Problems I have in younger-older relationship

[coolkidsclub]

perhaps you two weren't meant for each other? i dunno, it seems what both of you want from each other is different. you want a tight, stable and steady relationship, and your bf wants you, but also couldnt resist the temptation of something a little extra on the side.

but what do i know? haven't been in a serious relationship before, and not planning to anytime soon. well, i had a taste of a kinda monogamous relationship, and i quickly realized that i'm way too young to commit myself to just ONE person. still wanted to meet new people, which would probably not do justice to his love for me. i'd only hurt him more.

 

[star-warrior]

Can someone talk some sense into me?

I'm in my late 20s and I have a long distance phone call thing with a guy 30 yrs older than me. He was upfront with me from the start that he has a roommate, who also happens to be his ex. He tells me that there is nothing physical going on between them now and that was the reason they broke up.

Anyway, I finally met up with him in person last weekend. Things got physical and we went to his bedroom. I asked him where's the other bedroom that his roommate sleeps in. He tells me that they share a bed together still. I was really taken aback by it but I still ended up getting physical with him. I felt really crappy afterwards because I was too weak and succumbed to my desire. I started THINKING back to how our phone correspondence were. I can only call him when his ex/roommate is at work. I voiced my concerns with him. He told me this arrangement is only till the end of the year when his ex needs to move back to Europe. They were together on and off for 10 yrs btw.

I need to end things with him right?

You know the answer yourself.

From what it sounds like, making a story up (that changes when you confront him with what he told you and hearing they're still sharing a bed) is one thing, but, cheating on his so called partner whilst he's not around when you phone and when you had given into your urges seems unpardonable.

If it were truely an open relationship and it had broken up, then your recent one night stand should not be so cunning and manipulative of both you and his partner. The guy sounds like a douche.

Quit now, before you find yourself on the recieving end of a lover wronged.

 

[luminum]

The answer to your question is an obvious YES.

 

[bullpupuk]

My tuppenceworth:
I dont think this issue is anything to do with the difference in ages.It's an issue basically about trust and communication,and whether you can live in an open relationship or not.
My partner and I are 2 years apart in age,both now in our early forties,and been together nearly 12 years.The bond we share is strong and built on love,openness,communication and a willingness to compromise and support each other.
We opened up our relationship abt 4 years ago after mutual discussion during an enforced separation for a year,and though we rarely use that option,it's nice being able to openly talk abt guys we fancy and might wanna play with,and sometimes do,especially on holiday.
We have our own rules we both abide with,and it works great for us and has actually made our sex and love life stronger.
We've just returned from a holiday where my partner encouraged me to meet up with a guy I'd been chatting online with,and even gave me condoms and lube and a pat on the back to send me on my way!!
I agree it doesnt work for everyone,but you may want to try that if you feel you want to stay together.
Love is not about sex,it's about intimacy.

 

[ptgo82]

Lolove, I had been in the same exact situation. I was 23 and my bf was 61. He said he wanted to be in a serious long term relationship. He told me that he didn't chat anymore and I believed him. But months later, he chatted again, even met lots of boys during our relationship. I forgave him because I really loved him. He told me that he was going to change, after 18 months of waiting for him to be "serious", he just couldn't commit. He met lots of boys especially when he traveled. I gather that at his age, he still wanted to fool around, he is not going to be serious ever so I broke up with him. He still met lots of boys. I think older men love to be love by younger men. I think they crave attention. Not all anyway, but most of them are.

 

[asian87]

I concur with those responses above that you're not meant to be together if he knows that meeting guys online upsets you.

I feel your pain. Once he come back from Germany, you have to tell him how much a true Monogamous relationship means to you and you are giving him one last chance.

Because you'd better break up sooner or you will hurt again and harder it becomes.

 

[gaygent]

Some people are addicted to sex and probably need professional help if they are to break the cycle of anonymous or uncommitted sex. I had the same problem but in reverse. I was 55 when I met with my ex partner who was 24. After about 6 months I found he was still cruising for sex and meeting up with other older guys for casual sex. We struggled for the next six years as a couple, but eventually I decided enough was enough and we broke up. He still lives with me in my house and we are very good friends (though I think I represent the family he never really had). He has a partner of the same age now but I'm not sure he is totally committed. I believe he still meets other men for casual sex.

To all you younger guys who prefer older men - Thank you its refreshing to know that not all under 30's think of us as smelly and untouchable.

To all older guys who have a much younger partner. be thankful. Treat them with love and respsect. You are very lucky men.

 

[asian87]

To all you younger guys who prefer older men - Thank you its refreshing to know that not all under 30's think of us as smelly and untouchable.

I like them because they are well-endowed, sweet and they're just them.

 

[dl0o0o0lb]

The problem could be in you. Why he still looking for another guy? Don't you satisfy him? Is there something wrong with you?

If not, then he does not worth it.

 

[Naughty_Monkey]

I got news for you man. If a dude 40 years older than you at 60 is STILL not ready to commit to a serious relationship, he's never going to be.

Better to lose him and find someone else who will share your desire for that.

harsh but true. if you want straight up monogamy, he isn't the guy to give you that it seems. worse than that is the continued lying, he can't think very much of you.

ummmm am i the only one that thinks you shouldnt be with your grandpa?? i dont get u people...blah

Get the f-ck out of the DADDIES, Bears & Chasers forum then, sheesh.

 

[asian87]

I think he's talking more about thickness rather than length, which isn't very attainable when you're young and slim, only when you've put on a few pounds.

Neither of these. I was talking about experience in life... not about physical characteristics. I didn't use the correct vocabulary :tongue:

 

[SupremeBeing]

Let me put it this way: having sex is a world of difference compared to making love.

 

[pirola]

The problem could be in you. Why he still looking for another guy? Don't you satisfy him? Is there something wrong with you?

If not, then he does not worth it.

Excuse me but, how can you tell the boy such an ugly thing?? The questions is: how can that old bastard keep on hurting his young lover instead of breaking up, if he´s not "satisfied"?

I´ve had the same experience. I was 26 and he 55. He lied to me, and treated me with an unbelievable repulsive compassion, like "oh, poor young boy, I love you a lot, but I need to chat etc.". I left him, and then he realised what he had lost: true love, wich is something he had never experienced before.

People in their 50s usually unable to commit. They´ve grown in homophobic enviroments and they don´t really belive that true love between men is possible.
From my experience i´ve realized that...it´s their problem, not ours. I will never meet up agai with an old man who is still chasing boys: they are not looking for love. I´ve seen it meny times. If someone is single in his 50s, after hundreds of lovers, he will always be.

Boy, move on and find someone else. it´s not that difficult.