My suite-mate came out to me last week.

[backseatboy]

So. I'm in college and live in a four bedroom suite on campus and the guy down the hallway, who I will call Zach, wanted to take a drive last Tuesday night. He told me he thinks he is bi...

This was my first time actually talking with a guy who seriously thought him self bi and not strictly gay. He seriously talks about girls all, I repeat ALL, the time. My roommate and Zach talked for an hour about girls and sex the other day and I was kinda sickened by it. He really is a woman's man. But I was surprised to find out that he has only had one sexual partner.. For the amount, and detail, of sex he talks about I would have guessed more. So my problem is he is leaving hints everywhere that he likes me, flirting when no one else is around, walking around without a shirt on (greased in baby oil mind you), asking about my size, writing me notes, wresting, wanting to "deflower" me by eating my flower that was in my dessert the other night, and says he likes the "take girls from behind" and then looks at me, knowing I'm a bottom. And I'm a born flirt

I'm a virgin, and I am having a hard time telling myself to leave him alone. He has a surprisingly pure soul once you get him off the topic of girls, very compassionate, and very easy to look at. I don't want to loose my virginity to a guy who isn't sure what he wants, out of fear that one, he might be straight, and two, I might have even more feelings for him. And even in the best case scenario, he is a senior and don't want to have to fall out of love in two months because I know I fall hard. Plus, I just came out 6 months ago and kinda feel pressed to emotionally support Zach who is coming to terms with himself when I myself just got through that. I called my bff and he told me I have to start somewhere, and that the first guy probably will not be "the one"..

I just don't know, I just don't want to hurt him.. what have you all done/would do if I lent you my shoes for a day?
[Broke Straight Boys]

 

[KaraBulut]

Is this about your suite-mate being attracted to you or is it about you being attracted to your suite-mate?

 

[G-Lexington]

How do you feel about HIM?

Do you want to get physical with him? Perhaps not in a long-term relationship, but just fool around with him? And with him specifically, or just because you'd like to get physical, there's this guy here who's willing, and what the hey, y'know?

Your post seems to indicate you're not interested in him physically. In which case you might want to tell him that (gently). Unless you're enjoying the attention.

Lex

 

[Blueboy369]

In ten years you will remember that Hot guy in college that you missed out on and wish you could go back and do it all over again.......Well, here's your chance. Life is short. Have fun and don't take it seriously. Enjoy!

 

[backseatboy]

I like him, and i'm 95% pretty sure he likes me. it is about me not understanding bisexuality. The way he talks about girls really makes me sick. But, I like to think it is just a facade. I wouldn't mind fooling around, but I just would rather him he secure in his sexuality, so I guess that means I don't want to fool around with him. I just like being around him, and if my past with other guys holds true, he will get tired of me just hanging out with him.

 

[HartfordGuy]

Dude, most likely you're never going to see him again after he graduates.

Life is short. If he wants to deflower you, grab his root!

 

[Just_Believe18]

This is a tough situation. You know anything with him would only be temporary. You also value your virginity to not waste it on any disappointing memories. I understand your frustration.

Here's a suggestion. Take a piece of paper and divide it into two halves. For the first half, write down all the reasons why fooling around with your suite-mate would be a good idea. For the second half, write down all the bad reasons.

Base the larger list off your criteria of finding the most personal fulfillment. Then you can decide.

 

[Treborf]

Don't let some silly hang-ups about bisexuals get in the way of pursuing a guy you like.

 

[KaraBulut]

backseatboy:

I suspect that your friend is identifying as bisexual but I suspect that is a temporary condition. It sounds like he is trying a little too hard to sound straight.

Straight guys don't have to try to sound straight.

If this guy were not your suite-mate, this would be a lot easier.

You can be supportive to him but just be careful not to get caught up in this guy's issues. Until he's willing to get real, you're going to be dealing with a Jekyll-Hyde- where he is the nice sensitive bisexual when he's one on one with you but the obnoxious straight-guy-wannabe when you're around other people.

Your time could be better spent on a boyfriend who is more mature and is interested in you.

Your suite-mate needs to grow up a little more.

