Not really sure there's a solution or advice but need to vent.

[DarrenS]

So here's my situation: When I was a Freshmen in high school there was a guy that I was absolutely in love with. He was a senior, extremely hot, very well dressed, super nice and gave me rides home from track. Eventually I think I started to interpret his niceness as flirtation (it didn't help that he was extremely good looking and yet somehow single) and even though he continued to flirt with and have sex with girls I thought that he liked me despite the obvious evidence that he wasn't into me at all. I'm bisexual and still mostly closeted even now (I'm 18 ) and there was absolutely no way for me to even find out for sure if he actually was flirting with me.

Cut to four years later in my Freshmen of college. I haven't talked to this guy except the occasional facebook conversation and I find out tonight that there is a large possibility that this guy will be at the new years party I'm going to tomorrow, all of a sudden it's like I'm 14 again and nervous doesn't even begin to describe how I feel right now. Luckily there will be alcohol at this party as well as several other friends to distract me. However just the knowledge that he is in the same house as me is going to drive me insane, not to mention the large number of girls that will be there flirting with him making me not only nervous but jealous. Should I even go to the party? Should I go and get hammered and try to ignore him? WHAT SHOULD I DO?!?

 

[StlKj]

You should go, NOT GET HAMMERED, say hey to him like he's a long-lost friend, and enjoy yourself. The "not get hammered" portion is so that you don't make an ass of yourself, and also so you don't get depressed and broody once you're drunk. Get a light buzz on, have a good time with your friends, and play it cool with the hottie. You're not a Freshmen in high school anymore, and he's no longer a senior. He may have changed some since then--if you have a chance to talk to him and find out how's he doing, great. Do not, however, spend your evening pining away, carrying a torch and getting jealous.

So, in closing--DO NOT GET HAMMERED.

Good luck, Happy New Year, and let us know how it went.

 

[NineOfClubs]

I, too, have to agree to the "not get hammered part".

You might be able to reconnect here, or not. But you have to be sober to do it....

 

[G-Lexington]

Go. Don't get drunk. Talk to him, catch up. Chances are very minimal that something will happen - not because he isn't gay or bi (you never know) but because you're still in the closet, and even if he is, it's going to be tough to do the "I'm gay but don't want him to know so I'll do very little baby steps and see if he responds" game all in one night. Instead, look at it as an opportunity to keep the friendship going. And then get back to working on coming out.

Lex

 

[Digweed]

There's also a possibility that now 4 years down the line without seeing him you'll look at him and think to yourself "what on earth did I ever see in him?".

 

[trikky]

peoples personalities change a lot too so he might not be that nice sweet guy anymore. Just be friends with him but make sure that you have other friends there you can talk to and hang with in case you need time out for a reality check if your emotions start to get the better of you.

 

[jaysizzles]

Go!

You're realistic in that this crush you have on him isn't going to lead anywhere...so just have a little harmless fun. Catch up on old and new times, laugh and flirt right back with him, catch a whiff of his scent, look into those eyes again...ahhh, check out his goods, etc...then go home and enjoy a little fantasy imagining him and you...

Or...perhaps there will be someone else at the party that will make you completely forget about your crush...and you can bring in the new year with a real bang!

have fun!

 

[Lube]

First of all, yes, you and he have changed a lot over the past few years. So temper your expectations--you may not find him or his personality as attractive as you once did.

If you do find him attractive, however, then I say you chat him up and get to know him. If you think he's gay, he probably is. He's probably just closeted like you.

Don't drag him into the bedroom and give him a bj, but rather see if you can get him to commit to seeing you after the party. That way no one has to reveal their sexuality. Find a common interest (track? gaming? museum?) and meet him to do it.

Good luck and report back!

 

[Lube]

There's a lot of sage advice in what you say, bw92116, but it's 4 years later and they've changed and the world has changed and maybe they'll both be a little more open.

