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  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

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Eagle653

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Hi kajunfun and welcome to JUB and to this forum. :wave:

Your post implies that you are awakening a need for male sex and are enjoying it. How do you think that will integrate with your marriage? Do you see it becoming problematic? How do you feel about all that?

Anyway, hope you enjoy the site and post often! Welcome aboard!
 
It'll be a problem is she finds out, don't see her being open minded about it....

But one day at a time, I'll see where it goes and just enjoy it for now....
You should reconsider cheating on your wife, because that is what it is.
You can't have your cake and eat it too. You must be honest or you will hurt yourself and others.
 
I want to remind folks that this is a no-flame zone. You can comment without being judgemental. Note that he did not ask your opinion on what he was doing. He is sharing his experiences and thoughts and has every right to do so. So, please save the finger-wagging for another thread in another forum. Thanks.

offtopic:
 
Not trying to be mean here, but I think it is something you might need to discuss with your wife. There is nothing wrong with being bi, or gay but I'm just curious if you have an open relationship in your marriage... ie. it is okay to sleep with others. There is a post here by a guy (can't remember his screenname) who is about to have a baby with his gf and told her about his feelings and she was really supportive. Not saying that your wife is the same or different. But in a marriage there are two people. Just make sure you remember that.
 
](*,) ](*,)

You are going to be dealing with the issues of honesty and trust, i would think - as related to both individuals. So I would think a great deal of thought would have to be given to these issues.

And another issue, if this applies to your situation, is - are there children involved in anyway?

Children are to precious and they should be a part of what ever decision you make.

if the comments stated are considered judgmental in anyway, please contact one of the mods to have this posting removed immediately.


eM.:(
 
But one day at a time, I'll see where it goes and just enjoy it for now....

Bloody well said! You're ahead of the game already with a mindset like that!

Welcome to JUB and I do hope you enjoy your age of discovery. =]
 
I want to remind folks that this is a no-flame zone. You can comment without being judgemental. Note that he did not ask your opinion on what he was doing. He is sharing his experiences and thoughts and has every right to do so. So, please save the finger-wagging for another thread in another forum. Thanks.

I think these guys were concerned over the possible consequences and should be entitled to voice them and Kajunfun should be entitled to read them. What is the point of the post if not to ellicit responses. Maybe a couple of responses could have been worded better but no way were they flames. Hope your life is progressing well ATB.
 
I'm not sure what you want.

If you want us to encourage you to continue to backstab your wife, I'm not sure you're going to find it here... certainly not from me.

I'm all for open relationships, but I'm NOT for relationships where one doesn't know they're in one.

Sorry, but if you're going to pursue a relationship with this guy, your wife has to be told so she can decide for herself what kind of relationship she wants to be in.

If this was in another part of JUB, I'd have some very harsh words for the kind of man who does what you're doing.
 
Looks like another man, seeking acceptance, has been chased from these boards by members who are so confident they are without sin and fault, they can justifiably throw the first stones…..

Kajunfun70737, if you are still out there, please understand that there are many men from around the world that are in the same situation that you are in. They didn’t post their support because they are still in a place where they fear putting their fingerprints in cyberspace, and well, are not keen on receiving the comments that you have experienced on this thread. After all, these men can torment themselves quite nicely on their own, thank you very much.

I miss Bergentony. Of the nearly 100 PM’s in my file nearly all of them were either to or from him. He was/is a married guy with kids questioning his lot in life. I related, and gave him honest answers to hard questions. No, it’s not easy. Yes, it did feel better when the cloud of despair lifted. Isn’t it at least comforting to know you’re not the only one with these thoughts? I never judged Tony, which is probably why we corresponded privately for so long. But others did, beat him up verbally, and he has disappeared from this board, no doubt like our kajunfun has. In my mind I hope Tony reconsidered and on his own decided to remain a faithful straight man - but I would have supported any decision he made. I think of him often, but frankly I will never know if he is alive or dead.

This no-flame zone was created for guys seeking guidance and acceptance to the most emotionally wrought question of their lifetime. Bears, twinks, leathermen and fetish hounds – we’re all gay, we need to support each other, because god-dammit nobody else will. These are the newbies, if you can’t say something positive in this section, hold your comment.

A while back a coward crept onto this discussion board, permanently damaging its reputation. He (or she) created multiple threads about how he happily came out of the closet, was accepted by all, and how the sun seemed to shine brighter now that he was out and free. We cheered, offered high-fives and praise. But the person was an imposter, a non entity, and when it was uncovered it left a bitter taste. The poster chose not to author this fiction in the gay stories section of this website, but instead on this thread, where he could take advantage of the vulnerability of its participants, myself included.