 

[rareboy]

He sounds as gay as a circus. He also sounds like a teenaged yahoo.

This may mean that he is just looking to see if he can count you as a notch on his belt. It isn't about the sex, it is about the conquest. This gives some sexually voracious bisexuals a thrill; they validate themselves by proving they're irresistable.

If you don't feel the attraction, then leave it alone. If you want to be fucked for the first time by someone 'special', then give this guy a pass. He'll be a good 'what if' fantasy in your later life.

If you do feel a physical connection, tell him that you're willing to tear up the sheets with him but only for recreational fun. That puts you back on more equal footing. But only if you mean it and won't immediately fall in love with him.

I know a lot of young guys seem to equate sex with love, but a lot of guys don't.

 

[mydrew1]

OMG! Ask him if he wants to go out with you. Straight out.

I suspect at most he wants a one-night sex with you. Go for it! I wish I were in your position.

 

[backseatboy]

Well, we hang out alot off campus, but normally with at least one other person aside from grocery shopping... After all your nice comments, I think its worth trying to get him out for dinner with just the two of us and check on how "bi" he feels after coming out to me last week.

Karabulut, thanks. I'm trying to introduce him to some "gay" things (if such defined things exist). Like critiquing guys on Make Me A Supermodel, and putting the muscle magazines down and checking out GQ or Nylon Guys (which i leave around the common room). And tell him every-time he talks about girls, that I just don't see anything sexual about 'em, hoping he might say more than "girls just confuse and annoy me".

rareboy, I think I might turn it up a bit by asking what he would do with a guy if he had the chance and see how far he goes with it. There is an attraction, and I THINK i can handle my emotions if things got sexual. I'm just never made the first move on a guy before.. I do value my virginity, but I'm getting annoyed by the many "what ifs" I passed up in years past. i guess now wouldn't be a bad time, maybe.

Just Believe, the "why i should" list is about 2x longer

Hartford guy and blueboy, life is short, I just have to convince myself that it is worth risks. I think this one is.

Lexington, thanks as always

SECOND QUESTION: He asked me to go to New York over the phone yesterday with him over Spring Break... Should I accept? He lives with his parents in China Town, and I'm worried they might not warm up to me, seeing how Zach isn't out to them, and I'm so obviously gay. Too much too fast maybe?

love&hugs
[Broke Straight Boys]

 

[sentirpromesas]

carpe diem! u might one day regret it...we never succeed unless we dont take chances...this could be ur chance

 

[StlKj]

I think it's cute how you think you're the one making the first move.

 

[backseatboy]

you know what i mean

 

[Blueboy369]

GO!!!!!!!!!! If nothing else, you have made a good friend and, if you just chill and relax, you can have a great time in New York!

 

[backseatboy]

Little update. He came in my room today after skipping tennis. He had to ask me a question that he felt was a but personal.. He wasn't 100% that I was gay! That kinda knocked me off my feet. And it really makes me feel better, actually. He just took my flirting as just entertaining him. He honestly thought I was disgusted by girls due to the immature nature in which he talks about them. He says he knows guys who just respect women and don't talk about them sexually in the open. BUT, it is on Facebook, Myspace, Xanga, everything. I'm gay, and I thought everyone took notice, guessed Zach missed the memo.

It was kinda cute to see him blush when I told him. Sadly, my roommate came back from the gym and we had to stop the amazing conversation about "how and when i knew". I asked him if he would promise to continue the conversation with the tables turned this weekend over dinner, and he said yes!

This is turning out to be much better than I expected. I don't feel attacked, or misunderstood anymore. *big sigh* I was supposed to meet him at the gym to work out 10 mins ago, I just wanted to fill you guys in since everyone really helped me out last week! Thanks so much for not letting me completely give up on the situation.

 

[tommyj]

Backseat, let us know how this works out! He sounds like a good male for you! Top white dude!

 

[dairyking469]

I say go for it...I wish I had your luck.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I say go for it...I wish I had your luck

Luck is when preparedness meets opportunity, Damien Kyle. Go out and make your own luck.

Lex