Newbie needs help with struggle

[Mirage]

Hello everyone! As you may already see how I make my phrases, I'm not from english origin. So I'm sorry if you can not read what I'm typing. If so, ask me.

From as long as I can remember I dated girls. But when it came very close (some hot nights) I couldn't go any further in the relationship. Mainly I broke up and left with sometimes become friends.

I than realize that I might be gay, because I do like to watch men. Mainly +30. I'm 23 myselft at the moment. But when I get close (in the non kissing stage) to a 'potential' boyfriend 'something' says to me that it's not right and that I miss a girl in life.

I did not have had sex with men until a month ago. I met a man in a club, we chated a bit and an hour later we were blowing each other. At first I didn't recieve the message from my brains until we talked after.

From the first moment we met it was as we could touch eachother souls and stayed that way even when I got that message. He wanted to meet me agian but I was confused. Stupid as I was I told him surly that I couldn't do it. He left broken wich was not the intention. I still regret that today.

Now he's always in my head and when I wake up it's like he's sleeping next to me (and there's no one since that day). I tried to find him on the internet by typing his name, age and residence, but with no succes. I'm realy despirate and I do not know what to do. Should I move on or try harder to find him. Give me some advice!

 

[TX-Beau]

OK, seems you're in the process of coming out, found a guy, but weren't in a place where you could actually date a guy, and freaked.

One of those phases we all go through. Before you find another guy and repeat the process, better figure out if you're going to have another hetero attack first.

Some milestones. Are you out to everyone? Anyone? Are you comfortable showing affection (the date kind) in public? Are you still mourning for a lost hetero life (we all go through this)?

You need to be comfortable with yourself first, you'll never find a relationship that works without that.

But frankly, what you describe is pretty normal for the coming out process, and I don't think you should sweat it. Have a good time, don't push farther than you're ready to go, be careful, don't fuck with people's heads, and you'll come out alright in the end.

edit: BTW, welcome to the madhouse.

 

[Lube]

^ What he said.

And unless that guy is a regular at the club, you'll probably never find him. So move on.

 

[Mirage]

Thanks for responding TX-Beau and Lube.

I don't know if I'm in the comming out phase, because before I had sex with a man I thought I was gay. That's why I went out to a bar with no intentions for a relationship. I was just there to 'smell' the gay scene. Only I found more than a 'smell' and that was that guy from heaven.

After that day I look still both equal to men and women. Mostly they're both equal attractive in the sexual sence. Because of that I can't come out yet. I don't know what I am.

The only thing I know is that I reject al lot of potential relationships with girls of my age because of this issue. And that is frustrating.

To make it even worse; One colleague of mine (he's 55, second straight marriage and 5 kids) is always flirting with me. He winks a lot and draws attention from me when he is around me. He even wants to copy papers with me, because he doesn't know how the machine works. (Yeh right.) I do like him, but I don't think he wants something with me. (I already did some things when I'm alone.)
He even wanted to introduce his daughter (who is 22 and single at the moment) to me. I've seen her photo and looks good. He talks a lot about her and therefore I think he's testing me to become his son in law and that we can grow closer to eachother.

 

[Lube]

Oh, you're definitely in the coming out phase.

First you say you're gay before you had sex with men, then you say you're equally attracted, then you say you don't know.

I think your "friend" is using his daughter as a ruse, and wants to get down your pants. Stay away from married guys: it's a disaster waiting to happen. If you like older guys, there are millions of older, out, gay men who would live to have a relationship with you. It's nothing to be embarrassed about.

I'm going to read between the lines and say that it sounds more like he's pushing his daughter on you rather than you pursuing his daughter. I'm guessing you're gay, but in the early stages of acceptance.

 

[Eagle653]

It seems that you might be more gay than straight. You are imagining this one guy you had sex with in bed with you in the morning and trying to track him down. You are not imaging a woman next to you, nor trying to track any one of them down.

