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On Topic Discussion On fatherhood, mentoring and brotherhood.

^according to our society, yes, you are correct. However, I am of the mindset that society and it's bullshit double standards can go fuck itself, so, there's that.

May be slightly different in other countries like in Europe or India for example. But there is a glimmer of hope that things here in the States are changing for the better in that respect.

Though the term bromance is like nails on a chalk board...


celebridades-seth-rogen-f66757.jpg
 
Very good post Elmos.

Having a father that never show emotions to me I always looked for a male mentor outside my family.
My father is the classic macho motherfucker who would tell you to man up if you are hit by a train and start crying.
Never got a real meaningful hug from him, and I really wanted one.

My first male bromance was with my actual brother, we did lots of stuff together and supported each other during the bad and good times, I love him to bits.
I also have two best friends, with them I can be 100% myself, and that's priceless, they are always there for me, and I am always there for them, these are the only people that knows I am Bi.

Bromance is something I need, I've been in relationships, but the people I would always go to when the shit hit the fan were always my brother and my best friends.
They never judged me, but they would kick my ass if I did anything stupid, which I tend to do quite a lot.
If you never experienced a bromance you missed something beautiful.
 
^agreed.



I was fortunate to have close brotherhood friendships and "bromances" (:vomit: that word) over the years growing up as a kid and I still have a couple as well as my mentor even though I had no biological brothers and a beyond shitty father.

The concern as I see it though, is still even in today's supposedly "enlightened" society, we have more and more men growing up without this crucial element essential for healthy psychological and social development, hence this thread.



Thank you for relating your story and your thoughts, much appreciated.


Oh, and welcome to JUB, btw.
 
I think a big part of the problem is that today, society allows women to dictate how males interact, what our roles are. With more and more boys being raised in single parent homes, sans fathers, it is only going to get worse.
 
Many, MANY, years ago, Kev's youngest sister got a divorce, and moved in with us "temporarily". Due to a major fuck up, on her ex's part, her three sons joined us, weeks later, at the ages of almost 4, 5, and 6.

Though it wasn't what we were expecting, and there were still other housemates here, we all adapted, and, I guess, "adopted".

That "temporary" turned out to be 6yr.

Did it turn our previous household, and living style, upside down? You bet it did!

However, in the long run, it was, undoubtedly, the Best thing that could have happened in our Lives!

Those three little dudes had been through some rough times, and though they didn't actually express their needs, it was suddenly up to us, their Mom, Kev, and Me, to foster them into a better future. Though that was a tremendous Responsibility, that we hadn't asked for, nor sought, it proved to be a highlight, a joy, by no means a drudge.

They proved to be more than just a handful! But, they also proved to turn out to be Great Guys, too! All worth the trials and tribulations.

It was interesting how each of them reacted to us. The oldest tended to take more after me. The middle one attached himself more to Kev. The youngest was definitely his Mom's boy.

Unfortunately, we lost the youngest in a car accident, in which his oldest brother was a passenger, and survived. I can not put into words how much that effected all of us.

All in all, though, even with Kev's, and mine, possible "Gay Influence", all three turned out to be Str8, and made their Mom a Grandma!

We couldn't be more Proud, Pleased, and Impressed, with our Nephews!
 
^ ditto, yw.


Kyanimal said:
Many, MANY, years ago, Kev's youngest sister got a divorce, and moved in with us "temporarily". Due to a major fuck up, on her ex's part, her three sons joined us, weeks later, at the ages of almost 4, 5, and 6.

Though it wasn't what we were expecting, and there were still other housemates here, we all adapted, and, I guess, "adopted".

That "temporary" turned out to be 6yr.

Did it turn our previous household, and living style, upside down? You bet it did!

However, in the long run, it was, undoubtedly, the Best thing that could have happened in our Lives!

Those three little dudes had been through some rough times, and though they didn't actually express their needs, it was suddenly up to us, their Mom, Kev, and Me, to foster them into a better future. Though that was a tremendous Responsibility, that we hadn't asked for, nor sought, it proved to be a highlight, a joy, by no means a drudge.

They proved to be more than just a handful! But, they also proved to turn out to be Great Guys, too! All worth the trials and tribulations.

It was interesting how each of them reacted to us. The oldest tended to take more after me. The middle one attached himself more to Kev. The youngest was definitely his Mom's boy.

Unfortunately, we lost the youngest in a car accident, in which his oldest brother was a passenger, and survived. I can not put into words how much that effected all of us.

