New, Edifying Relationship

[Cognition]

After swearing I wouldn't send him anymore text messages, I sent one anyway. Here's the conversation:

Me: "Hey missed ya yesterday. Just contact me when you can..."
Him: "Hey sorry i missed ya. Whats up?"
Me: "Not a problem. I got distracted myself yesterday. Hey, are you interested in a second outing sometime?"
Him: "Absolutely."
Me: "Oh, ok. Just wondering. I didn't know what to think there for a while..."

 

[youngnihilist]

THat text sounds fine except the last line. probably not best to sound too self defeating/low self esteem. you should be on an equal playing field

 

[Cognition]

THat text sounds fine except the last line. probably not best to sound too self defeating/low self esteem. you should be on an equal playing field

Maybe he won't think much of it.

The ball's in his court now. After that last text, I won't contact him again until he initiates action.

 

[Cognition]

I'm never talking to this guy again. I should have known better.

Imma kill myself.

 

[jjmc]

^^what happend?

 

[Cognition]

He's not interested in me. I was just another piece of ass for him last week and us going out the next day was just a ploy to mask the real motive for meeting me in the first place.

I hate being gay. I hate that I met this guy. I hate my life.

 

[jjmc]

no, no. don't say all that. some guys are assholes/jerks. Don't let this guy ruin it for the next guy. But I do know how you feel, trust me!

 

[G-Lexington]

I recall during one of your previous freak-out sessions, I send you a PM imploring you to go to therapy. Right away. You wrote back to say you were going to, the very next day.

You never went, did you?

Lex

 

[Cognition]

^I don't remember, Lex. I did go see a therapist, but I don't think it was the next day. In fact, I'm quite sure I didn't see a therapist the next day.

The one session I did have was after my entanglements with Rob and how his accomplishments really triggered my depression and further lowered my self-esteem.

 

[Cognition]

Here's the last text I sent Jason (the guy I've been referring to in this thread):

hey Jason, I know you're occupied with your friend right now, but I do have to say this before going to bed. I think I may have misread what happened last week between us and thought too much of it. I'm definitely not for gay 'drama', but I assume that I'm probably not much of a priority in your life. I understand and respect that. Please, if you're seeing other people (as in more than platonically), just let me know. I'm not comfortable being "another guy." Sorry to bother you with this and all - my deepest apologies. Have a good night.

 

[Cognition]

Well, Jason and I talked about everything today over IM. I appreciated him being honest about everything and calming my nerves about my suspicions and other concerns.

Here's the conversation (which made me feel much, much better):

