Just read a very sad article on queerty about bisexual and down low men who have sex with men. If only society was more open minded that these down low and bisexual guys would not have to feel the need to hide their sexual desires. The men in this article stress they are not gay and do not want romantic relationships with other men. They just want to have sex with other guys. I wish these kinds of articles got more mainstream attention or were on CNN or something. This is fascinating stuff to read these stories of how these men view their sexuality. I admit, I have in the past had sex with married men or guys who have girlfriends. Just wondering if other gay men have done the same thing? I don't actively seek married men but if I have a hook up I am bound to meet one of these type of guys. Here is the link to the article: http://www.queerty.com/on-the-dl-st...-sexual-relationships-with-other-men-20160319
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Queerty article: Bisexual and down low men talk gay sex sad about hurting female partners
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eastofeden
Guest
They will never be heard because both gay and straight people alike want to label them and define who they are.
No one ever really listens to them...but everyone expects to be heard.....
I have a lot of compassion for these guys....
No one ever really listens to them...but everyone expects to be heard.....
I have a lot of compassion for these guys....
It is sad that bisexual or down low men hide in silence. Society seems to want to condemn these men it is such a sexist double standard. Female bisexuality is celebrated and encouraged yet men who are bisexual or down low are treated like lepers. I believe these men when they say they are not gay. I have met these kinds of guys and they stress they are not even bisexual it is simply a physical release. I think for these men to be gay or bisexual is to have an emotional attraction or romantic feelings and emotions for other men. A lot of gay porn stars are just like these guys Tom Faulk and Johnny Rapid both say they are attracted to other men but could never fall in love with another man. Tom Faulk admitted in an interview he has sex with men off camera but he does not see himself ever dating another man. But Tom and Johnny Rapid both admit they are sexually attracted to other males. And For these down low men in the Queerty article they do not see themselves even as bisexual. Just this week I watched a popular gay Youtuber Jason Farone. Now Jason Farone is masculine, and he said people want to categorize his sexuality. According to Farone, he said he identifies as gay BUT he also said he can have sex with a woman. Jason stressed in his recent video that he has romantic feelings and emotions towards men that is why he identifies as gay. And I think these down low guys are similar they do not have romantic or emotional ties to other men but they enjoy the gay sex.
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eastofeden
Guest
Oh yeah..forgot to add..I had sex with a lot of these guys and I have had people try to define me because of this which is hilarious because they don't have a fucking clue.
I like men. I like sex to be about sex. It is simple really.
Whenever these guys were around....we are a natural match for sex and pretty much find each other right away. I am not "into straight guys"...but when I want sex to be just about sex...I love these guys who are otherwise emotionally attracted to women....because I never got any crap from them. They want sex to be about sex too....bless them
...
Except for this one guy I remember and he wasn't even that bad....they never cared what I looked like either so I was really comfortable around them. They also never stalked me...or locked me in their bedroom from the outside...or chased me down the freeway at over 100MPH...or gave me rohypnol and pretended we were married...or wanted to have "a talk"
...or left me anonymous love letters...or threw ashtrays at me because I wasn't into them...or went on a rampage because I told them the truth...or hid in the bushes where I lived ...or told me what was wrong with me....or judged me...or.....
They just liked to fuck!!!!!!
Thanks to them..I got laid alot
I like men. I like sex to be about sex. It is simple really.
Whenever these guys were around....we are a natural match for sex and pretty much find each other right away. I am not "into straight guys"...but when I want sex to be just about sex...I love these guys who are otherwise emotionally attracted to women....because I never got any crap from them. They want sex to be about sex too....bless them
...Except for this one guy I remember and he wasn't even that bad....they never cared what I looked like either so I was really comfortable around them. They also never stalked me...or locked me in their bedroom from the outside...or chased me down the freeway at over 100MPH...or gave me rohypnol and pretended we were married...or wanted to have "a talk"
...or left me anonymous love letters...or threw ashtrays at me because I wasn't into them...or went on a rampage because I told them the truth...or hid in the bushes where I lived ...or told me what was wrong with me....or judged me...or.....They just liked to fuck!!!!!!
Thanks to them..I got laid alot
kallipolis
Know thyself
Or, be fucked!!!!
Labels are a lost cause...and, I am not a psychiatrist.
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eastofeden
Guest
Yeah...they mostly want to get fucked..and I like to fuck...but I am versatile depending on the chemistry with each guy....top or bottom....but if you top...you better be good
......and one more thing I thought of.... top or bottom...they never call it "making love"...
kallipolis
Know thyself
As a well weathered exponent of live, and let live it has been my pleasure to have fucked my way through the lives of many masculine men, and despite my geriatric condition on this sunny, first day of Spring I am happy to report that I never intellectualise my encounters with my sexual partners. In simple terms I don't discuss whether they will exit their closet, or whether they fuck with women.
Live in the moment, and leave the psycho analysing of ones sexual partners to Carl Jung et al. You'll feel better for it.