I do agree with the others that you are in the process of coming out to yourself. It is confusing. It is frustrating. But, continue to let it happen and learn yourself and what you like. I would forget about the first guy because you probably cannot find him, and even if you did, he may not be interested in you because you dropped him after the first time.

You might want to relax, date several people, and see what you like best. It will become clear to you in time.

Good luck--and welcome!

 

[Mirage]

At first: Yes I do like older men (+30 okay for most men it's +60) because the're not childish anymore. I am more grown up than my surroundings (guys of same age).
That's why I hesitated whe he asked me to lick off some pie next to his mouth with a big smile on his face. I would have done it if we were alone, but al the other workers were there also. So I sad: "You wish" and I Laught. So did everyone else.

About that feeling of someone next to me is not the first time. I do have it with girls when we're in love and not with each other in bed. And I do like the pussies and breast.

 

[rareboy]

To make it even worse; One colleague of mine (he's 55, second straight marriage and 5 kids) is always flirting with me. He winks a lot and draws attention from me when he is around me.

He even wanted to introduce his daughter (who is 22 and single at the moment) to me. I've seen her photo and looks good. He talks a lot about her and therefore I think he's testing me to become his son in law and that we can grow closer to eachother.

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww........................................

 

[Lefty]

imo...ignore the crap about "coming out"

you can't come out until you know who/what you are.

was the guy your first total sex experience? only total sex experience?

do you have erections when with men? women? both?

your story so far infers not straight (hence the obsession with the guy)

options are gay exclusive or bi with a preference to one or the other and to make that determination you need some real time experience. get that, evaluate and then decide where your head/heart really lies.

only you can make that decision, or you have already made that decision and don't like the results in which case you have to confront the real you, accept him and then you can move on to fulfillment of your psyche.

this is only my opinion so take it fr what it is worth and know i wish you the best of luck in your inner adventure.

michael

 

[Lube]

And I do like the pussies and breast.

So which straight sex forums do you hang out at?

 

[Mirage]

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww........................................

In the meaning of becomming family. And maybe more.

imo...ignore the crap about "coming out"

you can't come out until you know who/what you are.

was the guy your first total sex experience? only total sex experience?

do you have erections when with men? women? both?

your story so far infers not straight (hence the obsession with the guy)

options are gay exclusive or bi with a preference to one or the other and to make that determination you need some real time experience. get that, evaluate and then decide where your head/heart really lies.

only you can make that decision, or you have already made that decision and don't like the results in which case you have to confront the real you, accept him and then you can move on to fulfillment of your psyche.

this is only my opinion so take it fr what it is worth and know i wish you the best of luck in your inner adventure.

michael

I've had about 4 serious relationships (more than one year) with girls and shared beds with 7 or so. All those times I didn't had any difficulties to get hard or anything else like feelings. (I know with some biology background that getting hard doesn't mean that you're attracted him/her.)

So which straight sex forums do you hang out at?

Some, but not logged in anyway. That's because when I had a girlfriend, I developed some attraction to men. Because of the interests I searched for (naked) men. But if I see an attractive women I'll watch too or click her away when I have a relationship.

 

[rareboy]

In the meaning of becomming family. And maybe more.

He's pimping out his daughter so he can fuck you??????????????


EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

 

[Lefty]

mirage,
i think you walk both sides of the street. i do. my preference is more hetero than homo but its definitely both sides of the street for me and that is not a BAD thing at all.

 

[Mirage]

He's pimping out his daughter so he can fuck you??????????????

EWWWW.

Chill for a bit. I'll not go into a relationship with him or his daugther. I like him, but I don't think it will last long between him or his daugther. Thinking of that I can see him more than 8 hours a day... no thank you.
Only 6 days that I can see him and than my summerholiday from school is over. I'll miss him and a lot of other colleagues in a normal and sometimes in a sexual way. 80% of the 400 people that work there is +40. So if you walk around there and you like older men, you'll be in a do not touch candyshop.

mirage,
i think you walk both sides of the street. i do. my preference is more hetero than homo but its definitely both sides of the street for me and that is not a BAD thing at all.

