim, and to fuck off and get out of his life. It hurt a lot. He flipped out out of nowhere. Sunday night he texted me saying if you want to talk, then call. So I did. He told me he flipped out because he was angry that I blamed everything on him (posts above) a few days before. I told him I had more time to process and that I realized that, while I do think a lot of the problems stemmed from *his* issues, I realized now that that doesn't mean it's his fault because it's not like he KNEW, when he was stringing me along, it's not like he was conscious of what he was doing and what he wanted. We talked for like 20 minutes and he asked if I'd had sex with anyone else, I said yes and so did he, and I asked if he missed me and he said yes. He asked me if I'd been crying a lot still and I said it's been hard. After like 20 minutes of breakup talk we hung up, but I called him back because I forgot to ask him some random question, so once I called back, he said, "...do you want to talk?" and then we talked normal conversation for 30 minutes. During the conversation he mentioned how he has no idea who he really is or what he wants to do.
So we've been back on 'friendly' terms since then. He's made little comments on social networking sites, which I don't want to read too much into. Then just last night, we talked on the phone again for 30 minutes. But we haven't actually seen each other in almost 2 weeks. On the phone last night it was pretty casual.
Part of me thinks if I just totally withdraw all of my effort, then once he realizes his power over me is gone, he'll start to get a little curious, wonder what happened, and maybe come crawling back. I've been reading about male psychology and how the submissive partner gives up their walking power, which in turn makes the dominant partner devalue their partner (because if he knows he can have you whenever he wants, he won't want you at all) and then the push/pull theory which is basically when he started emotionally being distant and I tried to hang on to him by becoming needy and clingy. So the idea is that once they realize you've gone back to being how you were when they met you, they'll start to miss you or something.
I don't know. Part of me wonders why I would even want him back after how much he ran around on me, emotionally. And it's hard to do the whole no contact thing when it seems like external drama keeps finding us a way to communicate with each other.
If he's acting like it hurts and he misses me but he's trying to be all Survivor, then I should too. He's not the one that got played. And even though I know now that it wasn't fair to blame everything on him, I still think some of his anger comes from a little bit of guilt that he treated someone like that just because he was so confused.
I was going to go out to a club this Friday with a friend, because that's what single people do. But I know he'll probably be there. Part of me thinks, that shouldn't stop me from going and having fun and having a right to go out, because I'm not going there to start shit. Another part of me thinks regardless, he'll think I'm trying to, and it'll be too soon to see each other out (2 weeks).
Things have been a little better, which is what's leading to my confusion.
Friday night he flipped out on me when I was asking to get my stuff back. He told me that I'm not the only one that's an asshole in this situation, and that I'm not the victim, and to fuck off and get out of his life. It hurt a lot. He flipped out out of nowhere. Sunday night he texted me saying if you want to talk, then call. So I did. He told me he flipped out because he was angry that I blamed everything on him (posts above) a few days before. I told him I had more time to process and that I realized that, while I do think a lot of the problems stemmed from *his* issues, I realized now that that doesn't mean it's his fault because it's not like he KNEW, when he was stringing me along, it's not like he was conscious of what he was doing and what he wanted. We talked for like 20 minutes and he asked if I'd had sex with anyone else, I said yes and so did he, and I asked if he missed me and he said yes. He asked me if I'd been crying a lot still and I said it's been hard. After like 20 minutes of breakup talk we hung up, but I called him back because I forgot to ask him some random question, so once I called back, he said, "...do you want to talk?" and then we talked normal conversation for 30 minutes. During the conversation he mentioned how he has no idea who he really is or what he wants to do.
So we've been back on 'friendly' terms since then. He's made little comments on social networking sites, which I don't want to read too much into. Then just last night, we talked on the phone again for 30 minutes. But we haven't actually seen each other in almost 2 weeks. On the phone last night it was pretty casual.
Part of me thinks if I just totally withdraw all of my effort, then once he realizes his power over me is gone, he'll start to get a little curious, wonder what happened, and maybe come crawling back. I've been reading about male psychology and how the submissive partner gives up their walking power, which in turn makes the dominant partner devalue their partner (because if he knows he can have you whenever he wants, he won't want you at all) and then the push/pull theory which is basically when he started emotionally being distant and I tried to hang on to him by becoming needy and clingy. So the idea is that once they realize you've gone back to being how you were when they met you, they'll start to miss you or something.
I don't know. Part of me wonders why I would even want him back after how much he ran around on me, emotionally. And it's hard to do the whole no contact thing when it seems like external drama keeps finding us a way to communicate with each other.
If he's acting like it hurts and he misses me but he's trying to be all Survivor, then I should too. He's not the one that got played. And even though I know now that it wasn't fair to blame everything on him, I still think some of his anger comes from a little bit of guilt that he treated someone like that just because he was so confused.
I was going to go out to a club this Friday with a friend, because that's what single people do. But I know he'll probably be there. Part of me thinks, that shouldn't stop me from going and having fun and having a right to go out, because I'm not going there to start shit. Another part of me thinks regardless, he'll think I'm trying to, and it'll be too soon to see each other out (2 weeks).
