lunarus
Gay Aegis
Okay I am going to throw in my two pennies.
I understand all to well where you are coming from Dirk, well both you and Abe really.
My better half and I have been together for well over 14 years now. And yes we have had our ups and downs involving the sex issue.
I am like you Dirk, I view sex with my man as a form of affection and special moment I only share with him. It also affirms to me that I am still wanted and attractive to him. Yes that may sound a bit skewed, but in any LTR when you are devoted to another person and not in circulation, it is nice to hear, feel, know you still are a viable sexual creature.
At the onset of our relationship it was him that wore me out, but I knew why that was. Over time there was the eventual plateau and decrease in his sex drive and it sucked for me. I had gotten use to all the good sex I was having and began to go through withdrawals, lol. I began to think he was becoming disinterested in me, I felt ugly, pathetic I know. But when you go from gobs of sex and your partner telling you, you are so hot and what not to nothing, it has a way of fucking with one's mind. It had gotten to a point where I had to practically force myself on him. I always and to this day initiate any intimate contact, but it is and has gotten better, more on that later.
I am affectionate to a fault. I like being affectionate, due to the fact I never had it growing up. He isn't, he is more distant and Stoic. Five years into our relationship I had to have a really good think on whether I could accept this, if this would be good for me or him for that fact. Well other things happened and that was pushed aside, lol, life is like that sometimes.
Years later we got into our second major fight and he told me I was too needy, that PISSED me off more than anything. He is my life, my lover, my life and he knew that and for him to tell me that hurt a lot. I was crushed to say the least. He said some other things that hurt too but we some how worked it out.
Now for you Abe, didn't forget about you.
I understand fully about money issues. Like you I am frugal bordering on anal, pun intended, when it comes to money and paying the bills. Money can and will destroy a good relationship if it is not handled properly on both ends. In fact I nearly left my man recently because of it. He was spending way out of our budget. I found out, another revelation or two from him, that he was trying to give me everything I didn't have when I was growing up. I told him I could give two shits about material things in this life. I grew up without so I have nothing to miss. As long as he is here with me that is all I needed in this life. Sit down with Dirk and figure out what needs to be trimmed. Tell him how emotionally draining it is, worrying about the finances. Talk to him. He is you partner. BUT FOR CRIMINY SAKES don't tell him he is too clingy. He loves you, and needs you, and wants to know you need and want him. If sex is too much after a really crappy week or day, just tell him. Hug him and tell him how good he looks or how good he smells. Apologize and tell him you are just too beat to fool around and you love him just the same. Tell him you are happy when you are home or coming home to him. It is the little things that sometimes make a really big difference. Trust me on that. As for your depression and meds you are on, explain it to him, how it makes you feel. I am sure he understands. Involve him in the process of your healing. He is there for you, what you two have been together for two years now I believe I read.
About your low sex drive and how it is affecting your relationship with Dirk, talk to your doctor about it. If your doctor is worth the ink printed on his doctored he will have you tested and not make crass remarks. You may be able to slide when it comes to going without sex, but your partner cannot. And as we ALL know, a relationships is about give and take. Any healthy intimate relationship involves sex as a form of showing one another affection and sharing one's self in a way he shares with no one else. It may change as we get older but it is still there unless there are problems. When sex leaves a relationship, especially when it is with two very young guys, it then turns into a friend thing. I may tell my friend everything yet I withhold a very intimate part of my being from him. That isn't fair for someone you consider a lover.
In closing, sex should be something you BOTH enjoy with each other, not a chore and something to placate the other with. Sex is about you two sharing something special with each other. The should be no guilt nor uneasiness about it.
And to those that say sex is no big deal in a relationship is either in a relationship that doesn't have it, or they themselves have low libidos. After 14 plus years together my man still rocks my freaken world. It may be just once a week and the heavens and Earth don't always move, but it is all good none the less.
Sorry the post was so long...
I understand all to well where you are coming from Dirk, well both you and Abe really.
My better half and I have been together for well over 14 years now. And yes we have had our ups and downs involving the sex issue.
I am like you Dirk, I view sex with my man as a form of affection and special moment I only share with him. It also affirms to me that I am still wanted and attractive to him. Yes that may sound a bit skewed, but in any LTR when you are devoted to another person and not in circulation, it is nice to hear, feel, know you still are a viable sexual creature.
At the onset of our relationship it was him that wore me out, but I knew why that was. Over time there was the eventual plateau and decrease in his sex drive and it sucked for me. I had gotten use to all the good sex I was having and began to go through withdrawals, lol. I began to think he was becoming disinterested in me, I felt ugly, pathetic I know. But when you go from gobs of sex and your partner telling you, you are so hot and what not to nothing, it has a way of fucking with one's mind. It had gotten to a point where I had to practically force myself on him. I always and to this day initiate any intimate contact, but it is and has gotten better, more on that later.
I am affectionate to a fault. I like being affectionate, due to the fact I never had it growing up. He isn't, he is more distant and Stoic. Five years into our relationship I had to have a really good think on whether I could accept this, if this would be good for me or him for that fact. Well other things happened and that was pushed aside, lol, life is like that sometimes.
Years later we got into our second major fight and he told me I was too needy, that PISSED me off more than anything. He is my life, my lover, my life and he knew that and for him to tell me that hurt a lot. I was crushed to say the least. He said some other things that hurt too but we some how worked it out.
Now for you Abe, didn't forget about you.
I understand fully about money issues. Like you I am frugal bordering on anal, pun intended, when it comes to money and paying the bills. Money can and will destroy a good relationship if it is not handled properly on both ends. In fact I nearly left my man recently because of it. He was spending way out of our budget. I found out, another revelation or two from him, that he was trying to give me everything I didn't have when I was growing up. I told him I could give two shits about material things in this life. I grew up without so I have nothing to miss. As long as he is here with me that is all I needed in this life. Sit down with Dirk and figure out what needs to be trimmed. Tell him how emotionally draining it is, worrying about the finances. Talk to him. He is you partner. BUT FOR CRIMINY SAKES don't tell him he is too clingy. He loves you, and needs you, and wants to know you need and want him. If sex is too much after a really crappy week or day, just tell him. Hug him and tell him how good he looks or how good he smells. Apologize and tell him you are just too beat to fool around and you love him just the same. Tell him you are happy when you are home or coming home to him. It is the little things that sometimes make a really big difference. Trust me on that. As for your depression and meds you are on, explain it to him, how it makes you feel. I am sure he understands. Involve him in the process of your healing. He is there for you, what you two have been together for two years now I believe I read. About your low sex drive and how it is affecting your relationship with Dirk, talk to your doctor about it. If your doctor is worth the ink printed on his doctored he will have you tested and not make crass remarks. You may be able to slide when it comes to going without sex, but your partner cannot. And as we ALL know, a relationships is about give and take. Any healthy intimate relationship involves sex as a form of showing one another affection and sharing one's self in a way he shares with no one else. It may change as we get older but it is still there unless there are problems. When sex leaves a relationship, especially when it is with two very young guys, it then turns into a friend thing. I may tell my friend everything yet I withhold a very intimate part of my being from him. That isn't fair for someone you consider a lover.
In closing, sex should be something you BOTH enjoy with each other, not a chore and something to placate the other with. Sex is about you two sharing something special with each other. The should be no guilt nor uneasiness about it.
And to those that say sex is no big deal in a relationship is either in a relationship that doesn't have it, or they themselves have low libidos. After 14 plus years together my man still rocks my freaken world. It may be just once a week and the heavens and Earth don't always move, but it is all good none the less.
Sorry the post was so long...
.