My Sexuality.

[joeyyj]

so i need some opinions about what you guys would think about this. i think i'm probably bi.

as a young boy around ages 4 or 5, i watched wrestling faithfully with my family and was always turned on by it. then, i entered kindergarden, where i immediately started to like girls. i got back into wrestling a few years later without any sexual attatchments to it. i was dating lots of girls and was always turned on by them until the time of puberty, age 12 or 13, when i started to look at boys. with girls, i was more turned on by being emotionally close to them and loved to be in relationships with them. with guys, i more wanted just sex. i went through a few years where i thought i was gay, but then i got more into girls, dated some more. as of right now, i am in the boat of liking both gedners, really. i had a girlfriend not too long ago, but it didn't work out. i think i'm probably bi, but it's weird the way i kind of go through phases, isn't it? and the fact that mean are more sex objects and women are love objects?

i feel like i don't have a place in the world right now. any help?

 

[looseliam]

Hell, don't worry about it. Do what makes you feel good, happy.

I recall the same thing when growing up. Dating women, but still having some desire for me. I didn't let it bother me much.

And then one day the table flipped. Dating men with a slight desire for women.

I still can be mildly attracted to a woman now and then.

I am who I am, as you are who you are.

 

[eddielee]

Just accept the fact that your bisexual. It's not so unusual that you see men as sex objects and woman as objects of romance. It's also possible that you haven't yet found a man that you are emotionally attracted to. Don't worry about the phases you go through. I think the less you worry and the more you accept your unique sexuality, the happier you'll be.

 

[elmysterio]

Joeyyj, I can understand what your going through, and guess what it is quite normal. I just wrote a blog entry on that very subject (check out my home page link). There is nothing to worry about you seem to be normal. I don't know how old you are but this generaly happens in your late teens early twenties. Once you stop stressing about it everything will fall into place. You sound as if you are young so there really is no need to rush any decisions on whether you are gay straight or bi just be yourself and date who you want to date and fuck who you want to fuck. it's all good just be mindful of the other parties feelings.

 

[Soilwork]

it's weird the way i kind of go through phases, isn't it? and the fact that mean are more sex objects and women are love objects?

i'm going to get slaughtered for saying this, but no.. that's pretty much what the average bisexual guy I've known is like.

Men are for secret sex, women are for marriage and public displays of affection.

Just don't be one of the ass-hats who marries a woman and secretly has sex behind her back and makes excuses like "She doesn't need to know" or "I just like variety."

And your description of your pendulem-like sexual attractions are the "Fluid sexuality" that I use as my basis for telling gay men to NEVER date a bi guy.

Welcome to JUB. Hope you don't hate it too much.

 

[Swellegant]

I'm no expert, but you sound bisexual to me. Nevertheless, if you treat a person, any person, as purely a sex-object, you've got some troubles that a little experience and maybe a therapist can help you deal with. People are people, you see... they're not things (even when you pay them).

I recommend you try both sides of the equation before you decide on your sexual label... date a girl, date a guy... fuck some girls, fuck some guys (I mean, if you're going to objectify someone, don't discriminate based on gender). After a while it will all come clear.

And I would like to repeat Soilwork's advice: cheating is cheating, so don't go stringing a girl along while you're fucking guys on the sly. That's tacky and evil and you will go straight to hell (long before you die, too).

 

[sockid221]

well i just recently wnet through the same thing and have come to terms that i am gay. but before i actually forced feeling for wwomen but they werent there the three big parts of what you are. They are your age, your sexual attraction to woman, and your emotional attraction to men (the big part is if either of the last two exist)

 

[miaplacidus]

I feel exactly the same way. It was pretty much like my story if we ignore the wrestling thing. And I don't know what I am either!

I currently think of myself as bi. But I really don't know what I am...

 

[Hard Luck]

Yep, standard bisexual stuff. Phases. Pendulum swings. Times where emotional attachments seem more "right" with girls while sex is definitely more "right" with guys.

As much as it can be confusing or inconvenient or messy ... it also opens up a world of possibilities in the world of love, romance and sex that is nothing to be sneezed at.

Just try and get cool with it, remain open minded and open hearted ... (and, heheh, don't let gay guys who insist bisexuality doesn't exist get you down).



ETA: Just because your sexuality may be somewhat "fluid" does not mean you are any more or less inherently unfaithful to your partners in life than anyone else. Being bisexual or not has nothing to do with your integrity.

 

[dr_beat]

i'm going to get slaughtered for saying this, but no.. that's pretty much what the average bisexual guy I've known is like.

Men are for secret sex, women are for marriage and public displays of affection.

Just don't be one of the ass-hats who marries a woman and secretly has sex behind her back and makes excuses like "She doesn't need to know" or "I just like variety."

And your description of your pendulem-like sexual attractions are the "Fluid sexuality" that I use as my basis for telling gay men to NEVER date a bi guy.