Me: (12:31:15 PM): hey there
Him: (12:31:40 PM): hey u
Him: (12:31:42 PM): how ya doin?
Me: (12:32:02 PM): good. just returned home. kinda sleepy.
Him: (12:32:11 PM): where ya been?
Me: (12:32:51 PM): I went downtown to take my mom some stuff to her job and I went to study for a bit until I started falling asleep at Starbucks
Him: (12:33:03 PM): haha
Me: (12:33:07 PM): lol
Him: (12:33:13 PM): why were you fallin asleep at starbucks?
Me: (12:33:30 PM): sleepy, i didn't get much sleep last night
Him: (12:33:41 PM): aww
Him: (12:33:43 PM): why not?
Me: (12:34:06 PM): worried and concerned about some things - they kept me up
Him: (12:34:28 PM): oh. did it have anything to do with the message you sent me?
Me: (12:34:54 PM): yeah, actually it did. but I hope my message didn't offend you
Him: (12:35:05 PM): no, not at all
Me: (12:35:06 PM): that's defintely not my intention on sending it
Me: (12:35:12 PM): oh, ok
Him: (12:35:42 PM): i was sittin here thinking about what to say to you
Him: (12:36:41 PM): i do like you a lot
Him: (12:36:49 PM): i
Him: (12:36:58 PM): i'd like to spend more time with you
Him: (12:37:25 PM): i don't know how to make you a priority at the moment tho
Me: (12:37:44 PM): oh, well I'm glad you said that.
Me: (12:37:56 PM): no, you don't have to make me a priority, Jason
Him: (12:38:21 PM): what do you want from me exactly?
Me: (12:38:26 PM): I just didn't know what I was suppose to expect - I didn't know what you're looking for.
Me: (12:39:08 PM): well, you just gave it to me. i just needed to know if you still had an interest in me. I definitely have an interest in you, as you can tell.
Him: (12:39:29 PM): ya
Him: (12:39:29 PM): i
Him: (12:39:58 PM): it's flattering and it's also kinda intimidating
Me: (12:40:10 PM): kinda intimidating?
Him: (12:40:22 PM): i also think you're absolutely adorable
Me: (12:40:30 PM): that's the first time I've heard that I intimidate someone else...lol
Him: (12:40:33 PM): haha
Him: (12:40:37 PM): just that i don'
Him: (12:41:08 PM): t wanna say or do the wrong thing
Me: (12:41:27 PM): oh nah, don't worry
Me: (12:41:36 PM): im pretty forgiving and laid back
Me: (12:41:47 PM): it would take a lot to offend me.
Me: (12:41:49 PM): I'm just the kind of person who just has to be sure about everything - I'm a left brainer, remember? lol
Me: (12:42:07 PM): i just didn't know exactly how you viewed me, is all
Me: (12:42:50 PM): and again, I apologize for all of this. I know you have better things to do than to discuss feelings and such.
Him: (12:43:52 PM): hahaha
Him: (12:43:55 PM): it's cool
Me: (12:44:18 PM): I just didn't know if you were seeing someone else and I was strictly a friend/pal, or what, therefore didn't know how to "proceed"
Him: (12:46:32 PM): well, i was seeing someone up until about a week or two before xmas
Him: (12:47:18 PM): something happened
Him: (12:47:46 PM): he had been laid off his job that he'd been at for like 5 or 6 years
Him: (12:48:25 PM): and he was gonna come over and i made him angry and he stopped talking to me altogether
Me: (12:48:44 PM): oh dear
Him: (12:49:11 PM): so i started talking to you
Him: (12:49:28 PM): but now he wants to get back together
Him: (12:49:40 PM): and it's all very confusing
Him: (12:50:04 PM): so, that's the honest truth about it all
Him: (12:51:43 PM): i so, i don't wanna blow my chances with you ever and i don'
Him: (12:51:54 PM): t wanna backburner you either
Me: (12:52:19 PM): I see. I appreciate your honesty, I really do.
Me: (12:52:32 PM): Would you like to get back with him?
Him: (12:53:22 PM): he's very funny and nice, but it's scary because he did get really irrational and wouldn't talk to me.
Me: (12:53:56 PM): I see.
Me: (12:55:01 PM): The reason I ask is because if you think there's a feasible reconnection of your relationship with him, that may be another factor for me to consider. Even though I have a great interest in you.
Him: (12:55:09 PM): he knows that since the breakup or whatever you would call it that i've been on a date or two
Him: (12:55:48 PM): we've never been officially together tho
Him: (12:56:30 PM): we've been dating for like two months or so
Him: (12:57:21 PM): but i promise you i wasn't trying to play anyone. to be honest, i thought he was making a mountain out of a molehill for convenience sake to break it off
Him: (12:58:03 PM): b/c he had just lost his job and i think he wanted or wants to move
Me: (12:58:30 PM): i believe you, and i completely understand
Me: (12:58:40 PM): tell you what...
Me: (1:00:30 PM): Since things are not securely 'finished' between you two, you make want to take some time to clear everything else up. I don't think it's a good idea for me to come into that situation. First of all, I'm here as a friend, and secondly, I do have a substantial interest in you.
Him: (1:01:12 PM): are you able to spend time with me without it getting in the way? or do you not think it's a good idea?
Me: (1:01:36 PM): Yes, I am able to spend time you with with it getting in the way.
Him: (1:02:11 PM): but we should probably not take things to the bedroom?
Me: (1:02:51 PM): Probably not. I'm not sure. I'm not aware of how cold or warm things are between you two.
Him: (1:03:38 PM): not sure what you mean
Me: (1:04:02 PM): But I do understand if you feel like you want to be back with him in the near future, because he was there/here first before I was
Me: (1:04:36 PM): Will I be disappointed? You betcha, but I'm also aware that things are not over between you two, as in being completly over.
Me: (1:06:08 PM): So, I definitely would like to get to know you more and would like to actively pursue that, but I'm aware (but not affected by) your extenuating cirumstances.
Me: (1:14:28 PM): If in the near future, you would like to get back with him, just tell me. I'd rather deal with it directly and honestly.
Him: (1:15:11 PM): okay cool
Me: (1:15:23 PM): Good deal.
Him: (1:16:08 PM): thanks for being understanding
Me: (1:16:41 PM): I try. But thank you. Thank you for being honest and relieving me of my concerns.
Him: (1:25:48 PM): i'm sorry if i caused you lost sleep
Him: (1:25:50 PM): and all
Me: (1:26:37 PM): no, you're fine. I did it to myself. Always wanting to know everything about everyone I care about.
Me: (1:26:50 PM): It's my fault.
Him: (1:30:16 PM): aww
Him: (1:35:06 PM): gotta run, babe.
Him: (1:35:13 PM): call me around 6?
Him: (1:35:17 PM): later kiddo
Me: (1:35:18 PM): ok, have a nice day
Me: (1:35:19 PM): i will

