Porn pet peeves

[Kuja]

"OH!! YES!!! OH!!! OH!!! YEAH!!! FUCK!!! YES!!!! OH!!! GOD!!! YEAH!!!!! AHHH!! YES!!! FUCK ME!!!! AHHHH!!! YES!!!!!! AHHHH!!!!! FEELS GOOOD!!! AHHHH!! YYYEEEAAAHHH!!!"


By the third "OH!!!" I've already right-clicked and deleted.

 

[Brijan]

My pet peeve is when, during the anal sex scenes, there is so much thrusting going on that the cock comes out and the horse has a hard time mounting the nearly dead guy again.

That reminds me, give me back my DVD.

 

[cocktales]

Good thread with great remarks I wish I had written, for I agree totally!

It's almost like, "OK, Mr DeMills, I'm ready for my close-up now!"

God, these folks are getting paid to perform arent' they, so just do it people, for we are spending big $$$ for your silly acting!

AARRGGHH!!

 

[evil_danger]

Guys who look 30 pretending to be high school jocks.

but the most annoying is not seeing the guys face when he cums, for me the cum shot isn't as important as knowing the guy is enjoying his orgasm.

 

[luminum]

When guys look at the camera and you can tell they've been told to shake it up.

That glazed look in the bottom's eyes as if he was dead and the other guy just hasn't figured it out yet.

Sleazy stupid talk, like Alfie mentioned. "Like that hole?" "Fuck that hole" etc. etc. What the fuck else is he going to do with it when he's got his penis in there? And what more can he do?

Straight porn pet peeve that my best friend likes: Sluts in clear, plastic, strap-up, high heels. WTF? It looks so sleazy. Toes splayed and cheaply painted in trashy heels moaning over mediocre cock...ew!

 

[kdm]

Bad color grading or the complete lack of postproduction.

I want to see the 'actors' to strip each other and watch they getting hard. Little romance, is that too much to ask?

'yeah fuck that ass' 'fuck me good'

 

[blackbeltninja]

I agree with most of what's been said. I particularly love watching them strip and always get annoyed when they don't show it.

On the flip side, I really enjoy the photoshoots when the models, pro or amateur, smile and look like they are rather enjoying being photographed with their cocks hanging out. A lot of the east European models seem to just be gritting their teeth and really pissed off the whole time.

-d-

 

[SomethingBlue]

I have to concur that the worst is when the "actors" look as if they'd rather be anywhere but in the scene, having sex.

If no one looks aroused, physically or mentally, it just seems useless to me.

I know that a lot of women in porn do this, and I'm sure men do too, but I hate when they attempt to stifle their natural "O-face." I know they're afraid that they don't look pretty, but c'mon! This goes along with enjoying yourself...

I hate when something that isn't "mainstream" ends up in a movie that's supposed to be. I was once watching a movie, enjoying myself, and all of a sudden one of the women started shooting breast milk on the other participant! I almost died! I know there are people who'd like to see that, but that isn't common enough to just slip it in there and expect me to go with the flow. I was horrified!

On the same note, I watched a movie before with a couple of guys, and they were in the woods and I assumed that they were going to STOP in the woods and fuck, perhaps against a tree, so I was excited. Imagine my dismay when it turns out that the point of the scene is that they both PEE on a tree. I know some people like that, but again, not me. I'm there with my hand down my pants and these dudes start peeing on the ground??? Put that on the box, okay. "This movie contains tree pissing!" or "Beautiful ladies lactate on each other!" so that I can pass those movies by and pick one up that won't scare the living beejeezus out of me.

 

[gemini72]

all that everyone has stated: bad/loud music, bad acting, older guys pretending to be in high school (reminds me of beverly hills 90210), limp penises, bad lighting, lack of diversity....and bad looping..

i also really hate the looooong close up shots of anal sex..pull the camera back..let me see the guys who are having sex...

 

[chris80233]

I really hate the music. I just love hearing the guys going at it, the breathing, grunting and moaning. Also don't like it when the clothes come off right away.

 

[boCakes]

The limp pee pees comment got me thinking. Is it because many of the boys are straight/high/drunk? Its hard to say. What do you all think?

 

[Mr Frodo]

I love this thread. Many good laughs. I agree with all of it. Now a few of mine that haven't been mentioned. I hate when the guys are undressing taking off the shisrt unbottoning the tight jeans etc. then the next shot is of them totally nude except for there boots on. I mean who gets undressed just to put their shoes on. Also the fact that they rarely (very rarely) show a guy putting on a condom. Suck suck, turn him around presto gloved penis.