But, sure, if he rejects the advances, don't bother with him and go off to a gay party where you can be yourself and find your true love. Great advice.

 

[TX-Beau]

OK, so you had a crush on this guy four years ago, then apart from a few net chats, you don't see each other for four years, and now FOUR YEARS later you're like a cheerleader before prom?

Isn't it possible that what you're reacting to is the nostalgia of your first infatuation? At your age four years is a lifetime, you don't really know this guy anymore if you ever did. From what you posted it doesn't seem like you were bosom buddies way back when, so really, is there anything at all to be discombobulated about?

If I were you, I wouldn't worry about it that much, it's not like he's asked you out, now or ever, it's not like your life hasn't moved on, and frankly, what's seen through the eyes of a fourteen year old kid may not be what you see now. Attractions included.

So, go to your party, have fun with your friends, contemplate seriously the utility and freedom of coming out already (DON'T waste valuable youth on the closet - you'll have many more realizable, satisfying infatuations - and hot guys if you come out, and will never have to come in here bemoaning your regrets when you're 40.) Drink responsibly, don't drive, and treat this guy like a friend who was nice to a little Freshmen in High School.


In the off chance that this guy turns out to have come out in the past four years, by all means drag him into the bedroom and blow him. But really, that's more likely to be fantasy than reality, though I have to say once again, that if you were out, you'd always stand a better chance of getting what you want than you ever would hiding. If everyone thinks you're straight, the guys who might like to play are going to pass you by.

 

[Shattereddreams]

Im in no position to give you any advice since I always end up telling the guys I like them that I like them and it always ends up with disastrous results since theyre all straight.

But I think this would be the safest thing to do :

Let him make the first move.
If he dosent then just forget him !

 

[TX-Beau]

Im in no position to give you any advice since I always end up telling the guys I like them that I like them and it always ends up with disastrous results since theyre all straight.

Do you hang out places where gay/bi men are thick on the ground? Because if you don't, you're fishing in a dry pond and will always be heartbroken.

 

[tommyj]

So waht happened??

 

[DarrenS]

I went to the party. He was there. We talked, we both got wasted, I felt like he was in fact flirting with me but the second his friend came around he started talking about how madly in love with this girl is and all that stuff. He then kept talking to me and like hovering around me and stuff. Gradually I got angrier and angrier (I didn't show it or like start something or even do anything embarrassing at all) and at the end of the night he was offering rides home to people with his dad because everyone was kind of drunk, but at that point i didn't think i could deal with being in close proximity so I politely declined, calmly left the house, and then proceeded to freak the fuck out on my walk home, destroying my precious flask in the process.

I was staying at his best friend's house that night and since i was drunk and i tend to overshare i told him about the situation and why i left early and was now flaskless and he then told me that there was no chance of this guy ever returning my feelings.

So I guess outwardly I had a great night but inside i was a 14 year old again. I'm over it though, I knew this would happen so I can't really blame anyone and I think I'll just avoid being wherever he is the next time he ends up in the same town as me.

 

[tommyj]

And I'm sure he will tell the dude!!

 

[StlKj]

So, getting wasted really worked out then.

 

[DarrenS]

no he won't. This guy is good people and I know that he won't. Not that it would really matter if he did because either things would stay exactly the same or this guy would start actively avoid me as i will be him.

 

[DarrenS]

oh and the getting wasted always works better for me haha.

 

[StlKj]

oh and the getting wasted always works better for me haha.

Sorry, I read about someone getting wasted, losing control of his anger, destroying/losing something he loved (a flask, ironically enough) and then blabbing details he didn't want known to someone who probably will eventually leak that information to the very person he didn't want to know; I guess I didn't see where the alcohol made that situation better.

But you survived the evening, so that's the important thing, I guess.

 

[DarrenS]

Yeah the thing is, were i sober my reaction would have been much worse and telling the friend, as much of a risk as it was, helped me get over it faster. So I'm still crediting my successful failure to alcohol.