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Oh, those straight best friends!

I know exactly how you feel and I don't think there is any way you can stop yourself unless your heart is broken.

You have to be denied, you have to have your heart broken. Otherwise, if you pull away from him and stop your obsession, you will always be driven crazy over "what if?"

You have started this friendship unhealthily, and now it will have to end that way.

I know this sounds like terrible advice, but I know you can't just give up these feelings. Just go for it, and let what happens, happen. Its the only way you are going to get over him.
 
Thank you for your sincere words, man. They are scary, but I know they represent the truth. Actually, I do hope that everything will be resolved by a miracle -- I hope that one day I wake up without thinking about him, and then, voilat, I realize that I'm nomore in love with him.

I mean, it can happen, can't it? If he's a volatile person, I can be more volatile than him. Maybe I'll fall in love with someone else while living with him, and I won't concede Sacha the time of the day anymore. That's what I'm hoping for, a miracle...

Otherwise, I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life. Yesterday, I heard some girls talking about a recent tragedy happened near here... After being dumped by his girlfriend, a guy committed suicide, and while doing so, he sent his girlfriend a text message saying 'I'm killing myself'. All the girls hearing the story went 'OMG, that's awful'. Me? I was like, "Well, he gave me an idea". No way I'm planning to do that (right now), absolutely, but the thing is I wasn't shocked by that story, instead I could totally understand where the poor guy came from.
 
Let me stress that there is a very good chance you are going to break your heart over this, but it is a necessary and inevitable function of human loss. Never, should you consider taking your own life because someone denied you. Never. You will eventually get over the loss and move on.
 
You just sound obsessive and since this relationship is based off of a shitload of lies, I can't see anything good coming of this int he near future. :(
 
Just_Believe18 said:
I know exactly how you feel and I don't think there is any way you can stop yourself unless your heart is broken.

You have to be denied, you have to have your heart broken. Otherwise, if you pull away from him and stop your obsession, you will always be driven crazy over "what if?"

You have started this friendship unhealthily, and now it will have to end that way.

I know this sounds like terrible advice, but I know you can't just give up these feelings. Just go for it, and let what happens, happen. Its the only way you are going to get over him.
Click to expand...
Most brilliant post ever.
 
Hi.

Last week he threw me out. I gave a little party for us, alcohol based... and I managed to have him drunk. While he was drunk and 'asleep', I touched his wonderful ass, and handworked myself, but he wasn't asleep. And the next morning he asked me what the fuck I was doing. I told him I was drunk, and probably thought it was a chick's ass or something. He kinda believed me...he kinda believed me not. In the afternoon, he told me he was not comfortable having me as a roommate anymore. Actually, he wasn't comfortable sleeping in my same room either. I told him I was molested as a child (which is true), but he just doesn't want me and I don't blame him.

Guys, I'm devastated. I have to create myself a new life! All alone! I can't make it, guys! I'm dying day by day!!! I'm always crying, I'm always desperate. I want to commit suicide, but I'm too afraid of death to do so! The only thing I know is that I want to stop loving him! He's still asking me how I am, how I'm doing...if I've improved...he's so sweet! I can't stand it! Please, guys! Please! What do I have to do??? I'm dying...
 
Go back and read the posts that said this had train wreck written all over it.

Get professional counselling.
 
What you need now is distance.

Move out. Sever contact with him. Let yourself heal. It may also be in your better interest to just let this one go for good.

I'm also inclined to side with rareboy that you may want to speak to someone professional in these matters.
 
Well now it happened. I told you, you'd be denied and heartbroken. He's rejected you and now you can finally start the healing process. You've been sick for a long time. Between last September and June you've been building this bigger and bigger. Now you have to let go of your obsession and seek professional care. You must see a counselor as we can only help you so much.

I know you feel awful. I know you feel like you don't want to live anymore. But TRUST me when I say this: you are on the RIGHT path! This is where you need to be. All you need to do is heal and move on to someone who can love you.
 
Another thing that bums me about how this whole situation is sick, is how I am happy... if he's unhappy.

I mean, if I learn he spent a whole night all alone, bored and all... I'm happy.
If I learn I succeeded in something he failed, well I'm a little happy.
Sometimes I think this is just a personality disorder.
Click to expand...

Besides apparently being a pathological liar....this is something you might want to work on in counselling.
 
But what do I have to do next time I see him?! My heart starts shaking, and so do my legs... I don't want that feeling anymore! I can't stand it!

And if I meet him in the street...and we don't say Hi...I'm gonna think about it for the whole night! I'm SCARED of the memories...of the longingness...

I'm seeking professional help already but nobody seems to know how to help me.
I still love him so much...
 
Crubbed,

You need to seek out a therapist who is good working with victims of child sexual abuse. You are going to be drawn again and again to men who will not want you or who will hurt you, and you will set yourself up for it every time. You've been wired to be attracted to these kinds of situations, and your fondling of your roommate while he was asleep is a scary indicator that your obsessions are getting the best of you and turning you into someone who takes advantage of others when they are vulnerable. You should also consult a doctor to see if medication may be in order to help you get through this period, or even to see if there might be a diagnosis of a more serious depression here (the manipulations, obsession and lying/fabrications may be indicative of this).