Live in the moment, and leave the psycho analysing of ones sexual partners to Carl Jung et al. You'll feel better for it.
NotHardUp1
What? Me? Really?
Not sure why we should accept "down low" as a term. They're closeted. "Down low" adds mystique or status or similar. They're closeted just like anyone else ashamed of who they are.
The same is true of promiscuity for those in LTRs. If one uses the term "playing around" instead of "cheating" or "promiscuous," it removes it from the context in a manner which is biased in favor of amorality. And that's different than someone stating he is in an open relationship. Faithfulness IS a big deal, not just in heteronormative or religious contexts.
The same is true of promiscuity for those in LTRs. If one uses the term "playing around" instead of "cheating" or "promiscuous," it removes it from the context in a manner which is biased in favor of amorality. And that's different than someone stating he is in an open relationship. Faithfulness IS a big deal, not just in heteronormative or religious contexts.
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eastofeden
Guest
A lot of their wives know actually..and there was never a closet of any kind to begin with. They use the encounters in their own sex life and may use his M/M experience to heighten the excitement when she is fucking him with a strap on.....same with women who fuck other women or men and their husbands being turned on......
Alot of men love to know what their wives feel too and that is why they love getting fucked...it heightens their connection and sex lives....
Personally...I think there are so many shades of sexuality....and in my mind..if you are emotionally attracted to men only..you are gay...emotionally attracted to both...bi...and emotionally attracted to the opposite sex...straight....
Sex is a lot more fluid.
kallipolis
Know thyself
At the risk of appearing pedantic (allowed here, with generous helpings
) I believe these few words, sum up my thoughts.
NotHardUp1
What? Me? Really?
Either "down low" is descriptive or it isn't.
In the cases where I've encountered it, it was simply a euphemism for secret, not low-key. For the cultures that prefer it, there seems to be an indirect reference intended to avoid any context of morality.
For those whose lives are devoid of morality, that is probably appropriate. For "a lot" of people, that is likely not the case. If they were in amoral contexts, they would not be on the "down low."
In the cases where I've encountered it, it was simply a euphemism for secret, not low-key. For the cultures that prefer it, there seems to be an indirect reference intended to avoid any context of morality.
For those whose lives are devoid of morality, that is probably appropriate. For "a lot" of people, that is likely not the case. If they were in amoral contexts, they would not be on the "down low."
kallipolis
Know thyself
A fair comment, despite my very personal opinion that this matter can be over thought, perhaps reflecting more on the person, or persons over analysing the motives, and sexual orientation of people who enjoy a sexual life with both sexes.
NotHardUp1
What? Me? Really?
What I agree with is that bisexuals are not given any place to "be" by most societies.
What I don't agree with is calling closeted homosexuality "down low" to avoid addressing the problems it creates, or accountability on the part of the deceiver.
If one is given free rein in an open relationship, it is sheerly a matter of privacy, not "down low" and it wouldn't be a matter for discussion. As it is, it always seems like it's talked about with the same prejudice as adultery, that it is merely a man being a man, sans integrity.
What I don't agree with is calling closeted homosexuality "down low" to avoid addressing the problems it creates, or accountability on the part of the deceiver.
If one is given free rein in an open relationship, it is sheerly a matter of privacy, not "down low" and it wouldn't be a matter for discussion. As it is, it always seems like it's talked about with the same prejudice as adultery, that it is merely a man being a man, sans integrity.
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peeonme
Guest
"On the down low" imo refers to one who is "in the closet" acting upon his sexuality in secret while in a committed relationship with a member of the opposite sex.
In the closet in and of it's self just means one hides his sexuality, some do this at work as it means it's necessary to keep their job.
I am in the closet because I decided to keep my vows and honor my commitment to my wife.
I agree with what has been said about the difference between sexuality and emotional romance. I have found in my own life it is quite possible to love a woman and to find men sexually attractive.
In the closet in and of it's self just means one hides his sexuality, some do this at work as it means it's necessary to keep their job.
I am in the closet because I decided to keep my vows and honor my commitment to my wife.
I agree with what has been said about the difference between sexuality and emotional romance. I have found in my own life it is quite possible to love a woman and to find men sexually attractive.
kallipolis
Know thyself
Agreed............................
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It wouldn't really matter how open minded society was, if a bisexual man is hurting his female partner by cheating and dishonesty, it is wrong. She has a right to know. She has a right to decide for herself if she is willing to accept his extramarital activities. He has no right to be selfish with her. If he cannot commit to her, he should tell her that up front and not wait until he hurts her.
One problem is that so many people assume that bisexuals are always cheaters, that they can't be faithful. This is no more true for them than anyone else. Cheaters are cheaters whether bisexual, gay or straight.
One problem is that so many people assume that bisexuals are always cheaters, that they can't be faithful. This is no more true for them than anyone else. Cheaters are cheaters whether bisexual, gay or straight.
