duroc5088
I gotta be a rodeo man!!!
what do you mean?
when his man is a sleep, he can put his man's cock in his mouth.
yes we sleep together, and NO that's not even an option, isn't that a form of rape?
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partnered and I still can't get laid!!!!
- Thread starter duroc5088
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yes we sleep together, and NO that's not even an option, isn't that a form of rape?
Yooper
Back to Creepy Old Fart
Welcome to the club.
I've got Nineteen years. He's a Swedish-Lutheran-Conservative who's parents slept on separate FLOORS in their house for at least 40 of their 50 year marriage. How they made 3 kids in 12 years blows my mind. So that's how HE thinks of sex.
Then there's my family, my Mom has had 3 marriages (all failed) but now at 70 she tells me about her latest bed partner (NOOOOO, Mom, I CAN'T HEAR YOUUUUUU).
So I think sex is FUN and he has an 'issue.'
Although extenuating circumstances have had us apart for the last 2 years (mostly), the previous 5 consisted of me in my comfy bed and him on the couch downstairs. His choice, not mine.
I'm going to be 'home' within the next week or so, but don't expect much because its going to be for his Mom's funeral. So I am going to take the high ground here.
Don't know what to say, but hopefully it gets better.
I've got Nineteen years. He's a Swedish-Lutheran-Conservative who's parents slept on separate FLOORS in their house for at least 40 of their 50 year marriage. How they made 3 kids in 12 years blows my mind. So that's how HE thinks of sex.
Then there's my family, my Mom has had 3 marriages (all failed) but now at 70 she tells me about her latest bed partner (NOOOOO, Mom, I CAN'T HEAR YOUUUUUU).
So I think sex is FUN and he has an 'issue.'
Although extenuating circumstances have had us apart for the last 2 years (mostly), the previous 5 consisted of me in my comfy bed and him on the couch downstairs. His choice, not mine.
I'm going to be 'home' within the next week or so, but don't expect much because its going to be for his Mom's funeral. So I am going to take the high ground here.
Don't know what to say, but hopefully it gets better.
alley
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My experience exactly---I didn't mention or ask for sex and months would flow by---til I saw the handwriting on the wall---we talked about therapy, but we were beyond that point---we were friends who lived together, not anything more.
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he probably will since he's a member of JUB...
Dirk, I really don't know what advice to give you and Levi
I just hope you guys can work it out. You are such a cute couple
operafan
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The whole withholding sex seems so passive-agressive to me. Beyond counseling, I'm not sure I see much hope for change. Does he ever watch porn?
Does he want to be in this relationship? If he does, why isn't he willing to meet halfway? It's all about being a two-way street.
Does he want to be in this relationship? If he does, why isn't he willing to meet halfway? It's all about being a two-way street.
G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
Tell him you're done.
You're done begging and needling and hinting and suggesting and planning for sex, when all you're getting is guilt trips and hurt feelings.
And that you'll start looking elsewhere. Not for a boyfriend. But for sex. Definitely porn. Probably camming. Perhaps more.
End of story.
Lex
You're done begging and needling and hinting and suggesting and planning for sex, when all you're getting is guilt trips and hurt feelings.
And that you'll start looking elsewhere. Not for a boyfriend. But for sex. Definitely porn. Probably camming. Perhaps more.
End of story.
Lex
G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
What more can he do? He's talked to him on numerous occasions, attempted to work out compromises, and each time, the sex gets less frequent and the guilt trips get more so.
Lex
Lex
G
gabriel1
Guest
sex is overrated
G
gabriel1
Guest
Dirk, Maybe he thinks you're too clingy. My ex was one of those clingy always got to touch someone kind of guy. I hated it. Well he was a drunk too.
Joshua_me
IntoxicatedwithHunkiness
Sorry to hear about this.
My mind would go to the medical side of things.
Men at any age can suffer from low testosterone production. Also, thyroid problems are a very common thing. Both of these things can lead to a low sex drive and 'never wanting to leave the house' kind of feeling that can come from a mild case of depression that goes hand in hand with these conditions.
Simple blood tests can determine any problems or lack there of... Of course, that means going to a Dr. which can be a bit of a problem for some guys, especially when dealing with the male ego over such things.
Basically, it's not 'normal' for men not to want to engage in sex for months and months at a time. So to me, the problem is either physical or mental. Best to find out sooner than later which one you're dealing with...
My mind would go to the medical side of things.
Men at any age can suffer from low testosterone production. Also, thyroid problems are a very common thing. Both of these things can lead to a low sex drive and 'never wanting to leave the house' kind of feeling that can come from a mild case of depression that goes hand in hand with these conditions.
Simple blood tests can determine any problems or lack there of... Of course, that means going to a Dr. which can be a bit of a problem for some guys, especially when dealing with the male ego over such things.