All in all, though, even with Kev's, and mine, possible "Gay Influence", all three turned out to be Str8, and made their Mom a Grandma!

We couldn't be more Proud, Pleased, and Impressed, with our Nephews!
Click to expand...

^ love this post, thanks Chaz
 
Gay men have an intergenerational problem. Straight men see less of it, as family affords those intergenerational roles. Gay men don't inherently have them.

When I was young, unlike my peers, I was already friends with adults, including men, who were 20, 40, and 60 years my senior. It was perfectly natural for me after having been raised by a grandmother. It was easier to be friends with women, but I also had men those ages who were close.

As I aged, I came to have friends younger than me, male and female, but over time, it has become harder to make young friends. A few are polite and chat, but there is definitely less interest in those behind me in making friends among the adults in generations older than them. It is disappointing after spending a lifetime of having friends of all generations.
 
^One of the many surprises that have greeted me with advancing age is the growing awareness that very young people can happily befriend much older people, and vice versa especially when observing friendships between grandparents, and teenagers... also within my circle of acquaintances noting romantic entanglements between very young men, and much older men that are nourished by a loving friendship, as well as the predictable exchange of financial favours...common enough when appreciating that grandparents are also generous with their grandchildren when bestowing love, and practical assistance.
 
kallipolis said:
^One of the many surprises that have greeted me with advancing age is the growing awareness that very young people can happily befriend much older people...the predictable exchange of financial favours...common enough when appreciating that grandparents are also generous with their grandchildren when bestowing love, and practical assistance.
Click to expand...

That sounds like Hard-Up giving his rationale on why gigolos must be paid.

Should they be given an annual stipend or just payment-per-service?
 
I remember as a young teen seeking an older friend, someone who knew the ropes, so to speak. I am not speaking in any sexual sense. My dad died when I was quite young and my mother depended on me, I had no one.

We rented a home from a guy who was in his '50's, he was an old farm boy from Ohio, he had been a machinist for a number of years and started to be a landlord. He bought old run down houses in the then northern burbs and would put lipstick on a pig and rent them out, I rented a pig.

This guy was about 6'4" and probably 250lbs., he lived in a bit of a shack himself, it was 2 house down from me. I found him to be friendly, he loves to "shoot the shit", to get away from my mother I would go down and hang out at his place. He was one adult that never tried or hinted at any hanky panky with me.

I was 16 at the time and we would sit for hours drinking coffee and talking, he shared his life experiences with me, he drove me to the police station in my old clunker to take my road test to get a drivers license, his advise was not always the best, but whose is?
 
I had an older, gay friend who "mentored" me through the coming out process. It was very valuable (I think he would have had sex with me, but that never happened, as it all felt rather "brotherly" to me to the point that would have been incest). I guess that is what mentoring is. About once a year or so we reconnect with our other friends.

Recently I was asked to be an official "mentor" to a drop-out kid. Involves paperwork and regular visits, and so far it has been great, rather like being assigned a younger friend to show around. He passed his GED and I'm working with his supervisors to prep him for college. Makes a nice addition to my life, in a way, as most of my friends are scattered around the planet and we rarely have chances to get together any more. Because of my job, I need to stay closeted, so that part of myself will be hidden, but I'm open to sharing everything else. Adds a bit of spice to life! And it's great knowing you helped someone.
 
^ agreed, props to you pausanias_usa, thank you for sharing.
 
NotHardUp1 said:
Gay men have an intergenerational problem. Straight men see less of it, as family affords those intergenerational roles. Gay men don't inherently have them.


As I aged, I came to have friends younger than me, male and female, but over time, it has become harder to make young friends. A few are polite and chat, but there is definitely less interest in those behind me in making friends among the adults in generations older than them. It is disappointing after spending a lifetime of having friends of all generations.
Click to expand...


^ and that is a sad state of affairs here in the U.S. specifically.
However, I think the more people start waking up to a lot of our mental conditioning BS perpetuated by our media and social institutions including social media, the more people start thinking for themselves; that will change.

Although I may not be in my 60s or 70's I am technically considered older than most of the younger college kids I'm currently surrounded by. I've found they seem to go out of their way to hang out with me, workout with me or get to know me.

Granted, there are a number of them who have an ulterior motive involving sex, but all in all, most take a genuine interest and some actually emulate my personality quirks, habits and behaviors. Maybe a locale thing.
 
peeonme said:
He was one adult that never tried or hinted at any hanky panky with me.
Click to expand...

^I'd like to delve into that alarming comment if you're ok with discussing it, either here in the thread or through PM.

ty for sharing btw.
 
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