May I interject a suggestion for everyone?
Instead of telling people what they should do, how about asking why they hold such attitudes? Explore the issues.
====================================
lostparker17,
I realise this is far from your original question of sex-party etiquet or even questions about how to play safe.
I may be mistaken, but you have made some comments that I have to admit have struck me that they reflect an impression that loving male couples who have made commitments to each other view their relationships cavalierly and treat them as if they're disposable. — Which seems to fly in the face of the whole "gay marriage" debate that the US and several other countries have been engaged in.
If I have a wrong impression, that's ok. But I'd really like to know, if that is the correct impression of what you think, and if so, why you think that?
Fair question, fair observation.
I'm all for gay marriage. I'm all for gay commitment. But soilwork and others seem to be saying tell your wife or get a divorce. Seems easy doesn't it? If it doesn't work out, just get a divorce. Since most gay guys (not including gay guys that got married to a woman and later got a divorce) have no experience with divorce (except as children of divorced parents), they don't have a point of reference as to how difficult a process it truly is. What they do have experience with (many, certainly not all) is a series of casual relationships, some relationships that last for months and maybe years, and with the exception of the emotional stress that comes with breaking up, there is none of what two people go through when they get a divorce. Even couples who have lived together for 20 years, aside from the emotional aspects and maybe having to cover the other half of the rent, can easily separate and move on.
I write the above admitting that I know absolutely nothing about today's gay world. Back in my day, when I was living as a gay person (after being told continually that I had to make a choice, there was no such thing as "bi"), for many years, I hit the baths, had chance encounters, had a few short term lovers (six months or less), had my heart broken more than once and saw first hand, how disposable relationships were. Oh, there was the screaming drama, the late night phone calls, cars getting keyed, employers called, and so on, but it usually died down after a week or two.
Maybe that's not the way it is now. Maybe everyone dates for several weeks before the first kiss. Maybe everyone is in long term relatioships, buying houses, cars, setting up retirement plans and insurance, adopting children, etc. I don't know.
But one thing I do know for certain, is that divorce, American Style, is not so easy and it is silly to the extreme to suggest that a person throw a lifetime of marriage out the window just because he wants to have a wank with his buds and not tell his spouse, who would likely over-react and demand a divorce.
I must admit, I've been totally taken aback by the high-tone of the posters on this thread. Back in the 70s and 80s, we would have laughed our butts off reading some of these opinions. It sounds like the opinions of the Christian-right that I marched against in San Jose back in 1977. Talk about Orwellian!
I conclude by saying that I am not and have never been a gay basher. I applaud the progress that the gay community has made. I am all for gay marriage, adoption, property rights, equal employment and housing, etc. Just don't tell me to get a divorce when you have no historical reference as to how difficult it will be, emotionally, financially and otherwise. Don't pretend to know how I feel about my wife or why she and millions of other American women have chosen to stop having sex at some point in their marriage. You cannot possibly know. It is chauvinistic and arrogant to presume to do so. And don't tell me I have to remain celebate or get a divorce. Life is seldom and either or proposition.