Basically, it's not 'normal' for men not to want to engage in sex for months and months at a time. So to me, the problem is either physical or mental. Best to find out sooner than later which one you're dealing with...
Yves
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Hi Dirk
As mentioned before, marital counseling seems a good alternative for both of you. I've seen the same problem with straight couples. Some recommend escorts or Internet sex, but those are short term solutions that do not address the root causes of the problem.
What are his fears regarding counseling? Is he afraid of being blamed? Has he made concrete efforts as setting up an appointment or exploring therapists in your area? Has he had bad experiences with counselors/therapists in the past?
Fear in general is not uncommon. This thread is a way to vent your frustration but it might increase the fears in your partner because in some degree he is being blamed by some of us. This is not a public trial and both of you need to talk about your relationship in a safe space.
Have you guys sat together to explore gay friendly counselors in your area? It's important for both of you to realize that exploring solutions and counseling is a joint effort. Some local or national Internet directory might help to identify resources in you area. You guys need to agree on the steps needed to improve the relationship as a whole. Sex is just one of many components.
Has his libido changed significantly over the years or recently? Changes are not uncommon but in a few number of cases low libido can be a symptom of depression or other biological conditions. A counselor should be able to identify any additional factors affecting your relationship. Sex in many cases is just the tip of the iceberg and couple's therapy by a third independent party is a good way to identify the conditions affecting this situation including emotional, sexual and biological factors among others.
Best of luck.
As mentioned before, marital counseling seems a good alternative for both of you. I've seen the same problem with straight couples. Some recommend escorts or Internet sex, but those are short term solutions that do not address the root causes of the problem.
What are his fears regarding counseling? Is he afraid of being blamed? Has he made concrete efforts as setting up an appointment or exploring therapists in your area? Has he had bad experiences with counselors/therapists in the past?
Fear in general is not uncommon. This thread is a way to vent your frustration but it might increase the fears in your partner because in some degree he is being blamed by some of us. This is not a public trial and both of you need to talk about your relationship in a safe space.
Have you guys sat together to explore gay friendly counselors in your area? It's important for both of you to realize that exploring solutions and counseling is a joint effort. Some local or national Internet directory might help to identify resources in you area. You guys need to agree on the steps needed to improve the relationship as a whole. Sex is just one of many components.
Has his libido changed significantly over the years or recently? Changes are not uncommon but in a few number of cases low libido can be a symptom of depression or other biological conditions. A counselor should be able to identify any additional factors affecting your relationship. Sex in many cases is just the tip of the iceberg and couple's therapy by a third independent party is a good way to identify the conditions affecting this situation including emotional, sexual and biological factors among others.
Best of luck.
Ech. I would not go that far. Not everyone likes sex as much as others.
There are couples who do not have sex, even gay couples. And there are many people who say they are single and perfectly happy without having sex.
It is different for everyone.
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Dirk,
Like you I have a huge libido. My man is not so very much, but his libido is pretty good too. I am learned in seduction. Man, I spend my time thinking up ways to get him going, and I am relentless. Maybe I am missing something, for my partnership of 19 years is like heaven.
We have our big issues, but most of the time it is not about sex. I am suspicious of the other person based on what you have said, but I can only wonder what he would say to me in his place. I would like to think that there are other issues, and they may not be so surmountable as it seems. Would the two of you go together to a counselor to talk it through? Or was his disinterest there from day one.? Did he know what your libido was like in advance and still entered the partnership?
May I assume that this is the same man mentioned in the July 6, 2006 blog, and if so, something critical has happened. My advice is have a go at seeing a professional counselor together.
He sounds depressed, and consequently detached. Of course you need to be fucked and held, (if you werre my man, you would be getting fucked, and I would hope I was getting fucked too), and all the good stuff that goes with making love, but love is a mutual relationship. I am not sure there is anywhere near enough information here without seeing you in person to sort it out. Please consider finding someone to go to, and see if it can be resolved. If I were in your boat, I would be going out of my fucking mind.
Shep+
Like you I have a huge libido. My man is not so very much, but his libido is pretty good too. I am learned in seduction. Man, I spend my time thinking up ways to get him going, and I am relentless. Maybe I am missing something, for my partnership of 19 years is like heaven.
We have our big issues, but most of the time it is not about sex. I am suspicious of the other person based on what you have said, but I can only wonder what he would say to me in his place. I would like to think that there are other issues, and they may not be so surmountable as it seems. Would the two of you go together to a counselor to talk it through? Or was his disinterest there from day one.? Did he know what your libido was like in advance and still entered the partnership?
May I assume that this is the same man mentioned in the July 6, 2006 blog, and if so, something critical has happened. My advice is have a go at seeing a professional counselor together.