Welcome to JUB. Hope you don't hate it too much.

I ain't gonna slaughter ya (this time ). It's unfortunate that so many of these "confused" people that post on this site help you to prove your point. Just remember though, not all of us are like that...

 

[XLeatherX]

i'm going to get slaughtered for saying this, but no.. that's pretty much what the average bisexual guy I've known is like.

Men are for secret sex, women are for marriage and public displays of affection.

Just don't be one of the ass-hats who marries a woman and secretly has sex behind her back and makes excuses like "She doesn't need to know" or "I just like variety."

And your description of your pendulem-like sexual attractions are the "Fluid sexuality" that I use as my basis for telling gay men to NEVER date a bi guy.

Welcome to JUB. Hope you don't hate it too much.

Oh please, don't act like you have ALL the answers to how ALL bi men are in their sexual/romantic attractions.

Just because you're bitter and jaded about someone who hurt YOUR feelings in the past, don't lump everyone else into that category and give out horrible advice such as "if you're gay don't date bi men". I guess if a gay man cheats on you you shouldn't date gay men.

This is just as bad as how heterosexuals say that gay men are just sexually promiscuious and how two men can't have a stable relationship, how gay men are just vain people who care about nothing more than themselves, and how two gay men can't be loving parents to children.

Not ALL bi men fall in love with women only and see men as being sex objects. There are many variations of being bisexual and don't go by Soilwork's stereotypes, pseudo standards, and viewpoints based on his jaded past experiences.

Even if certain bi men do happen to be "romantic" with women only and are just "sexual" with men (i.e. they just want sex only), who the fuck are YOU to say how there's something wrong with that?

This is hypocritical and just an example of how some gay men and gay women treat bisexuals like shit.

People cheat based on various factors. It has nothing to do with their orientation.

Time to grow up Soilwork! Let go of the past!

How would YOU like it if someone said to you "Oh you make porn I can't date you. Sorry I have my standards.", or "You've been in the porn industry and you've had sex with a high number of men, so you'll cheat on me. I don't want a relationship with you."

 

[NongreasySweatproof]

Also, people's attraction to their spouses/partners also ebbs and flows even if they're solidly in one camp or the other. That doesn't mean they would or should cheat..

 

[HarryPotterHimself]

You're pretty much in the same boat as me buddy. I'm very emotionally attached to girls but I'm sexually attracted to guys. I feel like a relationship with a girl would work out better than with a guy, but my sexual attraction to her is totally absent. It's not as uncommon as you might think.

 

[Soilwork]

Oh please, don't act like you have ALL the answers to how ALL bi men are in their sexual/romantic attractions.

Here we go again.... Please point to where I said "all".

i'm waiting.

Just because you're bitter and jaded

And right.. dont' forget "right."

I guess if a gay man cheats on you you shouldn't date gay men.

This has nothing to do with cheating for the millionth fucking time. It has to do with the fact that many Bisexual men BY THEIR OWN ADMISSION IN THIS FUCKING THREAD are only attracted to men from time to time.. not all the time.. considering I can't spontaneoously grow tits, that's a problem. Is this thing on? Beuller? Beuller?

Not ALL bi men fall in love with women only and see men as being sex objects.

I'm sure there are. Where did I say any different?

Even if certain bi men do happen to be "romantic" with women only and are just "sexual" with men (i.e. they just want sex only), who the fuck are YOU to say how there's something wrong with that?

Where did I say there was anything wrong with that? It's just good advice to stay away from people who are one day going to decide they'd rather have vagitarian tonight.

This is hypocritical and just an example of how some gay men and gay women treat bisexuals like shit.

Do you even know what "Hypocritical" means?

Time to grow up Soilwork! Let go of the past!

time for you to start reading.

Start in THIS THREAD where WELL OVER HALF of the bi men here are honest and say "yeah, that's me... I only want sex from men and romance from women." You know, you're just going to have to grow up and see that i'm right and you're wrong.

and if you don't agree with me, why not take it up with the bi man who started this thead and the large group of bi men who agreed with him?

How would YOU like it if someone said to you "Oh you make porn I can't date you. Sorry I have my standards.", or "You've been in the porn industry and you've had sex with a high number of men, so you'll cheat on me. I don't want a relationship with you."

that would be just fine. I don't date snobs, either.

 

[Soilwork]

It's just good advice to stay away from people who are one day going to decide they'd rather have vagitarian tonight.

I'm sorry.. but that's the best line I got in since PansexualGod said that I'd blow him becuase I as a gay man couldn't resist a "fat dick" and I said "You're fat?"

 

[XLeatherX]

Here we go again.... Please point to where I said "all".

i'm waiting.



And right.. dont' forget "right."



This has nothing to do with cheating for the millionth fucking time. It has to do with the fact that many Bisexual men BY THEIR OWN ADMISSION IN THIS FUCKING THREAD are only attracted to men from time to time.. not all the time.. considering I can't spontaneoously grow tits, that's a problem. Is this thing on? Beuller? Beuller?


