Put your hand up if you're as stupid as me!

[Christopher123]

I did exactly this just last night!

That's a good one.

I once put rice into my rice steamer and turned the dial to set the timer. It was clicking away for over a half an hour and when I went to check the rice, I discovered it was still uncooked.

I forgot to plug the steamer in.

 

[NickCole]

Years ago I lived in a condo on the second level of a complex that stacked three high, my unit identical to the one above and below.

I came home very late and exhausted one night, thought it smelled weird but was too tired to care, continued on into the living room, switched on the light and damn near had a heart attack when I saw that someone had come into my condo, taken out all my stuff and replaced it with horrible ugly furniture. "Who the fuck would do this?"

I had my best friend on the phone before realizing I'd gone up one flight too many and was in my neighbor's condo above mine.

 

[looseliam]

I have gotten ready for work, only for a house guest to ask "forget something?"

So I check to make sure I have my phone, keys, money clip, etc., only to realise that I have no pants on.

It's often I can't find my glasses... on my face.

 

[G-Lexington]

CO-WORKER: What's Dan's last name?
LEXINGTON: Dan who?

Lex

 

[JOHN B]

I once turned on the dryer to dry my clothes....came back over an hour later only to find out that I never even took the clothes out of the washer!

I did something similar once--I was at a laundrymat, Took my stuff out of the washer, put it in the dryer, went shopping for the 45 minutes usually took to dry, came back and realized that I had NEVER EVEN PUT COINS IN THE DRYER! A whole f***kn hour wasted!

 

[cityboy-stl]

I call them "dumbass attacks," lol.

I call them "Homer Moments"....you know.... DOH!

 

[G-Lexington]

When I was eight or nine, I was so scattered-brained that I slammed my car door on my thumb. Even worse, it was locked, and I didn't have the key. I had to scream until my brother could run outside, open the driver's side door, crawl through, and open the passenger door from the inside.

Ten years later, I was yelling at my friend about something after he dropped me off from school. I stood so close to the car shouting that as he drove away, he drove over my feet.

Lex

 

[Riverrick]

I dropped off my shirts at the cleaners this week and picked up the ones that were ready.

I payed and then grabbed the bag of dirty shirts, leaving the clean ones, and walked out the door.

 

[Pushover]

I frequently walk into the kitchen to get something to drink or something similiar, and I get distracted so easily. Then I end up standing there like a loony wondering what it was i'm supposed to be doing.

Anyone else ever jack off then forget to clean yourself up before getting dressed again?

 

[Fallen1984]

I often search frantically for my keys while either holding them or with them in my pocket.

Sad, very sad

 

[chatolandia]

I am very absent-minded (not stupid!) my friends know and are never surprised anymore.

Latest was that I went next door to talk with my friends and it was really cold so I closed the door of my apartment. Forgetting the fact that I had no way to go back in!

Good things their attic connects to my apartment and that door wasn't locked, otherwise it was a walk around the house on my flannel pjs in the cold!!!

 

[slobone]

Last winter I went out to start the car one morning and saw that it was covered in snow. I started the engine so the car could warm up while I got rid of the snow. After I had removed it all, I felt in my pocket for the car key so I could start the car.

Finding nothing, I cursed myself for being a moron and went back inside to look for the key. After frantically searching for a several minutes, it finally dawned on me that I could hear the car engine running outside. Ohhhhh...

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I frequently walk into the kitchen to get something to drink or something similiar, and I get distracted so easily. Then I end up standing there like a loony wondering what it was i'm supposed to be doing.

I've done this so much, for so long, I've actually invented sign language so I won't forget. So if I'm going to the front of the condo to get scissors, I'll hold out my first two fingers of my right hand in a V formation. That way, if I blank out - which I often do - I can look down at my V and remember I'm there for scissors.

Pathetic, but it keeps me from having to make return trips.

Lex

 

[Joshua_me]

Here's one:

We were in Seattle last summer having lunch in the restaurant in the
Space Needle.

I asked our waitress for a couple of clean cocktail napkins to take home
(I put them in scrapbooks...long story) Anyway, she said, 'Sure ! And here...
have a space needle pen, too...They take a little while to start working though...you have to shake them.'

And with THAT, I replied, "Oh really ? What do they do ?"

"Umm, they 'write' " she answered.

Gawd.

 

[operafan]

The other day I was in a hurry for lunch and went to McDonalds drive thru. I placed my order and at the end I said "to go".

Um......I thought you were going to do my trick - but no, at least you got your food --

what I've done is pay and then drive on out without getting the food -- and too damned embarrased to go back!