He sounds depressed, and consequently detached. Of course you need to be fucked and held, (if you werre my man, you would be getting fucked, and I would hope I was getting fucked too), and all the good stuff that goes with making love, but love is a mutual relationship. I am not sure there is anywhere near enough information here without seeing you in person to sort it out. Please consider finding someone to go to, and see if it can be resolved. If I were in your boat, I would be going out of my fucking mind.
Shep+
G
gabriel1
Guest
But if you read the blog of dec 2006 - it reads the same as todays post almost, unless I'm missing something. I think the honeymoon may just be over.
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It's interesting to me how opposites attract. I have had the exact same issue with my artner of 27 years. I'm horny, he isn't. Many years ago I decided was going to stop persuing a sexual relationship with him, and I did. I didn't mind doing what I had to do to keep myself happy and as long as I knew he wasn't having sex with anyone else I was ok with it. I understand the need of being touched and the intimacy that comes with a physical relationship with someone you love. I missed that tremendously. But, I loved my guy more than I loved sex and a compromise was reached.
Now for the kicker, when I found out he was hooked up with a MUCH younger hottie, he was out the door in a New York minute. When he came crawling back I welcomed him with the caveat that we go to therapy and work out our problems, I was NOT going back into the same relationship that had failed so miserably. We went to therapy for two years, during that time my guy went on some anti depressants and our entire situation changed. It seems he was depressed for along time. The affair was in one form or another a result of that. Our lives together could not be better. We sex it up on a regular basis now.
If you love this guy and your lives together, I suggest seeking a couples counselor and then go from there.
Now for the kicker, when I found out he was hooked up with a MUCH younger hottie, he was out the door in a New York minute. When he came crawling back I welcomed him with the caveat that we go to therapy and work out our problems, I was NOT going back into the same relationship that had failed so miserably. We went to therapy for two years, during that time my guy went on some anti depressants and our entire situation changed. It seems he was depressed for along time. The affair was in one form or another a result of that. Our lives together could not be better. We sex it up on a regular basis now.
If you love this guy and your lives together, I suggest seeking a couples counselor and then go from there.
Oh, I did not know that you were his boyfriend mr. abe! (Though I have not been here long enough for anyone to really notice me or me notice them lol.)
Anyways, you sound legitimate. Sex is just not your hype. You do not need sex to be perfectly content and happy. Sex is not on your mind.
That is perfectly fine! Hey, it is probably a great thing because most people are too hyped up in sex to even look past it.
But, your boyfriend likes sex and needs sex because for him, it brings together even more of a bond. It is his way of feeling more intimate with you and feeling closer.
So this is the problem.. Two different needs. It is something you guys need to work out.
Some members earlier said that he should leave you for a few weeks. I think that is the most stupid idea, and most absurd thing I have heard all day. Sex should not be the top priority in love relationship. If my boyfriend chopped his dick off and we never had sex again, I would still love him and would never leave him for even a day!
Maybe you should get some pills to increase your sex drive to make him happy. Or, maybe he needs to accept the fact that you are not into sex as others are. Something needs to be done, but I can not determine that because I am not really qualified or experienced in the sexual relation field. Now if you want to talk about emotional problems beyond sex, then talk to me.. I got a bachelors in that field!
But, you guys should definetely continue to talk this out amongst yourselves, and engage in discussion with others(like members here) and hopefully something can be done. Or, maybe nothing should be done. Who knows!
Anyways, you sound legitimate. Sex is just not your hype. You do not need sex to be perfectly content and happy. Sex is not on your mind.
That is perfectly fine! Hey, it is probably a great thing because most people are too hyped up in sex to even look past it.
But, your boyfriend likes sex and needs sex because for him, it brings together even more of a bond. It is his way of feeling more intimate with you and feeling closer.
So this is the problem.. Two different needs. It is something you guys need to work out.
Some members earlier said that he should leave you for a few weeks. I think that is the most stupid idea, and most absurd thing I have heard all day. Sex should not be the top priority in love relationship. If my boyfriend chopped his dick off and we never had sex again, I would still love him and would never leave him for even a day!
Maybe you should get some pills to increase your sex drive to make him happy. Or, maybe he needs to accept the fact that you are not into sex as others are. Something needs to be done, but I can not determine that because I am not really qualified or experienced in the sexual relation field. Now if you want to talk about emotional problems beyond sex, then talk to me.. I got a bachelors in that field!
