My straight friend wrote to me

[bluedragon4]

This is REALLY messed up. Why you don't think you need therapy is beyond me.

 

[ruanyingxiong]

This is REALLY messed up. Why you don't think you need therapy is beyond me.

Sincerely, what kind of therapy I need in my situation. I still don't understand.

 

[USEDCAR]

If your that inlove with this guy maybe you should stop being friends with him. Its kinda creepy whats going to happen when he meets someone your going to end up a old lonely miserable man. Go out meet some gay guys and talk to them and make a move on a gay guy. Your pretty much wasting your valuable time on a straight guy while theres millions of gay guys that would love to have your time.

 

[ruanyingxiong]

Thank you bw92116, I did. I kept myself away from him. I asked him not to call me. Yes, I tried to be away from him for one week and he called me and laughed. He said he was OK if I don't ever see him again. And then he called me again to check what was going on. We were tired with the head game. Then he said no matter what we will be like brothers. I promised that.

I feel like I am a perfectly bisexual case because I am married. We fucked women and he tough me some techniques. I feel like sexual part is to yearn for affection with him. I did experience with men in escort service but I had not done anything serious. Just some touchings and I told him about this.

I told him that I would tell my wife about my sexuality with him but he told me that would be complicated. My wife might disapprove me and never let me see him again.

I am OK gradually, no more crush like couple of months ago. We live far away so I see him for every two months.

I have tried everything to get over him. However, he wants to keep me as his best friend. He called me when I am so down and asked me what can he do to help me. I said I want to touch his cock. (I said it clearly). Then, he said gross, gross... then he said it OK but I disrespect him so deeply when I insist to do that. I have not done it because I respect him. I don't know how to be around him because we are really like brothers. We know each other for 15 years. He has nothing to hide from me even his email passwords. I know them all.

I almost talk to him everyday on the phone and we say I love you very much in the end of the conversation. He always jokes that he loves me but cant do it because I don't have tits and pussy. Its very sad to hear that sometimes.

 

[Telstra]

Thank you bw92116, I did. I kept myself away from him. I asked him not to call me. Yes, I tried to be away from him for one week and he called me and laughed. He said he was OK if I don't ever see him again. And then he called me again to check what was going on. We were tired with the head game. Then he said no matter what we will be like brothers. I promised that.

I feel like I am a perfectly bisexual because I am married. We fucked women and he tough me some techniques. I feel like sexual part is to yearn for affection with him. I did experience with men in escort service but I had not done anything serious. Just some touchings and I told him about this.

I told him that I will tell my wife about my sexuality with him but he told me that would be complicated. My wife might disapprove me and never let me see him again.

I am OK gradually, no more crush like couple of months ago. We live far away so I see him for every two months.

I have tried everything to get over him. However, he wants to keep me as his best friend. He called me when I am so down and asked me what can he do to help me. I said I want to touch his cock. (I said it clearly). Then, he said gross, gross... then he said it OK but I disrespect him so deeply when I insist to do that. I have not done it because I respect him. I don't know how to be around him because we are really like brothers. We know each other for 15 years. He has nothing to hide from me even his email passwords. I know them all.

I almost talk to him everyday on the phone and we say I love you very much in the end of the conversation. He always jokes that he loves me but cant do it because I don't have tits and pussy. Its very sad to hear that sometimes.

wait ... interesting.
so you do escort services ?
and you are married to a woman ?

 

[ruanyingxiong]

Yes, I don't have experience with men in my life. I discovered I love him and all gay passion after marriage for awhile. As a typical Asian male, I did not know anything about the American pop culture. He tough me all about this and to be cool with fashion. I become more confident about being in the US because of him. I married my wife 10 years ago. We are a very happy couple. But i was so intense and occupied by his coolness, manliness... I was so angry and frustrated until someone on the web told me to try some guys on the rentmen.com. I picked the man to have the same nationailty and the same name with him. I spent almost two hours just to talk about him. I did touch the guys but I did not have anything more than that. My experiment with other men just like that. I told him about this and he said how silly I am. I will not do it again because I am not into this.

About my wife, because she thought we are very good friend. She always jokes that him is my boy friend when she hands the phone to me. At this point, I don't have any reason to tell her.

About my activity, my wife did suspect that I slept with prostitute in Las Vegas but she never asked me to confirm it. My love life is so complicated and I am surround with many great, compassion, and understanding people.

Some of my lifestyle is not moral but I will tell everything with her. However, he does not love me to the level that I have to reveal everything.

 

[ruanyingxiong]

I still think you need to do the "no contact" thing for a while longer, and cry it out, several times if necessary, so that you don't cry about him any more. Only when that grief period has ended can you get back in touch with him as friends. You have to grieve the death of this romantic/sexual relationship you want to have with him. You can't grieve it properly if he is calling you to see how you are doing every day. When he does that, it just rekindles those feelings and sends you back in the wrong direction. You really have to spend some time with no contact with him - no visits, no calls, no text messages, no email, no letters, no go-between people, nothing - to properly let go of him and grieve for it, until you no longer have those feelings. Only then can you have a bonafide platonic friendship with him. That will take some time and you can't have any contact with him during that time. Explain to him that you have to be apart from him for a year, to get over him, and that you can't have any contact at all, then after that year you can be friends with him again. I see that as the only way you're ever going to resolve this.