I learned a valuable lesson. Like DNA, every coming out story is entirely unique to the individual. I learned that every coming out announcement is difficult, if only to the stress within ones own mind – and even in this enlightened age the ghost of Matthew Sheppard should remind us all to tread lightly. I should have realized that the fraudulent poster- with his Harlequin Romance style escapades- was a cad. But I wanted to believe, if only to contradict the story of family abandonment as told to us by Kulindahr or the horrible method in which daddysboy19 was outed.

Soilwork: Your post is a classic example of a back-handed flame. As a man with over 11,000 posts, many of them made in this section, you of all people should be able to understand that while stormy seas may await Kajunfun, we are here to offer non-judgmental help. And understand that while marriage - like shit -can happen, Kajunfun did not ask for this input, therefore he obviously does not wish to embark on this voyage, now.
 
I can sympathize with his predicament but not condone it ultimately. Wish he would have stuck around though and seen that everybody means well. But it looks like he took off. Can't save them all from themselves I guess.
 
Soilwork: Your post is a classic example of a back-handed flame. As a man with over 11,000 posts, many of them made in this section, you of all people should be able to understand that while stormy seas may await Kajunfun, we are here to offer non-judgmental help. And understand that while marriage - like shit -can happen, Kajunfun did not ask for this input, therefore he obviously does not wish to embark on this voyage, now.

OK, for fuck's sake.. Now Voyager was a fake.. sort of. (and that was a YEAR ago, for crying out loud)

it all happened, just 20 years ago.

It doesn' mean that I'm going to now encourage people to cheat on their lovers, lie and not be true to themselves.

I went through hell and I know it's hard. Horrible.

but it doesn't mean that I'm going to rejoice that someone is contemplating staying in a marriage with someone who would not be happy to be sharing her husband with others.

when I went through the hell of coming out, I didn't keep dating the girls I was dating before, and maybe a little tough love is just what the Soilworker ordered.
 
A while back a coward crept onto this discussion board, permanently damaging its reputation. He (or she) created multiple threads about how he happily came out of the closet, was accepted by all, and how the sun seemed to shine brighter now that he was out and free. We cheered, offered high-fives and praise. But the person was an imposter, a non entity, and when it was uncovered it left a bitter taste. The poster chose not to author this fiction in the gay stories section of this website, but instead on this thread, where he could take advantage of the vulnerability of its participants, myself included.


And not that I should have to explain this yet a-fucking-gain, but everything that happened to NowVoyager, my long-dead alter ego, really happened to me.
I outed myself by accident when a room mate found my porn, I freaked and he was supportive.

I got drunk that night with him and we went out and partied with the Freshmen.. I told a stranger I was gay... word spread and I was forced to gather my friends together once they got back from summer vacation to tell them that I was gay.

My best friend really did freak for a minute and then laugh and ask me "So what does cock taste like?"

I really did have s crush on a hot blonde guy who had beautiful blue eyes and a smile that could melt rock, and my best friend really did shame me into walking up to him and asking him out in the caffeteria.

He really did tell me he thought I was straight and was too scared to talk to me lest I rough him up.

His name WAS Charlie.

He really did have this intoxicating thing where when he laughed, he'd look up and to the right.

I've explained that I did that because people needed a good peer-role model.

An old fuck like me was never going to really give people hope.. I've been out since the 80s.

and he did help people.

yeah, it was bad judgement, but I'm glad I got to tell my story and let it unfold in the whirl-wind that it did in real life. and people got involved and some of them stopped whining about how hard and bad being gay is and found that little voice inside themselves to stand up just like I did in 1988.

I'm sorry.

But just a little.
 
I'm sorry.

But just a little.

Well now, that was enlightening.

I’ve often said that it takes a prince among men who can admit a mistake - or to have lived a lie - and apologize for his actions. After all, no-one is perfect – and there is never a time limit to make something right.

But my concern is for Kajunfun70737. Hopefully he’ll stop back in and now see that none of us are pure and perfect. Hopefully he’ll understand that we really do want to help, and allow our friendly advice to shape his thoughts - but ultimately make decisions on his own, at his own pace.

If not there will be more. And so that his loss will not be in vain we now have this thread to direct the future Kajunfun’s toward – an example so that they won’t feel alienated and alone in this new gay world.
 
It's true that the only way we've ever heard Soilwork's coming out story was through nowvoyager.... I've been watching the boards at least that long to know that I never saw all of his story. And it is nice to share good stories along with bad.
 
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