I'm sure there are. Where did I say any different?



Where did I say there was anything wrong with that? It's just good advice to stay away from people who are one day going to decide they'd rather have vagitarian tonight.

Do you even know what "Hypocritical" means?

time for you to start reading.

Start in THIS THREAD where WELL OVER HALF of the bi men here are honest and say "yeah, that's me... I only want sex from men and romance from women." You know, you're just going to have to grow up and see that i'm right and you're wrong.

and if you don't agree with me, why not take it up with the bi man who started this thead and the large group of bi men who agreed with him?

that would be just fine. I don't date snobs, either.

Nah you're right, since you're both a bigot and a misogynist when it comes down to it.

I'm sorry you get this wrapped in the internet this much and get all bent out of
shape when someone disagrees with you or writes a post that goes contrary to what you post.

Most mature adults don't flip out like you did when someone has an alternative
viewpoint. It's a shame that you haven't learned this yet, and you're not going to.

You've got major issues and that's not the least of it.

Lots of gay men can be neurotic, full of self loathing, have issues/baggage from when they were closeted, be completely vapid, self absorbed, or be emotionally damaged. It's clear that you are all of these, as well as having low self esteem.

I feel compassion for you since you try to fit people or change them into your mold of what "normal" is. Why get hung up about if a gay man wants to have a relationship with a bisexual man?

It sucks that you have to put people into categories and it gets your world view upset when they don't fall into either category of gay or het. It's clear that fluidity and lack of clear dichotomy upset you and that you have internalized Puritanical viewpoints about gender and sexuality like most Americans have done.

I'm gay and I'd say that you fit ALL the stereotypes of gay men that I dislike, such as preaching tolerance for others and then showing everyone how you're intolerant of others.

Anyway I could go on and on but I don't want to waste my time with a close minded indivudual such as yourself and your bigoted opinions.

 

[NineOfClubs]

Joe, I'm just gonna say it, I don't think you're "bi".

I think you're just pussyfooting around, you're GAY. Someday you'll realize it.

You're GAY!

BTW, I used to have the same feelings. Tenderness for women, sexual feelings for men.

Duh!

 

[Soilwork]

Most mature adults don't flip out like you did when someone has an alternative
viewpoint. It's a shame that you haven't learned this yet, and you're not going to.

Dude, you go back and read this thread.

You go back and read the tone of my first post, then the tone of yours.

Then tell me who flipped out on whom about a viewpoint.

Tell me who started calling names.

Tell me who seems to have low self esteem.

Sorry, but this person you describe.. neurotic, full of self loathing, having issues/baggage from when they were closeted, vapid, self absorbed, emotionally damaged... it may be one of us but it's not me.

I offered my opinion (and was rather appologetic about it too) and you were the one who flew off the deep end and started with the name calling.

You get upset when I say that dating someone who may be incapable of loving you is a bad idea. I'd like to know why.

But you can't tell me.

You're too busy trying to heap your issues on me. It's sad, really, that instead of seeing that I DO have a point (that even many bisexual men in this forum will agree with), you feel the need to whine and act like a spoiled brat who's ball got taken away.

 

[Hard Luck]

Jasun, I have great respect for you ... but I wish you would see that the "no-bisexual-dating' Soilwork Rule No. 1 comes off as small-minded, intolerant, and as if it stems from a personal hurt that is not universal.

I think you're a bit off on what you refer to as the "ebb and flow" of sexual desire when it comes to bisexual men. I doubt it's any different than the ebb and flow of desire among gay men or lesbians or straight people of either gender.

What does it really matter what direction the flow goes in, if the flow goes away from your partner? Most times, the flow is not going anywhere else. The desire mearly ebbs from time to time, or - at some point in many relationships - for all time.


Everything you say about the fickleness of bisexual men could be said about gay men. It's all bullshit stereotyping and generalities that have nothing to do with individual people.

If you've been burned by some bisexual person or persons in the past, by all means - feel free yourself to blame it on bisexuality. But giving that advice to others ... attempting to make pariahs out of any man who is not at the far edges of the proverbial Kinsey scale ... is needlessly hurtful, and I wish you would reconsider your position vis-a-vis your dating advice.

 

[Soilwork]

I know you do.

but I won't.

I think that dating bisexual men is begging for trouble and just about every example I've seen in my rather long-lived experience has shown me that I'm right to conclude that there's no future in dating bisexual men.

Is it 100% of the time? Of course not.

But bisexual men - EVEN IN THIS FORUM AND THREAD - agree that they go back and forth between wanting men and wanting women. I can only be a man, so it seems to be rather practical to only date someone who's attracted to men and never women.

Why is it so hard for bi men to grasp such a simple concept without calling me names, telling me I have issues, misrepresenting what I've said and attacking things about me that are totally unrelated to the topic at hand?