I did exactly the same thing but its so hard for this day. I deleted the cell phone # but I already remembered it. To make thing worst, he gave me all his email passwords so I can check him if I wanted. If I know how to control my heart, I don't have to quit him this way. He is a great person. But I feel better when he conceded to the point that he allows me to see him naked (no touch) in the gym, or bathroom, whatever... Before that he said I have to go over his dead body to see him naked.

Its funny that I told my story to one escort I met in Florida. He told me that he can convince him to be sexual with me because this escort is a straight and I have to pay him for his work. I told my friend that how the escort suggested. He told me don't wait the money. They ended up to talk about sport on my cell phone. Nothing else.

 

[son1fan]

Dude you dont understand how fucking lucky you are. I'd kill to have a friend like that. Honestly, is it worth loosing a good friend like that for a meaningless fuck?

 

[petros0]

• 
  [*]Get over yourself!
  

• You are selfish,

• Dude you don’t understand how fucking lucky you are. I'd kill to have a friend like that

,

• Dude, this guy is still willing to be your friend even after you ask to touch him in an inappropriate manner,

• You are going to destroy this friendship

Seriously guys no one here said something realistic at all except “bw92116”
How you ask him to accept his friendship and put his feeling away, is that something easy can somebody do it at any time he like,
This feeling is LOVE and not SEX, that happened throw 10 years relationship and that mean is true and it hard very hard to get rid of it,
If his straight friend is a real friend and not SELFISH he will try at least for ones to let him touch him even with closed eyes, after that simply he will realize that straight guy is not for him and that love is not going anyway and he will find the way to get rid of this feeling,
Otherwise there is one solution as “bw92116” said stay away but not for a month or two maybe for a year or two until you find the real love ,then you will be strong enough to contact him again and say” HI MATE HOW YOU BEEN,

 

[syoBsUtsuJ]

In ANY relationship where two people become ONE the END-result is ALWAYS two 1/2 people!!! (even if said phenomena happens with just one person), and we all know that that is unhealthy. The very notion of somebody "needing" another person to complete themselves as a person saddens me to no end.

There is a misnomer about marriage being a 50/50 ratio-relationship. Whenever I enter into a relationship, I don't want just 50% of a person; I want it ALL!! (the full 100%). If I needed another to "complete me," I'd be "damaged goods" and certainly not "worthy" of his affections. We are supposed to do onto others, as we would have them do onto us. Personally, I would never enter into a ANY relationship unless I was ready, willing, and able to get and give it my all AND my intended partner reciprocated in kind.

I don't mean to be harsh by any means, but my empathy is congruent with the majority of people that have already replied here. Surely you do not esteem to be just a "half-person." Recognition and acknowledgment of your situation are the first steps towards recovery, maturity, and growth. I'd recommend that you just concentrate on you and start adopting that Army-mentality of becoming all that you can be ... but that's just me.

I wish you all the best, regardless; good luck, dude.

 

[Kulindahr]

Ah, passions.

I don't think this is as bad as some people are making it. You come across as just sounding off, venting the frustrations here. I see no sign that you're trying to manipulate him, so this isn't really an obsession.

Time apart is still a good suggestion. Another -- kind of depends on you two guys -- is him getting into helping you pick out cute guys. It -- no, I won;t say the reasons, but it could be a very good idea.

Hang in there, and good luck.

 

[innocentbychoice]

I think you should stop seeing him. If you really want to get over him, it's not good at all to see him and talk to him 24/7. Go away, find other people to go out with.

PS: He offered to touch his pee-pee and you refused? I would have said yes!!! Because, even if it turned out terrible and we would stop beiong friends, at least things would have moved and changed instead of being in love with this person with whom I can't be for the rest of my life.

 

[ruanyingxiong]

I think you should stop seeing him. If you really want to get over him, it's not good at all to see him and talk to him 24/7. Go away, find other people to go out with.

PS: He offered to touch his pee-pee and you refused? I would have said yes!!! Because, even if it turned out terrible and we would stop beiong friends, at least things would have moved and changed instead of being in love with this person with whom I can't be for the rest of my life.

This is my update. I want to share with you guys my experience and let you know love can happen between the straight and gay. At least, I think it happen right now.

I was to visit him for last week. There were up and down about my reaction and his behavior. When I was with him it was all sexual tension that I could not control. He let me rub his back for awhile but he made sure that he was not on with this. We talked all night about everything. When a sexual topic emerged, he managed to keep me quite it. I was so frustrated about this all the time.

I could not take it anymore and suggested him that I want to sleep with him so badly. He said I can but no touch. I respected that.

Then, we fought on some thing unrelated and he asked me if I wanted to end the friendship. I told him if I leave today, I would not go back. I packed my stuffs and went. I cried so hard on when I left. He offered the huge but I declined. I told him if I do that, it made me to leave him harder.

