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Need advice on male get-together

  • Thread starter Thread starter lostparker17
  • Start date Start date
Soilwork said:
don't be silly.. if she knew, he'd have said "She knows what's up" not "She knows my history".
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Well I did say it was a pretty safe assumption. ..|

Soilwork said:
by now, the plethora of married men who come here to get porn and meet men to hook up with have all PMd him and they've had a nice "Badmouth Soilwork" party while ...
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I thought you didn't care what people thought of ya, Sweetie? :^o :p ;)
 
Lube said:
I thought you didn't care what people thought of ya, Sweetie? :^o :p ;)
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where did I say I cared?

I'm just glad the lame-Os who pull that shit scatter like roaches in the light when you point out what hypocrits they are.
 
slobone said:
I think the original poster has vamoosed. And I don't blame him.
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ehh neither do I

he was wrong, but we could have said that in a better way than we have in this thread

just as well

and you know... he could just be at that party of his and will come back with a story and a clue ;)
 
jzero said:
I don't see anything wrong with what Soilwork said because (1) I think he's correct, and (2) if you're seeking unbiased and judgement-free health consultation on a porno message board, you're barking up the wrong tree.
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Well there are no-flame forums here for that.
 
jzero said:
(....) if you're seeking unbiased and judgement-free health consultation on a porno message board, you're barking up the wrong tree.
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I disagree, just visit the health and wellbeing or the coming out forum located at the exact same porno message board. Some of the advantages are less judgement and a bit more empathy (different from sympathy). I´m assuming the owners decided to add the non-flame label for a reason.

Men in the downlow are not very popular at JUB (but part in some degree of who we are as a community like it or not). We don´t have to reinforce cheating or unhealthy behaviors at JUB. One thing is to be frank and to "tell it like it is" and another is to use the moral discourse as a way to distance ourselves from "the other" with no possibility for dialogue. Shock therapy doesn´t work for everybody (It´s like Dr. Phil and his in-your-face-approach. According to some he´s great TV but is far from a universal solution)
 
I wish I could help you, but that isn't the kind of thing I'd do.
Everyone has their own thing :P
 
ok.. I promise.. my last word on the subject.

I would have posted exactly the same thing in the no-flame zone.

I dont' think "Stick with your wife, you made your choice and now you have to live with it" is "flaming".

Him telling me to go fuck myself... well.. yes, technically it's flaming, but I've told the mods and admins that I dont want anyone getting warnings for saying anything to me... I rile people up just by being me, and not everyone has the thick skin I do.
 
Personally, I tend to not care about flames if I really deserve it. :p

We all have our different values and beliefs, but if I was in a relationship, I would have a certain obligation to stick with it as long as humanly possible.
 
I love my wife on every level. We just don't have sex (her choice) and many, many married men know that this is a common problem in marriages. If I told her I was going to find sex outside of our marriage, it would alter what we have together (which, besides sex, is fantastic). There is zero chance I would be exposing her to STD's because we don't have sex (is this becoming clearer now?).

There seems to be some question as to why I provided all the background info. I did so for two reasons. First, because I thought there might be some guys in exactly the same predicament as me and second because I have never talked to anyone about my feelings before and I felt like I could come here, in some safety, and get some understanding and compassion. Well, with the exception of a couple of posters, I couldn't have been more wrong.

I understand the "complete honesty in all situations" position. I also know that none of us follows that policy completely. And I know "you know who" is going to flame the crap out of me for that statement.

For those who took the time to tell me what to expect, thank you! For those who gave me the benefit of the doubt and didn't rant about me being a low-life cheating husband, thank you as well.

And to all who saw me flame back, I apologize. That is not my nature and intent either in a forum or IRL.
 
the best way to treat sex with strangers, assume everyone is positive....

you cannot be sure nowdays, too many people are still afraid to disclose their status, so you can't be sure at all, besides they are strangers how would you know their status? Im not making any moral judgements here or trying to tell you what to do, but if your going to play ouside your marriage, play it safe-- use condoms, if the guys in the group don't want to play it safe- then I would hit the road and find a group that will, It's not worth taking a risk on your life for a few hours of fun... a sex party is still a sex party--- PLAY SAFE--especially when you don't know the people who are going to be potential partners.

now go have sex!
 
lostparker17 said:
If I told her I was going to find sex outside of our marriage, it would alter what we have together (which, besides sex, is fantastic).
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I instigated my divorce when I realized my wife and I were better friends than we were spouses. It just didn't make sense to me to continue.

But to each his own.
 
Very nice rationalizatons you have for cheating on your wife. I like the "Everybody cheats" part.

You forgot "At least I'm not gay" in there and "Some people rob banks."

Hope you can sleep better at night now.

Next time... try two different threads... one where you ask for compassion and understanding living in a marriage that's really just two friends living together and another where you ask for advice about group sex. Maybe you could add a third where you look for men in your same situation to fuck.

Because asking for advice about group sex and telling us you have to have it because she doesn't give it to you anymore is going to get you just what you got.

Anyway.. not to continue to play devil's advocate here (although aside from telling people to grow up, it's what I best at), if you love her so much, why not try being honest with her about what her husband is going through since she started to withhold sex 14 years ago? Maybe you could have brought that up 13 years ago?
 
Good Lord man, what't wrong with you? Were you waterboarded as a baby? You come with so much baggage and heavy agenda, you can't even read and understand what I have written.

You are more frigging right-wing radical than Jerry Falwell and W rolled up into one! Oh Holy one, keeper of the morality.

Did I say everyone cheats on their spouse? No, I said everyone cheats, including you my smug opponent. It may be on your taxes, at golf or on your partner. I was trying to illustrate a point to someone who sees life only in absolutes.

You know very little about me and yet you have assumed volumes about me.

The funny thing about flamers is that they wouldn't have the cojones to say in person what they so easily spew forth on the web.

The good news is that everyone has choices and I choose to ignore you and your childish rants.
 
Soilwork: I have to say that I agree with everything you've said thus far.

If I was in a relationship (that's been a loong time since my last one), I would be totally open & honest with my partner and I'd do anything possible to make sure the relationship endures unless something beyond my control happens and it just fails.

As I'd expect my partner to be honest with me and not sleep around, I wouldn't either. Sex is really at the bottom of my list of priorities.

But that is just me.

"Everyone cheats". Hmm. I have no reason to cheat on my taxes as I get a refund every year. I am completely open and honest in any relationship..nope, I don't cheat. So no, not everyone cheats.

I'm also the type who says what they like in real life too. =)
 
Your wife needs to understand that at-least-occasional sexual intercourse is marital obligation, unless there are extraordinary circumstances, or both parties want out. But there needs to be a common understanding and full disclosure if either party wants to do anything with anyone outside. Much has already been said, but maybe you could spend some time trying to figure out how to reawaken eroticism between you and your woman? Maybe don't aim to have intercourse from the very beginning, but just try to be physical with her, figure out what each of you finds attractive about the other, and discover ways to be physical and and sexy with each other (in a non-goal-oriented way), and maybe the sex will follow. If your Frau has really let herself go and is now obese, like many women seem to do once they've snagged a man, you need to have a frank conversation with her and tell her that you were more turned on by her when she was thinner. Same goes for you, if you've let yourself go. Not having any sex within marriage, EVER, if one of the spouses wants at least some sex, is either grounds for divorce, or it's something you need to work out together.
 
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