 

[torand]

Wall of Text, hehe

It was actually a pretty interesting read though; I can say that I would have a hard time hanging out with the dude if I was that interested in him, and I wasn't sure he could reciprocate that. I would be OK knowing either way, but the uncertainty would kill me. Honesty is a good sign though...

 

[Cognition]

^It may very well kill me, indeed.

 

[nautiboyjeff]

Go to therapy, PM me if you need a referral, I live in Dallas too.

 

[Cognition]

Go to therapy, PM me if you need a referral, I live in Dallas too.

Why go to therapy? If you're referring to the the "kill me" comment, I wasn't being literal, please understand that.

 

[nautiboyjeff]

You have some serious self-esteem issues. You got yourself all wound up about this guy and turned out you mustered most of this in your head.

You are never going to have a healthy relationship until you are healthy.

 

[youngnihilist]

^Agreed. not to say it's your fault, but professional help can be great.

 

[Cognition]

You have some serious self-esteem issues. You got yourself all wound up about this guy and turned out you mustered most of this in your head.

You are never going to have a healthy relationship until you are healthy.

You're right, Jeff. I sent Jason a text message tonight asking if I could come over and he replied that he had friends over watching the game. Competing with his friends for a little bit of time was frustrating.

So I ended things with him tonight, and I did it with kindness and professionalism.

 

[Cognition]

^ I don't know your history, but I've been keeping up with this thread and find this latest development to be rather unfortunate. From your descriptions and the conversation you posted, this guy seems rather kind and open to seeing what developments lay ahead for the two of you, whether they be platonic or romantic. He's been honest in telling you that there's another prospect in the equation, which may or may not hinder your relationship. But you've only been on one date, so (in my humble opinion) it's relatively premature to harbor any expectations of time commitment. Everyone has different emotional perspectives, but at this stage, I'd say it's best to simply get to know one another. Don't dwell over whether or not your feelings are reciprocated or if this may lead to something substantial. Not to be judgmental, but I think it's rather irrational to end things just because your schedules didn't align at a particular time? Why not just get together at another time and get to know each other more? Your relationship may lead to nowhere; you may get disappointed or even hurt, but you could also make a valuable connection. Regardless, you will likely learn something about yourself in the process and if you keep your feelings in check, you will likely minimize any pain you may incur.

Well, I didn't end things with him last night, although I almost did.

I first sent him a message saying that we should probably stop communicating because I didn't want to compete with his other 'prospect' and his other friends, who seem to always be around him when he's off work. After thinking about it for half an hour or so, I sent him another text message asking him to disregard my previous text and blamed it on sleep deprivation. He told me to "relax" and that "we'll be cool." I was appreciative of his understanding and forgiveness.

I just don't like how this is all making me feel - I hate that I can't ever see him or even talk with him. I hate being in anticipation of a text message, email, or phone from him that never comes (unless I initiate it).

Therefore I think it's best to just forget about him, keep playing with my fuck buddy (as least we both know where we stand), and live my life without any regard for him. Not that I really like having a casual sex partner, but it seems that's the best I can get out of another guy and in life in general.

 

[hanshansen]

Why does everything have to be so black-and-white or all-or-nothing with you? People aren't black and white, life isn't black and white.

Nobody likes anxiety and uncertainty and disappointment. But most people develop strategies to deal with those things ... that usually involves realising that it needn't be a disaster if things don't go exactly the way you imagined they would go.

You like this person, he seems to like you. In all likelihood something good is going to come out of that, you don't know what that is yet. It could be a relationship, it could be something that doens't work out as a relationship but morphs into a friendship. Even if it ends you'll probably have learned something through the encounter.

You are never going to find out if you are too chickenshit to deal with the smallest amount of stress and decide to throw your toys and 'forget' about everyone you meet at the first opportunity.