I would like that too, but how do you combine that? Do you have a open relationship?

 

[spencer]

I think you should continue to date both men and women and see who you like more. Or you might find out you like both all the time. Don't let one interfere with the other, just be you.

 

[Mirage]

Thanks. Hopefully I can accept that one day. (And please let that day come sooner than later.) Untill that day I don't know what I realy want (man, woman or both) in life.

By the way... After I was watching a movie last night with a view friends my parents came home. When my friends left I wanted to take a shot of telling that I'm attracted to men. But when I wanted to start the talking I couldn't. It was like something was grabbing my throat and I couldn't breathe or speak. My mother saw that I wanted to tell something and asked what was wrong. I said it was nothing and that I'll say it an other time when I'm ready for it.

My family knows that I'm realy good at talking in riddles and that I'm realy good at keeping secrets. So that's why they didn't asked any further.

 

[Lube]

From as long as I can remember I dated girls. But when it came very close (some hot nights) I couldn't go any further in the relationship. Mainly I broke up and left with sometimes become friends.

I than realize that I might be gay, because I do like to watch men. Mainly +30. I'm 23 myselft at the moment. But when I get close (in the non kissing stage) to a 'potential' boyfriend 'something' says to me that it's not right and that I miss a girl in life.

Thanks. Hopefully I can accept that one day. (And please let that day come sooner than later.) Untill that day I don't know what I realy want (man, woman or both) in life.

I think it's pretty clear you're gay.

Accept that, and you'll be a much happier person.

And at 23, isn't it time to come out? What are you waiting for?

 

[Mirage]

I see that I've made a mistake in an earlier post.

I said: But when it came very close (some hot nights) I couldn't go any further in the relationship.

But I ment: But when it came very close (some hot nights later) I couldn't go any further in the relationship.

I realy enjoyed all the nights I've had, but when it's going a step higher I freak out. Don't get me wrong of not loving her anymore because I still did at that time. It's more of growing closer to each other. You know the step of talking about living together, weddingplans, children and so on. She was ready but I wasn't.

I don't have the experience with men yet because of the one-night stand wich I still regret, because I wanted to become a relationship. When I was there it wasn't hard to get attention because of my age and I don't have that with girls. So on the dating part it's much easier to be gay for me.

Like I said in my post above, I wanted to come out but something stopped me. I think it's because of the family issue and that I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm out as gay or bi. It's not like: "Hey mom and dad I'm out now, so I'm going to fuck some men and don't worry about me."

Any suggestions?

 

[Mirage]

Never mind. I've came out today to my parents and sister. Hopefully I can now date more relaxed because I don't have any problem of telling them.

Next stop: My friends! Any help appreciated!

 

[Mirage]

I've still not made the step to tell my friends except one. He's ok with it. But I'm more concerned about something else.

Today at school I met a teacher where I didn't had any lessons from and will not have because of an other specialism. Last year I spoke with him and I knew he liked me as I am. But I've miscalculated the 'relationship' somehow, because today he told about his feelings towards me. I've told him that this was quite unexpected and said that I needed time to overcome this conversation.

The problem is that I do like him as a friend and don't have any love feelings for him. I won't mind to do it with him (he's attractive), but a relationship isn't an option. A relationship with a teacher is I in my eyes is always a bad idea. We'll see each other every day. Even if we break up and I don't want any interference at school. You know when things are going bad that he'll talk to his colleagues to help me out or even worse to kick me out of school if I leave him.

I think I see him tomorrow or Friday and I think he wants an answer. At the moment I think to tell him that I'm straight (a lie because im bi). The last thing I want to do is hurting him.

He's around 30 years of age and I'm 23. Like I mentioned above he doesn't know I'm bi. At least I didn't told him.