My mother died

[Thad1527]

I am sorry to learn of your mom's passing. It's sweet to know she was always, always thinking of you.

 

[JakeLucas]

Kuli

I'm so sorry for you.

From what you have shared with us here on JUB about your mom, I know that you have been of great help to her, a source of comfort for her, and you have made her recent years better.

Knowing this might help to ease some of your pain a little....

...her nurse and the hospice worker told me they were with her at the time; she'd asked about "her boys" and the nurse said we were on our way to see her, and moments later the mom was gone with a smile --

Her last thoughts were of you and those thoughts made her smile.

 

[mikey3000]

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep

By Mary Elizabeth Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.


With peace and sympathy. I lost my mom unexpectedly two years back, and it does sting still.

 

[piano1]

My deepest sympathy to you.

 

[Rickrock]

I am so sorry for you and your family. It sounds like you treated her well and she was happy. It sounds like it was her time to go. You will have many good memories of her and hopefully family and friends to share them with.

 

[MTLDude]

Sorry for your loss.

 

[roadtripboy]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Take care.

 

[rareboy]

So sorry to read about your loss.

 

[Kulindahr]

Thank you all.

The worst of it is that we spent the last five months trying to get the Medicaid help she was entitled to but the bureaucrats weren't interested in anything but getting money out of her, so she never got the help she needed. If she'd been tended by professionals as she should have been instead of by amateurs she'd have had a good chance to make it to Thanksgiving or even Christmas. So instead of pleasant times at the end we were battling our own government to get it to follow the law.


I spent a day at the beach the day after. It's a beach people can drive on, and when I'd gotten there and picked a spot it didn't hit me for about half an hour that I'd landed in the very place she'd been to the beach for the last time. So I did what I'd done that day, damming up a creek and sending it through a canal to another creek, cleaning up the ad hoc fire pit, and having a bonfire from dark till midnight. Then I did what I'd wanted to do that previous day: climbed the three-hundred-foot high dune that forms the crest of the nearby cape, by moonlight, and ran down it "sky clad".


Now I'm trying to figure out the burial thing. I'm pretty sure she's supposed to be buried with my dad in the veteran's cemetery, but I haven't been able to get through to them yet, just left a bunch of messages.

Then there's resolving the family trust, which has come down to me, but the attorney says there's no rush and we can handle that whenever.

And of course the bill from the attorney who was trying to get the Medicaid people to do what they were supposed to do.

And the PB & J sandwich will go in the coffin with her.

 

[Kulindahr]

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep

By Mary Elizabeth Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.


With peace and sympathy. I lost my mom unexpectedly two years back, and it does sting still.

That pretty much expresses my mom's attitude. She didn't want a funeral, and left whether to have a memorial service up to the people at church. She loved rhododendrons, so I'll be finding one that can survive in the dune area where I do conservation work, and plant it near the bushes already there in honor of my sister and brother.

 

[Kulindahr]

There's one very eerie reminder here: her computer, in our home office, died that day; it powers up and asks for a password, but shuts down the moment a character is entered. I remember yelling at it.

Turns out it failed just about the same time she did.

 

[talbot57]

My thoughts are with you.

 

[oakpope]

 

[Essex Boy]

I've been a zombie since ...

My condolences also. You probably don't need anyone to tell you this, since you seem to have a full and active life anyway, but you have to try not to be a zombie for too long otherwise it gets to be a habit which is hard to shake off. For about a year after my mother died I just sat in a chair and stared at the opposite wall.

 

[IowaGuy]

I'm so sorry for your loss - my prayers for your Mom and you.

 

[Kulindahr]

My condolences also. You probably don't need anyone to tell you this, since you seem to have a full and active life anyway, but you have to try not to be a zombie for too long otherwise it gets to be a habit which is hard to shake off. For about a year after my mother died I just sat in a chair and stared at the opposite wall.

For almost a year most of my time has been taken up by my mom, which is a habit that's going to be left hollow. Right now on weekdays not much is different 'cause I'm taking care of the aftermath, but that won't last.

 

[opinterph]

I spent a day at the beach the day after.

I grok.

 

[Sausy]

Very sorry to you and your family on your mom's passing, Kuli. I wish she could have received the help that could have given you all more time together... we lost our mother at 51 and it still is difficult though time at least allows you to process it all more, and deal with it. But the loss still is felt, and the best you can do is remember and treasure all the good moments.

 

[FPNY]

So sad, I'm so sorry...

 

[dynk]

Sorry for your loss