 

[peetie75]

OMG... I laughed 'til I wet myself.... you guys have said it all!!! I can't add anything else except..... THE DIALOGuE.... who ever says those line for real!!!!...even when they're having 'real' sex (or when they're really cumming!.... ooopps...maybe I do... but that don't count!!

Who writes these scripts???

....and what they do..... I guess ....'that's why they call it ACTING!!!.....but like has been said before......"THEY AIN'T ACTOR!!!"..... and they make it PAINFULLY obvious to everyone....

did someone say 'root canal?" I'm with you!! ...straights gone gay...LOL!!!!!!

 

[recuerdeme]

- Repetitive dialogue. This happens, I notice, most often in heavy duty, bareback/extreme butch/leather/beefcake daddy porn. Its always the same: three, maybe four heavily inked, shaved-headed, obvious steroid abusers with 56 inch chests, jockstraps on and graying goatees will spend 10 solid minutes grunting, "You wan it? I bet you wan it?" "Yeah, I wan it." "You wan it. I can see you wan it." "Oh, I wan it". "I bet you do...wan it." "Wan it a lot". "How much you wan it?" "Wan it bad, man". "How 'bout you? You wan it, too?" "Wan what?"

LOL haha
I don't really like porn at all.

 

[mega]

Yes! Dialogue and plot lines... Give me a break.

Jeff Stryker was the worst, I had to turn the sound off.

 

[CGHJ]

LOL, this thread is funny and informative.

One of the reasons I got into porn was alll the reasons just listed, and I wanted to do it better. I read every single one of these replies and I have to say that I agree with about all of them. Some people like more "produced" porn than I do which is fine, but on these points:

--Gotta see se 'em strip
--no cheesy dialog ("do you like that hole?") or faked up (pizza guy) situations
--show the guys faces and not just their balls
--Real places, not obvious "sets"
--no music
--no fake dubbed-in grunting
--no relooping of shots to pad it out (I have the opposite problem, my vids all come out too long)
--guys that are into what they're doing (this is harder than it seems, cuz you get guys that just want the money, and you don't know they'll be this way until after you've shot, and it's not like you''re going to waste the tape...but any guy that wasn't into it I wouldn't use again, I'll say that)

...and the rest, but those are the main ones.

I also wanna see guys have sex in the places that guys really have sex..., behind the bleachers, or in the back seat, etc.

But for the bad ones...the vids you see with the cheesy lighting and the bad dialog and the idiotic situations...who, when they're making those, is thinking, "Ooh, this'll be great!"

I saw clips for one recently...maybe on the front page of JUB, I've blocked out the image from my mind so I can't really remember, but the guys doing the fucking were wearing rainbow clown wigs. It had to be one of the stoopidest things I have ever seen. What guys are buying that video?

 

[CGHJ]

I HATE music in porn. Any and all of it. It's just stupid. I want to hear what's going on.

I actually had a guy tell me once that the problem with my videos is there was no music in them. I told him that was too bad.

Seriously though, it wasn't til I started filming that I understood why porn vids all have that crappy music and badly dubbed grunting---it's really difficult to record good sound. Microphones pick up everything, including a lot of stuff you don't hear (no, not ghosts...or have I just been watching "Ghost Hunters" too much). Also all the lights make your mics buzz, unless you have everything well-grounded, etc etc.

It's a lot more work to produce a music-less video, and there have been many timer I have wished that I could just plaster over my mistakes with a cheap soundtrack. But I refuse to do so.

 

[evilest]

MY LIST:

Men who look like women. SHOW ME THE BEEF!
(While getting rammed) I think I have a doctors appointment at four, and I need milk...oh, yeah, look interested...
Jackhammer sex: POW POW POW POW POW END
NO, this is art...there's a plot and everything..."
"I really feel for the character" Character?! An army uniform does NOT make you a military afficianado.

 

[boCakes]

LOL, this thread is funny and informative.


I saw clips for one recently...maybe on the front page of JUB, I've blocked out the image from my mind so I can't really remember, but the guys doing the fucking were wearing rainbow clown wigs. It had to be one of the stoopidest things I have ever seen. What guys are buying that video?

Unfortunately it gets worse brother; much worse. There is a site named (not sure so don't quote me) www.doggyboys.com. OMFG!!! It is some cute twinks dressed up like...well you guessed it...dogs. DOGS!! It is oh so cheezy. The sad thing is that some of the twinks arent that bad looking. I just hope they arent desparate and doing it for tomorrow's lunch.

 

[JOHN B]

I hate "hot porn sex talk" during the sex scene. "Yea-you like that big dick up your ass don't ya?" Oh' your cock feels so good!" If I wanted over the top porn talk, I'd rather read it, not here it. It sounds SO fake and ruins the sceen for me. I hate this in real life too.