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my mind is blown

chobbs

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i am pretty good friends with this couple, a guy and a girl, and have been for years. i've always been very attracted to the guy, both in his personality and appearance. tonight, i was at the bar with him, and he said, "let me blow your mind for a second."

he put his hand on my leg and moved it towards my crotch.

holy shit.


next thing i know we are hanging out with his girlfriend, getting wasted. he keeps sending me texts staying "i want you" and playing footsie with me under the table. very sexual footsie. his fucking foot went down my pants. his girlfriend was calling me out for looking so aloof while she was talking to me. it was bad, and awesome at the same time.

anyways, we all go back to my place and drink some beers. she goes to the bathroom and he starts kissing me.

after a bit, he says he wants to go, and then they leave kind of abruptly, with him telling me we are gonna hang out tomorrow.

hes supposed to come hang out while shes at work. im really not sure if i should hook up with him, even though i know he wants it and i KNOW i do, and that it will probably happen regardless of either of our intentions. i have little to know willpower in this situation, but i kinda think he should end it with her first, right?

he told me today that he wants to be with me and that he has been thinking about it for years!!! i am going crazy, as i have always been into him. he said we should "keep it under the radar for a while" so he can lay it on her slow. he fucking loves this girl, and i know it. they are perfect together.

i hate that this could and probably will end my friendship with her, a girl i know and love, and that my friends all know and love. the problem is, i cant stop thinking about him. this is a guy ive had a pretty serious crush on for years, and it is killing me now to know that he has felt the same way all this time.


what the hell am i supposed to do?!!!??!?!!?
 
next thing i know we are hanging out with his girlfriend, getting wasted. he keeps sending me texts staying "i want you" and playing footsie with me under the table. very sexual footsie. his fucking foot went down my pants. his girlfriend was calling me out for looking so aloof while she was talking to me. it was bad, and awesome at the same time.

I admit, I'm curious, how did he get his foot down your pants from under the table? Does he work for Cirque Du Solier?
 
she doesn't know, but she is going to soon.

what do i want from him? i want to date him. he is like the standard to which i have been gauging the guys i have had opportunities with up until now. seriously, i am smitten, and i had been before i even knew he was attracted to guys.

...this is probably another reason we shouldnt hook up tomorrow. i dont want to take anything to fast (yes i do)
 
No really, how did he get his foot down your pants from that angle? Double jointed doesn't begin to cover it.
 
he was across the table, and i was wearing shorts. really not that hard, sorry if i mislead you in any way.
 
OK so his foot went up your shorts? Much easier to comprehend. So he has this girlfriend he's perfect with, but he's pushing his foot up your shorts.

Right.

Don't believe that. Obviously they're not perfect, and obviously he's lying to her.

Why would you think he's not going to lie to you?
 
If you like drama, I'd say pursuing this would fulfill any need for that you might have.
 
fuck, i know. i really fucking hate drama. god damnit.
 
I don't think you need to walk away. Many young people aren't sure of their sexuality so they experiment. The two of you could hook up tomorrow and he might decide that it's not right for him. If you want this to be more than a fling, I suggest that you hold off doing anything sexually with him until he makes up his mind about what he wants.
 
.... TBH... if he does want anything, chances are it's just sex. If he did want some sort of stable relationship with you, he would've left his girl by now and done something about you. I'd tell him to do something about his girl before anything happened just to hold your ground and show you do mean business. Otherwise, if he doesn't comply, it's not worth the risk. Friends can last forever, flings not so much. You owe her the same loyalty you owe him...
 
IMO if it's not you it's gonna be someone else. He seems pretty intent on having sex with a dude and you happen to be the one he chose. Do people know you're gay? If so, just be careful because I've heard of straight guys doing awful things to their gay friends to tease them for their own amusement.

Otherwise, it's not your job to be the guardian of his morality. I think the major reason for not doing it would be your relationship with the girl. If she's a close friend and you fuck her boyfriend while they're still dating that's betraying her. You don't have much to go on other than some stuff he did while drunk so you can't be sure if he wants a 1 night stand to test out his gayness or to drop his girlfriend for a dude.

I say, decide on how you feel about his gf and if she's not someone you care about then go for it because eventually he's going to do it with someone else anyways for either of the aforementioned reasons. I doubt if he's been playing it str8 and is just now trying out the gay thing that he has any interest in anything more than sex with you so I wouldn't get my hopes up. I imagine he will want to sample the offerings a bit more before he settles down with a man if he does indeed decide men are what he wants. I don't think he loves her as much as you think if he intends to "lay it on her slow." That sort of indicates to me that it is his intention to break it off with her eventually and that he does not in fact love her. He probably just has a lot of respect for her and maybe love in a platonic sense and doesn't want to unleash this on her suddenly.