When I drove away, he called me but I did not answer. He text me to pull over and waited. He parked and asked me to move in to his car. The he asked that did I really come to see him just to touch his "manhood" for 5 second. I said that he promised me like. He became so emotional and shed the tears. He said he didn't want me to go and did not want to see me suffer. He said if it helps, I can touch him for my own good. He smiled and almost upzip his pant. I was embarrassed and told him to wait.

Well, I have no reason to leave and go back home with him again. We then talked like normal again.

At night, he reminded me again about the offer. I did touch him for 10 sec. I was so imagined that I finally do it and feel it.

Its not so terrible as he thought and he agreed with that.

I thanked him so much for this I believed that he love me from that moment (not sexually thou). He let me rub his chest his nipples and even kiss him on the cheek.

I am sure he feel weird when I rub his nipples. His eyes seemed so intense and he asked me to stop.

He still claimed that I am not a girl so I can not turn him on sexually. But he try already.

Please let me know what to do with him. I am sure he will let me do this again next time (maybe in couple months) I live in DC, he lives in Chicago.

He asked me to keep all secrets with all friends about this. I feel very romantic and love. I feel much better when he sees the humanity of love and give in to me. I could not want more. But I still want more.

 

[Kulindahr]

Best advice: no more sexual touching. What he did there was an incredible gift to you -- now gift him back; cherish the memory, and use it as a defense against wanting to do it again. He made an incredible sacrifice for you -- bow it's your turn.

Take hugs. Do back rubs. Share a bed. But show him that you really do love him by never doing it again.

 

[spencer]

Let me preface this by sayin this thread is the reason why I registered (lurker). The reason why is cause it probably hits home because I can see myself easily taking advantage (even unwillingly) of a situation where someone cares about me and I would be willing to end a friendship (or at least say I would) to get my way just like you have been doing.

It's actually helping me, being in a similar situation, to pretty much give up on my friend who cannot like me that way. I know that if I left him, he'd let me touch him just to keep his friendship. But I know that 1) it would mean nothing and 2) what kind of friend would I be if I forced an ultimatum like that upon him.

How would you react if your best friend in the whole world was a girl and one day she said, i'm hopelessly in love with you and I think we shouldn't be friends anymore unless you let me hold your dick. If you really cared about her, yes, you'd let her do something you normally wouldn't because you cared so much about her friendship that some meaningless touching that meant and felt nothing wouldn't be so bad.

This is exactly what you're doing with him.

If you want to try to mess around with him then do so, but don't throw it in his face and threaten your friendship with it. He obviously cares for you very deeply and doesn't know what to do cause he doesn't want to lose you but you keep forcing him to do things that he doesn't want to do because so.

And in a way thanks for posting this, I can see my situation clearer by reading about yours.

Oh and BTW, hello bi and straight dudes 33 masc cute guy here

 

[ruanyingxiong]

Best advice: no more sexual touching. What he did there was an incredible gift to you -- now gift him back; cherish the memory, and use it as a defense against wanting to do it again. He made an incredible sacrifice for you -- bow it's your turn.

Take hugs. Do back rubs. Share a bed. But show him that you really do love him by never doing it again.

Thank you for all your comments. I found they are a great resource for me to deal with him. During the intense conversation, he has acknowledged my love to him. He even shed tears when listening to me. That was something I was so happy to see.

I did promised him that I will not ask to touch his manhood for 3 years (lol). He has been amused about the idea.

He seemed to be entertaining with me but sometimes he is so serious to ask me to respect him. So I believe he has the moment.

At this time, since I feel I know him so much, even his body. I just want to talk with him more and more. But I will control myself and the topic I conduct with him.

 

[fahrenheit]

There are two things I've learned about love that apply here. First, you really don't choose who you fall in love with. I think it is nature's little joke. Second, no matter how much you love someone, sometimes it is not returned. That too is nature's little joke.

People of all presuasions have different comfort levels. He has indicated where his comfort level is. If you cannot deal with that, then you don't need to be freinds....period.

Just like you can't change the way you feel, neither can he. It seems to me that somehow you feel your feelings are more important than his. That is selfish and childish. He is just as entitled to his feelings as are you.

It also sounds like you are using the suicide threat to get your way. That is unconscionable. Suicide is a permenant solution to a temporary problem. Seek professional help immediately.

 

[Fucker29]

So? Any updates?

 

[ruanyingxiong]

We are still talking on the phone. I really want to talk about my experience but I know that he doesn't want to talk about it to much. I still send him a "love letter" and he responds with a short message like haha, I deserve a Half. I am sometimes not sure what he means but I am happy what we are right now.

I will see him again in April. I feel that being far away from him is a good idea because if I see him I want him again. I keep my promise not to ask him sexually again for 3 years. But when I see him again, I will tell him that is too harsh for me.

He calls me and I call him mutually. But I feel better after he permiss me to touch him. I don't know how to explain but I feel loved.

 

[radioian]

A Great friend. These dont come by often............DONT spoil it. Accept it, and BE THANKFUL.