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refujiunderground
Guest
let's be real.
not to diss you or to switch the subject but gay men can have issues with shame and homophobia as well even if they are out and about. this is why you have gay men that write "no femmes" or "masculine guy here" or basically do a lot of overcompensating because they feel they are flawed as a human being where they have to be perfectionists or try to outdo others on some competition shit where they simply can't live a normal, stress free life. unfortunately, many people do not think being gay is normal even gay people. we believe it and then we go about living like it when we don't have to. you have to believe that shit. you can be whatever you want BUT having pride and being truly comfortable with yourself, you don't have to prove shit to anybody because you know it already. you live it. you don't even have to whip out the rainbow flags or wear dresses to make a statement. it's one thing if you're being yourself and that's what you do. it's another thing if it's you trying to play a role that isn't genuine but you feel you have to do because you're gay. that's self stereotyping and being ignorant. this is why you see guys going to the gym with roided up bodies or dudes with a high body count in terms of who they sleep with and even guys being in open relationships because they can't settle down, aren't content with just being loved or fucked by one person so they gotta keep on shopping around so shame is not solely based on out status. guys calling themselves cubs, twinks, gym bunnies and engaging in whatever trying to assume a role because it's the "gay way". it's a problem that many gay guys have even if they don't realize it. so it soon becomes a matter of who's real and who's fake. being out of the closet, coming out as gay and doing whatever afterwards doesn't necessarily mean that you are keeping it real with yourself and those around you.
yeah, closet cases have their own issues. that's something they need to work past. you can't help someone who doesn't want to or is not ready to help themselves. it would be a waste of time. they are only hurting themselves. i can tell that from experience.
not to diss you or to switch the subject but gay men can have issues with shame and homophobia as well even if they are out and about. this is why you have gay men that write "no femmes" or "masculine guy here" or basically do a lot of overcompensating because they feel they are flawed as a human being where they have to be perfectionists or try to outdo others on some competition shit where they simply can't live a normal, stress free life. unfortunately, many people do not think being gay is normal even gay people. we believe it and then we go about living like it when we don't have to. you have to believe that shit. you can be whatever you want BUT having pride and being truly comfortable with yourself, you don't have to prove shit to anybody because you know it already. you live it. you don't even have to whip out the rainbow flags or wear dresses to make a statement. it's one thing if you're being yourself and that's what you do. it's another thing if it's you trying to play a role that isn't genuine but you feel you have to do because you're gay. that's self stereotyping and being ignorant. this is why you see guys going to the gym with roided up bodies or dudes with a high body count in terms of who they sleep with and even guys being in open relationships because they can't settle down, aren't content with just being loved or fucked by one person so they gotta keep on shopping around so shame is not solely based on out status. guys calling themselves cubs, twinks, gym bunnies and engaging in whatever trying to assume a role because it's the "gay way". it's a problem that many gay guys have even if they don't realize it. so it soon becomes a matter of who's real and who's fake. being out of the closet, coming out as gay and doing whatever afterwards doesn't necessarily mean that you are keeping it real with yourself and those around you.
yeah, closet cases have their own issues. that's something they need to work past. you can't help someone who doesn't want to or is not ready to help themselves. it would be a waste of time. they are only hurting themselves. i can tell that from experience.
NotHardUp1
What? Me? Really?
It's a bit much to assert that every man who dislikes femmes or prefers masculinity is insecure. That simply isn't true. He may well be seeking what he likes and doesn't give a flip about what anyone thinks of him.
As for closeted men hurting only themselves, that is debatable. Their silence is a complicity with the social norms that suppress gay men. It also presumes that closeted means single and not married to women.
As for closeted men hurting only themselves, that is debatable. Their silence is a complicity with the social norms that suppress gay men. It also presumes that closeted means single and not married to women.
nycguydowntown
JUB Addict
I used to not understand bisexual men but do now--I do get it. I def think they all prefer one sex over the other---but I do think cheating on a gf with a dude is a bigger betrayal than cheating with a girl. I mean you never completely know anyone you live with---but this is truly not fair to a girl.
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refujiunderground
Guest
i find that very hard to believe especially when most of those guys damn near all the time feel the need to belittle and disrespect those who are effeminate and etc. it is insecurity. why go out their way to shit on someone that hasn't done anything to them? like they're basically blaming them for their own issues with being gay, shame, homophobia and self acceptance. you can like whatever you like without shitting on something you aren't all that into. it's no different than the whole "preference" nonsense where people basically feel the need to state something to others or be disrespectful without any understandable reason for doing so.
i think the double standard that way too many gay men set for themselves is ridiculous. it's okay for them to be intolerant, assholes and etc to other people but if someone doesn't tolerate them for any reason, then it's a problem. always trying to justify bs instead of acknowledging something for what it is. shit is ridiculous. this is a prime example of folks not keeping it real with themselves but expecting others to keep it real with them.