Truthfully, sounds like a closeted gay guy, playing it str8 by dating girls who was lucky enough to get out of that bad habit young. You only need to search these forums to find horror stories about what can occur when you play that game too long.
 
Thank you all for the advice.

"You don't have much to go on other than some stuff he did while drunk so you can't be sure if he wants a 1 night stand to test out his gayness or to drop his girlfriend for a dude."

he did say he'd wanted me for years, and he really seemed to be saying that in a way that was more than sexually. maybe i was just interpreting that.

he was very sexual with me tonight. he clearly DOES want sex. IF that is all he wants, i would be upset, probably. we are good friends though, and i'm pretty certain a better match than many couples. its literally, as the title says, mindblowing.

Hopefully he does want something more than sex, but to be sure, i am going to wait until they break up. I need to keep telling myself this so that I don't hook up with him. I am fucking weak with willpower sometimes, especially when it comes to guys I am into.

PLEASE all of you knock on wood/send me turn-off vibes/whatever you need to do to help me not hook up with him tomorrow. i should probably just call him and tell him not to bother coming over... but i dont think i can. i want to talk to him, and lay it down.

we are not going to hook up until he dumps her.

i say that definitively but i dont know if i believe myself.
 
oh---yes i am out.

i CANT be the "bad guy"

it would fuck up whatever chances i have with him (although he said hes been crushing on me for years!!) not to mention a TON of my friendships... some of my best friends hold allegiances with her.

gotta stay cool.


IF shit does go down, i would have to keep it 100% under wraps. i hope it doesnt go there.
 
I would ask myself who has been the better friend her or him, unfortunately you are in an awkward situation and someone is going to end up resenting you, also from personal experience i was in a similar situation and actually decided to tell my female friend what her boyfriend was attempting to do well it backfired she accused me of liking him and wanting to break them up so i had a chance. Well 4years down the road now he was caught cheating with someone else and me and the girl are friends again. Needless to say its just a really crappy situation to be in. i'd suggest talking with the guy find out if he wants an actual relationship and if he does go for it just let him know he needs to break things off with the girl.
 
I wish you luck sir but I have a bad feeling your might let your dick get the better of you. I was in a similar situation recently and posted about it here. The general consensus was it was a bad idea. i'm so glad I listened. I think, like you, I knew it was wrong but I wanted someone to tell me it was ok. Of course people told me the truth and I saw it for myself.

In the end I knew it would be so messy. And even if the sex was good it would be temporary and I would feel so awful and guilty for betraying the girl. It's best to wait for a relationship that is honest and open.

And you need to stop using this guy as the gold standard to compare other guys to. Maybe you should think about his bad qualities. Clearly he's not too great of a guy ,if he is willing to disrespect/humiliate his gf by feeling on some guys dick right under her nose. And he's forcing you to be an accomplice to his deceit. hardly a great guy.
 
You already know the answer to this one.

If we were to say, "I have a guy that I want to fix you up with- you'll like him. He rubs other guys cocks under the table while his girlfriend is sitting next to him. Oh, he's a great kisser- just wait until he puts his tongue down your throat while the girlfriend is using the bathroom!".

Sold yet?

You don't want to lie down with dogs.
 
I was you exactly 6 months ago. Amazing.

I gave in. We had a great 2 weeks as furtive secret lovers, (almost getting caught a couple of times added to the excitement.) He had promised me that he and the GF were "planning" on splitting up (or at least moving into separate places) and I believed it. Then she read an email he carelessly left open and IT hit the fan, big time. Drama worthy of the Metropolitan Opera. Also the GF went very public which lowered my profile in the view of a whole group of friends. I became the BAD GAY GUY who broke up that nice couple. I was/am even getting this from gay friends. The upshot is, They've permanently split, the GF and I are still speaking, he has a new girl.

But I'm sure things'll turn out better for you.
-C
 
... the GF went very public which lowered my profile in the view of a whole group of friends. I became the BAD GAY GUY who broke up that nice couple. I was/am even getting this from gay friends. The upshot is, They've permanently split, the GF and I are still speaking, he has a new girl...

What, if anything, did you learn from it?
 
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