You can indeed get help, but you have to be serious about it and be honest with your therapist. This is not a quick fix--you didn't get this way overnight, and it will take work to get better. Put your obsessive energy into getting your head on straight and just treat this guy like a huge wake-up call to what you should really be focusing on. And if you can't function right now and are thinking of suicide, you need to consider the possibility of finding a hospital for some in-patient care. Sometimes a person needs to remove themselves from they reality they've created so they can begin healing mentally. Hang in there.
 
Hi, there.

Yesterday I met him. I came back to my apt, to pick my last things, and he was there. We talked. It was so painful, guys, believe me. He was SO COLD, so bitter... I know his exams, his love life didn't go well since we left, but I hope he isn't turned into this. I'm afraid that I did this to him; I made him like this, with all my lies and deceptions. He was such a beautiful person! Such a nice guy! He was always smiling, he was the man that everyone of you would have fallen in love with!
He's also very intelligent, more than I ever imagined.

I tried to tell him again that I didn't try to rape him, that I wasn't conscious, because I really don't want him to remind me like this. But that's the truth! I was gonna rape him! I touched him, and masturbated when he was sleeping... I am SICK.
And now I'll never have him. I loved him SO MUCH, and now he doesn't want to know a fuck about me,,, and he's right. I'm so in pain, guys... I don't know how to come out of this. This whole story has been going on for more than 1 year! I always think I have no more tears to cry, but I do. I was so happy when I lived with him; I was glad we would do everything together... and I knew it wouldn't last forever, I knew it... it just didn't have to end like this...

I went to a therapist for the whole summer, but that bitch wouldn't understand anything about me. The only right things she told me were that I'm full of rage, angryiness, because of my family matters. But nothing more...
I'm very depressed.
 
Get another therapist. Preferably one who's used to dealing with homosexual issues.

Lex
 
G-Lexington said:
Get another therapist. Preferably one who's used to dealing with homosexual issues.

Lex
Click to expand...

Yeah, I'll search on the phonebook for "a therapist expert in homosexual issues". Not to be sarcastic, Lex, but I don't think that's a solution. Actually, I'm done with therapists. I hate them. They only steal you money.
 
crubbed said:
Yeah, I'll search on the phonebook for "a therapist expert in homosexual issues". Not to be sarcastic, Lex, but I don't think that's a solution. Actually, I'm done with therapists. I hate them. They only steal you money.
Click to expand...

People have such a misconception about therapy; they think they go to talk to someone for a few months and they're supposed to come out of it all cured. I saw a study once that said many people don't start seeing real, lasting results until a year in counseling. Yes, that was "start" seeing results. You see, we take many years of conditioning and programming to become who we are, and then we think that an hour a week for a couple of months is going to help us rewrite all of that. It's not realistic.

It takes several months just to really get in a groove with a good therapist where he or she knows they're getting to the real issues underlying your problems. It could then take weeks or months for them to help you really understand how those issues influence your behaviors. Only then can you begin to rewrite the script so that you change those behaviors. Factor in any chemical imbalances or severely abusive experiences from the past, and a year in therapy is just beginning to round the first corner for many clients.

And, unfortunately, not every therapist works well with every person. It's important to find someone you are in sync with. Lex is right--you should try to find another therapist who has experience dealing with gay issues. You can do so by contacting any local gay and lesbian agencies or organizations that might be able to refer you to someone. Or you could actually call around to counselors and just ask, "Do you specialize or have experience in gay and lesbian issues?"

The last thing you should do right now in your state of depression and anger is just give up on therapy all together. As you said, your therapist has got your emotional state, and where it comes from, pegged. She's at least gotten you to that step, so maybe you just need to find someone else to take you to the next one. Or maybe you need to stick with her after all--you could just be cutting off your lifeline to getting better because you are frustrated and angry with yourself that the friend situation has finally truly blown up in your face.
 
>>> Actually, I'm done with therapists. I hate them. They only steal you money.

You had one crappy one, so they're all crappy? You sound like those guys who get out of their first relationship announcing "I'm done with men - they're all evil."

You had one bad one - sorry about that. But yes, go find one that deals with homosexuals. It's the friggin' 21st century. Google. Internet search. Call up a few and ask if they deal with gay issues. Ask if you can have a preliminary meeting to see if you feel comfortable with them. Any therapist worthy of the name would do this. If you don't like the vibe after the meeting, tell him that, and move on to the next one.

I not only think this is A solution. I think this is THE solution.

Lex
 
G-Lexington said:
You had one crappy one, so they're all crappy? You sound like those guys who get out of their first relationship announcing "I'm done with men - they're all evil."
Click to expand...

It wasn't just a crappy one. I went to several therapists,,, none of which understood anything about me. And I'm really TIRED of explaining my story over and over...
 
Again, though, you didn't go to one who specializes in homosexual issues. These people are specially trained to help people work through issues like yours.

Or you can try working through your pain, rage, issues and self-loathing all by yourself.

Lex
 
I have a knot in my stomach from all the red flags I see in this story. Kill joke is right. I will keep it simple. There is enough advice here for a month of reading. Keep it simple and do not do the unthinkable to yourself.
Shep+
 
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