 

[Riverrick]

Um......I thought you were going to do my trick - but no, at least you got your food --

what I've done is pay and then drive on out without getting the food -- and too damned embarrased to go back!

Ooo! That's embarrassing!

Sounds like something I'd do.

 

[JOHN B]

A few weeks ago I gave someone from work a ride home. We stopped at Walgreens and I happened to pick up an item and tell her that I happened to have this and liked it. Our conversation went on to other things, we walked out of the store, got to my car and she said "what's that in your hand?" Oh FUCK, I never put it down and ended up leaving the store with it in my HAND! I raced back in and dropped it on a shelf, apologizing for the accident, and ran back out.......

 

[Scrub]

I really like this thread.

Somehow it makes me feel not so stupid.

 

[jdcnow]

I really like this thread.

Somehow it makes me feel not so stupid.

Believe me: I think we are all geniuses compared to 2 North Texas girls. You want Stupid? Here's Stupid:

Last Saturday Night (from the day I post this), 2 girls from the town of Terrell, TX (about 20 minutes' drive east-southeast of Dallas) went to a party in nearby Mesquite, Texas (an eastern suburb of Dallas) -- and blew their curfew. So they decide to make a run for it -- literally. They drive some 150 miles away to Lampasas County, Texas to a small town by the name of Kempner.

In Kempner, realizing that they are out of money $$$, out of resources, and shit out of luck, they call the local police. One girl uses her high-heel shoe to put bruises and marks on the other, and they make what turns out to be a cock-and-bull story to the police about being abducted at gunpoint.

They confess to the police that it was all a fairytale. Terrell, Texas Police said that they will not press charges. Mesquite, TX Police said that they will not press charges. Dallas Police (who was asked to help with the investigation into the disappearance) will not press charges. But it turns out that the Lampasas County Sheriff's Office WILL press charges.

Let this be a lesson to all: When you screw up, just fess up and be done with it.

Dallas CBS station KTVT-TV picks up the story from here:
http://cbs11tv.com/topstories/local_story_082131847.html

Two cousins from Terrell are free on a thousand dollars' bail each after turning themselves in to Central Texas investigators.

Twenty-year-old Sasha Abney and 17-year-old Bryshada Ward were charged with misdemeanor false report in Lampasas County after they admitted to faking their abduction. They later admitted they hid for three days because they'd missed their curfew after a night of partying.

The misdemeanor is punishable by up to six months in jail and a two-thousand-dollar fine.

The pair left Terrell, about 30 miles east of Dallas, on Friday night to go to a movie. They didn't return home, leading to a search involving several law enforcement agencies.

Abney and Ward resurfaced Tuesday night about 150 miles away. Police say they drove south for three hours to the town of Kempner in Lampasas County. On the third day the pair drove to a gas station and asked for police. They told a tale of abduction and terror, claiming they were abducted at gunpoint and beaten.

"I understand that Bryshada used a shoe on my daughter and made marks on her, bruises on her," said Richard.

The families of the two women say they are more relieved than angry after having the women back at home.

"I guarantee you she will be punished," said Richard Abney, Sasha's father.

Other city police departments say that since the girls came home and cooperated with their investigation, they will not be facing any criminal charges.

 

[luckotheirish]

I'm so used to dialing '9' before I make phone calls at work that I sometimes do it at home. Then when I get the shrill tone from the phone company followed by the heart-felt "Your call cannot be completed as dialed. Hang up and try your call again...." Then I say WTF?? And I realize I'm a dumbass.

--------

This one didn't happen to me. It happened to a friend from college.

It was winter and we'd just gotten about 10 inches of snow. She left her apartment to go to class. Not paying much attention, she started her car, cleaned the snow off the windshield, got back in waited for it to warm up some more and then put it in reverse to back out of her space. Problem is the snow was deep enough that she got stuck. So she gunned it and gunned it, making it worse. Frustrated, she gets out of the car (and somehow hits the door-lock switch - it's an old car) to see what she can do... (wait for it)... without putting the car in park. The snow is deep enough and packed enough that the car doesn't move so she doesn't realize what she's done. She decides to go back up to her apartment to call me to get help. By the time I get there, the heat from the running car has melted some of the snow and the front tire is beginning to spin in place (rear is still stuck). I ask her "Why is your front wheel slowly spinning???" She busts out crying and tells me she's locked the keys in the car, with the engine running, and it's in gear!" So the next question is will the car run out of gas before it breaks free and hits something or will we get into it in time to turn it off?? I did the coat hanger trick to get the car unlocked and we got in before she had to explain it to the police. Needless to say she was mortified so I waited the customary 24 hours before I teased the bejeesus out of her for it.