But, you guys should definetely continue to talk this out amongst yourselves, and engage in discussion with others(like members here) and hopefully something can be done. Or, maybe nothing should be done. Who knows!
duroc5088
I gotta be a rodeo man!!!
well i just have to say, that is one of the best posts i have read so far. My man is very legitimate in his reasons for not needing sex or wanting it for that matter. Last night when i made my original post i was very distraught and upset with the whole situation, and i sorta made it out to be all about me, which it is not. i would like to make it clear from here on in, that he IS NOT refusing to have sex, unfortunately he is unable to get horny, unable to perform, therefore it is not really his choice. Whether it be psycologicall or an actual medical problem, it is not a choice that he makes. I know he would change it if he could, and i know he loves me.
and i agree with the above poster whole heartedly, I'm not going to leave him for a few weeks. I mean seriously, what would that accomplish? What i leave him for a few weeks and go whore around to get my fix then i come back and he asks me what i did during that time, and then what??? i mean it doesn't even make any since to me. I wouldn't care if we never had sex again, it still wouldn't be a deal breaker for me. I love him. And will till the day i die. I will not end a relationship built on love and trust and honesty, because we don't have sex as often as i would like. That would be foolish and i would regret it for the rest of my life. and wonder what if.
dirk
Ah, now progress is being made. You have recognized that he is legitimate in his reasoning, and you have also recognized that you would not leave him, even if you guys did not have sex.
You also have recognized that his lack of sexual desire to have sex is not his control, so you are not blaming him anymore.
You may have recognized all this before, but now it seems to be creeping in and you are fully comprehending it better.
This is great.
So, what do you(duroc) want the outcome to be in all this? Like, are you willing to accept the reality that he is just not a sexual person, and leave it at that, or do you still perhaps want more in the relationship?(even if he can not fulfill that for reasons beyond his control.)
You also have recognized that his lack of sexual desire to have sex is not his control, so you are not blaming him anymore.
You may have recognized all this before, but now it seems to be creeping in and you are fully comprehending it better.
This is great.
So, what do you(duroc) want the outcome to be in all this? Like, are you willing to accept the reality that he is just not a sexual person, and leave it at that, or do you still perhaps want more in the relationship?(even if he can not fulfill that for reasons beyond his control.)
chrisdobro
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hmm in my situation my partner's low libido is due to a medical problem. Our sexual life pretty much crashed and burned several times over. We tried to restart it a few times, but the outcome was the same -- crash and burn. It was easier and less stressful to not try it again for me.
A lot of what you say resonates with me. Sex is a chore. For both of us. We had scheduled days for sex. Showing my penis to my partner elicited anger, misunderstanding, agression and guilt trips for me. Talking about sex resulted in anger exchanges and disappointments. I simply gave up. We are not having sex. For over a year now.
We love each other, and I don't know what to do at this point. I don't want to become a couple who in 5 years says "yeah we haven't had sex in 5 years", or worse yet, 20 years down the road saying "why didn't I leave earlier ? ". Yet I don't know what to do.
There is a certain beauty in love. If we stay together till the end of time, and someone makes a movie about it, the love will show throughout the movie. At the end people will wipe their tears of joy, sadness and emphathy and say wow, what a great movie and how well it shows love, even despite all the s* we go through, like no sex, aging, problems, etc. And I've seen a movie like that, and there are people who live like that (it was a documentary). But life is not a movie and are you willing to put up with your current situation ? When will it become "enough!" for you to move on ? Or will you just suffer till your suffering becomes complacency and then you just live your life like this till the end ? These are questions to me... actually. I suppose I haven't reached the popint of no return .... and not sure if I will. Yet something has to be done here.
One saying goes "if your cow is not being milked, you have a responsibility to ensure that it is. With you or with someone else".
A lot of what you say resonates with me. Sex is a chore. For both of us. We had scheduled days for sex. Showing my penis to my partner elicited anger, misunderstanding, agression and guilt trips for me. Talking about sex resulted in anger exchanges and disappointments. I simply gave up. We are not having sex. For over a year now.
We love each other, and I don't know what to do at this point. I don't want to become a couple who in 5 years says "yeah we haven't had sex in 5 years", or worse yet, 20 years down the road saying "why didn't I leave earlier ? ". Yet I don't know what to do.
There is a certain beauty in love. If we stay together till the end of time, and someone makes a movie about it, the love will show throughout the movie. At the end people will wipe their tears of joy, sadness and emphathy and say wow, what a great movie and how well it shows love, even despite all the s* we go through, like no sex, aging, problems, etc. And I've seen a movie like that, and there are people who live like that (it was a documentary). But life is not a movie and are you willing to put up with your current situation ? When will it become "enough!" for you to move on ? Or will you just suffer till your suffering becomes complacency and then you just live your life like this till the end ? These are questions to me... actually. I suppose I haven't reached the popint of no return .... and not sure if I will. Yet something has to be done here.
One saying goes "if your cow is not being milked, you have a responsibility to ensure that it is. With you or with someone else".
chrisdobro
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what do you mean ? that high sex drive guy will become bored and the low sex drive guy will be better off ?
Well I'm confused.
I thought that two people with high sex drive will actually go to great lengths in their sexual escapades. Sure, they will level off after a certain peak, but if they have had high sex drive, they will keep having them.
Low sex drive dudes will both be fine sitting across from each other or holding hands and saying 'yes, honey'.